1. Good story but in what chapter do you shut the fuck up?

2. Don't hate me because I'm beautiful, hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.

3. Were you born on the highway that's where most accidents happen

4. Please, keep talking I only yawn when I'm super fascinated

5. The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chickens ass and wait.

6. I wish you were fluent in silence.

7. There are some remarkably dumb people in the world thanks for helping me understand that.

8. Whenever we hang out, I remember that God really does have a sense of humor.

9. Just please don't tell me your planning to homeschool your kids.

10. You bring me so much joy - as soon as you leave the room.