QUICK RECAP:

Massimo found out HE is in fact the problem! He's the reason behind all those body parts (which were pieces of Antonio, who he tortured and killed) because he's highkey mentally unwell! He ties Viv to a radiator so she can't follow him as he goes to the warehouse to confirm this. Ronan (chaotic mf who works for Simo) gets Viv up to date on everything. And a mini flashback shows that Simo and Cora fucked right before he came to Rhinebeck. Flashback ends and Cora's on top of Simo when Viv bursts in...

Seeing another woman on top of him is what makes me slam the door and stare blankly at the wall for about thirty seconds. The image of her bare thighs bracketing his hips, skirt rucked up, hand reaching into his...

Yeah, fuck that.

This is when I leave, go out with my friends to forget I ever cared, and proceed to never see him again. Except I don't have friends anymore, I clearly do care to some extent, and the idea of never seeing Massimo again makes my throat hurt for some reason.

When I yank the door back open, her lips have dropped to his neck. But Massimo is still staring at where I was less than a minute ago, so our eyes immediately meet. My stomach gets a sick, rotten feeling.

I just stand there as the woman says something to him in this soft, tender voice. Like it's a thing they have, or something. His gaze slides back to hers and I know she's aware of my presence, but she doesn't even glance over her shoulder.

The two of them are practically gazing into each other's eyes and I want to throw up.

"Good boy," I swear I hear her murmur.

Massimo reacts to the words as if they have an entirely different meaning. In a matter of seconds, I'm watching him begin to choke this woman out.

Oh my God?

"Don't worry," she calls, and is this bitch talking to me right now? "This happens every now and then. He can never do it, though I'm sure he's dreamed about this countless times before. Haven't you?" That last bit is to Massimo, and she couples it with a wide smile. Even as her face is actively turning splotchy from his hands wrapped around her throat.

He squeezes, she splutters, and I don't think I have ever not known what the fuck to do more than right now.

It's only a few seconds before he releases her, although it feels like an eternity. She starts laughing, drawing in gulps of air, and I'm beginning to realize there is something seriously off about this bitch. She looks thoroughly pleased by his reaction. 

Cora. I know this is her.

She's still laughing even as her ass hits the floor from Massimo standing up so suddenly that it sends her flying. On the floor with her skirt still pulled up, blond strands getting caught in blood red lipstick, laughter beginning to sound harsh and choppy.

And that gut feeling—the one I typically don't know how to trust because she's an impulsive, indecisive bitch like me—is currently screaming at me.

Get out. That woman is evil. Get. The fuck. Out.

Massimo's pale, like he's about to be sick, but he has this look on his face. Like he's starting to realize where he is. When he looks at me this time, I swear I get the breath knocked out of me. There he is. He's back with me now.

So I ignore my gut and I stay.

The evil bitch quickly pulls herself together, standing and straightening her clothes. Every ounce of her attention is glued to him. I don't think she's even turned her body in my fucking direction once. That's how much she only sees him.

"I'm really glad I came to check in on you. It's good to see you're still you, prince."

What seemed like an insult is blanketed by real relief that she doesn't even try to hide. I catch a glimpse of the tenderness in her eyes as she turns before she wipes it away.

She sweeps past me, still not sparing me a look. Then just like that, she's gone. The air feels breathable again, but it's clear our troubles are only starting. Massimo's eyes are mostly pupil, and I have the sudden urge to rip the door open, find Cora, and yank that perfect hair out of her perfect little scalp.

"Massimo... were you okay with what just happened?"

It's a stupid question. Massimo has arguably not been okay with anything that has ever fucking happened. But I just walked in on something more complex than him about to hook up with someone else. I'm sure of it. There are some obvious conclusions I could come to, and some not so obvious ones. And I have to be careful because—can't forget—the man is unstable. 

The 'he killed his father and has been scattering his remains all over town' kind of unstable.

But also, 'can he consent to sexual acts?' kind of unstable. 

My skin is suddenly crawling.

"That was Cora," he says tonelessly, eyes glued to me. "She's the only person I have ever slept with. We last had sex a few weeks before I came to Rhinebeck. At which point I decided I didn't understand why anyone engaged in such acts, so I decided I wouldn't anymore."

"That doesn't answer my question." My voice sounds unfamiliar to my own ears. I'm not trying to get him to justify himself to me, but he won't stop.

"She runs a sex club for the underground. It caters to specific... deviant desires of her powerful clientele, and she has a few of her own. She knows how to press my buttons in order to get what she wants."

"Which is... for you to kill her?"

"I stopped trying to make sense of it." He pauses. At some point in the last several moments, we drifted closer to each other, although I'm not sure who made the first move. All I'm sure of is I fucking hate Cora, and I have questions. What does her touch do to him? Has he gotten used to it the way he has to mine? She's an undeniably good-looking woman, but I can tell she's older than him. How did they meet and what the hell does she have on him?

"But then I came here. And I met you." Despite looking like he wants to swallow his words, Massimo continues. "I don't know how sexual things are supposed to feel, Vivienne. I have never understood. When I let her touch me, it feels like I'm being torn in two. But when you..."

I can't listen anymore. Massimo isn't the type to make speeches. "What are you doing?"

"Telling you enough that you do not feel the need to leave."

"Is that also your way of apologizing for leaving me tied to a radiator while you went and checked out your dad's remains?"

He doesn't look surprised or annoyed that I know. Just blinks once in that slow, calm way of his and dips his chin. For some reason, it makes me want to cry.

"I think we both know this has gone further than it ever should have."

And whether he's talking about me and him, or this whole mess of my involvement with his shit, he's right. But neither of us are backing away. He looks like he wants to kiss me, which is fucking insane. I know this look on him, the way his body slightly arcs towards mine, like he can't control his need to be that much closer. He often looks at me like he's surprised I'm still here but is too content to question it. It makes him look younger than he is.

That's definitely not how he was just looking at Cora.

"I am sorry, Vivienne. I am... so sorry."

"Either I leave or I stay," I say quietly. "You don't get to tie me down one second to keep me away, and kiss me the next. I'm not okay with that."

His eyelashes flutter as he shuts his eyes for a moment, nudging my temple. The tender moment makes my chest ache. He's so different from the man who first moved in next door, and I have no clue know how we got here.

"I know. And I am sorry for trying to keep you away. I need you safe from me."

He's being terribly... open. His blank stare is almost innocent in its elemental dependence on my reaction. It feels like taking advantage. Like I could crush him in a second. I don't like that he's giving me that power.

Or that when I touch him, trailing light fingers along his jaw, he relaxes into it like it's all he wants.

"I need to know why you almost just killed that woman. And why you say you let her touch you when it makes you feel so horrible."

The jealousy eating away at me over the whole Cora thing is stupid and unfair, I know that. I literally just made out with a stranger. But he's been saying her name in his sleep. There's some kind of connection between them. One that I don't believe is at all healthy.

I feel him stiffen before drawing away. It was the wrong thing to say, and I knew that. Despite how much I want to fall into him, give him what we both want, I care about him. Stupid, stupid feelings. If I didn't give a shit, I'd gladly kiss him and forget about this whole mess.

"I didn't... I did that, didn't I? You saw that?" He turns from me, side-eyeing me to gauge my reaction before pacing to the other side of the room.

"Massimo... we just talked about that." A sheet of ice spreads over my skin. "Remember?"

Massimo's mumbling to himself, and it doesn't look like he's fully aware of his surroundings again. The confused pull to his brows makes the ache in my chest sharpen into fucking heartbreak.

I can't watch this anymore. I am so far out of my fucking league. We haven't even talked about the things Ronan revealed to me, but I'm not sure we should. I don't know anything about his family because he's always refused to tell me. There are layers there that only his brothers understand, despite whatever rift has come between them.

Massimo is only okay when we're okay, when he can touch me, but that doesn't mean I possess a semblance of the ability to make any of this better.

He eventually settles on the couch, staring off at a spot on the wall in a way that suggests he's completely checked out. I swipe at my cheeks, clearing away the silent tears, but that ache in my throat remains.

I've never cried over a man before. I'm pretty sure most girls cry over men who cheat or disregard their feelings.

Yeah, this is an entirely original experience.

He doesn't answer when I call his name, or react when I stand in front of him. He does nothing when I slip his phone from his pocket, or when I hold it up so face ID unlocks. He's just zoned out, but he doesn't appear to be in distress.

I lock myself in his bathroom and scroll down his contacts until I get to T.

♛

I have to go back to my place and retrieve Nik at some point. After spending an unacceptable amount of time in the bathroom just sitting on the closed toilet seat and reflecting on my decisions, I remember that I've been the worst cat mom on the planet. With all the stress recently, Nik's been losing weight and I'm worried about him.

Massimo's face when I walk back through his door tells me he assumed I was just leaving for good. I take it as a plus that he seems to have emerged from the recesses of his own head.

Nik hisses to be put down, beelining to Massimo the second his paws hit the floor. I can't even be bitter as I watch the two of them. Massimo pets him about as naturally as a robot, but Nik likes it. The little guy peers up at Massimo through slitted eyes, fitting his tiny body against his thigh. 

"Are you okay?"

I have to ask it, although the idea is laughable. 

"I'm starting to forget things. I didn't know who you were earlier."

"Has this... happened before? Like when you were younger?"

"Maybe, maybe not." He leans back, shutting his eyes. "I can't exactly remember what I've forgotten."

"What about your therapist? Can't he help?"

"Stop talking about it, Vivienne."

I bite my tongue, and we both stare at Nik. Massimo withdraws his hand quickly.

"He's purring," I inform him. "That means he's happy."

"It sounds like he's choking to death."

He's not trying to be funny; it really does sound like that.

"He has a narrow esophagus and gastroesophageal reflux."

Massimo stares at me. "Your cat has GERD."

"Yes, and I'm going to ignore your judgmental tone," I tease, but my attempt at lightheartedness falls flat.

I curl up on the other end of the couch. My stomach aches and I can't remember the last time I ate, but Massimo looks endearingly human as he engages in what might be his first willing acknowledgment of an animal ever. It could almost make me believe he's just a normal guy, sitting on his couch awkwardly petting my cat.

Silence persists between us until he suddenly clears his throat. "You're still here."

I stare at him, wondering if that's a hint.

"And you aren't looking at me as if you wish I were dead."

I furrow my brows, but wait for him to continue. It seems he's traveling down some strange train of thought.

"After the things I did to you, the things you were told, and what you witnessed in this room, I am concerned to find you still here, Vivienne."

I glower at him, but he's got his momentum going now. 

"I cannot quite decide what I feel, because I find myself dealing with a massive amount of annoyance that you would lack the self-preservation that should make you leave Rhinebeck forever."

I gape at the blatant aggravation in his tone. He's glaring daggers at me from the other end of the couch as he pets a loudly snoring Nik.

"I mean, we figured out what's been going on, but we're nowhere near to fixing this mess. That's what I said I'd stick around for." 

It's a weak ass explanation and we both know it.

"And," Massimo continues in a way that suggests he did not listen to a word I just said, "I am dealing with even more annoyance at myself. I should have tied you to a boat going somewhere far, far away. But no. I had to keep you close."

"Tie me to one more fucking thing, Massimo..."

"Since you are still here," he proceeds with his narration, and I should be concerned at how good he's gotten at ignoring me, "that suggests you want to be here. Correct?"

"Yes."

"And you are not... scared of me?"

My heart pangs. On the contrary, I feel physically ill because I'm worried for him. Perhaps I should be scared, but it's just so far from the truth.

"No."

His eyes shutter, arms tensing as he leans forward. That vein that pulses in his neck definitely should not be hot to me right now.

"You should be."

"Mm," I pretend to think about it. "Yeah, I'm not."

"Then why aren't you touching me?"

Because in one hour, you're gonna hate me.

"Vivienne," he says coldly, and I gulp. He's stone cold and way too fucking beautiful to be real. Fuck me. "When will you stop acting like the one thing that makes me feel human is the one thing you must withhold at the worst moments?"

Jesus. He sure does make it hard. He looks perfectly divine sitting there, exhausted, a little disheveled but still put together, and it's been a long fucking day for the both of us. Especially him. And he's asking me to touch him. He's not even asking for us to fuck—no, the man just wants me to touch him.

Fucking stupid pretty fucker.

I scoot down the couch, slowly, tentatively, like I can delay this bad decision. But nope. My heart is going haywire and I'm ridiculously, stupidly in love with this bad decision.

He still looks upset when I cup his sharp jaw, turning his face towards me. Based on the look he's wearing, I'm expecting to be shoved to the floor or reprimanded at the very least. But instead, palming my hip, he lifts me with one hand into his lap.

All the noise in my brain goes quiet. He's warm, his hands uncharacteristically gentle. I let him just touch me, run feather-light touches over my thighs and up my arms. His expression is concentrated as he stops at the marks left by the handcuffs. The pit in my stomach deepens until I'm pretty convinced there's actually something wrong with me.

His lips are cool and soft when he brushes them against the damaged skin, and suddenly I'm blinking back emotion. Again! What the fuck is wrong with me?

He kisses me, and I screw my eyes shut to give him everything I have. He says he's only slept with one person... and we haven't slept together, but the things Massimo has done to my body apart from sex itself have brought me feelings and sensations I didn't realize I possessed the capacity for.

He's alive under me, angling my face towards his with a palm around the front of my throat. Heat and desire flood through me. A tear slips past my waterline.

I scramble to my feet, breaking the moment. "I-I'll be right back."

Back in the bathroom, I stare at myself in the mirror until the stupid emotion drains from my eyes. I feel sensitive, split open in a way. I keep resolving to not have feelings for this man, and everything that's happened in the last twenty-four hours should have cemented that. I was literally just giving myself the 'this is where I draw the line' pep talk! Then he does the tiniest thing, and it feels like my heart is trying to claw its way out of my chest.

I lied. I am terrified of Massimo. I'm terrified of the lengths I know I'll go to just to help him.

After giving myself the time I need to pull it back together, I open the door and immediately have a mini heart attack. He's right outside, waiting.

"Creep," I mutter as I brush past him, feeling the need to regain some ground.

His light footsteps follow me to the kitchen, and he doesn't say anything. He just pulls out a plate and begins assembling me a sandwich. As he waits for the bread to finish toasting, he rubs ointment on my wrists to soothe the marks. As I eat, I note the way he looks at me. Clinically, up and down, seeking more problems to solve. Seeing none, he washes my plate when I'm done and feeds Nik.

This is what he does, this is how he cares. My emotions are raw and exposed, but Massimo doesn't see that. Doesn't understand. He can address all the external problems he wants but I've managed to start falling for a man who will never be able to return the favor.

He's hovering a little, painfully unsure of himself. I can sense him staring at me. He clearly notices something is off, just has no idea how to address it since it's inside me. And I can't stand it. So I push down my stupid feelings for the time being. 

He'll want to throttle me in less than ten minutes, anyway.

When I grab his hand, his only sign of his relief is the way it immediately tightens around mine. I hold it between us, bringing him closer. Then I yank on the collar of his shirt, bringing him down to my level. He lets me, brows raised in surprise.

"If you ever, God help you, restrain me like you did earlier, I will never touch you again. In fact, I'll handcuff you to your fucking radiator, and you can listen through the wall as I touch someone else." His features darken as my words hit a little too close to home. I release him, straightening his collar. "And by the way, I think you should fire Ronan."

I swear he's not going to let me get away with it, but Massimo surprises me, once again. He nods. If I'm not mistaken, he looks relieved?

"Done and done."

"Good."

His jaw clenches. "All these men you're apparently planning on seeing have no idea the fate they're escaping thanks to one promise I made you, Vivienne. A promise that I wonder if I'll forget, should you find me in an unfortunate headspace. Do not test my limits."

I'm not so pathetic that I would make you responsible for a man's death.

I shrug, and his lips thin. He's right, it's definitely not a good idea for me to test that. But I'll let him wonder about it.

"Don't test mine then." My words sound too earnest, and I refuse to look him in the eye. He doesn't say anything. "Massimo, she gives me a really bad feeling. Like... there is something really, really wrong with that woman."

"I know."

I still can't look at him. 

"Vivienne," he murmurs. "I know something is wrong. I understand if I am making you uncomfortable. I can lea—"

"Don't hate me," I blurt.

"In what world—"

"Massimo, I'm serious."

"And so am I. If it were possible for me to hate you, dolcezza, I would have started long ago. You've been insufferable."

I wring my hands together. "Stop trying to be funny. That's not your thing."

He wraps my hands in his, keeping me still. "I can assure you, I am not joking." 

"I don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle this, you know? I think it's just... it's gotten to the point where I don't know if you'll..." my voice wavers around a dry throat, hands going clammy, "if you'll hurt yourself, or something. When you're not aware. If you're hurting other people when you don't want to, what's stopping you from..." he blinks, surprised at my words, or maybe that I care. "Anyway, I just can't have anything happening to you. But I'm out of my depth here. Please understand."

"What are you talking about?"

I wince as my phone pings with a text, turning it away so he can't see it.

Unknown Number: We're here

"I care about you more than I planned, Massimo."

Another text immediately slides in. Chop chop sweetheart 

Along with his text, a flurry of knocks fills the apartment. These motherfuckers sure are impatient. 

Massimo's arms drop as I step around him to open the door. And suddenly, I'm staring up into two faces that look undeniably similar to the man behind me. 

"Well shit a brick and fuck me with it," the one that's clearly Tommaso says drily. "Of course you look like that. Does this mean Mother Theresa let you fuck him?"

I'm already regretting this.

♛

GANG'S ALL HERE

Thank you to those of you who stuck with this story during the little break I took. I hope this was good, and I'm so excited to be back to regular updates!!

- G