I still wasn't happy, despite the warm reception I had gotten in Mr. Godwin's house. His wife was really a sweet woman and she had been treating me nicely. In their big apartment, they gave me a comfortable room to sleep in. Never for once was I hungry, I always had complete three square meals a day. I wore good clothes. I was showered with so much love and affection. I had virtually everything I wanted at my disposal, yet I was still unhappy.

I felt so lonely, like there was something missing-or maybe someone. But I couldn't quite place my hand on what exactly it was. For days, I was so sad and down that I knew depression was settling in, but I didn't let Mr. Godwin and his wife know about it. I pretended to be happy whenever I was around them, when in actual fact, I felt lost. I had lost everything-my friends, the love of my life, and even myself.

Suicidal thoughts kept creeping into my mind, a darkness I couldn't quite fathom luring me and telling me everything would be better if I was dead. I tried to stop the thoughts. I tried so hard to banish the darkness dwelling in my heart and whispering evil words to my soul, but I couldn't and I found myself holding a knife to my heart at some point. But each time I tried to kill myself, there was always something, like a strong force, always stopping me.

But not today.

I was going to end everything here and now and nothing could stop me!

Mr. Godwin and his wife had gone out for a church program. They had earlier on requested that I followed them, but I declined under the pretext that I wasn't feeling well. So presently, I was home alone.

Different ideas floated through my mind, evill whispers of ways that I could kill myself without feeling much pain fleeting through like a movie on fast forward.

Hanging? Where would I find rope to execute that action? I discarded the option immediately.

Drug over dosage? Where would I even find pills in this house? Maybe stabbing myself with a knife was just what I was going to do.

I made my way towards the kitchen on foamy legs. My mind felt detached from reality-like my mind was filled with fog-and the only thing that made sense was the darkness telling me want to do. I entered the kitchen and my eyes landed on the utensil rack, spotting the biggest knife immediately like it knew it would be there beforehand. I walked towards it like a robot, legs moving stiffly-almost like they were dead.

Before I knew it, my hands were wrapping around the cold handle of the kitchen knife, bringing it down to the exact point in the chest where my heart beat rapidly. As I moved soullessly, some voice in my head kept telling me not to do it, but I blocked it out and dragged the knife over my chest slowly, careful to not cut anything yet. I wanted it to be quick and there definitely was no going back this time around.

I brought the knife up, ready to bring it back down and end it all in one swift stab...but tears suddenly clouded my vision, streaming down my cheeks as my silent sobs echoed off the walls in the empty house. My shoulders shook, the painful feeling of heartbreak filling my chest again as a movie of the previous events that had happened ever since I came to Lagos played in slow motion in my head. Travelling down to Lagos on my own, the maltreatment from Aunt Caro, the hatred her family had shown me, grandma's death, Peter's breakup letter, Gbemi and Adam's betrayal, Uncle Henry's rape attempt. It was all just too much.

"God, I'm so sorry that I'm about to take my life...but you know how unhappy I am. I'm doing this because I'm tired of living. I hope you forgive and receive me in your bosom." I said, my voice shaky as I hoped someone really was listening. My arms had started to hurt from holding the knife up for so long and I tightened my grip around it, my eyes snapping shut tightly as I prepared to bring it down.

One...two...three...

A pair of hands suddenly wrapped around mine just in time as I brought the knife down and my eyes snapped open-in shock or relief?-as they took the knife away from me.

"What are you doing?!" Mr. Godwin yelled. "You still want to kill yourself Daniella, after everything?"

I broke down in tears, unable to stop the well of emotions that had finally met loose. "I'm tired of living dad." Dad was what I called Mr. Godwin. He had told me to refer to him as that. "I've lost everything."

Mr. Godwin wrapped his arms around my shoulders and made me rest on him in a comforting way. "You haven't lost everything dear. You have me, your new mum and God now."

I kept crying on his shoulder. "H-he left me."

"Who?"

"They all betrayed me." I cried even more.

"Who are this they you're talking about Daniella?" Mr. Godwin asked curiously but I didn't respond. I just kept crying.

He took me to the living room, his arm still wrapped around me, and we both sat on the sofa. "Daniella, stop crying and talk to me. What's really going on? What is making you so unhappy?"

Mr. Godwin wiped my tears and I sniffed as I lifted my head to look at him. "Although I had been maltreated in my evil aunt house, still I was happy. I was happy because I had two best friends and a boyfriend who made me feel loved in this hateful world. But I was betrayed by them. My boyfriend betrayed me by going back on his words. He told me he was always going to be there for me. I believed him. I trusted him with everything, but he broke up with me cause of a slight misunderstanding. Something I could have explained to him and we would have been fine by now, but he refused to listen to me. He refused to listen to me Dad!" I said those last words resentfully.

"What was the misunderstanding you both had?"

I recounted and explained everything that happened that day to Mr. Godwin and he occasionally shook his head-in, I don't know if it was in sadness or pity-as he listened raptly.

"You've indeed been around the wrong people. That's why you must always choose your friends wisely." Mr. Godwin said once I was done narrating my ordeal.

"But how was I to know they were jealous of me? We grew a bond so strong that I thought nothing whatsoever could come between us."

"Your best friend can eventually turn out to be your worse enemy. It's not new. Even Judas Iscariot betrayed Jesus." Mr. Godwin shrugged. "That's why you should never trust humans completely. They can fail at anytime. In fact, there's no such thing as that human that would never fail us, never disappoint us or never hurt us in any way! Such person doesn't exist in planet earth! But the truth is, God never ever fails. Always trust Him and He'd lead you to the right people and even help you sense when the supposed right people are no longer healthy for you."

"See dad, I'm really never going to trust humans anymore."

"Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you shouldn't trust humans anymore. I mean, you can't survive without relationships, and relationships are built on trust. So don't get bitter when people disappoint you and say you wouldn't trust anybody again. God will definitely get you better friends. But let Jesus be your best friend is all I'm saying."

I sighed. "Hmm, but Peter my ex, I still love him and I don't want to lose him."

"Lemme ask, why do you love this so called Peter?" He air quoted when he mentioned Peter's name.

"He is cute, always there for me...he was literally everything."

Mr Godwin looked unsatisfied with my response. "But he broke up with you?" He shrugged.

"That's the reason I'm sad and disappointed and pisssd."

Mr. Godwin paused briefly before he spoke again. "Look Daniella, you both are still too young to be in a romantic relationship, that's why Peter handled the whole situation immaturely and he broke up with you. You might have done the same if you were in his shoes. The thing about teenage relationship is that it never lasts, cause both individuals are not mature enough to handle it. As for now, what you should be more concerned about is discovering yourself, finding your purpose, knowing who you are and why you're on earth. That's what comes first before thinking of any romantic relationship."

"I actually thought my purpose was to live happily ever after with Peter, but I don't know anymore."

Mr. Godwin burst into laughter and I couldn't help but smile. It was a sheepish smile.

"No woman's purpose on earth is to be any man's wife. Women were created to be much more than that. You were created for much more than just being Peter's wife. See why romantic relationship is not advisable for teenagers! It blinds your eyes from seeing the real you, from discovering your true purpose. It's really a big distraction. Getting happily married to the love of your life is good, but that's secondary. You have to know and discover yourself before you can move on to be someone's wife or you'd just end up real frustrated and depressed. Now that you're single, this should be your main focus—finding yourself. You need to find your voice and know who you really are. When you have and you've accomplished a lot for yourself, you'd see even your ex would be begging to be in a relationship with you."

I smiled, imagining that. "But I wanna ask, how do I find my purpose because I'm really lost right now? I don't even know myself anymore."

"You can't know the purpose for which something was made unless you ask the maker. In your case, God is your maker. Ask Him and he'd tell you."

I smiled and gave Mr. Godwin a warm hug. "Thank you so much for everything. You've helped me a lot. You're really an angel."

"You're welcome my dear."

We both pulled out of the hug and then I noticed that I hadn't seen Mr. Godwin's wife—my new mum.

"Dad where's mum?" I asked, cocking a brow.

"I left her in church."

"Why?"

"Something nudged me to come back home. I wonder if I hadn't, what would have been the case by now?"

I would have been dead. I began to realize all that Mr. Godwin had told me. Of a truth, God really loved me, and every event that had led to this day was just for me to come to the realization of His love. I was so overwhelmed by God's love that I forgave my aunt and her family at that moment. I also forgave Adam and Gbemi for what they did. There was no point harboring bitterness against them. It was time to let go.

"Now I really believe that God exists and that He loves me so much." I said.

"Glory!" Mr. Godwin rejoiced. "I'm glad you've come to the realization of that fact."

***

I was in the Ice cream shop, buying myself two Ice cream cones when I heard a familiar voice from behind me.

"Hey!"

I turned around and I was thrilled to bit to see him standing in front of me. The two Ice cream cones I had just bought fell from my hands. He flashed me a heart melting smile and my knees went weak instantly. He was still as beautiful as I remembered.

"I missed you Daniella." He said.

I was at a loss for words. I didn't know what to say. I really wanted to speak but my mouth couldn't formulate any word. I was literally dumbstruck.

"I'm sorry for leaving. I came back to make things right. I meant it when I said I would always be there for you and I'm here to fulfil that promise."

Really? Peter was back for me. My heart leapt for joy.

"I know you're upset with me," Peter continued when I didn't say anything. "But I'm sorry. Can we start all over again?"

It was then that I woke up from my slumber. Peter hadn't come back for me. It was all just a dream. Though I wish it could have been real, but it wasn't and that was fine. I wasn't going to linger on my past anymore. I was ready to break free from it and be happy.

I just hope above all things that Peter was happy wherever he was.

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