“I wanna feel reckless, wanna live it up just because,” my music sang in my ears. I pulled an earphone out as I approached the lunch table.

                “We’re going to my house tonight Ethan. My mom made cookies and my dad is doing a cookout,” Benji said.

                “I still can’t believe you invited the fatass,” Sonnet grumbled.

                My heart just about stopped. Will was going to be at Benji’s house tonight? Ha, talk about a jackpot.

                “What? I’m friends with him too!” Benji whined. “And my dad told me to invite him to come tonight!”

                “Hey, I’m not complaining about it,” I said with a grin.

                “I can’t tell if Will likes you or not,” Sonnet said, looking curious.

                “Really? Usually it’s easy to tell if Will likes someone,” Benji said.

                “Not always. Will openly likes a few people, like you. But with most people, he’s really hard to read,” Sonnet said with a shrug.

                I shot her an understanding look. Will was an incredibly complicated person to read, and it made me frustrated. I never had trouble reading people, but Will seemed to be an exception.

                “Are you going to come, Ethan?” Benji asked.

                “What, and miss the chance to be surrounded by cute boys? Of course I’ll be there,” I said.

                “Please don’t turn my brother,” Sonnet groaned. “I’ll freaking castrate you, Ethan.”

                “That doesn’t sound pleasant,” I said.

                “She’s terrifying,” Benji said, inching his chair away from Sonnet.

                Gideon pulled Benji close and kissed his cheek. “I’ll protect you, Greyson.”

                “Oh please. If Sonnet attacked, it would be every man for himself,” I said.

                “It’s the thought that counts,” Gideon said with a shrug. He winced as Benji smacked him in the arm.

                “You are uninvited,” Benji said with a pout.

                “Greyson!” Gideon said with a frown.

                “Wait, wait, wait. Let me guess: ‘Oh Gideon, I’m so sorry I uninvited you! Of course you can come! I love you so much!’ And then…BAM! Make out scene,” I said.

                “You’re an asshole,” Benji reminded me patiently.

                “Thank you,” I said, bowing.

                “And I don’t like you,” he said.

                “Oh Benji. Don’t lie to yourself,” I said with a wink.

                He sighed and turned, talking to Gideon. I watched him, hiding a smile. This was our relationship. It was playfully mean. It was brotherly. It would never be a romantic relationship, and I had known that from the beginning. I had seen that in Benji’s eyes.

                He had wanted to like me. To have a distraction from Gideon. To have a chance to get over Gideon.

                But he had never had anything more than a brotherly affection for me. I had kissed him while I could, and I was happy for him now. He was good with Gideon.

                I looked over to Jude’s table. Jude had his head down, writing on a piece of paper and occasionally glancing over at a textbook. He looked as attractive as ever, with his dark features. If he wasn’t such an asshole, he’d be a great catch for any guy.

                The bell rang and we all got up, heading off to class. When the end of the day came, I went to the senior hallway and searched around until I found Benji, Gideon, and Sonnet.

                “Ready to go?” Benji asked them, swinging his car keys around his finger.

                We nodded and followed him outside and down to his car. He drove us to his house and led us around to his backyard.

                “Hey kids,” Benji’s dad greeted. “Where’s Will?”

                “He’s coming. Why did you invite him Mr. Bryant?” Sonnet asked miserably.

                “Because he’s a good kid. Come on Sonnet, he’s your brother! You should love him!” Mr. Bryant said.

                “He doesn’t give me a reason to,” Sonnet said.

                “You’re not exactly the most lovable person either,” I pointed out.

                “Siblings are supposed to love each other! I almost regret not giving Benji a younger sibling,” Mr. Bryant said, placing a hand on Benji’s shoulder.

                “Uh, no. Benji likes being an only child,” Benji said, raising an eyebrow at his father.

                I watched him in amusement. Sometimes I wished I had a sibling. Maybe a little sibling who would look up to me, or an older sibling who could help me out when Jude and his friends kicked my ass. Someone to play video games with or just hang out with.

                “Tell you what: Benji can have my brother!” Sonnet said. “Everybody wins!”

                “I’ll take your brother if Benji doesn’t want him,” I said, raising my hand.

                “No! You stay away from William!” Sonnet said, shooting me a glare.

                Gideon looked up. “Will, how long have you been standing there?”

                We all spun around to face Will. He raised an eyebrow at us and shook his head, his tangled hair bouncing. He had on brown shorts and a plaid shirt unbuttoned over a white T-shirt.

                “Long enough,” he said, stepping up to us. “Hi Mr. Bryant.”

                “Hi Will!” Mr. Bryant said. He gave Benji a light shove forward. “You kids can go hang out. The food will be ready in a little.”

                “Okay. Let’s go play Kan-Jam!” Benji said, grabbing Gideon’s hand and motioning at us to follow him.

                We went around to the front yard and watched as Benji and Gideon set up Kan-Jam. Sonnet pouted at her brother as Benji and Gideon disappeared into the garage to find a Frisbee.

                “William, you own a comb,” she said, reaching out and flicking a dark curl.

                Will shoved her hand away. “Leave me alone bitch,” he said with a scowl.

                “Will, the first time you helped us fight off Jude…you said you worked with Nate’s brother. Does he do all that TV stuff too?” I asked.

                Will finally looked at me and nodded. “Yea. Nate’s older brother is a cameraman on the show Phoenix and I produce.”

                “Is he a dick too?” I asked.

                “Nah, he’s alright. Why?” Will asked.

                “Just wondering,” I said with a shrug.

                “We found the Frisbee!” Benji cheered, coming out. “Now, who’s play?”

                “Will and Gideon versus Ethan and Benji,” Sonnet said. “I want to see who will win!”

                “I’m good with that,” Gideon said.

                “Me too!” Benji said, going and standing next to the can. Gideon stood next to him, and Will and I went to stand next to the other can.

                “How do I always get stuck with you?” Will grumbled.

                “It’s fate,” I said, winking at him.

                Still, now that Sonnet had said it today, I was more frustrated than ever with Will. For the life of me, I couldn’t tell if this boy liked me or not. I couldn’t read him at all. It was almost infuriating.

                Benji aimed and threw the Frisbee. I slapped it into the can and picked it up, throwing it back. Benji slapped it into the side of the can and tossed it to Gideon.

                Gideon easy threw it so that it hit the can. Will picked up the Frisbee and threw it with a lazy flick of the wrist. I was almost impressed at how easily the Frisbee said into the side of the can on its own.

                “Talent?” I said, glancing at him.

                Will shrugged. “I guess you could call it that.”

                “You have talent at script writing,” I said, slapping the Frisbee into the can and picking it up.

                “I want to work with films when I graduate from college. I have to have some talent,” he said as I threw the Frisbee back towards Benji.

                “You can’t graduate if you skip all your gen eds,” I pointed out.

                He froze. “How did you know that?”

                “Because I’m smart,” I said, grinning at him.

                “You little freak,” he growled as Gideon threw the Frisbee into the side of the can.

                “Call me what you want, but I think I understand better than anyone else,” I said.

                “No one understands,” he said, picking up the Frisbee and tossing it back towards Gideon.

                “I never said I understood fully. I just said I understand better than anyone else,” I said calmly. “And you know that. So don’t act like you don’t.”

                “Just shut up. You don’t know anything,” he said.

                I opened my mouth, but snapped it shut and jumped out of the way, almost being hit in the face by the Frisbee. I glared at Benji as I picked up the Frisbee.

                “You weren’t paying attention! Don’t give me that look!” Benji said with a pout.

                “Guys, the food is ready!” Mr. Bryant called.

                We abandoned the game, heading around to the backyard. Mr. Bryant had set food down on the table in the backyard. Mrs. Bryant had set down three plates of cookies.

                “Ethan, there’s-” Benji started.

                “Benji, come help me carry the soda out,” Mr. Bryant said.

                “Okay!” Benji said, turning and following his dad.

                “There’s what?” I said in confusion to his retreating form. “Bah! You’re useless Benji.” I turned and went to the table with everyone else, sitting down next to Will.

                “I always end up with you!” Will said in frustration, glancing down at me.

                “Deal with it,” I said. “And pass me a cheeseburger and a cookie. My arms are too short to reach.”

                Will sighed but grabbed me a cheeseburger and a cookie from one of the plates. He placed them on a paper plate and slid it to me.

                “Gracias,” I said, pouring ketchup on my cheeseburger. I bit into a cookie, chewing thoughtfully. I had Will right next to me, so what should I say to hi-

                “ETHAN STOP!”

                I looked over as Benji came racing out of his house, dropping two containers of soda. There was panic on his face.

                “Stop! Some of the cookies have nuts!” he cried frantically.

                I froze. I gripped a napkin and spit out the piece of cookie I had been chewing, turning and spitting on the ground a few times. I looked down at the piece I had been chewing, inspecting to see if there were any nuts.

                “I have to go wash out my mouth,” I said, jumping up and pushing past Benji. “Go see if I was eating one with nuts in it. If I was, I don’t have time to check.”

                I raced into his house, going to the bathroom. I turned the sink on and hurried to wash out my mouth with water.

                I heard the bathroom door creaking open. I spit water out into the sink and straightened up, wiping my mouth off.

                “I’m fine Benji,” I said.

                “Yea, you’ll be fine.”

                I jumped and spun around. “You’re not Benji.”

                Will gave me an unreadable look. “You didn’t tell me you were allergic to nuts,” he said at last. “Ethan, I could’ve just killed you.”

                “It’d be a fantastic way to go out. I mean, you could tell people that you killed me by sticking nuts in my mouth,” I said.

                “It’s not funny!” he said angrily. “You should be more careful when you eat food! You should know what’s in it when you have a food allergy! Are you too stupid to take care of yourself?!”

                “Basically. I’m never careful when I eat,” I said with a shrug. I had a severe nut allergy that had almost killed me on multiple occasions.

                “Benji was trying to tell you that his mom put all the cookies with nuts in them on one plate. You got lucky that it was the farthest plate from me. He figured it could wait until he got back with the soda because he thought you wouldn’t eat a cookie right away,” Will said, hooking his thumbs in his pockets.

                “Of course I’m going to eat the junk food first,” I said, rolling my eyes at Benji’s stupidity.”

                “Well, the cookie didn’t have nuts in it. I just…I wanted to come make sure you were okay,” he said.

                “I’m fine,” I assured.

                He hesitated, eyeing me. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

                “It wasn’t your fault, Will. I didn’t tell you that I have a nut allergy,” I said patiently. This happened a lot. I rarely remembered to tell people about my allergy, and they would wind up almost killing me because they offered me something with nuts in it.

                “Ethan…I want you to answer me something honestly,” he said.

                “Uh, okay,” I said.

                “Do you ever not tell people because you hope to die? Because you want it to look like an accident?”

                I stared at him. He met my eyes with that closed off expression of his. I found panic steadily working through me. Was he suicidal?

                “No,” I said. “I’m honestly forgetful. Eating a peanut butter sandwich is not my idea of suicide.”

                “What is your idea of suicide?” he asked.

                “I don’t have one,” I said simply. “I think it’s something everyone considers at least once in their life, when times get tough. But I am a firm believer that things get better. That life is worth living.”

                “I think my parents think I’m suicidal,” he said, a devilish grin appearing on his face, as if he found it humorous. “I’m not. If I kill myself, how am I supposed to make movies? That’s hard to do when you’re closed up in a casket 6 feet underground.”

                He straightened up. “You should come to the house tomorrow. I could use your help with more proofreading,” he said.

                “Can do,” I said with a nod.

                “Just come over when you get out of school. Have Benji drop you and Sonnet off. Come to my room,” he said.

                “Alone time?” I asked with a grin.

                “Work time,” he corrected. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Just be there, okay?”

                “Yea, yea, yea. I’ll be there,” I said.

                “Good,” he said, giving me a flash of a true smile. He turned and left the bathroom, shutting the door as he went.

                I leaned against the counter and ruffled my hair. Will was such a confusing person. I couldn’t figure him out for the life of me. But something told me that tomorrow would uncover a lot of mysteries concerning Will.

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A.N.- I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've been really sick. And, remember how I said I had lost a family member last month? Yea, well, there's been more death in my family. Sooo writing is not really the first thing on my mind right now. So please don't demand updates. I'll supply updates when I can, I promise.