Flashback

Y/N pov

The first thing I did as soon as I entered my bedroom was to lock the door behind me and throw away those fucking sandals I was forced to wear. Then I switched on the lamp placed beside the bed and let myself fall onto the bed with a sigh of relief. I stared at the ceiling above my head as I recalled what happened less than an hour ago.

His mother was completely different from what I'd expected.

My head snapped to the right and I smiled as I watched Jungkook lying on the same sheets, fast asleep on my bed, completely clueless about the fact that I just come back from a meeting with his mother. His chest moved up and down slowly, his breathing even. I guess he fell asleep while waiting for me. I didn't mention anything to him before I left. I just took advantage of the fact that he wasn't around and fled. I had no idea that it will take me so long and that I will get back so late.

There was a sadness tugging at my heart as I looked at his cute face. I felt bad for keeping this away from him. He was struggling so much to heal himself and everything to work better between us. These last few days he accompanied Dr. Mingyu to visit his patients. We didn't discuss it but Mingyu kept me updated. And I was so proud. With time Jungkook became more open and started to initiate small talks with them. Some even ended up liking Jungkook and asked for a second meeting. It made my heart melt.

I was sure that I wasn't very good at pretending that everything was alright. I was sure he could see through me and be aware of my uneasiness. Even so, he respected my space and didn't ask about it. For now, the meeting with his mother, I wanted to keep it to myself. The way he looked while he talked about her made me cautious.

Turning onto my side, I moved my head so my cheek was on the same pillow as him. My eyes moved from his closed eyes to his mouth and my smile fell slowly when eyeing his lips. Like having a mind of their own, my fingers were already caressing his cheek softly. I moved my hand up and brushed back strands of hair smoothing it from his forehead as I lovingly watched him.

"My love..." I hoarsely whispered and pressed my lips upon his head, my lips lingering there for a few moments before leaning my head on top of his.

I hope you know that I want what is best for you. That what I'm doing is for your own good.

I want to see you smile.

I want to erase that sadness inside your heart and see you smile freely.

How can I make them disappear? That deep sorrow and agony which are there each time you are looking at me and say 'I love you.'

How can I conquer fear in your mind and your heart?

How can I release you?

I can't. Not alone.

But maybe with your mother's help...

Maybe. Just maybe...

Back then I was literally shaking. Before my first meeting with her.

My heart thumped rapidly in my chest.

I tried to steady my breathing and my heartbeats. No use. All I could think back then was that I will fucking meet his mother. Fucking shit. And that I will lose my shit. I'll definitely lose my shit and kill the lady. It was all I could think of at that very moment.

Wait... Lady?

I rolled my eyes. Since when did I become Jungkook?

I was standing in front of a rustic medieval restaurant, in a dress, climbed on a pair of high heels. Exactly what I needed. It seems that I was born for this. Again... Please, I'm begging you to note my sarcasm.

I rolled my eyes at the memory of Mingyu's grin when he handed me the green sandals I was wearing. "You have to be presentable," he had said with a wide grin on his face. He was enjoying himself more than was allowed. Next time I'll make sure to see him walk in 10 cm high. He definitely needed to experience real pain and blisters.

One day 'll burn all his shoes up and he will have no other choice. Only to enjoy seeing him struggling and burning in hell I was ready to do anything.

I pulled my shoulders back and down and took another breath of fresh air before pushing the restaurant door open.

One of the waiters already stood in front of me and bowed. "Welcome to our humble restaurant. How may I help you?"

"I guess Mrs. Wang is waiting for me?"

The waiter nodded before motioning for me to follow.

My heart leaped to my mouth as I took another deep breath to calm my nerves down and take the face of an emotionless bitch. I was sure it wasn't working though and that my feelings were displayed all over my face.

I followed the waiter to a quiet corner where at one of the tables was an elegant woman sitting waiting. The soft lights reflected well upon her red dress and I found myself staring at her stunning features. She was beautiful despite her age. If I wouldn't have known that she was Jungkook's mother, I would have given her around 35 at most.

The waiter gave me a menu before he left. The atmosphere became suddenly tense as I pulled out a chair and sat across from her. She smiled kindly, patiently waiting for me to make myself comfortable. As if it was possible.

"Thank you for coming." She muttered as her eyes focused on me. It gave me a feeling of melancholy. The way she was looking at me without any doubt reminded me of Jungkook. And my heart started to race.

She was agreeable. Sweet I must say. And I just met her. Presentable, delicate, sophisticated, and... Rich.

Why would a person like her would give up on their child? This question brought sorrow and frustration in my heart. I was starting to hate her for real. Did she actually have a real reason?

"I came for Jungkook. You don't have to thank me for that. " I responded drily as I made a sign to the same waiter that showed me the way to bring me something strong to drink.

Although it may sound rude to others, to my surprise, she smiled.

"I'm happy my son has someone like you by his side."

Everything went better than I expected. Now I know the reason why she did what she did. I couldn't forgive her though.

"My husband was a violent man. He would beat me with each opportunity. I didn't want my child to be in any danger and I could not rise him on my own. Back then I could barely afford to feed myself. I couldn't see him starving to death. Do you know how it feels to see your child starving? I didn't want to give up on him. I loved him. Of course, I still love him and want him in my life. I searched for him so many years but only recently I could find a track that led me to Mingyu. I remarried and my husband is rich. Thanks to him I could hire a detective."

I chewed on my lip as I watched him while thinking of a way to make him talk to his mother. Maybe it will help him somehow. Maybe if he knows that he was loved and wanted. Maybe... Just maybe... it will help him change the way he sees himself. And he will come to accept and love himself. Because here I am, so proud of him. It was a long journey but he had made it through. I've watched him grow into a hard-working and responsible adult. He has done so well. And he deserves so many good things. Only good things.

You're so strong. Stronger than anyone else. And little by little you are becoming reliable. And I can't help myself but want to surrender to you.

They say that surrender is the pathway to trust, and trust allows us to surrender more.

I do trust you. But... Do I trust you with everything?

When will you get bored and go to others?

Will you hurt me? You say you love me. But how do you love me?

You say you want to be with me forever. But do you even understand the meaning of it?

You say that I'm your only home. Maybe it's all about this. Maybe you love me because it's the first time someone accepted you and offered you, love. Maybe for you, love has another meaning. After all, how would you know? It's not like you grew up surrounded by love.

What if someone else will come along?

What if you will conclude that I am nothing more than an infatuation?

Ah, why do I have so many doubts?

I pulled him closer as my hands found the back of his neck. His warmth, his scent, his existence... I will never get tired of them. I like holding him in my arms. I like loving him and taking care of him.

From now on... Be mine only. Because I'm only yours.

Forever.

The moment his arms closed around my waist, I shivered and dragged myself closer, my body pressed tight to the front of his.

Do you know how dear you are to me? I'll die for you.

Suddenly, he pulled back for a minute and gazed deeply into my eyes. At the sight of his dark eyes studying me confused yet soft and longing, warm burn twisted my belly and I dug my fingers into the back of his head almost forcing him to inch closer.

I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed tight, hugging him as if my life depended on it.

How will this end? Please, God, I don't care if he loves me or not. No matter what, hold him safe. It doesn't matter what happens to me.

"Y/N... What is it?" His husky voice finally asked me. He didn't pull away though, lovingly caressing my back instead.

"Am I not allowed to love you?" I tried to distract his attention. He was feeling me again. My anxiety. My insecurities.

It was coming from within me, this restlessness that something will go wrong. I don't know. Maybe I was exaggerating and there's nothing to worry about but my heart felt uneasy. There was a sudden feeling of loss.

His hand froze there for a couple of long seconds before feeling his fingers through my hair. "Of course, you can. But why so sudden? I feel that you're not alright."

"I'm perfectly fine. Can't you just hug me and love me?"

He smiled as he pulled me against his chest. "And how do you want me to love you?"

"I don't know. How can Kookie love?"

His sweet laugh in my ear brought a smile to my lips. I'm in love with his laugh.

"Hmm... More than anyone could ever love you."

"Are you sure?"

"Mhm."

"No matter what?"

"No matter what."

"Even if I do stupid things?"

"Especially then."

"Even if I will disappoint you?"

"You'll never disappoint me. It's impossible. Remember? This is my job. And I'm good at it."

"No matter what, no matter what you'd do... I love you the way you are."

"I know."

I smile. My heart felt a little lighter. But I still couldn't look at him as I held him tight.

"Tell me... In the future... What would you like to do the most?"

"Hmm... Be with you."

I laughed. "Except that."

"Read lots of things."

"Like?"

"Mingyu told me that chimpanzees, dolphins, and elephants are the most intelligent animals on earth. Did you know that chimpanzees and humans are remarkably similar? They share about 99 percent of our DNA. Did you know that dolphins create their own unique vocal whistle? Because each whistle is unique, dolphins can call each other by mimicking the whistle of a dolphin they want to communicate with. It's the equivalent of calling each other by name."

I pulled back and looked at him. And I was glad I did it. His eyes were shining.

Only because of this? Oh Kookie, there are so many other things to learn about and see. I want to show you everything.

"So I guess you found out what your favorite animal is?"

"Dolphins." Was his quick response.

"Why?" I couldn't help but laugh.

"Because they remind me of you."

"And why is that?"

His lips formed a melancholic smile.

"Because no matter what, dolphins will stay with injured or ill members of the group, helping them to the surface of the water so they can breathe if necessary.

They would also protect humans from sharks by swimming in circles around them or rushing the sharks to shoo them away."

"I guess... You are my dolphin. The dolphin who abducted my heart."

Yes... I'll definitely have to protect him with my life.

But now how to do that when he pushed me away? And I understood his motives. I really did. I disappointed him.
He said to forget it, but in his heart I am sure he would not forgive me for what I did.

I felt sorry for his mother. I wished to give her a chance to see him. Everyone deserves a second chance. Especially those who really care about us.
Because in the end, there are only few who really love us the way we are.