Chapter 22: Save The Game

All my life, I never dreamed of anything than to finish my studies and get a better job. I knew what I wanted, I knew my goals, and I knew where I was heading to. I've pictured myself with my family, traveling and living the life I desired for them. I've visualized myself in a secured house, living the noise of our laughs and stories.

I didn't know there would be a blurry figure of somene might appear behind. And as I pursued my dreams, it got cleared. Now, I knew who it was. He became part of my dreams and goals. But I knew he was the part of my dream that I couldn't carry everywhere. So, I vowed to make him happy as long as he was still with me. And now... he was the dream I failed to reach.

With blurry eyes caused by tears, I struggled to stop the car. Pinakawalan ko ang isa kong kamay sa manibela para punasan ang luha sa aking mata. Kinapa ng paa ko ang preno pero imbes na ito ang maapakan ko ay mas lumakas ang pagmamaneho. I was beyond terrified that I forgot what to do.

There was an effulgent light coming on my way. Sa bawat pagtagas ng segundo ay palapit nang palapit ang ilaw na 'yon. Was it from a truck? A bus? Or something bigger than this car? I don't know. But I know, it might hit me to death.

Kinapa ko uli sa paa ko ang preno. Nang magtagumpay ay unti-unting kong inapakan 'yon. It's slowly slowing down, but the light is still coming on my way. Nanginginig ako sa takot.

I closed my eyes as I stepped fully on the break. Muntik na akong masubsob sa manibela dahil sa sobrang lakas dahil hindi pa ako naka-seatbelt. My eyes were still shut. Natatakot akong buksan ito.

Palapit na ba sa akin ang ilaw? Matatamaan na ba ako kapag tapos ng ilang segundo?

After a few second, I heard knocks on the window beside me. I took a huge gut to open my eyes.

Kumunot ang noo ko nang makita si Alvin sa labas. His face was pale and his hard knocks on the window was causing a loud thuds.

I watched him as he mouthed, "Open the goddamn door."

Inalog ko ang ulo ko bago binuksan ang pinto. Natamaan pa siya no'n dahil sa nakaharang siya. Nanatili ako sa loob ng sasakyan, inaantok at pagod na gumalaw palabas.

"Damn! You okay?!"

I pushed him away when he tried to touch me.

"I'm fine," I glared at him. "You almost hit me."

"No. You did." He almost rolled his eyes. "You're such a problematic ass. I knew there was something wrong with you so I followed you. Hindi ko alam na mas malala pa. Is this a suicidal act? Huh?"

Napangiwi ako sa sakit ng ulo ko at sa dami ng sinabi niya. Ang daldal ng isang 'to at daig niya pa si Papa kung manermon.

"Damn. Akala ko mamamatay na ako ro'n," dinig ko pang sabi niya.

"Pwede ka namang umiwas kung sakali," sabi ko. "Hindi ko ma-control ang sasakyan, ikaw kaya mo. You just needed to avoid my way to death."

"And what? Let you hit the building beside and watch you bleed to death? I am still not that cruel, Miss Just A Girl."

"Don't act like a hero, Alvin."

"Ikaw pa talaga ang galit," nanunuya niyang sabi. "Kaya mo pa bang magmaneho para igilid ang sasakyan mo? You are in the middle of the road."

Napatingin ako sa likod. Oo nga, nasa gitna ako ng daan.

"What the fuck?!" bulalas ni Alvin nang imaneho ko agad ang sasakyan para itabi sa gilid ng kalsada.

Nanlalaki ang mga mata ni Alvin nang sumunod siya sa akin.

"D-Did you just drive your car with the door opened?" Hindi ko alam kong gulat ba siya o namamangha.

I shrugged my shoulder.

"You did!" Humalakhak ito.

Parang mas sumakit lang ang ulo ko dahil sa kanya.

"Leave me alone," I mumbled as I rubbed my temples. "You're such an annoying business man who always makes everything a big deal."

"Wait." Napasandal ako sa upuan nang bigla itong yumuko para kunin ang in-can beer na gumulong pababa. "First, you drove on highway without driver's license. Second, you hit on someone twice. Third, you almost killed that someone. Fourth, you drove with the door opened. And now, driving while drunk. Are you insane?!"

"I'm not drunk!" I yelled at him.

"Y-You could kill yourself."

That's the moment I looked at him again. Nabakas ko ang takot at pag-aalala sa kanyang boses.

"When things get too much to handle, stop doing anything and rest for awhile," he said calmly. "Because keep going while things are blurry is the same as walking in a foggy mountain, you won't know you are already walking on the verge of a cliff. Dangerous."

Tumango ako. "Noted, Sir."

"Where were you heading to?"

I pointed my finger on the closed resto.

"Gutom ka ba?" tanong pa nito. "There are lots of opened restaurants nearby."

"I'm fine. Thanks."

He glanced on his wrist watch. "I have another meeting to attend to," he said.

"Go on. Be the richest man alive."

He looked at me while shaking his head. "I'm feeling kind tonight. Can I drive you home?"

Muli akong umiling. "May hinihintay ako."

"Really?"

"Yes. Go ahead, Mr. Business Man."

He let out a heavy sigh as he nodded. "If that's the case, my business here is done. Don't drive yet."

"Noted again, Sir."

He waved his goodbye as he got in his car. Hindi na ito lumingon pa hanggang sa mawala na siya. Isinara ko ang pinto ng sasakyan at kinandado ito. I suddenly felt tired and sleepy.

Pinatihaya ko nang kaunti ang upuan. Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko at hindi kalaunan ay nakatulog na.

Nagising ako na medyo maayos na ang pakiramdam. Inayos ko uli ang upuan bago kinusot ang aking mga mata. I yawned as I looked around. Natigilan ako nang makitang may nakasandal sa gilid ng sasakyan.

Biglang bumilis ang pintig ng puso ko.

Nakalimutan kong papunta na nga pala siya rito kanina bago ako nakatulog.

Mabilis na sumilip ako sa oras. It's almost 4 in the morning. Nakatulog ako nang ilang oras at ibig bang sabihin no'n ay ilang oras na rin siyang nakatayo sa labas? Iisipin ko pa lang sana na dapat ay pumasok siya nang maalala kong kinandado ko pala ang mga pinto.

I bit my bottom lip as I unlocked the doors. Dahan-dahan kong binuksan ang pinto sa gilid ko. Hindi pa rin siya kumilos kaya napagdesisyonan ko na lumabas na nang tuluyan.

Nakasandal si Rocky sa sasakyan, nakatingala habang nakapikit. Dahil sa posisyon niya ay mas kitang-kita ngayon ang tattoo niya sa gilid ng leeg. Umihip ang hangin na humaplos sa kanyang buhok.

"Kanina ka pa?" tanong ko sa mababang boses.

He shook his head, still eyes shut.

Napangiti ako nang hindi ko alam ang dahilan.

"Wala ka bang spare key ng sasakyan mo?" tanong ko uli.

He shook his head for the second time.

Lumapit ako sa kanya at niyakap siya. Wala siyang reaksyon kaya mas hinigpitan ko ang yakap. But then again, he doesn't need to move and hug me back or even talk. Just staring at him is making me damn beyond calm.

Is it really possible that a person can affect you as mush as this guy affects me?

I think I'm going crazy.

Niyakap ko pa siya nang ilang sandali bago kumawala. Napasimangot ako nang manatiling nakapikit ang kanyang mga mata.

"Open your eyes," I demanded

"For what?" he uttered.

"And look at me," I continued.

"Ayoko. Baka hindi ko na kayanin pang umalis sa lugar na ito nang hindi ka kasama." Mahina siyang tumawa habang nakapikit pa rin. "I made up my mind to bring you home and leave after."

"With your eyes shut?" I raised my eyebrows as if he could see me.

"Stop talking please. You're seducing me."

I bit my bottom lip as I felt the heat rushing on my cheeks. How could he make me blush just this easy?

"Paano ka nakapunta rito?" tanong ko nang mapansin na wala namang sasakyan sa paligid.

"I booked a taxi and someone drove for me," he answered. "Better than to steal someone else's car, right?"

I chuckled softly. "Are you suing me for that?"

"I'm going to sue you for breaking me." That was the moment he opened his eyes. "For breaking the promised I made with myself for nth time."

He grabbed my arm and pulled me on his chest as he covered me with his broad and tight arms. Isindal niya ang mukha ko sa kanya at bumaba ang isa niyang kamay sa likod ko.

"I made a deal with myself not to fall in love yet. Damn it, baby. I'm so scared right now because I know, you're capable of ruining it."

That pushed my eyes to bring tears again.

"I love you..." I whispered.

"I didn't know you can ruin it totally with just three words," he whispered as he pushed my head to face him. "I'm so mad with you, baby. I want to punch your face with my lips until you bleed. But I know I can't. I will always be gentle for you."

Hinila niya ang batok ko palapit sa kanya pero huminto ito nang sobrang lapit na lang ang lapit namin. I could feel his breathe on my face and his hard breathings on my chest.

"I'm not going anywhere without you," he whispered. "Ask me to stay once again. Baby, just one more. You can go home with me."

"After the game, I want you to stay."

He smiled. "I can stay now, tapos na ang laro."

Nawala ang ngiti sa labi ko.

"W-We are already here." Humiwalay ako sa kanya at tinuro ang restaurant sa malapit. "The task is here. We are almost over. Why stop now?"

He shrugged his should. "Perhaps, the game doesn't matter to me anymore."

"W-Why?"

"There's still four more tasks. Pwede pa kitang masaktan at hindi kita mapoprotektahan. Kapag wala nang laro ay wala ng patakaran. I can protect you and break the rules for that. I can't do that on the game."

I gulped hard. He still wants to pursue the game but he's afraid because of me.

"Come on, Mads. Let's just forget this game."

Lumapit siya sa akin pero umatras ako. Tumamad ang tingin niya sa akin.

"Ituloy natin ang laro..." bulong ko.

"Ang sabi mo ay 'wag na akong babalik kung wala akong planong manatili. Bumalik na ako ngayon at mananatili na rin. Ano pa ba ang gusto mo?"

"To find your Mom."

"Ano ba ang pakialam mo kay Mommy?"

Naisulto ako sa sinabi niya pero kalmado pa rin.

"If she doesn't want to be found, then let her be lost forever!" aniya pa.

"Really?" Gusto kong matawa kasi hindi 'yon ang nakikita ko sa kanya. "Hahayaan mo na lang ba talagang hindi siya makita gayong may paraan naman para makita siya?"

"And why not?"

"Huwag mo itong ipagkait sa sarili mo, Rocky," madiin kong sabi. "Huwag kang magsinungaling sa sarili mo. I know you badly want to see her again. Don't pretend you are not. I am here to help you!"

Tumawa ito nang malakas, panunuya.

"You're right!" He pointed his finger to me. "But she never cared about me. Ikaw lang ang nag-alala sa akin nang ganito. If finding her means hurting you again, I'd rather give her up. How many times do I have to tell you that I can't afford to hurt you again?"

Pagod na nagbuga ito ng mabigat na hangin.

"Don't you see?! I am here not for you but for your Mom!"

Natigilan ito sa isinigaw ko. Lumambot ang kanyang hitsura.

"D-Don't say that..." he pleaded. "Bawiin mo ang sinabi mo. You said you like me. Ang sabi mo pa kanina ay mahal mo na ako. Don' lie, please."

I shook my head.

Halos manlambot ako nang makita ang pangingilid ng luha sa kanyang mga mata.

I can't lose him... but I can't lose his Mom just to make him stay with me. Gusto kong makita niya ang Mommy niya. There's a reason why she created this game. She's probably regretting what happened to his son right now. Baka ito na ang pagkakataon para makabawi siya sa kanyang anak... At hindi ako kailanman magiging makasarili para agawin 'yon.

We are talking about not just any other girl here. It's his mom!

"I don't know what to do anymore, Mads." A peeble smile flashed on his lips. "You asked me to stay with you, I am staying. But you know that I can't continue this game anymore. You know how much it hurts not only me but also you."

"Then let's continue this game and don't give a damn if you hurt me," diretso kong sabi sa kanya. "Finish the game if it means hurting me over and over again. I don't care."

"Fuck it! Paano ko gagawin 'yon?!"

I thought I just wanted him to stay because of me. No, I wanted him to finish the game and still stay with me after. Whatever happens, he must finish the game and find his Mom.

I love him... and this is how much I love him.

"Once we continue this game, I can no longer promise to stay," paos na sabi niya. "Are you good with that? Because I am not."

Without hesitation, I nodded my head. "Finish the game and if you want to walk away after... I won't stand in your way."

"I can't promise to come back again," he said.

"I won't wait for you."

Pain registered on his eyes as he laughed.

We started because of this game and I won't mind ending it with the same reason. Alam ko ang pakay ko sa larong ito simula pa lang, iyon ay ang gawin ang lahat para matapos niya ang laro. I didn't know I was also one of the things that might stop him, something I shouldn't let.

I will help him finish this game even if it is against myself. I love him but this feeling shouldn't stop this game.

"Sure." He smirked playfully. "Let's continue this game then."

Pumalad ito sa akin.

Kinuha ko ang cell phone niya sa bulsa at ibinigay ko 'yon sa kanya. He didn't touch my hand, he got his phone without touching my skin.

"Four more tasks..." he whispered.

Sumikip ang dibdib ko.

Tumingin ito sa malapit na resto. "Dito ba ang next task? Not surprising though. I think dito kumain sina Mommy no'n nung sinabi niyang buntis siya sa akin. I remember that story."

"Baka mayamaya rin ay magbukas na 'yan," sabi ko.

Tumingin uli sa akin si Rocky. Napailing ito bago pumasok sa kanyang sasakyan. Nanatili ako sa labas. Ako naman ngayon ang sumandal sa kanyang sasakyan.

I closed my eyes...

Mapait na napangiti na lang ako.

In the process of saving the game... I lost him.