Wakas (part two)

Ghosting.

Ni hindi ko inakalang matatakot ako sa multo. I remember not being scared of paranormal beings because I have faith with me and I believe that I'm protected by God; that He would always provide light if there is darkness that slowly surrounds my perimeter. At hindi ako takot sa mga bagay na hindi ko naman nakikita. Yet, I was deeply haunted by the ghosts of my past.

No, it wasn't the kind of ghost that floats, colored as white as sheet of papers, and those who have nasty blood in their hands to scare you.

It was the ghost that didn't even give anything but lingering attachments. It was those who disappears without a trace. Parang multo nga siya, ni hindi mo na nga nakikita ngunit ramdam mo pa rin ang presensya n'ya.

Bumuga ako ng isang malalim na hininga. Tiningnan ko nang maigi ang mga gamit ko bago pinagbubuksan ang mga bagahe. May kumatok sa aking pinto at niluwa nito si Mama na may mukhang nagaalala sa akin.

"You'll study abroad, that was the plan. Bakit nag-iba ang isip mo, Gio?" Mama asked upon seeing me unpacking my bags. It was a genuine question and it didn't look like she waa disappointed. She never pressured me anyway. Ako naman talaga ang bahala sa buhay ko.

Ang alis ko dapat ay kinabukasan na dahil planado naman na talaga ito. I was supposed to study abroad, everyone knew about that. I was ambitious despite knowing that the education in the states will be different and the new enviroment that I will have to face upon arriving overseas will cause me homesickness.

"Hindi ko pa rin talaga lubusang maisip, Ma. . ." I uttered softly as my hand touched my bags. "Ano bang ginawa ko? Bakit ayaw na n'yang magpakita sa akin?"

And the few weeks of trying to forget her was futile. Muling binalik ako sa mga alaalang pilit kong binabaon sa hukay at sa limot. The feelings I have for her manifested into an undead creature, it could never be at peace without killing it.

And I could never kill my feelings for her. Kailanman, hindi ko kayang patayin ang pag-ibig na nararamdaman ko para sa kan'ya. Dadalhin ko ito na nananalaytay sa aking kabuuan hanggang sa kaya ko.

"Wala akong masasagot d'yan, anak. Maybe the timing isn't just right. . ."

"Edi kailan, Ma? Kailan magiging tama ang oras para sa aming dalawa?"

I waited for four years for her to profess our love for each other to the entire world. Alam ko sa sarili ko na handa ako palagi kapag nangyari 'yon. I didn't want to pressure her and I believe my patience won't fail me. Subalit hindi ito nangyari at naghiwalay pa nga kami sa paraan na hindi ko inaasahan. I wanted to blame Paulene and resent her for hurting me without telling me the reason why she had to leave.

I would never understand how someone can leave you so easily after showing you how love forms when the night darkens and you need some light to hold on. Hindi ko kailanman matatanggap na 'yong taong inaasahan ko no'ng panahon na lunod ako sa kalungkutan ay ang taong nagtulak pa sa akin pailalim para lalo akong hindi makaahon.

What hurts most is she can be happy without me or she's probably not even thinking about me anymore. Grabe naman 'yon, Paulene? I can't help but sneered at the thought. Samantalang ako ay hindi ko magawang bumangon na iniisip ang kinabukasan ko. Buong akala ko ay siya ang kinabukasan ko. Ngayon na wala na siya. . .

Paano na ako?

I'll admit. I found it ridiculous how she can't see our future together. Ngayon ramdam ko at alam na alam ko na. Nanunuot sa akin ang sakit hanggang sa tuluyan na ako'ng walang maramdaman kung hindi galit sa sarili dahil hindi ko alam bakit ba tangang-tanga pa rin ako sa kan'ya. Na kahit nasaktan na ako, mahal ko pa rin siya.

Wala akong makitang kinabukasan kapag wala siya.

And I hated how we ended; no one wants to end with loose threads. Because loose threads only needs fixing, it opens an idea that things can still be the same way as before, it only needs a few stitches.

I prayed that she should have just cut me off completely. Sana sinabi na lang n'ya kung bakit kailangan naming maghiwalay. Tanga kasi ako e, kahit ano'ng rason, no matter how absurd it is, I'll believe it. I have faith in her decisions. Na kahit masasaktan ako ay kaya ko tanggapin. Kaya bakit kailangan n'ya ako'ng iwan sa ere?

I kept on thinking about her in each corner and every object that I encounter. It was almost an obsession that I can't get myself out of. I hate hearing Kpop because it reminds me of her adorable smiles and I can't help but despise the purple color because it symbolizes my hope for her to love herself more. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko dahil mismong kulay na nga lang ay nakakaramdam pa ng galit mula sa akin. Ano naman kinalaman ng kulay 'di ba? I was becoming irrational.

During the visits and vacation that I took from the states, I learned to indulge in alcohol. I was hopping from bar to bar, even tasting every alcoholic drink that the menu offers. Mali. Alam ko. Subalit ito na lang ang tanging nakatutulong sa akin para makatulog ako nang hindi siya iniisip o kaya'y napapaginipan.

I took a vice as salvation and that's the reason why I never healed. Sa maling tao at sa maling paraan ko nahanap ang pagkukunan ko ng lakas. Kaya imbis na tuluyan ako'ng makabangon, lalo akong nalulong sa kalungkutan.

"Bakasyon ka lang sa ibang bansa?" ulit ni Gabrijel at agad akong tumango. I'll just try to stray away for awhile. Habang nasa isip ko pa siya ngunit alam ko naman na wala rin naman itong silbi.

"Yeah. . ."

"Gio. . ." tawag ni Gab.

"Ano?"

"This isn't you. . ." dismayadong aniya. Agad ako'ng napa-buntonghininga. Ano bang alam nila? Sa tingin ba nila madali lang sa akin ito?

I know that I'm not in the right direction anymore. Even the CPA on my name only serves as a title now. Kahit nga ang pinapangarap kong pagiging isang abogado ay unti-unting kumukupas na. I was slowly being consume by doubts and self deprecating thoughts.

Paano kung hindi pala ito ang para sa akin? At paano kung matapos ko nga pero hindi ko naman magamit? What if this field won't make me find my purpose? It was scary how my thoughts can dive deeply into deep trenches. Halatang hindi na makakahon pa.

I wanted to divert my attention so I focused on my studies. Walang araw na hindi nagalala sa akin si Mama at Gabrijel. Even Papa would sometimes tell me to take it slow. Yet, it was already slow for me. I was burning slowly with the the fire that Paulene left for me.

"Tama na, Gio. . ." magmamakaawa ni Mama habang humihikbi. "You can drink if you want. Huwag naman sa ganitong paraan. . ."

I never heeded their cautions. Until the worst possible scenario happened, my head was spinning and everyone was slowly turning into blur as they dance in the middle of the the dance floor. Hanggang sa tuluyan ako'ng natumba sa isang bar stool at kinain ng dilim ang buong paligid ko.

I was rushed into the hospital when I collapsed inside a bar in Taguig. Hindi ko na nga alam kung saang bar 'yon. I brought my habit here in my home country. Ginawa ko na 'yatang tubig ang alak. Napilitan silang i-admit ako dahil hindi na naging maganda ang huling tama sa akin ng alak. Mama consulted the doctor and the result was too terrifying that Mama came inside my room with tears cascading on her cheeks.

"Paulene isn't the only girl in the world, Gio. . ." Mama weeped softly beside me.

"Pero siya lang 'yong mahal ko, Ma. . ." I rested my head on the wall. My whole body was trembling probably because of my weak state, I wasn't able to move much.

"Do you want me to contact her?"

Nagsusumamo akong tumingin kay Mama. Magagawa kaya n'ya?

Mama let out a sigh exasperatedly as she fetched out her phone and type Paulene's name on Facebook. Tiningnan ko ang profile n'ya dahil sa pagkakaalam ko ay naka-deact siya. I didn't know that she had a new account. Napalunok naman ako.

Pwede ko kaya siyang i-add as friend? Try lang?

Umiling naman ako at muntik pang batukan ang sarili. See?! It still doesn't sink in that we're over. Kahit lumipas ang taon at tuluyan nga talagang kumupas ang pagmamahal n'ya, matingkad pa rin 'yong akin.

I smiled bitterly when I saw a post of her with Etienne. Mukhang hindi pa aware ang loko dahil stolen shot ito sa kan'ya. Naiinggit ako. Sana no'ng naging kami, kahit isang litrato lang ay nagawa n'yang i-post. Para naman kahit papaano ay nagkaroon ako ng bakas. Subalit wala ni isang litrato na umuugnay sa akin. I was completely erased from her history.

"M-ma, paano ko ba siya kakausapin kung alam kong masaya na siya?" I asked hoarsely as I saw her pictures of achievements. She's striving and unlike when she was with me, halatang mas nagkaroon siya ng kompiyansa.

My heart sank as my shoulders slumped. Ilang beses ko pang tinitigan ang mga larawan n'ya. Masaya talaga siya na wala na ako sa kan'ya.

Why did you have to hurt me this way? Ano bang nagawa ko. . .

Did I affect her self esteem too much? Did I make her feel insecure? I wonder what made her leave me when I needed her the most?

The constant questioning, the unknown reasons and the fact that she's happy without me leads my self esteem to depreciated.

The friendly Gio before couldn't even shake hands with a stranger in fear that one day they'll also turn their backs against me.

"Hi, I'm Xien. . ." pagpapakilala ng kaibigan ni Gab sa akin. Naglahad siya ng kamay. I was hesitating to take her hand but I didn't want to be rude. Lalo na at nandito rin si Mama sa sala ngayon.

"Gio."

"Balita ko ay gusto mo raw mag-travel?" Xien asked. Agad na umangat ang isa kong kilay. Wala ako'ng natatandaan na gusto ko mag-travel. Tumikhim si Mama kaya naman nalaman ko agad kung sino ang nagpakalat ng fake news.

Maybe, this is for the best too. Sa bakasyon ko ay hinayaan ko na dalhin ako ni Xien sa kung saan-saan. Xien also helped me to find a substitute for alcohol. She was really helpful and she didn't have any romantic feelings for me. Pareho lang kami naghahanap ng makakasama ngunit hindi pag-ibig.

And although I finally had the CPA lawyer title that I've always wanted. There was a part of me that can't be satisfied even if I am already successful in terms of achieving my childhood dream. I always feel hollow and incomplete even if I was successful in the eyes of others.

"Sa SoKor tayo sa susunod," Xien sighed dreamily as we were eating in her favorite restaurant here in HongKong. Agad naman akong tumango at bahagyang napangiti nang maalala na muntik na kami pumunta ni Paulene roon.

I remember searching for places that we will go to before. Isa roon ang Namsan Tower kung saan sikat ang pagkabit ng isang kandado para manatili ang pag-ibig n'yo.

Before going to South Korea, I went towards a shop that customizes locks. Isang malaking padlock pa nga ang dinala ko sa kanila na kulay purple. I wanted them to engrave my message for Paulene. Binuhos ko roon lahat ng pagmamahal ko at nangakong ikakabit ito sa Namsan Tower. Xien even saw me putting the lock on the railing.

"Sino si Paulene?" tanong n'ya. I shook my head.

"Just someone who used to love me. . ." mahinang banggit ko.

Habang tinititigan ko 'yong padlock, hindi ko maiwasab ang ngumiti. I'll let her go now. I don't want to be in constant pain anymore. Yet, my love for her will never falter and will never vanish. Kaya ko naman mahalin siya nang hindi nasasaktan.

Ilang beses ako'ng umirap nang makita ang mga pinanggagawa ni Xien sa Facebook account n'ya. She kept on associating me with different roles in her account. No'ng isang araw, she listed me as her pet horse.

I miss socializing. I couldn't deny that fact.

Kaya naman naisipan ko rin na mag-post tungkol sa pagka-move on ko sa pagiging alcoholic at sa mga hinanakit ko sa buhay. I saw some posts of Iscalade, Adren and Zafirah with their respective partners. Kahit si Adren na akala ko noon ay tatandang binata ay mukhang may comeback na. My lips jutted out as I gave my greetings to them.

I was also informed that I should host a reunion since I was missing in action even if I was in the Philippines. Akala ng lahat ay sa ibang bansa talaga ako nag-aral ngunit ang totoo ay puro lang ako bakasyon doon dahil hindi ko maiwan ang Pilipinas. I just cut off ties and communication since I didn't want anyone to see me broken and hurt.

Sa reunion ay muling nagkita kami. She's beautiful as ever, it's not even her physical appearance but her over all aura. I didn't want her to know that I'm still affected so I avoided her. Madalas pa ako'ng pumupunta kay Xien para lang hindi siya isipin. Xien would block her from interacting with me because she noticed that I was uncomfortable. Hindi pa ako handang makausap siya.

"Inom ka, Etienne!" Melay offered a shot to Etienne who announced himself uninvited. Hindi ko maiwasan ang mairita. That guy can knows how to ruin a mood.

"Sure."

May binulong si Paulene kay Etienne na siyang lalong nagpalalim ng pagkairita ko. Umupo na sila at hindi ko maiwasan na titigan sila nang matalim. Can they just find another way to annoy me? O sadyang masyado lang ako'ng apektado?

I sipped from my beer. Alam kong pagagalitan ako ni Xien dahil dito, but whatever. I feel agitated and also confuse with my feelings. Hindi siguro talaga maganda na makita ko pa si Paulene.

"Uminom ka na, ako naman maghahatid sa 'yo." Etienne said. I sneered secretly. Sana talaga driver na lang siya dahil sobrang nakakasama ng loob na mas gwapo pa rin ako sa kan'ya tapos pinagpalit lang ako ni Paulene sa. . . I cleared my throat and took another sip from my beer.

Basta ang alam ko mas gwapo ako sa kan'ya!

"Hindi ko naman hahayaan na tumagal ng limang taon ang tampuhan natin, mahal."

Etienne laughed which made my jaw tightened in annoyance.

"Paulene, 'wag naman dito. Maraming tao."

What? Nakita ko ang kamay ni Paulene na malapit sa hita ni Etienne. My mouth went agape but I focused my attention to Xien instead.

Hindi naman gano'n ka-wild si Paulene sa akin! Medyo. . . Unfair.

I decided to call Lavy since I know that Etienne has a bond with her. Medyo kabado lang ako dahil baka busy ito at mapahiya ako.

"Hello Lavy," I called and I saw how Etienne's expression shifted. Gotcha. "Hindi kita marinig. . ."

Nilakasan ko ang volume ko para marinig ng lahat.

"Yeah?" Lavy sounded tired. Well, I can't blame her. Ang huling balita ko ay may anak siya at may asawa na.

"Tatanungin ko lang sana kung kamusta ka?" I smiled knowing that Etienne was watching me. Nilalamig ako sa bawat tama ng tingin n'ya sa akin. He's indeed someone you can't piss off but I don't care. Dapat pareho lang kaming uuwi nang masama ang loob.

"I'm -" Lavy was cut off by her toddler's cries. Baka bisitahin ko sila kapag nagkaroon na ako ng oras. "Sorry, Gio. I'll talk to you soon."

My retaliation backfired because Etienne gave us a chance to meet again. Sinama pa nga kami ni Xien sa isang trip nila papunta sa South Korea. I couldn't say no because Paulene will be there.

We'll go to South Korea just like how we planned when we were in college. We'll go there but we're not together anymore.

I didn't want to confront her. Ang totoo ay kahit naman papaano. I was already coping with her not being in my life. Kahit paunti-unti ay natatanggap ko na.

Kaya bakit kailangan n'ya pa akong tanungin nito?

"Gio, minahal mo ba talaga ako?"

I stiffened and my feet were cemented on the floor. Seryoso ba siya? Did she just ask me if I loved her? I have gone through a lot of agony because of my love for her. Subalit hindi pa rin pala 'yon pagmamahal?

Kung hindi ito pagmamahal, bakit 'yong sakit ay nandito pa rin kahit wala ka na sa akin?

I turned back to her.

"Teka, sa 'yo pa 'yan galing?" namamaos kong tanong.

"Oo! Anim na taon 'yon, Gio! H-hindi 'yon basta-basta. Pero bakit parang ni anino ko ay ayaw mong makita? As if I'm an eyesore? Sobra naman 'yata 'yon?"

My jaw clenched because I found it ridiculous. How the hell should I act civil when in fact I still care? Paano ko itatago kung ang totoo ay nasasaktan pa rin ako?

If she had already moved on, why did she had to expect the same from me? Ako lang ba talaga ang nagmahal sa aming dalawa?

"Seryoso ka ba, Paulene?" I neared towards her. Nakita ko na bahagya siyang nagulat dahil sa paglapit ko sa kan'ya.

"I'm j-just asking for y-you to civil at least!" she cried out. She was clearly being emotional.

"To be civil?" pekeng tumawa ako. How can I even do that when all this time I don't even know your reason for leaving me behind?

"We could at least try -"

"I've been nothing but civil towards you. Tinatrato kita nang maayos, Pauletta Jayne."

"Wow? Even if you t-treat them differently compared to me?"

"Different?"

What did she expect, really? Na lalatagan ko siya ng red carpet? For what?

"You joke around, you treat them more better -"

"Ano naman ngayon? What makes you different? Why should I be that civil towards you?"

"We've been six years together -"

Right. Six years. Hindi ko napigilan ang maluha sa sinabi ni Paulene. Anim na taon na kitang minamahal, Paulene pero nagawa mo pa rin pagdudahan ang pagmamahal ko sa 'yo.

"Right, anim na taon. Anim na taon, Paulene! Anim na taon. . .Alam mo palang anim na taon 'yon? Pero kahit isang salita ng paalam, wala akong narinig sa 'yo. . ."

Paalam. Goodbye. Sayonara. Whatever! Wala akong narinig mula sa kan'ya. Gaano ba 'yon kahirap? At ano ang rason n'ya para hindi ibigay sa akin 'yon?

"Gio. . ." she weeped.

"Napagod ka ba? 'di ba sabi ko naman na walang problema sa akin kung magpapahinga ka. Mamahalin pa rin naman kita e kahit gano'n, kung hindi mo kayang magmahal - kaya ko naman na ako na lang magmamahal para sa ating dalawa. . ." hikbi ko habang nagsasalita. Akala ko kaya ko na e. . .

Ang sakit-sakit pa rin pala. Mahal na mahal ko pa rin siya kaya ang sakit na pinagduduhan n'yang minahal ko siya.

"Nagsawa ka ba? Sawa ka na ba sa akin? Pupwede naman natin gawan 'yon ng paraan e. Kaya ko naman magbago para lang hindi ka magsawa sa akin, Paulene." I said while wiping the tears thats been blurring my eyesight. I was trembling. Sa halu-halong emosyon. Lalo na sa lungkot dahil ako pa pala ang may kasalanan. Ako pa pala ang mali.

Minahal lang naman kita, Paulene. Bakit kailangan mo ako'ng saktan nang ganito?

"May mahal ka na bang iba? Maiintindihan ko pa rin. Magiging masaya ako para sa 'yo kasi alam kong kahit hindi sa akin ay magiging masaya ka."

"Gio, hindi sa gano'n. . ."

"You know what I don't understand, Pau? Alam mong anim na taon 'yon pero umalis ka ni isang letra ay walang iniwan para sa akin. Kahit na 'yong anim na letra - kahit ang isang salita na paalam ay wala."

"I know, it was my fault -"

"I didn't blame you for anything, Pau. Everyone knows how much I wanted to hate you for doing that. . . for leaving me with nothing."

"I h-have a reason," she said but it only deepened my grief for our lost love. It was heart wrecking to see us both hurting because of it.

"Paano kung ayoko na marinig?"

I didn't suffer for years to come back to the same person who have hurt me. Tinatak ko na 'yon sa isip ko. Alam ko sa sarili ko na wala na talaga. Ayoko na rin talaga. Hindi lahat ng pag-ibig ay dapat pang balikan. No matter how much you loved them, if they cannot reciprocate same respect you have for their feelings; it's a lost cause and it's not supposed to be love. That's what I thought.

I always had the ring that I used to proposed to her. It was the only thing that kept me sane. I didn't want Paulene to have control over me. Kaya iniisip ko na kaya hindi pa ako nakakalimot dahil hawak-hawak ko pa ang singsing na para sa kan'ya.

In South Korea, muntik ko na mawala ito ngunit inabot sa akin ni Paulene. It was a crazy coincidence that she was the one who picked it up, of all people. At hindi ko rin alam bakit n'ya ginawang big deal 'yong singsing. Ano gusto n'ya? Mag-propose ako sa kan'ya? Pwede naman. Negotiable naman. Nakakainis!

Until we finally had the closure that we needed. In a shaking tone, she told me her reason why she left me.

"I just didn't want you to be involve with my own problems. Noon ay hindi pa ako sigurado sa mga bagay-bagay. Pakiramdam ko ay wala talaga akong binatbat. That dating you shouldn't even happen because I'm not good enough. Sa mata ng iba. Sa mata ko. Sa lahat ng nakapaligid sa atin. I was not good enough for Giorgion San Pedro. I left you without any explanation because I didn't want to held you back. I know you won't let go because you were that great but you were meant for much greater things, Gio. I was a constant flaw in your achievements. I decided it was b-better to just ghost you. . ."

"Okay." I gradually nodded. I get it now. She had her own struggles while she was with me. Kaya naman hirap na hirap s'yang hanapin ang sarili n'ya dahil parati siyang nakatingin sa direksyon ko.

You can never find your own path to pave if you keep on looking on someone's else track. She was looking over mine, that's why she wasn't able to create hers. Kaya nang magkahiwalay kami ay nagkaroon siya ng pagkakataon na mahanap kung ano ang tatahakin n'yang landas.

"For all the years that you left, bakit hindi mo sinubukan na kausapin ako?" I asked her calmly. She wasn't able to answer my question. It caught her offguard. "It wasn't just days, not even just months, it was years. You left me without explaining for years."

Ilang taon akong naghintay sa paliwanag n'ya. . . Bakit ngayon lang kung kailan okay na ako? Kung kailan pinipilit ko na hindi na masakit para sa akin? Why do people traumatized others in a long haul just to expect them to forgive and forget them in a span of a minute?

"I'm truly happy and proud that you can finally stand on your own now. I'm happy that you're someone who can see their worth now. Hindi bale na ilang taon kong tinanong ang sarili ko kung bakit nagawa mo akong iwan nang gano'n lang? That you didn't even try to approach me. That I was so scared that if I reached out to you once again, baka taguan mo ulit ako."

"Totoo. Mahal pa kita, Paulene." I admitted wholeheartedly.

"Pero ayoko na, Pau. Ayoko na. Halos limang taon akong nasaktan para saan? Para bumalik ako sa taong nagawa akong saktan nang ilang taon?"

We finally had our closure after that talk. Pareho namang naintindihan na nasasaktan pa kami ngayon. We can't rekindle a flame that has long been extinguished. Hindi ko na kaya masaktan pang muli. I don't want to go back to the years that made me feel numb.

"Okay na kayo ni Paulene?" Mama asked me when she saw me finally working after my slumber. Napasandal ako sa swivel chair ko.

"Yeah. . ."

"Ayaw na n'ya talaga?"

"Ayoko na masaktan, Ma. . ." I smiled painfully. "Takot na ako masaktan. . ."

"Gio. . ." Mama smiled at me and caressed my hair, treating me like a child. "I'm not getting any younger and I'll always respect your decision, anak. I only want the best for you. At ang tanging masasabi ko ngayon ay walang takot sa pag-ibig. That fear is conquered by love, that even in the vast darkness. . . There is still spark of light. . ."

I took a quick glimpse at Mama smiling at me.

"In love we have faith. Even if sometimes our faith is rattled, we still choose to love. That even if trusting means breaking your own heart, we still choose to trust. . ."

And I did. I trusted her love for me this time. That even if we have our own insecurities, we still choose to trust the love that is given towards us. Maybe it is true; that once you learn to love yourself, the rest will follow.

"This is Pauletta Jayne Angeles and I would like to thank everyone for attending this ceremony. I'm honored to be part of this award!" Paulene spoke with such confidence while raising an award presented to her because of her efforts on their current succesful campaign. Siya rin ang may hawak ng marketing team ng isa sa mga kilalang cosmetics products ngayon kaya naman tinitingala siya ng mga nandito sa industriya na ito.

I watched her and applauded as she kept on muttering thank you to everyone. Bahagyang nagulat ang mga manonood nang umiyak siya. I can't help but laugh because I know this means a lot to her.

"Alam ko'ng pangit ako umiyak pero salamat po talaga," Paulene sobbed while laughing, she wiped her tears away.

"I never thought I'll be here. H-honestly, this means everything to me. Whenever someone tells me that I was able to make them more confident about themselves, it makes me feel I have a purpose. That I'm not just floating and waiting to be wash away to the shore. I was never confident in the first place and maybe I'm still not confident. . . But I'm contented with being myself. I'm already happy being Paulene even if it means I'm imperfect. I'm imperfect but I'm well loved!" she laughed and it transversed through the crowd. Hindi ko mapigilan ang mapangiti.

Bumaba na siya ng stage at sinalubong ko naman siya. Agad n'ya akong niyakap at hinalikan sa pisngi. Her cheeks were still wet from crying. I laughed at her and fixed her hair that's slowly stinking on her wet cheeks.

"Congrats," bati ko sa kan'ya. I'm proud of her. Always. There is nothing that could make me less proud of her. Sobrang galing n'ya.

She was about to answer back when a girl tapped her from behind. Agad itong nilingon ni Paulene kaya naman ngumiti 'yong batang babae. The girl was small and a bit chubby but she had a great smile on her face.

"Uh, Ma'am Paulene. . ." the girl uttered. "Salamat po kasi dahil sa inyo hindi na ako masyadong inaasar sa klase. Magmula no'ng nakita nila 'yong commercials n'yo na nandoon ako, hindi na nila ako inaasar na mataba. . ."

Ah, she must be a child actress for Paulene's commercial. Umawang ang labi ko nang maalala ang mga commercials na ginawa ni Paulene. Her ads were indeed unique and satisfying to watch, it engages the audience to try out their products. She included diversity, it had different types of body figures, skin color and she even included different sexualities on her ads. At kahit ang mga madalas nagiging insecurity ng ibang tao ay nagawan ng paraan ni Paulene na isama sa mga commercials para sa kanilang products. Her ads were named as the game changers in our country because she destroyed the standards of beauty created by the mass media.

"Maganda ka, okay? No one can take that away from you," Paulene pinched the kid's cheek who promptly beamed at her in gratitude.

"Bakit n'yo po pala 'yon ginawa, Ma'am Paulene? 'yong mga ads na po 'yon?" the girl asked, a curious glint on her eyes.

"I just think that beauty products should change already. We shouldn't feed on the insecurities of other by creating products that could cause them to feel they're less beautiful than the ones who are using it. That maybe our products should empower everyone to be the best version of themselves by accepting that we might have flaws but it does not define us by any means." Paulene proudly stated and patted the girl's head. Agad naman itong tumango.

Bumaling ng tingin sa akin 'yong bata. "Sino po kayo?"

Sasagutin ko na sana nang bigla ako'ng pigilan ni Paulene, she raise her hand. My heart was almost torn apart but she smiled at me, assuring me of a love that I have always wanted.

"He's the person that inspires me the most and also my future husband." saad ni Paulene na puno ng kompiyansa.

It took years for her to profess that she loves me. . . And indeed, when you have faith and love in your relationship - any wreckage won't drown us anymore.

Napangiti naman ako. I grab her chin and gave her a chaste kiss to celebrate how she confidently grew to be the person she wanted to be. A more confident version of her. A version that she can be proud of despite being flawed.

Paulene has a lot of flaws but I don't mind at all, I'll love them for her. Even if we have flaws, we also have our own assets too. We are blinded by the fact that we are flawed that we cannot see our assets. Yet, we can always choose to appreciate our assets more than our flaws.

I simpered as Paulene gave me a small satisfied smile. She confidently held my hand with a ring on her finger showing me that this time, we are indeed together.

I stan you, Paulene. I can't wait to embrace your assets for the rest of my life.

❛ ━━━━━━･❪Pauletta Jayne Angeles San Pedro❫ ･━━━━━━ ❜