August 5

Loon Call Island, Lake Rosseau, Muskoka

Standing in the shower, I tip my head forward, resting against the smooth glass. It's been all I can do to hold my racing thoughts together today.

I can tell Greyson is concerned by my mood, he's been not-so-subtly testing the waters there since yesterday when we drove down to the city. I'm not sure how much longer I can hold these secrets in, these feelings in, but it's not my place to tell him.

But if he ever finds out I knew, and didn't say something, will he ever forgive me? Hasn't everyone else in his home life broken the fragile trust he already has?

A pit of nausea settles in my stomach, and my chest tightens as the familiar pressure of stress crushes down on me. I know I have to get out of the shower eventually, but I'm not sure I can handle facing him right now.

Mads has provided the perfect cover, deciding to host a summer party with Theo at the last minute, taking advantage of his empty cottage and the absence of all our parents, who are visiting Wes and Logan at camp. Even Ry and Sarah will be here soon.

A soft tap at the door jars me from my struggle to pull myself together. "Elle, everything okay in there?"

"I'm fine, I'll be out in a minute." I take a few deep, settling breaths, forcing everything I'm feeling to the back of my mind, compartmentalizing before I shut the water off. I quickly dry off and slide into a matching lingerie set, hoping my attire will distract Greyson from trying to talk about my mood again.

Even though I'm nervous to strut out of the bathroom in my magenta, lace lingerie set, it's better than facing any real form of communication at this point. I can help but shake my head at the brutal irony of this situation, begging Greyson all summer to open up, then doing a complete role reversal, where now I'm the one keeping secrets, hiding from him.

Taking a deep breath, I open the door, wandering out into my bedroom. "Did you need something?"

"Can we talk about the past few days, is everything okay with us?" Greyson's back is to me as he speaks, which tells me silently how nervous he is over his quesiton. But as soon as he turns, his eyes widen, then squeeze shut as he chokes on his soda. "Jesus, Elle. Give a guy a heads up."

His eyes don't leave my body as he sets the can down on the bedside table, stalking towards me, pulling me into his embrace. "We should cancel going out tonight, definitely. I'm not going to be able to do anything except imagine what you've got on under whatever pretty little dress you'll be wearing tonight."

"That's just too bad for you, then, since I have every intention of going tonight. I guess you can just stay home and take care of yourself." The look of shock that crosses his face makes me smile.

"God damn Theo. He's been putting ideas in your head again, hasn't he?"

"Well, either him or Vi, I'll leave it to you to figure out who could be this diabolical."

His groan vibrates through me as he drops his lips to the top of my shoulder. "That's not fair, I know Theo can be this diabolical, but I don't know Vi at all, really." He twirls his finger at me, "This definitely feels like a woman's touch though."

Laughing, I shrug, wiggling in his arms. Happy the direction we've moved away from a serious topic. "Let me get ready, I need fifteen, twenty minutes tops. When will Ryan be here?"

Greyson looks at his wristwatch, "Uh, about the same. I guess I'd better grab a shower, too."

I wrinkle my nose at him, nodding. "Probably a good idea."

When he wanders into the bathroom, I take a relieved breath. Distraction seems to be the best tactic, so I make a mental plan of all the ways I can keep his mind off his need to chat, which nearly causes me to laugh hysterically.

The first time he wants to open up, to talk, here I am on the other side. At least this will allow me to buy some time to think about how to stuff this genie secret back in the proverbial bottle. Easy as pie, what can go wrong?

Several hours later, sweat glistening lightly on my skin, I throw my hair back while I dance to the music, while it pulses over me, taking over.

"Your guy's looking like he might skin me alive, Ells Bells. Why don't you go put him out of his misery?" Theo twirls me away from him, sending me careening in the direction of Greyson. I manage to catch my balance on the railing, barely.

I stumble a little on my way back to Greyson, Theo's amused laughter echoing behind me. I've definitely had too much to drink, based on the amount of spinning the deck is doing. That, or he finally twirled me too many times, and I'll be dizzy forever.

Strong, warm hands catch me around my waist and I smile up at my date.

"I'd say someone's had just a little too much fun." Lifting me in his arms, he settles us down in the hanging chair on the other side of the boathouse.

"If by fun, you mean strawberry wine, then yes, I have definitely had too much fun." I sigh as I settle back against his chest. My skin is still tingling from the knowledge he'd been watching me dance, through those heavy-lidded, half-closed eyes all night. It felt exciting, like I'd been putting on a show, just for him, and no one but us knew.

Now, I watch Theo, and I can't help but watch the way he moves against the girl he's dancing with. He moves like I imagine he has sex, from what he's told me. I blush and giggle, realizing I'm picturing things I shouldn't be.

"What's so funny?" Greyson's nose strokes up and down my cheek, his lips trailing small kisses along my jaw, down my neck. I stretch to give him better access.

"Just got a mental picture of Theo having sex, the same way he dances, freaked me out a bit."

"Wait, what?" He grabs my chin between his fingers and turns my head to look into my eyes. I twist my head away, struggling in the hanging chair to reposition myself, sending the chair swaying wildly.

I twist in what is probably a very unladylike gesture, giving up in frustration as I get tangled in the mesh. "Can you please help me?"

He grips my hips, lifting me up to help me turn, so I can straddle his lap, stabilizing the swing with one long leg pressed against the siding of the boathouse. "Better?" His voice is filled with amusement.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I kiss him. "Much better."

"I think you might be drunk. How much did you have?" His laugh tickles the warm, sensitive skin of my neck.

I wave my hand in the air absently before curling it into the open neck of his shirt. "I don't know, two, maybe three glasses. I had a little of whatever Theo was drinking too, only a few sips though, I think. I thought it was Coke, but it tasted strange."

"Knowing T, it probably had rum or whisky in it, babe." His hands run up and down the bare skin of my back, and it's the most wonderful feeling. I close my eyes, resting my head on his shoulder, feeling safe in his arms despite the unfamiliar sensations coursing through me.

"Is everything okay, Elle? With us, I mean? You've been a bit off, you normally don't drink this much. Is there something on your mind?"

Shaking my head, trying to clear my scrambled thoughts, I blink a few times. "I've been asking you similar questions all summer. Why do I have to open up all of a sudden, when you get to keep all your secrets all the time?"

His body stiffens slightly, so I press my lips to his neck to take the sting out of my words. Smiling mischievously against his skin, I nip him lightly, then swirl my tongue over the small love bite. He jerks against me, cursing lightly, so I stop my teasing.

When he relaxes again, he strokes his hand over my hair, tangling his fingers in the long, soft waves that are now slightly tangled. "You've never kept secrets from me before, I just want to know where I stand, where we stand right now."

"Sucks to be on the outside of someone's thoughts, doesn't it?" Maybe I'm being unfair, but now I'm brave with the wine, and the whatever from Theo's drink. He'll either answer, or he won't.

"Well, even if your liquid courage could make me spill, Elle, I'll hardly do it when you've been drinking. Otherwise, I'll probably have to do it twice, since I'm guessing it's fifty-fifty you'll forget this tomorrow."

"Do you know I love you, Greyson?" Yawning, I wiggle on his lap when his hands stop their rhythmic stroking until he starts the soothing motions again. This time, he rocks the swing at the same pace.

His silence bothers me for some reason, even though I know that's not fair either. Well, life isn't fair sometimes. "I know you love all of us."

This boy is impossible. "Not what I mean, but I think you know that. I love you a special way, a special way that's only for you, and no one else."

"Let's talk about this when you haven't had so much to drink, okay? I'd rather hear you say you love me when you're sober, Elle."

"Drunk, sober, happy, sad. I don't think it will change anything."

"If you say so. I'd just rather be sure." He's quiet for a long time, his hands tracing funny little patterns on my skin. I practically jolt out of a near sleep when he speaks again, close to my ear.

"Grandpa once told me to be careful who I fall in love with. He said to be careful, because he thinks Montgomery's fall in love forever. But I think I'm already in love with you. I just thought you should know, cause forever feels like a long time, and you probably need some time to get used to that, too."

I feel his lips against my temple, pressing firmly. "No one other than Tess has said they loved me in a long, long time. A very long time. Words are just words, at any rate, they don't matter. It's someone's actions that tell you how they really feel. But you know that, too." His whispered admission breaks through the haze of my daydreaming.

I sigh into his neck again, trying to wrangle my thoughts back into a somewhat intelligible collection of words. "Sometimes I think your actions say you love me. But I never really know."

Silence grows between us for a few heavy moments. I tilt my face up to his, pleased when he kisses me immediately. "If you love someone, is there anything you wouldn't do to protect them?"

"I would do anything to protect you, Elle. It's the only thing I can say for certain right now." When his arms tighten around me I curl up a little more, pressing myself closer, pressing my face into the warm skin exposed by his open button-down.

Sleep begins to claw at me ever so slowly, and I'm almost ready to let go. I struggle to pull the final, shaky threads of my thoughts together. "So, if you had a secret, and it would hurt me if I knew it before I was supposed to, would you keep that secret from me?"

"I would protect you from anything and everything that could hurt you. No matter what it took. I think I could justify anything if it meant you'd be safe, happy. Never doubt that." His hand kneads the back of my neck as he encourages me to open my eyes. "What's this about, Elle?"

"It's nothing, hypothetical question. Can we go home now? I'm going to fall asleep here, and you'll be stuck here all night."

"I could still carry you home, don't worry. But yeah, let's get you to bed."

"Greyson?" I yawn again, nuzzling into his neck when he stands.

"Yeah?"

"Don't leave tonight."

"I won't leave tonight. I won't ever leave, not if I can help it." On his final whispered admission, darkness slides over me, as I fall asleep nestled into the safe cocoon of his arms.

- - -

Do you think Elle should tell Greyson what she knows? Curious to hear what you think on the topic.

On a lighter note, who else remembers their first time getting a little too tipsy? I hope you had a friend there to help you through it! Or at least a friendly face to hold your hair back if you needed it. ;)

Xx Toria