it looks like you gonna hear stories of my so called love life for an eternity . this snippet was created after the "not easy to love" piece, and also was published in our high school newspaper probably in 2017 , under the "I don't regret it" topic, and each of us wrote a piece of our own story. 

before the stories, we wrote these sentences, which consists the meaning of it all: "THEY DON'T REGRET TO WRITE IT AND SHARE IT WITH YOU ALL. THEY DON'T REGRET TO FELL THE GOOD, THE BAD. THEY DON'T REGRET IT, BUT WHY WOULD THEY EVEN DO?" 

don't worry, guys, this is the last snippet i wrote about him.

Pretty much an "All of the Boy I've Love Before" 😂😂😂

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i don't know what you want. i don't know what you think when you look at me, when you talk to me, when you ask for something.

i don't even know what i want.

why i answer to you. why i think about you, after all this. i can't understand you, and i can't calculate your next move.

maybe you can't your own either.

i don't know, because i don't see inside your head.

"up. up. and onward into autumn fly 
in shrill pursuit and raucous hunting cry 
a pair of hawks with summer-weary wings. 

summer has bred new pirates in her care 
and fresher pinions flutter down her air 
to join the lists of love which now are wide. 

we fled from summer, now ourselves pursued, 
till somewhere sometime in an autumn wood 
we stooped with fluttered wings for very love. 

this is our final mating. now the keen 
talon on feather tears the quick between 
and so we fall together with the leaves."

i never really know what to think about the Ady poems. More specifically, the Leda poems.

maybe only i think that as a parallel, maybe i imagine things in this. you may think it's a girly sillyness, like you always do.

but the truth is... we are a little like them. but not quite enough. i always hoping, always speculating, and always waiting.

i'm waiting for you.

i'm always waiting for you.

but i don't know how more i can wait.

i don't regret anything i've done for you or because of you.  the question is : do you regret something? or do you even sensed a glimpse of that something that i did feel?

maybe not.

but i don't even understand anything.

i don't even know when did we started this. whatever this is.

i'm sick of this! i'm sick of putting a halter round my own neck. but i don't care, because i have nothing to lose. Anything is better than a life standing still.

sometimes you are here, right next to me. sometimes you are on the other side of the ocean, like i would just one person out of many.

i'm so sick of everything.

it would be good if you would figure out what you want. if you don't want anything... then don't want anything.

and once, we will forget about it.

at least, i hope so.

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SPOILER ALERT: now, 2 years later, he never did figure out what he wants. and now, i even more sick of this than ever.