-PLEASE READ EVERYTHING WRITTEN BEFORE THE ACTUAL FIRST CHAPTER STARTS-

FOR NEW AND RETURNING READERS: THIS BOOK IS FINISHED WITH THE EDITING PROCESS! THIS IS THE IMPROVED, REVISED WATTPAD VERSION (SAME AS THE GOOGLE DOCUMENT THIS ALL STARTED IN)! IT WAS PUBLISHED IN MY HIGH SCHOOLS LIBRARY MARCH OF 2023!

UPDATE: As of August 30th, 2023, I am currently working on REWRITING this book post its physical publication (6 months ago)! I honestly don't think it will be done by the time I graduate high school (2025) but that's mainly because of my writer's block that emerged over the summer when my Chromebook broke and didn't have easy access to Wattpad for 3 months. These chapters will slowly be updated and some will be CUT so the chapter numbers may be out of order for a little while but that's okay. This will be mentioned again further into this prologue.

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Trailer for Hallucinations (shown above) made by AdrielleReina: https://youtu.be/XtLXYaFmEqI 

Another trailer for Hallucinations made by me: https://youtu.be/h9fErVisIrQ

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Rights Reserved

As the Wattpad administrators/officials and the Wattpad Code of Conduct, Wattpad Safety Patrol, and Wattpad Policies have enforced: All Rights Reserved in this book are mine, as the creator of this book, and any pieces from this book cannot be used in other works of writing without my granted permission. All Original Characters in this book were created by me, as the creator of this book, and cannot be used in other works of writing without my granted permission. In other words, this book is mine. Everything written here is mine. It is all mine. MINE! MINE! MINE! None of the following is allowed: Modification, reproducing, republication, uploads, posts (UNLESS you tag me so I have credit), translations, transmits of any form (yes, this does include morse code, semaphore, and green crayon), distribution, and storage of any form such as a retrieval system, or cookie jar, UNLESS with my granted permission. The only exceptions to this is a library, online version of this book on Wattpad, or prior purchase. This book is paperback bound, and cheaply printed to the condition that it shall not, be lent, re-printed, vandalized, copied, stolen, fired into space, eaten, turned upside down, or otherwise circulated without my consent in any way or form, other than how it is published. If any of the aforementioned sueable actions are committed, consequences can and will be imposed on the reader. On pain of death. Ignore my attempt at humor. This book is a work of fiction, regardless of the existing settings in Minneapolis, Minnesota and real life references. Names, characters, and incidents are the product of my imagination and are used fictionally. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or events are remotely coincidental. References to other works are credited and quoted. If I find you using these against me without my granted permission you and your work will be reported to Wattpad administrators/officials. Copyright © 2023 Sophie Lightfoot | All Rights Reserved. 

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Dedication Quote

To anyone who hasn't felt good enough for the world.

Remember this:

Your skin isn't paper, don't cut it.

Your face isn't a mask, don't hide it.

Your size isn't a book, don't judge it.

Your heart isn't a door, don't close it.

Your life isn't a movie, don't end it. 

The person this is dedicated to is the person who introduced me to Wattpad. Without the discovery of this app, I never would have gathered this much publicity to my books, and never would have gotten to the point of having this book physically published to my High School's library. Thank you. 

This book will be completed with an EXCLUSIVE Roasts Book Review by a fellow Wattpad author and a 2023 Wattpad Gloria Regali Awards Interview. The Roasts Review Book was made by the immaculate, hilarious, Bengi. And the remade/revised cover for this book was made by the creator of the Gloria Regali Awards. Endless thank yous to the two of them, you've made this journey a wonderful ride. 

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I wrote this during 8/9th grade, and during Jan/Feb/Mar of 2023 I was in the process of editing this book, for it's publication to my High Schools library in March of 2023. I was nice enough to copy and paste the edited google doc version to this version, so everything is edited and you can reread this if you want to see what I have added/changed! I have added scenes, but luckily not cut any scenes. A lot of dialogue has been added, and from the reviews I've gotten from contests, (sensory) description is my specialty when it comes to writing! :)  As of August 30th, 2023, I am currently working on REWRITING this book post its physical publication (6 months ago)! I honestly don't think it will be done by the time I graduate high school (2025) but that's mainly because of my writer's block that emerged over the summer when my Chromebook broke and didn't have easy access to Wattpad for 3 months. 

Who knows... maybe one day you will find this book in a bookstore in your neighborhood heheheh

Also: Comments of (if you can call it this) positive CRITICISM and any suggestions are very much appreciated! I love the senses of humor on Wattpad :)

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Preface:

"Hello!" to whomever is reading this masterpiece. However you may have stumbled onto this little work of mine, either out of pure interest, or because you have no life, I welcome you with open arms!

This book is set in Minneapolis, Minnesota during June of 2018 to December 12th, 2019. 

TRIGGER WARNINGS: As a forewarning: This book includes topics of hallucinations, mature language, violence, weaponry, death/suicide, brief CLOSED-DOOR sexual content, dangerously high amounts humor, and... psycho medical workers. If you think any of these things will be triggering for you, I propose reading cautiously.

Soundtrack: Where Is My Mind by Pixies (suggested by fellow Wattpad author Adrielle Reina), my two suggestions: Sweet but Psycho/My Head and My Heart both by Ava Max. 

I HAVE A PLAYLIST OF SONGS FOR THIS SPECIFIC BOOK - FIND IT ON MY SPOTIFY: sophie lightfoot <3

One other thing I should mention: My name is Sophie, and if you haven't already skipped over this little note due to a lack of interest in what I have to say, or because of straightforward boredom, you may now "turn the page".

Enjoy Hallucinations. Or don't. The choice is yours. *slowly backs into the shadows and trips on something*

Hallucinations:

Dear reader, I wish I could tell you that it ends well.

So I suppose you want to ask me how I found out.

Let me spell it out for you: When everything else fell away, only one truth remained.

On the outside; I was oblivious to the world around me. Yet, on the inside; I was unaware to the world before me.

Why, do you ask, am I trapped in a never-ending cloak of oblivion?

Simple. The hallucinations.

They come without plans and strike without warning. Their only goals? Feeding on my imperfect flesh and evoking terror in my ever-changing senses.

My name is Nina Jenay Montez. I do not know you, but you now know me.

My dear reader, please, take another step into my world.

-

Hello. I hate to interrupt this alternate universe you've wandered into.

So I suppose you want to ask me how I found out.

Let me spell it out for you: When everything else fell away, only one truth remained.

The last word I heard before the world left my eyes was my name. Nina. A single word exhaled from the lips of my own mother (Emma Montez). In an unmistakable shriek of horror and grief as I smacked onto the stone-cold surface of the freshly paved street. Scratch that. The last word that registers inside my head is simply; ''Crap.'' 

Then. Darkness.

I remember wearing a white lace shirt and jeans.

I never saw those clothes again. 

The first words that process inside my head is from the female paramedic that is maneuvering the six-foot long stretcher with the white linen cloth that I lay on. ''You're safe. But what matters even more is that you are so darn lucky to be alive''. Her name tag reads ''Ansley''. Funny, I always loved that name. I immediately took a liking to this lady.

The last vision my eyes capture before plunging back into the suffocating cloak of darkness is my mother sobbing her eyes out as the ambulance doors slam shut. I see her running to catch up as the ambulance picks up speed. The blinding lights and wailing sirens are switched on, and I see my mother's right foot catch behind her left heel. She crashes to the ground in a heap of misery and puzzlement as the bystanders enclose her, and the ambulance makes a left onto the highway towards one of the many hospitals in Minnesota as the shot of morphine they inject inside my buzzing veins knocks me out. 

(Part 2) 

The voice of an angel calls my name; ''Nina!'' In my head I think; God?

Then; ''NINA!'' In my head I think; Devil of the morning wakeup calls?

I am floating on a cloud. In heaven. With little angel babies sitting on velvet couches, playing their mini golden harps in perfect harmony.

I also see, to my left, enclosed in a golden stable, a group of jacked elves, with pony kaged chests. Situated in front of each of them is a tiny drum, and they each beat one with their little, baby hammer, and sparks fly, and it's just amazing.

But my brain really goes: WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS GOING ON IN THIS HELLHOLE *WHEEZE* ELVES *COUGH* HAMMERS *CHOKE* FUCK *DIES* 

Then, my very first hallucination appeared.

I am alone in my drowsy, plain hospital room. Alone with the beeping machines, and heart monitors. A single vase of red roses sits on my bedside table (my favorite), along with a get well card from my mother. The hospital bed I lay on has one rail along each side of the edge of the bed. It feels like I'm in a very small jail cell. Such hospitality.

The hospital staff told me I was unresponsive for three days and eleven minutes. My mom was there for two of the days and all of the eleven minutes. She was the first person I saw when I half-opened my eyes to the filthy world. Then, I was unfortunate enough to set my now open eyes on the ugliest female nurse I have ever seen. Her hair was an ugly brown color, and looked like a bird's nest that fell out of a tree, and then was made into a new home for an oversized badger. When she grinned (or rather sneered) I saw she had at least three missing teeth and about three quarters of the ones she had left were either chipped or yellow, or both.

I swear, that within the first twenty seconds that I had been conscious I was met with a combination of cooing from my mother, and disgusting glances from the rat-faced nurse. Following this, I received many variations of the words; ''You are so lucky,'' and ''It is a pure miracle that you are still alive.'' I now hate both of those two ''get well'' sentences.

The heavenly scene vanished, and I am left alone inside a completely white room. Four walls. There are no windows, there are no doors, there is not a single piece of furniture anywhere. Not a single speck of dust.

I close my eyes. I am left confused when I open them to see that the four walls are now guarded by thousands of white boxes. White cardboard boxes that were not there before. The boxes begin to close in around me and as I realize that I have no way of escaping, I start to panic. My breathing is now coming in short, rapsy gasps, my hands are sweating profusely, I can feel my heart pounding inside of my chest, and I am no longer in control of my own body. A faceless figure comes up behind me and shoves a butter knife through my back, the dark red blood pooling onto the white floor around my feet. "Rude," I say as they walk away, and another faceless figure comes up, this time in front of me and shoves a steak knife through my abdomen, and I double over from the pain, grunting as I wrench the weapon out of my skin, even though I know that is something you should never do if you have been impaled by an object. As the figure walks away, I call out; "Are you gonna want this back, or can I keep it?" I turn my attention away from the pain, and to the boxes. The boxes are now ten feet away from me. Five feet. And by this point, my legs are shaking so hard that I fall to the floor and am incapable of standing. I curl into a ball and let the boxes smush me into a 2-D figure as I crush my hands over my ears and scream, hoping someone will hear me and is able to come and save me. The knifes digging further into my organs. To my bones.

But nobody comes.

There is no one left who cares about me.

Until, the hands grab my shoulders.

I am saved.

Or rather imprisoned.

My eyes snap open and I find myself locked in the grasp of a female nurse that could be the twin sister of the rat faced nurse. I can hear someone nearby wailing. Or is that me? I am thrashing around violently in the workers arms. She is speaking softly, but tensley to me. Something about it just being a hallucination, and that they will become a normal cycle for me to live through.

Another nurse comes in holding a clipboard, and just stands there.

Odd.

Her name tag reads; "Miranda".

The nurse heaves me into the air as I continue to believe this is a horrible dream state, and she punches at a red button about the size of a peach pit on the wall next to my hospital bed until it starts flashing bright red and a rather loud beeping monitor starts ringing within my hospital room and the halls outside the door. I am able to control myself for a few seconds to read the laminated label beneath the button. It reads; ''Patient Hysteria''.

About five seconds later, two male doctors literally barrel into the room, almost falling on top of each other in an attempt to stabilize me. One of the men looks Asian, and helps the nurse to restrain me. The other doctor, who is white (the nurse is also white), reaches behind both of the ''captivators'' and I feel a sharp pinching sensation. I feel the two staff that were restraining me release their grip. From behind my back, the white doctor reveals a rather long and sharp looking needle. I already know what it contains before the doctor who injected the dose inside me says the words; ''Sleeping Medicine", also known as Anesthesia.

I am no longer able to fight against them. They lead me gently to the hospital bed and lay me down and sort of tuck me in while adjusting the bars alongside the edges of the bed. Just before I give in to the drugs that threaten to close my eyes for who knows how long, I catch a glimpse of the Asian doctor tripping over a cord that plugs into the wall across from the bed, and connects to the heart monitor machine. On his way down to the white and gray tiled floor, his right hand smacks against a tray holding two long needles wrapped in plastic, a travel sized bottle of hand sanitizer, and a few dry cloths.

He hits the floor and the tray is flung into the air.

And as everyone knows; What goes up, must come down.

It's as if I'm watching this in slow motion. The doctor looks up just in time to see the tray and all of its continents falling towards his face. He ducks back down just in time and the tray with all of the items crashes onto the floor with a loud bang and a few shatters.

How professional of him.

"Did you just fall?" I ask him.

"No. I attacked the floor."

"Backwards?"

"I'm fucking talented!"

He gets back up and walks hurriedly out of the room, and shuffles into the hallway.

The whole situation was so funny to me, that I began laughing. It really is quite ironic how I succumbed to the drugs while quietly chuckling to myself. 

(Part 3)

When I open my eyes, I see my mother and the nurse who restrained me when I was performing that freak show. My mother has my hand in her grasp. Only now do I think about it do I remember that her hand was slightly damp and cold, like she had recently washed her hands. The nurse was holding a clipboard and a cell phone.

I look over to the cord that the Asian doctor tripped over, and see that the mess is gone. Somebody must have cleaned it up after I passed out.

I hear a clacking sound and watch the nurse bend down to the floor and pick up her cell phone and say; "I just dropped my phone," like it wasn't already obvious.

I then witness a grown woman stare into the blank screen and ask her device; "Is everyone in my contacts list okay?"

I have no words.

But she does. 

The first things I heard exit the nurses mouth, (who I later learned goes by the name of Lisa Ellias) changed my life forever.

''You will have to learn to live with these hallucinations, Nina.'' Who knew eleven words could completely change someone's perspective of the world? I had no idea how to react to this news. I felt like crying, screaming, cursing, and fainting, all at the same time. But, I did none of those. Instead, I decided to do the simplest reaction.

I sat in silence and stared into Lisa's eyes.

She stared right back.

Then there was my mom flicking her eyes back and forth between Lisa and me.

Lisa.

Nina.

Lisa.

Then she stops her gaze on me.

She asks me; ''How do you feel about this, Nina? Do you have any questions for Lisa?"

All I say is this; "I feel like I am falling into an endless pit of oblivion, and how did the hallucinations begin? Also, I feel like I'm on my last legs, so I want a fancy meal. I want steak, shrimp, lobster, watermelon, and a candy bar."

Lisa takes this calmly, and even takes a minute to think about how to answer in the simplest way possible.

"The way you are feeling is completely understandable. You suffered from a nasty concussion. That's what caused the hallucinations to develop, also let's not take the food too far just yet."

All I can force myself to do is sternly blink and give a quick nod. Anything else, and I would start crying right then and there.

"To answer another common question in this kind of situation, there is no cure. You will have to cope with this the best you can."

That does it. My mom starts crying.

I'm sure you are as non-surprised as I was when I fainted after hearing the two words "no cure".

As of the day I had my first hallucination, I will keep these words in mind:

"They'll wait for you, you know they will. Run away if you want, but know what you're leaving behind."

Well, reader. This is it.

What exactly is "it", do you ask?

"It", is the end.

Welcome to my world.

This is the end of my glory days.

A/N:

Hi! I'm Sophie, and this was my first ever book to be physically published/on Wattpad! I was 13/14 when I wrote this and after two years (2023), it's now in my High School's library!

Not a lot of teens my age accomplish this, and I am forever honored to be one of the few to have come this far! The amount of typographical/grammatical errors this had before it was published was maddening.

I won't have Authors' Notes on every chapter, because I literally copied and pasted every chapter directly (and later edited everything because this version is the same as the published version) from the Google Document this all started on (it actually started in a notebook) and didn't think to leave little Author's Notes at that time, but now, here I am!

Anyway, my socials are linked (on LinkTree) in my bio if you guys want to see what I'm up to! Feel free to PM me on here, or on Instagram!

- I love all of you guys (platonically), Soph :)

REMINDER: As of August 30th, 2023, I am currently working on REWRITING this book post its physical publication (6 months ago)! I honestly don't think it will be done by the time I graduate high school (2025) but that's mainly because of my writer's block that emerged over the summer when my Chromebook broke and didn't have easy access to Wattpad for 3 months.