"The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something. That's the only thing that never fails."

(T.H. White, The Once and Future King.)

I myself died once, you know?

The words seemed to dance inside my head, twirling and jumping around, but never making any sense. So, Dash's aunt had died once?

Then how come she was standing there, so vibrant and alive?

It was hard to believe, but then, so was everything lately. I mean, until a couple of weeks ago, if you had asked me whether I believed in ghosts I'd have laughed at you.

After all, ghosts were fiction, right?

And yet, look where I am now. I let out a heavy sigh and turned to glance at Dash whose eyes had grown wide.

"Ah, aunt Savannah, that story again?"

Dash's voice was firm with disbelief, though it was clear there was affection there as well. If she had died once, Dash surely didn't believe her.

But then, he thought he was going insane when he saw me - which makes me wonder. Did Dash see ghosts, or am I special for some reason?

And if he saw, why was he so skeptic with his aunt? After all, it's not like seeing and talking to ghosts is something so very common... And if he didn't see ghosts, then why me?

So many questions! It was hard to decide which one I wanted an answer for first.

As I pondered over that, Savannah smiled and nodded. "I know none of you ever believed me – I think that was how it was supposed to be, after all. People aren't supposed to come back to life, and they often don't, not unless they have a mission to accomplish."

Dashiel blinked. "A mission? What are you talking about?"

"Well, this part I can't tell you about, no really, I can't. First, because I'd say it's different for everyone, two because I swore I would never speak about my mission... But I can tell you this thing." And then she turned to where she thought I was, a gentle smile forming on her lips. I didn't have the heart to tell her I was about two feet to the left - and then again, she wouldn't hear it if I did anyway. "If no one came for you, Maisie, then they'll probably make you an offer. You see, they are very prompt for souls whose time has come, so if you are waiting, they probably weren't ready for you. It takes a little time, and you'll have to be patient. And... to be honest, Dash, Maisie doesn't feel like a lost soul – she feels light. Bright. She wouldn't be wandering here if she wasn't supposed to."

Dashiel's eyes had gotten a strange glow – it almost looked like... hope? What could he be hopeful for? – when he held his aunt's arm. "Wait, aunt Savannah—"

"Hush, honey. There's not much else I can do to help you right now, but I'll do my best. You should try to relax and talk to her – there must be a reason why you can see her... After all, I doubt that you can see many other souls, am I right?" Dash fell silent and then she grinned. "As I thought. There must be a reason - you must have to get through this together."

After throwing a wink our way, she closed the door gently after herself.

And a loud silence followed.

"So..." I said, trying to make some noise. "What did you say about me last weekend?"

Blinking, Dash turned to me. "Is this really what you want to ask me?"

"Well, yes," I shrugged.

There were more things, of course. Things such as - just how often do you see ghosts anyway? But it didn't feel like the right time.

"What about actually looking into something that can help us instead – such as, I don't know, finding out a way for you to come back?"

Another long silence stretched between the two of us – and it once again made me uncomfortable.

There were things I could have said to him, such as - where exactly do you expect me to search? Do you think Wikipedia will have something on it?

Not so sure on Wikipedia, but you can bet there will be some sort of page on Google about it. People are nuts.

And now, look at me. Trying not to laugh at myself - and having a hard time at it, as, seriously, who was I to call people nuts now? - I faced him. I know what most people would be saying right now.

Hey, I was fourteen! I had so much to do, so much to live for! Of course I want to come back!

But the thing is, I didn't know whether that is true. I didn't know if I wanted to come back.

Like I said, my life wasn't all that bad. It was ok – more than ok sometimes. I didn't want to sound like one of those overprivileged kids who bemoan their lives when they didn't get the last gadget or whatever.

And I had a family and friends that loved me. So also, that wasn't the problem.

The thing is, I always felt like I was... a bit of a burden to those I loved. It's like I said before, my sister was soon becoming a supermodel like our mother and my brother was soon to be a hockey star.

And what about me?

I was a girl that liked books. If there was a prize for loving books too much, or for being able to literally live on fictional worlds, then I could get it.

But as life went by, I was just a normal, boring girl. I wasn't a child with a brilliant future ahead of her, I wasn't super charismatic or clever, I was just... me.

And it's not like I'm apologizing for it either, ok? I'm good with being me. I was good at being me.

The thing is... I wanted to be more. To bring pride to my parents... to give other people a reason for it, anyway.

I didn't want to be a disappointment.

Oh, these are my grandchildren, Joanne and Jace. Such pride they bring our family. Wonderful children. Oh, her? That's just Maisie.

Shaking away my grandmother's voice, I forced myself to focus on Dash.

Who looked like had grown severely pissed off in the last couple of seconds.

"Why are you taking so long to answer? I mean, didn't you see your family in the cemetery? Didn't you see the pain in their faces?"

The problem wasn't in who I had seen, I wanted to suddenly yell at him. The problem was who wasn't there.

Which, if you consider I have about six uncles and aunts on each side of my family, all with children, is plenty of people.

Not to mention, of course, my still living grandparents.

"I... did see that," I replied carefully, afraid of seeing Dashiel having a heart attack, he was growing that red. "It's just, I'm not sure it wasn't all for the best."

How could I explain to him that, when I discovered I was dead, I mostly felt relieved?

The way he is right now, there's a very good chance he'll either die or murder me. Or both.

Wait, can someone murder you when you are dead?

I guess being banished could count as a kind of death, I pondered, after all, they expelled you from the place where you were and sent you to hell – I guess. I don't think they ever mentioned and if they did, I didn't care enough about it at the time to remember.

Which was really stupid, if you consider my actual situation.

A scene from Supernatural came to mind and I couldn't help wincing. It looked like being banished hurt a lot.

So, note to self, don't meet anybody named Dean and Sammy until you know you can't be banished anywhere.

"Maisie!" He almost growled at me and suddenly his face was close – as in, really close- to mine. My eyes met his and it was like we were having a whole conversation without speaking. Kind of strange, but it felt rather good too. "Why?"

His whisper was gentle, his whole stance had relaxed a bit after our silent conversation. Sighing, I blinked.

"I mean, I know they are sad, but soon they'll feel better," I tried to explain, sighing when it was obvious I was only making him mad again. "I mean, it's not like I'm Jace... or Joanne. They'll get over it and, in the end, it might even be better for everyone. Like, now they can use my college fund to help Jace play hockey or maybe to pay for one of Joanne's trips."

Dash was shaking his head. "Don't be silly, May- nobody is ever going to 'get over' your death. Ever. We might keep on living because, you know, we don't get another choice – but getting over it is a little too much."

"It's not!" I insisted, shaking my head. "You will see. After all, I was just the girl in the back of the bus with a book covering her face. You said it yourself."

Dashiel's eyes widened and he shook his head. "You misunderstood it – I mean, damn, Maisie. I never thought you were 'just' anything."

Feeling my cheeks burn, I looked down on my feet. "You were right, anyway. I never made a huge impression."

"Well, maybe not." Dashiel agreed, sitting on the bed and turning to look away from me and towards his closed door. "But you made a lasting one. It's like the rain – not every shower comes with thunder and lightning, but then again, it doesn't need to. Both kinds of rain provide water to quench the thirst and bring life to places that would otherwise die. Not to mention, May, that lightning scorch the earth and burn, sometimes causing great destruction on their path – while gentle rain brings life and a feeling of freshness to everything. There's beauty in simplicity." He concluded, taking a deep breath.

We stood in silence, and while this one also was long, I felt comfortable in it. My head kept replaying his last words 'There's beauty in simplicity'. There was something about them that touched my heart, warmed my soul.

I must have the most stupid grin in my face.

"Do... you really think so?"

Dashiel turned to me, grinning widely. "Yup."

"Um..."

Inching his way closer to me, Dashiel was now sitting so closely by my side it was almost like we were touching.

I mean, I felt his body heat, not so sure he could feel mine.

"So, are you going to help me do research on this thing Aunt Savannah said, or are you going to make me work on my own?"

"You mean you are going to research a way for me to come back to life?" I told him, blinking in surprise.

Dashiel sighed. "But of course I am." Then he made a long pause and smiled once again – his eyes now twinkling with mischief. "Say, Maisie... are you a really curious kind of person? Jace always said you were."

Turning to him, I nodded. "But of course – after all, without curiosity, how would someone learn anything? Curiosity is one of the best qualities in a person."

Dashiel was flat out beaming now. "Very well. And you want to know what it is that I talked to aunt Savannah last weekend, don't you? About you?"

I felt my body inching even closer to him. "Yes!"

"Good. Then I'll make you a deal." His eyes met mine, and if I had a body our noses would be touching. "I'll tell you what I said – if you come back to life. Do you agree?"

I don't know how long we stood that way, but I must have nodded because the next thing I know, he is jumping out of the bed and heading for his computer, which stood on his writing desk next to the door to his bathroom.

"Good. Let's get this started then."

Why did I have a feeling I had just signed a deal with the devil himself?

*

The next couple of hours were a bit entertaining.

Who'd guess so many people had died and come back? Or had had a magical experience in the land in between? And who'd guess so many of them would be ok on sharing this experience with Google?

It was baffling.

I doubted we'd find anything of use in there, but still I let Dash read through the stories and jot down the ones that appeared... how do I put it... less crazy.

I don't know what he intended to do after that - I had no idea what we were going to do with all this information. I guess there was a part of me that still expected to wake up in bed, or maybe for all of this reality to become nothing.

After all, wasn't this what death was supposed to be? Wasn't I supposed to become nothing?

I didn't know - and the stories from Google had me wanting to cry in confusion. Some mentioned becoming insects or other animals for a while, some mentioned meeting a God or a Goddess, others said something about becoming a tree or water - part of nature, in general...

And that's not counting those who became Michael Jackson or had dance classes with him. Nuts.

I was still shaking my head when my eyes fell on Dash.

He looked peaceful sleeping.

The light from the screen illuminated his dark hair, casting shadows on the wall. His cheek was lying on the table even as his hands were resting on the keyboard.

He was going to look funny tomorrow, I couldn't help thinking as I saw his cheek press harder against the table, and still I couldn't make myself think I should wake him up.

He looked as peaceful as a child lying there, his expression smooth and peaceful, even as a slight shiver ran through his body. It was cold, I thought, and as the night passed it should grow even colder. He could get sick if he didn't warm himself up, and still... He looked so comfy.

Sighing, I glanced towards his bed and glanced at his comforter. It looked warm and fluffy, and for a while, I entertained thoughts of picking it up and draping it over his shoulders.

Pity I couldn't do it.

Or could I?

There were some ghosts, like Peeves from Harry Potter, that could grab material things. Maybe I was like Peeves?

Excited by the thought, I moved towards the blanket and tried to pick it up.

Again.

And again.

I can see that this 'being a ghost' thing is going to be an exercise in frustration.

"This won't work. Only poltergeists, or really old ghosts, are able to touch physical objects."

"Awww" I complained before I froze. Wait, if I didn't know that and Dash was asleep, who was talking?

I turned towards the voice in a jump, surprised to see a boy who looked about my age staring at me with emotionless brown eyes.

It sent a shiver down my spine.

"Hello. My name is Malach and I do believe you are Maisie Pereira." I nodded and he bowed his head in greeting. "I'll be your guide."

*

It's not that I was disappointed.

It's not.

But I have to admit Malach wasn't what I was expecting.

He was a bit scary – but not Grim reaper scary. He was a tad handsome – but not angel handsome.

And he most definitely wasn't someone I knew.

What he was was a boy about my age or a little bit older, wearing a pair of old tennis shoes, torn up jeans, an Iron Maiden t-shirt, and a black cap.

Not scary at all.

At least not until you consider those brown, empty eyes of his. When I looked into them I had the feeling of looking deep into the abyss.

What could be lurking in there?

"So... you are my guide?" I said, wondering what he was. I mean, it would have been easy to believe him human, if not for those eyes.

Those terrifying eyes.

He blinked slowly and focused on me, much to my horror. He inclined his head and sighed. "Yes. I apologize for being late. The only excuse I have to give you Maisie, is that there's something very, very bad going on, and you just became the center of it."

That really didn't sound good.

"That's because it isn't," he said, and I wondered for a moment whether I had spoken that out loud. A small smirk appeared on his lips as he tugged on his cap. "You didn't. Honestly, how do you think humans get judged? We have to know what's going on in your minds before deciding whether you deserve heaven or hell, else the judgment wouldn't be fair."

I felt my eyes widen. "Don't tell me... are you God?"

His eyes widened and he coughed. "Blimey girl, no. Didn't I tell you I was your guide? How did we go there to God?" Shaking his head, he sighed. "As I said, my name is Malach. As for what I am, guide really is the best word for it, as I've been named a thousand different things during the ages... And before you ask, I'm far from the only one."

"There are more of you?" In my head, I shuddered. Those eyes were terrifying, to think there was more than one...

"We are not all copies," Malach said, and he seemed to be finding my fear rather funny. "Each one of us is unique... but we don't need to get to that. Not yet."

Yet?

"Yes, yet. See, Maisie, here's the thing – you did die before your time. We weren't ready for you." He drawled, moving towards Dash's bed and taking a sit. "Savannah was right about that – she was also right in saying there's a way for you to come back to life. A bit of a loophole, you see. It's not used often but... it's there when we need to use."

I glanced at Dash, knowing that was exactly what he was looking for so desperately. Seeming to follow my gaze, Malach nodded.

"I know, it's rather sweet even - not that you are going to find anything of use in Google. Most people who put this sort of stuff online is a faker - or a fiction writer." Shrugging, Malach turned those eyes on me. I froze. "Not something you need to be afraid of, I'll give you the information you need. That said it's not because of him that you are being offered this, Maisie. If we were to offer this to every person who dies who has someone who'd miss them, nobody would ever stay dead. Maisie, this is being offered for you for a very special reason and... for this to work, you have to want it. You have to want it really bad, because... what I'm going to propose to you? It's going to change everything. Everything."

I suddenly started pacing.

"I... I don't know if I want to come back. I feel good with the way I left things," I admitted, even knowing that Dashiel would be glaring at me if he could hear me. "I don't feel like I've left something behind or as if I need to get something done."

Nodding in understanding, Malach laid down on the bed and closed his eyes – and I glared at him. You shouldn't lie down in bed with dirty shoes, even if you are a guide. "I see. I'll even go as far as telling you I understand you Maisie - but see, this is bigger than any one's feelings or dreams. This decision you are going to make might mean the ending of Earth... or at the very least, the end of plenty of lives."

"The end of plenty of lives?" Either I wasn't getting the whole story, or Malach had a dramatic tendency. You see, I was the girl with a book on her hands. The one that liked to make people happy and who hid at the first sight of an argument.

How the heck would my coming back or not affect so many people?

Looking at me with those wise eyes that missed very little, Malach offered me a small smile that told me he'd tell me what he wanted when he wanted it. I sighed and looked around, sitting on a small free spot of the bed.

I fell right through it.

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YOU DON'T NEED TO RE-READ THIS TO UNDERSTAND THE STORY. YOU CAN GO STRAIGHT TO THE POINT WHERE YOU STOPPED READING.

Originally published: November 29th, 2019

Revised: March 24th, 2020

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