I've felt really lonely for a long time... all my friends have kinda slowly stopped talking to me for a while now, which I guess I should stop feeling bad about but I can't get it out of my mind... every time I do talk to one I feel so distant, like I have to force the conversation and it feels like they think it's all awkward... and when I don't talk I feel like I no longer exist...I have to talk to myself which does nothing but turn me into a husk... and though I have expressed my feeling I hate doing it, I feel like I'm being selfish and a complete bitch just crying for reassurance or to waste their time they wanted to use for someone who isn't worthless.

I was even with two of my friends yesterday because one had a ceremony for becoming an eagle scout. Though I came to help my friend since it was her first time meeting his parents, lucky her to have a boyfriend, I still felt so ignored unless I was somehow entertaining towards the both of them... and that's hard to think about cause she's the one I trust the most out of all my friends, not that I don't trust them I really try to. I don't just feel third wheeled I feel insignificant like one ant stranded from the colony; there's thousands to worry about so why worry about me?
That's kinda my explanation for this piece of mine... I can't remember if I've shown my candle lady drawings on here yet so to kinda explain, I've started drawing them when I feel like I'm at my lowest...

L

ike the smoke I know this moment of agony will subside temporarily until the flame's relit once again whatever the reason it my be; lighting the room, clearing it out of a smell, whatever. Each candle being both the time and strength and moment, or even person like in this one where I feel secluded amongst the whole table of candles. What the lady is doing is usually how I feel or what position I'm in in both situation and to comfort myself.