⏳ ZOE, April 

"I have absolutely nothing to wear!" said every girl ever on the afternoon leading up to a first date with somebody new.

I huffed and sat down heavily on my bed. My hair was still up in a messy topknot and I was wearing nothing but my most expensive lacy black bra and a pair of matching panties. I went to get my nails done earlier. They looked amazing.

So why did I feel like such crap?

"What about that black dress you wore at Stephanie's wedding?" my sister replied, her disembodied voice coming from somewhere next to me.

"I ripped it during the reception, remember?" I glared at my reflection in the full length mirror. I hated the amount of pressure I'd put on myself for this date to go perfectly. It was just drinks with some guy, it's not like I was going to marry him or anything. "And it's too formal anyway."

"I probably have something if you have time to come over. I can do your hair and makeup," Skye suggested.

I picked up my phone from the bed and crossed over to the bathroom. I placed my sister down on the counter and undid the knot on top of my head. My damp hair fell like crazy, tumbling rings of fire over my breasts. It made me think of the drawing that was now hanging in my bedroom and I quickly tore my gaze away.

"OK, sure, yeah, I like that idea," I said.

I wasn't the dressy type of girl. I felt overwhelmed just walking into my sister's bedroom and seeing all of the makeup she had spread out on her vanity for me. I didn't like sitting still for hours on end while somebody else fussed with my hair. I didn't like getting waxed, tweezed or plucked. If I could've pulled it off without society scrutinizing me, I would've pulled my hair up in a ponytail and gone to the bar in jeans and a sweatshirt.

But alas, society was a cold, hard, judgmental bitch.

At least my sister always knew how to make me feel better. While she labored over my hair, trying to create something nice out of the mess, she assured me that I was doing the right thing. Trevor seemed like a nice guy and he was attractive to boot, which didn't hurt.

"Plus," Skye was keen to remind me, "Trevor is uncomplicated." Uncomplicated was exactly what I needed right now. I was going out for a drink with a really nice, uncomplicated guy and everything was going to be just fine.

"So what exactly do you wear for drinks?" I inquired once my face was on and I didn't have a single hair out of place.

"Oh you'll love it," Skye beamed at me and opened the double doors to her closet. I hopped up onto her bed and watched as she pulled out a strapless, teal-colored dress. I remembered seeing photos on Instagram of her wearing that very same sexy little number. She looked positively smokin', and I felt a smile tugging at my lips. Yeah, that was totally the dress.

Skye was a little taller and skinnier than me, but our body disproportions weren't noticeable enough for the dress to look like it didn't belong. I stared at our reflections in her giant mirror. I was dressed to the nines. My lips were bright red and my eyes looked bigger and greener thanks to Skye's smoky eye-shadow and thick, fake lashes. She was in a pair of sweatpants and a white tank top. Some honey-colored strands had fallen free from her braid. In that moment, she looked more like me than me.

"You need heels!" Skye gasped suddenly and began going through all of the shoes she had on a long white shelf at the bottom of her closet. We had the same size feet, which made it easier to find something nice. The problem now would be to keep from falling on my face. I wasn't used to walking around with three extra inches added to my height.

"OK, so this is it," I grinned.

"You look amazing! He is going to love you!" Skye assured me.

We made our way downstairs and found complete and utter chaos. Kids' music was blaring and the living room was turned upside down. There were cushions everywhere and a big white sheet was draped over furniture. Beatrice came running out from underneath the coffee table.

"Erik helped me make a princess fort!" she beamed excitedly as she ran toward us in her little bare feet. She was usually a very lively child, but today it seemed like her energy levels were cranked up all the way to eleven. "Do you like it, momma?" she asked.

"I love it!" Skye grinned and we made our way closer to investigate the carnage. "Hey you," Skye said to her husband as she looked inside the fort. Kieran was leaning against his father's belly, sucking absently on a yellow toy truck. A cartoon was playing on his iPad so he was content and oblivious to the rest of the world around him.

"They're both still alive," Erik grinned proudly and waved at me from the little opening. I smiled back at him. "And don't worry, I'll make Bizzy clean everything up," he added, his expression one of mischief when presented with Skye's pointed look.

"OK, but how pretty does my sister look?" Skye asked, waving off his statement.

Erik fumbled out of the fort like a lumbering giant destroying the princess's castle. Beatrice burst into a fit of giggles at the sight and promptly began helping him destroy everything. About an hour's worth of work crumbled down in five seconds onto the area rug.

"You look nice," he replied to me.

"You can be honest! I won't get mad," Skye laughed and elbowed him in the gut.

"You look really nice?" he altered his statement and I started to laugh as well.

Even with all of the compliments from my sister and brother-in-law, I still felt really nervous now that it was getting really close to the time I was supposed to meet Trevor at the bar. Skye practically threw me out of her house and suddenly I was alone in my car, feeling the full, unadulterated effect of the butterflies parading around in my belly.

The bar that Trevor had picked out for us was a bit more upscale than what I was used to. There was a line of people waiting to get by the bouncer that was carding everybody at the door. I sat in my car for a moment, watching the neon numbers on the dash move forward with every passing minute. I was ten minutes early.

So I texted Trevor and asked him where he wanted to meet. He replied within seconds and told me I could go inside now and order a drink if I wanted to. He was almost there.

I grabbed the dainty purse that I was borrowing from my sister and headed over to stand in line. Besides my underwear, not a thing I was wearing actually belonged to me, which made me feel a little weird and uncomfortable. Even just standing here, I felt like an impostor. This wasn't my style. This wasn't my type of crowd. Everybody was way too loud and excitable, and I hadn't even walked into the bar yet.

I must've looked at my phone about a dozen times over the next few minutes. The line was moving so slow. People kept bumping into me and one big guy in particular almost sent me down onto the ground. I just really wanted Trevor to get here.

I was almost at the door when I felt a hand wrap around my arm. I jumped and looked around. "Zoe?" He seemed relieved to see that it was me, and I was just as happy to see him.

"Trevor! Hi," I grinned and moved a little to the left so that he could get in line next to me. A few people behind us didn't seem too impressed that he was cutting through, but he didn't bother with a reaction and instead focused his attention onto me.

"I'm sorry, I really didn't think this place was so busy. Maybe you should've picked the location, since you're the one that grew up here," he smiled sheepishly and gestured around at the crowd. "At least it's not raining," he chuckled.

"Don't worry, it's OK. I've never been here before so it'll be a new experience for the both of us," I laughed softly and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "You look really good," I added, looking him over in a casual sort of way that didn't make me feel totally awkward. He'd dressed up for the occasion too, wearing dark pants and a white button down shirt that had the top buttons undone. His hair was neat and tidy and he smelled like he'd put on a bit too much aftershave, but it was fine. I really didn't mind.

"Oh! Right, so do you, you look nice," he replied and looked down into my cleavage – well, at least that's what it looked like.

"That's exactly what my brother-in-law said," I told him with an amused smile, quickly followed by an awkward laugh.

"What?" he asked, looking confused.

"Oh, never mind," I shrugged.

When it was our turn to face the big, burly bouncer, I quickly flashed him my driver's license. For some odd reason I was always nervous whenever I did this, even though I was well over twenty-one and I had absolutely nothing to worry about. He looked at my face and he looked at the license, then back at my face once more. He barely even glanced at Trevor's I.D. before nodding and telling us to go on through.

If the line outside was overwhelming, it was nothing compared to the feelings I got when I stepped inside the nightclub. It was loud, stuffy and dark. Trevor's hand found my waist and he led me forward. The DJ was playing and we couldn't hear ourselves talking, so I didn't really bother with conversation.

We reached the bar and I ordered a Corona Light. Trevor went with a rum and coke. We tried to start a dialogue, mostly revolving around our jobs and some things we'd mentioned to each other during our time texting, but within fifteen minutes it felt like we were mostly just asking each other to repeat what we'd just said. I was getting annoyed. I felt horrible for not enjoying myself more, because he actually seemed really interested in me.

"Do you wanna just go dance?" I asked finally when the women sitting at the bar next to us erupted in noisy laughter and one of them knocked my elbow and caused me to splash beer all over the skirt of Skye's dress.

"Yes!" Trevor agreed excitedly and took my hand.

We found a section of the dance floor and got real close, moving our bodies to the booming of the bass. He was a really good dancer and his arms were strong and firm around me. Even in heels I was able to follow along with him, but deep down I was starting to realize how wrong this felt. Maybe it was the dense crowd, maybe it was the loud noises, or maybe it was the fact that I had my ass pressed up to a stranger's crotch, but I was starting to feel like I couldn't breathe properly. Every breath became harder and harder and I had to pull away from him.

He leaned forward and spoke in my ear, his breath smelling of liquor and mint. "Are you alright?" he asked me and he seemed genuinely concerned.

"Yes—no, I don't know..." I stammered, feeling like an absolute idiot.

He led me away from everything. We stepped outside together into the cool April night and I pressed my back against the brick wall. I gasped and let the air back into my lungs. He got out a cigarette.

"Are you sure you're OK?" he asked. He clicked his lighter. I saw his face glow for a moment in the light of the flame.

"No, um, honestly, I'm not OK... I'm really sorry Trevor, you're really nice and this has nothing to do with you, but I think I have to go," I told him honestly.

"Oh... OK." He looked a bit lost and confused, but he seemed to understand that nothing further was going to happen between the two of us tonight, or any other night afterward. He just shrugged and gave me a smile. "This was fun, for what it's worth. It got me out of my head for a while," he admitted.

"Yeah... I... Listen, there's someone... another guy... It sounds horrible, I know. I didn't mean to lead you on or use you or anything like that. I was just trying to get over him, but I think—anyway, it doesn't really matter. The point is, you're a great guy and—"

"I'm just not the guy," he shrugged and blew a ring of smoke away from me.

"I'm really sorry," I smiled sheepishly.

"If it's worth anything, I think he's a damn fool for hurting you," Trevor smiled at me and touched my arm with the back of his fingers. I closed my eyes at the contact.

"Nah, he's not a fool... He didn't do anything wrong... It's just complicated," I told him.

"Well, in my experience, most of the time 'complicated' sucks..." Trevor said, and I knew a little bit about his ex-girlfriend to know where his mind was probably at. He'd mentioned her to me only once. She was the reason he'd come here to Michigan. He was in a really bad place when he was with her and when it ended, he just needed to get away and start over. "But... I also think sometimes 'complicated' is worth fighting for," he added and grinned.

"Yeah, I think you're right," I nodded.

Trevor let out a slow breath and tossed the butt of his cigarette onto the ground, where it mixed with about a dozen others. "So then you're gonna go," he said, the words coming out as a statement rather than a question.

"Yeah, I'm gonna go," I told him, and the moment the words left my lips, I knew I still wasn't going home just yet. There was someplace I needed to be.

The drive to Adam's house took just nine minutes, but it was all the time I needed to prepare myself for what I was about to do. I still didn't know exactly what I was going to say, but I figured it'd come to me once he opened the door. The one thing I knew for sure was that I wanted to fight for him. I wanted to put everything out there on the table and let him know how I felt. I wasn't going to tiptoe around it. If he still didn't want me after all of that, then that was up to him, but I at least wanted a fair shot.

It occurred to me only when I reached his street that he might not even be home at the moment, which would feel incredibly anticlimactic, but fortunately when I turned into his driveway I saw that some of the lights were on inside. I cut the engine of my car and practically ran to the door, barefooted, my heels in my hands. I rang the doorbell twice.

The door swung open and light flooded the porch. There he was, standing in the doorway with nothing on but a pair of sweatpants that hung low on his narrow hips. He looked really surprised to see me.

"Zoe," he spoke, his hand still on the door handle.

"Shut up," I replied and ducked underneath his outstretched arm, making my way into his house. I was in the kitchen by the time I turned around to face him. He'd been following closely behind and almost ran right into me.

He was amused and smirking, and it infuriated me for some reason.

"I was on a date with a really nice guy tonight—" His smirk was wiped clean off. Good. I was glad. He opened his mouth to interrupt me, but I lifted a finger to silence him. I needed to get this off my chest and I was afraid that if he talked now, I would never regain the courage to do so.

I took a step forward so that I had to actually look up to meet his gaze. He didn't move away, but I could feel the tension radiating from his hot skin. The muscles of his bare shoulders were rigid and his jaw was clenched tight underneath the scruffy beard. "I wanted to give him a chance because he liked me and I didn't want to wait around anymore. But Adam, the whole time I was out with this really nice guy – this really, really nice guy – all I could think about was the fact that he wasn't you."

"Zoe..." Adam broke in and the pain in his eyes made my stomach twist into tight, unbearable knots.

"I know you just want to be friends, and I'll respect your wishes if that's really what you want..." I continued, fighting back the tears that were threatening to overcome me at any moment now. He looked so miserable and depleted, and I knew then, without a single doubt, that being friends wasn't even close to what he really wanted. I was right. He was just trying to spare me. He was holding back because he didn't want to hurt me when he had to go.

Well, fuck that.

One of the tears pooling behind my eyelids spilled over and started running down my cheek. I did nothing to stop it. He needed to know everything. He needed to see what could still happen between us. I never took my eyes off him, even as the tears continued to stream freely down my face. "Adam, I'm in love with you."

His dark eyes were filled with so much pain and longing as he reached to cup my face between his hands. His thumbs ran over my cheeks and traced my jawline.

"I love you," I said again, this time in a heated whisper that brushed against his lips. I dragged my hands over his chest and my fingers brushed gently across the scars that ravaged his side. We were so close to one another now. I could feel his shaky breath against my lips as he moved just a little bit closer still.

"I know it'll be hard. It'll be really hard, and scary, and completely unbearable at times... but I don't care. I want to at least try because I think if I don't, I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life. What we have, it's real. Cancer doesn't change that and it shouldn't. It's fast and it's insane, but it's real, Adam... I want you to be in my future for as long as you can. I'm going to love you either way. It's going to hurt like hell either way. So... it's up to you, if you want me."

He kissed my lips softly, as if testing the waters. "Are you absolutely sure?"

I couldn't find words anymore so I just nodded once.

That was it, the affirmation he needed to completely break down the protective barriers he'd built around himself. He kissed me again with a heat so strong I felt like every inch of me was melting from the inside out.

I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck. I couldn't stand having any space between us so I pulled him against me carefully and opened my mouth to allow him in.

"I love you," I told him again so that he wouldn't forget. The words came out in a sharp burst of air and then suddenly we were making out again. I ran my fingers through his hair and down his back. It was the kind of kiss that was dizzying and intoxicating, completely and utterly all-consuming. He wasn't holding anything back anymore and neither was I.

From that point on, it was like there was no longer a 'him' and an 'I'. There was no longer an 'everybody else' either. There was just 'us'.

I was completely his.

"Fuck... Zoe... I love you too."

And he was completely mine.