Is it weird to want a whirlwind romance? One without the stupid teenage stuff about the teasing and all of that stuff that I don't even know how to explain?

God, I just want somebody to hold onto in my rough moments, even if that feels like all the time...

I'm hurt, truly hurt. I don't want to go back to my school, there's very few people I ever want to talk to again in my life there, and if it were up to me, I would never do anything.

I feel like I truly have lost myself again...

Just this whole mental illness thing over the past year has TRULY taken everything from me, and I'm so SICK of it.

I want to take this next year to fix myself, to find myself again, as much as that may cost me. I need to start taking risks again, I can't hide in the darkness of my mind anymore.

It just hurts too much to think about it, I'm sick of breaking down all the time, sick of nearly launching into a full blown panic attack every time I think about the past year, even just some faces make me go back to my darkest moments, heck, I don't even quite know what brings me happiness anymore.

I need to find that meaning again, the only thing I've been able to keep up is writing, but just barely.

I want to live without regrets, as naive as it may seem, that's my dream, to just be happy once more.

And that's sort of why I came back I guess... I just need an outlet again. Someplace to truly talk to people, I need to reconnect with me.

And this time I'm determined to do whatever it takes.