A/N: Hello! I thought it was time to see things from JP's POV. Hopefully you'll enjoy what's going on in that stubborn, gorgeous head of his =)

**Tell me what you think! Don't forget to Comment, vote and share! Xoxo

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JOHN PAUL

The large wooden clock on the wall, ticks loudly, eating away at the time at a snails pace. I bite the inside of my cheek, weighing my options on how to respond to the same incessant, repetitive questions.

"John Paul?"

I hear the Dr, but take a deep breath before I answer. "John Paul?" She thinks I didn't hear her.

I focus my attention on the psychiatrist. "Hmm?"

"I asked how you are feeling today?" Her eyebrows crease.

I clear my throat, not that it helps get rid of the permanent gravelly sound, my voice now has. While I was unconscious after my accidental overdose, I inadvertently pulled on the intubated tube down my throat. It left me with my voice sounding gruff and gritty.

"I feel good. I spent some time outside, after training, walking the grounds." I tell her. She smiles a little in response.

"Can you describe how you are feeling? You said good. But can you elaborate, please?"

I fight the urge to roll my eyes, instinctively. This is the last required session and I don't want to fuck it up and have to continue these sessions from a complete accident that happened more than a year ago.

"I feel strong, healthy and at peace.The overdose was purely accidental. Yes, it didn't help that I was drinking heavily before I took the sleeping pills, but I really just wanted to rest. My mind would not stop running."

"There's no reason to feel ashamed or embarrassed about what happened."

"I'm not, because it was an accident." I smile at her, hoping it comes across as genuine.

"Have you had any cravings or urges to drink?"

"No." I lie, easily.

"And how are your feelings about Stella?"

Even though I knew this was coming, it still causes me to jolt, unexpectedly. I look back at the Dr. "I wish her nothing but the best and I hope she's happy wherever she is." I lie through my teeth. I mean, I do want her to be happy...but with me.

"Tell me, when you start to feel anxious or overwhelmed what have you found helps you alleviate those feelings?" She asks next.

"I use the method you told me about. Repeating mantras, and I do something physical. I typically go for a run if I'm able to or do some sort of workout regime, to release all the pent up emotions, I may be feeling."

Which is partially true. She doesn't need to know that I still watch the shower video of Stella and the one in her red lingerie. They give me the most, instant relief, in comparison to working out.

"Good." She says clearly pleased that her advice is being followed. "How are your nights going? Any nightmares? Night sweats? Insomnia?"

"No it's been months since I've had a nightmare." I had one a few nights ago, but it was nothing like it was several months ago.

"Great." She writes notes, quickly in her notepad. "Well, I'm very pleased with your progress, John Paul."

"I think we are at the point where we can pause the sessions. Please remember, you can reach out to me at any point if anything changes."

Not likely.

"Okay, I will. Thank you so much for your help." After a few more minutes of idle chit chat, I leave her office, getting in the waiting SUV.

Tobias glances at me. "All done, then?"

"Yes, praise the lord."

He laughs and pulls away from the curb and begins the long drive home. I reflect on the last year. I still think about her everyday. I wonder about what she is doing, how she is doing and if she thinks about me at all. Probably not, I think bitterly. 

I think back to the moment I woke up in the hospital not knowing or remembering, what had happened.

***Flashback***

The loud beeping machine, resonates loudly, in my head. I squeeze my eyes and try to move my hands but I can't. I open my eyes and the darkness in the room disorients me.

I try to move my hands again, but I can't lift them. Are they tied down? I try to speak but I can't do anything other than grunt. I realize I have a tube down my throat.

"He's up, I'll go get a nurse!" That voice that sounds like Enzo, but I can't see him, from the position I'm in, on my back. I hear running footsteps and a door opens and closes quickly.

Joey's face appears, looking down at me. His is face is almost completely healed from all the bruising and swelling he had. He holds a notebook with his scribbled handwriting up to me.

In hospital.

Don't freak out. 

He pulls the notebook away before it appears again above my face.

What the hell were you thinking?!

I'm going to fucking kill you, you idiot!

I look back up at him. I think I see his eyes tear up but then he looks away as I hear a door open again.

I see the face of Damien, the Dr who worked on me when I was shot and also took care of Stella. He smiles down at me. "John Paul. It's good to see you awake. If you can hear me and understand me, give me a thumbs up." I give him a thumbs up but my hand is strapped down.

He proceeds to do a few tests to see if he can remove the breathing tube out. The bed is moved so I'm in a sitting position and I gag as he extracts the long tube out of my throat. I cough violently for a few seconds afterwards. A nurse brings a cup with a straw up to my lips. She instructs me to take slow slips.

"We had to restrain your arms because while you were out, you would unconsciously pull the tube out. There's a chance you may have injured your vocal cords. It's normal to be hoarse for a few hours but we won't know if it's permanent until a couple of days."

""Do you have any memory of what happened?" He asks me, looking at me expectantly and I try to speak but my voice is barely audible. I swallow and try again, but it just croaks as I try to say no, so I just shake my head.

I think back to what I can remember. Flashes of images play through my mind of Char-Stella leaving, being carried out by some huge fucker. The birthday gifts she had given me.

I knew I had been drinking but I usually passed out...but maybe I had too much. Was I driving? Was I in accident?

"John Paul?"

I look up at the Dr and then the door opens as Enzo walks in. I wonder if he's found her, brought her home, back to me.

"Are you remembering what happened?" The Dr asks.

I look back at the Dr, tearing my eyes away from Enzo. "I can't remember." My voice is throaty, I wince from the searing pain talking causes.

"You were found in your father's bathroom. You had taken a large amount of sleeping pills...Your body was shutting down quickly with the large amount of alcohol you had in your system mixed with sleeping pills. We had to pump your stomach when you got here. You've been out for about four days."

I look back at him in disbelief. I wouldn't voluntarily overdose...would I?

"Because of the type of emergency, we cannot discharge you until you have a psych evaluation, it's standard for suicide attempts." He tells me as he writes something on a clipboard.

"I didn't try to kill myself." I argue, my voice sounds awful. I remember being tired and wanting some rest, relief. He looks at me, raising an eyebrow.

"John Paul, there's nothing to be ashamed of. There's been a lot you've dealt with recently."

"I wasn't trying to kill myself. I just wanted to sleep. I hadn't slept for weeks." I try to explain. I look at Joey but he doesn't look at me. I look over at Enzo, who is looking back at me, critically.

"Is she here?" I ask him, hopeful.

He looks over at Joey.

"Is. She. Here?" I ask again slowly.

"John Paul, your body is still in recovery. I need you to take it easy. I don't want to have to sedate you." The Dr warns me.

But my eyes are only on Enzo. He finally speaks up, crossing his arms. "She's not here. We still don't know where she is."

"I thought you were some sort of genius when it comes to this tracking shit?" I ask angrily, I shake my head, my voice cracks. He's unbelievable.

"Well, when I spent months telling her how to be invisible, it makes it damn near impossible to find her, jackass." He tells me.

The Dr gets paged and excuses himself telling me be back later and will have a nurse remove my catheter so I can start moving around.

Enzo sits at the end of my bed. "You look like shit, you know." I look at him, scowling. He chuckles as he looks at me.

"What the hell are you even doing here?" I ask him, sincerely curious. He's never been a fan of me and vice versa.

"Maybe you forgot since you've been shitfaced for almost a month, then in here for the last few days. But I was one of the guys helping you take a fucking shower because you were so out of your mind drunk."

He pulls a bag of M & M's from his pocket and tears it open, tilting his head back as he tips the bag into his mouth.

"Why?" I ask, my irritation increasing as each minute goes by as I watch him.

"Because that's what friends do, JP." He says casually, smiling at me.

"Friends? We're not friends. You fucking hate my guts and I was serious when I told you that I know you want Char-Stella. You think I'm fucking stupid or blind."

"Definitely stupid and maybe even blind. I don't want Stella, not like that. She's my friend, my family. I will always protect her, until my last breath. And despite how I still have violent thoughts, about doing things to you, after what you did to her, I know in the end that would only hurt her." He throws some more M & M's back.

I snort. "Right, because she would actually care. She wants nothing to do with me." I remind him, as the words send a sharp pain through my chest.

"Man, you're stupid." He shakes his head. I glower over at him, wanting to rip his head off.

Joey throws a piece a paper at Enzo, his attempt to stop him, I think.

Enzo stands up, throwing his hands up in the air. "I'm trying really hard to see what she sees in you." He looks back at me like he's trying to see through me.

"I mean, what the fuck were you trying to accomplish, by trying to off yourself? You gave me shit for messing around that night at Timo's and now look at you."

"What about Joey, he had just woken up only to find she's gone, and then you and Anna pull this shit. What the fuck were you thinking?" He asks me.

"I wasn't trying to kill myself, not intentionally anyway. I really just wanted to sleep. I was so fucked up, I didn't realize how many pills I took!" I try to raise my voice, but it's more like a loud, hoarse whisper.

"And what do you mean me and Annalisa. What happened to her? And what the hell are you talking about getting her back? She fucking left!" I yell at him.

Joey hands me the notebook again.

She came back.

Annalisa left with her.

I narrow my eyes at the notebook as I read it again.

They tell me about how Annalisa had learned she was pregnant. I can't imagine what she was feeling knowing it was a result of what she went through, at the hands of Jimmy and that other asshole that was lying on top of Stella.

Enzo tells me Annalisa became so distraught, that she cut and dyed her hair before her dad found her trying to hurt herself. Joey's eyes are red and I can see he's fighting within himself to keep from crying as Enzo continues.

"Hold on, you're saying Stella was here, in this hospital?" Enzo and Joey nod their heads. "Did...did she....did she see me?" They look at each other and I already know the answer.

"Honestly, we don't know. When we checked the surveillance feed, you can see her going into Annalisa's room and then the feed cuts out, I'm sure she had help getting in." Enzo says.

I unconsciously reach for the family ring I wear on my left hand to twist it, but I notice I don't have it on. I look at my wrist and notice the braided leather bracelet she got me for my birthday is gone, too.

"Where is it?" I shout hoarsely. Enzo and Joey look back at me confused. I tell them about the bracelet. Joey writes on the notebook that maybe they put it in a personal bag for me. Enzo goes to the closet and doesn't find anything.

"Maybe it's at the house?" Enzo suggests.

I shake my head. "No, I haven't taken it off since I found it." I try not to panic, but it was one of the few things I had left of her.

***End of Flashback***

"So what do you think?"

I completely zoned out while Tobias was talking, I apologize to him. "Sorry, I spaced out for minute."

He looks at me for a moment before he returns his gaze back on the road as he drives. "Listen, John Paul. I know it seems impossible but I know she will return.

Everyone who knows you two, who saw how you were around each other, can see how much love there was between you two."

I sigh, running my hand through my hair. "You were there, the look in her eyes, that day she left, it wasn't love. It was hatred."

"I remember that day very well. And I wouldn't say it was hatred. She was in pain, both physically and emotionally." He says somberly.

"Do you...think she misses me?" I cringe at my own words, I sound so pathetic. I mentally curse myself and then do what comes so naturally to me and let the anger take over.

Tobias doesn't say anything for a while. "It's been over a year since she left. She's had to learn to live on her own, well, away from the lifestyle she's known since moving in with Timo. But I know there isn't a day that goes by that she doesn't think about you John Paul, trust me."

"Probably plotting my death." I grumble.

Tobias laughs, "Maybe at first, and if we are being honest, it's probably all of our deaths, not just yours."

I look over at him and chuckle along with him. "God, I miss her so much."

"Me, too, kid. Me too. She was part of our daily lives for such a long time, it was and is hard to not see her everyday. The kids ask about her all the time. They don't get it and I can't tell them everything, obviously." He tells me.

"Speaking of kids, what are you doing for Marco's birthday?"

"Fuck, I don't know. I just do what Mel tells me, go where she sends me. Apparently, there's some shit known as a golden birthday? Who the hell comes up with this shit?" He complains.

I laugh, "A golden birthday is when you turn the age of the actual date of your birthday. Marco was born on the 14th of October, and he's turning 14, get it?" I can't help my thoughts going back to when it was Annalisa's 21st birthday, the same day as her actual birthday and Stella had me going with her, from party store to party store getting all these supplies for her birthday explaining how it had to be perfect because it was Annalisa's golden birthday.

"Anyway, you never answered me. What do you think about the gathering coming up? Several families are going to be there. Do you think Gio will show up?" Tobias interrupts my wandering thoughts.

It's been three years since the last gathering. It was where I first learned of Enzo under his professional name Furia.

The gatherings provide a way for several families to come together and discuss any potential business partnerships, threats, and even to settle any discord among each other, without the usual violence.

I clench my fists. "If he doesn't, that just shows what a coward he is. I mean, he knows the gathering is a parley of sorts, there isn't supposed to be any fighting during a gathering between the families." I really want to go in case Jimmy comes with Gio, but Timo had mentioned he only wanted Tobias to join him.

"Well, if he shows up, maybe all of this bad blood can be put to rest, finally." Tobias sighs as he pulls up to the gate. "Mel's been wanting you to come over for dinner again, what do you say? You know the kids would love to see you."

It's not that I don't want to see them, I enjoy being around him and Mel, and I love his kids, especially baby Lola. But being around them, brings too many memories of watching them with Stella.

He parks the car at the front of the house. "Um, yeah, maybe." I tell him, not really wanting to commit either way.

We walk in through the foyer of the house and hear a lot of shouting coming from the family room. Its packed as several of the men are standing at the entrance. Tobias and I look at each other confused as to what is going on.

Santino emerges from the kitchen with two sandwiches and drinks in his hand rushing to the family room. He skids to a stop when he sees us though.

"What's going on?" Tobias asks him. He says nothing but it's obvious he's not telling us the truth. I look at Santino who appears to be trying to give some sort of message to Tobias with his eyes.

"What the hell is going on?" I ask, the gravel in my voice makes it sound harsher than I intend it to.

Joey emerges from the room. "Come on, she's up next—" He stops when he sees me.

"John Paul, hey man. Do you want to go run an errand with me?" He switches his conversation quickly. I narrow my eyes at him. What the fuck is wrong with everyone?

"You might as well tell him." Enzo says from behind him.

"Tell me what?"

"It's Stella."

My heart begins to race. I walk towards them. "What happened?" I ask quietly.

"Nothing, we found her. Sort of..." Enzo tells me. He nods his head towards the family room. "Come on, you'll see."

Timo and my father are also in there. They look over at me when they see me. I'm really confused as to why most of the men are in the family room. A few nod their heads at me as I pass them.

"We think David found her." Timo says. I glance at David, then to the big screen TV on the wall. A video is paused, it looks like some sort of cage fighting clip on YouTube.

"Where is she?"

"We don't know, exactly, but it looks like she's part of some underground fighting league." Timo says.

I focus back on the TV wondering what the hell she's gotten herself into.