47. Mike's Makeover

EmPOV

I looked at the pathetic human curled up on the forest floor, covered in odiferous bodily fluids and waste products. I couldn't help the feeling of satisfaction that flooded me, and I heard Jasper chuckle beside me.

"Darn tootin'," Jasper declared. "Creepy perv got what he deserved. What the heck was he thinking, trespassing on our property and spying on us? The waves of envy and lust radiating from him were enough to make me sick."

"Ha! Well, he thinks humans are at the top of the food chain," I snickered. "NOT! He probably thinks they are the smartest creatures on the planet too. Shows how stupid he is."

The wolves had phased back to their human forms and were looking disgustedly down at Newton's unconscious form.

"Coward!" Jared sneered, spitting on the boy.

I rubbed my hands together. "Well, the girls want a piece of the action, so we need to get this piece of trash back to the house and clean it up a bit before we hand it over."

Jake bared his teeth unpleasantly. "You mean we have to touch it?"

I nodded understandingly. "Yeah, sick, I know, but we do have bleach at the house we can use to clean our hands with afterwards."

We all sighed and wrinkled our noses. Sometimes a man's got to do what a man's got to do, whether he likes it or not. So Jasper and I each grabbed an ankle, while Embry and Jared each took hold of a wrist. Jacob was supposed to make sure his head didn't hit anything while we walked back through the woods, but I don't think he was terribly diligent about fulfilling his duties, judging by the state of Mike's hair by the time we got back to the yard.

We set him down in a clear patch, and I ran to get the hose while the others removed his clothes, trying to touch them as little as possible. I started hosing him off to get him clean. There was no way Esme would let him into the house in his current condition. The wolves went to share an edited version of the story with Quil, Seth, and Ben. The rest of the details would be given to Quil and Seth once Ben was asleep.

Jasper nudged Mike with his foot, rolling him over so I could hose off his back. Ick. Maybe the kid should wear a diaper. None of his clothes were salvageable. Jasper tensed and backed up beside me. I looked at him in confusion until a furious Carlisle appeared in front of us. I had been so distracted I hadn't even heard his car come down the driveway.

"Stop this instant!" Carlisle growled angrily. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Wow! I wasn't sure I'd ever heard Carlisle cuss before. I didn't know he had it in him. He must be really, really mad. I immediately stopped spraying water on Mike.

"I was just cleaning him up, Dad," I defended myself, hoping to save myself from serious consequences. "You know Esme wouldn't let him in her nice clean house smelling like this."

I saw his jaw clench and heard his teeth grind together as he fought to control his anger. Yikes. I'd never, ever seen Carlisle this close to losing it before, and I didn't want to be within 100 miles of him if he ever did. I could only imagine what over 360 years of suppressed anger and frustration would look like when it finally erupted. Mt. Vesuvius would look like child's play in comparison.

"Would one of you please explain to me why there is a naked boy lying on the ground in our back yard, becoming hypothermic as ice cold water is sprayed on his unconscious form, and his clothes reek of werewolf urine?" He glared at all of us, daring us to explain this to his satisfaction. Jasper squared his shoulders and stepped forward. Dang, that boy is brave.

"Certainly, sir. We found him trespassing on our property, watching our house through binoculars, with waves of lust pouring out of him," Jasper announced stoically. "The wolves kindly volunteered to go and…uh…encourage him to cut short his visit. He was so surprised by their welcoming party that he soiled himself, fell out of the tree, and blacked out."

"And the wolf urine?"

"As I was standing next to him, I felt the sudden overwhelming need to relieve myself as I thought about him panting and wanting to lust over the sight of my Kim in her pajamas," Jared confessed sternly, obviously not even slightly remorseful for his actions.

I saw a sudden comprehension dawn in Carlisle's eyes as he considered Jared's words.

"You mean this sick jerk was hoping to catch a glimpse of my wife and my daughters in a state of undress?" he asked in horrified disbelief. We all nodded solemnly in response. He could see the truth in our eyes. I watched Carlisle's beast peek through his eyes as his demeanor changed. I thought he was furious before, but he was beyond rage now. His fists were clenched and he was gritting his teeth so hard I was afraid he might accidentally hurt himself. Finally, he seemed to come to grips with the situation and come to some kind of resolution. I hoped he had some kind of ideas, because I was fresh out.

He held his hand out to me. I looked down and then handed him the hose. To my surprise, he changed the settings to a more forceful spray and turned the hose on Mike, washing his backside and hair clean. I looked at him in astonishment. I certainly hadn't expected that. What had gotten into him? He grabbed Mike's upper arm and lifted him off the ground.

"Get him some boxers," Carlisle ordered.

"Sir, yes, sir!" I responded smartly, dashing inside to obey. It looked like I may escape consequences after all, particularly if I could stay on his good side. Jasper was brilliant, responding the way he did. Jared too, for that matter. Carlisle would do anything to protect his family, even commit violence. Plus, he still was a vampire, as well as a man, so it wasn't surprising that the threat to his mate would bring out his inner monster. We vampires really can't endure eternity without our mates, so we tend to be a bit possessive and overprotective where they are concerned. Okay, sometimes more than a bit.

I flashed back down the stairs and outside with a new pair of boxers. Carlisle held Mike up in the air while I slipped them on him, careful not to come in contact with any of his bare flesh. I shuddered at the thought. Double eww. Now that he was covered, Carlisle carried him into the house, letting him dangle by the one arm. Alice squealed with excitement.

"The entertainment is here, girls!"

"Isn't that Mike Newton?" Angela gasped in horror, her hand coming up to her mouth. "What happened to him? Why is he here?"

"Apparently, the boys caught him spying on us with binoculars. He was hoping to enjoy ogling us in our pajamas. He was so surprised when the guys surrounded him in the woods that he messed his pants and fell out of the tree where he was perched. The boys removed his soiled clothes and cleaned him up, before bringing him in here," Alice explained.

"I say that since he wanted so badly to join our girls only slumber party, we should have pity on him and show him what he's been missing. We should give him a real girly makeover," my Rosie recommended, with an evil grin. "The full treatment—makeup, hair, clothes, nails, etc."

Bella, Esme, and Leah caught on immediately. I wondered how Esme would respond to such a suggestion. I saw Esme have a quick whispered conversation with Carlisle. She turned back to survey the group of girls.

"Well, I would normally not condone such treatment of an individual," Esme decided coldly. "However, in his case, I will make an exception. Considering that this…boy…fully intended to violate our privacy, hoping to view all of us in our unmentionables, I believe he is in dire need of a lesson."

I heard the shocked gasps as all the girls realized his intentions. I was glad I didn't have Jasper's gift right about now, as I was certain their emotions were not pleasant. I was also glad I wasn't Mike Newton.

"We'll look forward to the results, ladies. Let us know when it is time for a fashion show," I declared, kissing Rose goodbye. I went back out to the group of guys, dragging Carlisle out with me. It was time for us to have some good old fashioned male bonding time while they did their whole 'female thing'.

"I suppose that must have been Mike's SUV parked in the bushes at the top of our driveway, near the road," he sighed, running his hands through his hair. He looked at me apprehensively. "Better be prepared for more fireworks when Edward gets home."

My eyes widened. Mr. Drama King himself was likely on his way now. Carlisle was right. This wouldn't be a pretty sight. Still really, really glad I wasn't Mike Newton.

RPOV

I kissed my Emmett goodbye and began planning the ultimate revenge on Newton. I could see Alice getting excited by some of my choices.

"So what's the plan?" Emily asked nervously. Did she think we would actually hurt him? That would be so unnecessary. By the time we were finished with him, his complete and utter humiliation would be all the recompense we would need for his atrocious behavior.

"We're going to help Mike feel like he could fit in with us. We're going to transform Mike into 'Michelle'. We're going to show him what it feels like to be treated like an object or a toy for someone else's amusement. We won't hurt him. We won't do anything irreversible. We'll just have a little fun turning our Ken into a Barbie, as a strike against male chauvinists everywhere," Rose replied reassuringly.

Alice nodded and laughed excitedly. "I have just the dress!" She ran quickly up the stairs, just barely keeping to human speed.

Esme came over to stand by Emily, placing a soothing hand on her shoulder. "Emily, would you like to help me paint his nails? It may help if you think about what he was trying to do Kim and Leah."

Emily inhaled sharply, and then grinned. "I would be delighted to help you, Esme. After all, it is a 'girls only' party, right? Mike can't possibly be here, but I'm sure 'Michelle' would love to join us." Her smile lit up her face. Even I could see how beautiful she was, both inside and out. I was glad my father had been able to help her. I couldn't imagine how Emmett would feel if he had unwittingly bitten my face in his newborn frenzy. I couldn't believe I was sympathizing with a werewolf and his imprint. What was this world coming to these days?

Alice brought down several large suitcases full of makeover materials and spread them out around the living room. I saw Esme and Emily grab the manicure and pedicure kits, as well as two different colors of nail polish. The dress Alice had brought down was absolutely hideous, but it would fit. It looked like something somebody's bedridden granny would wear.

"Where did you get that terrible dress, Alice?" I wondered, eyeing it with distaste.

She shrugged. "I saw it hanging out of a dumpster last week and felt I would need it for something. I think it suits him, don't you?"

I laughed. "Perfectly. He needs some footless tights to cover up his hairy legs, don't you think?"

Alice tossed me a little box. Pixie thinks of everything. We put on his new clothing as carefully as possible.

Bella and Kim had been sorting through the supplies and had finally made some selections.

"What do you have there, Bella?" I asked. I was surprised to see her blush at my question. She bit her lip, like she wasn't sure whether or not she should answer. "Well?"

"Body glitter," she answered softly. She giggled. "I thought I'd put it on his arms."

I was glad to see her joining in the festivities. It would be awful if one of them were to just sit all folded up on the couch watching in disapproval. That would really kill the mood. Alice and I started pulling out the facial make up we wanted.

"How about you Kim?" Kim was initially just as shy as Bella, but now that she had gotten comfortable with us, she had started showing her sassy side.

"I thought I'd work on his hair," she responded cheekily, holding up hair gel, hair spray, and hot pink hair coloring. I grinned. Yep, she was in up to the hilt.

Leah released an evil laugh—Muahahaha. I looked to see what torturous item she had discovered in Alice's stash. She was brandishing a jar of wax.

"I'm going to go and heat this up now, so I can help 'Michelle' with her five o'clock shadow," she chuckled. Ahh, a girl after my own heart. I smiled. Let the fun begin.

Mike roused a bit while we worked on him, shortly after Leah had ripped the wax off his face. Even I had to shudder a bit at the sight of that. He was still in a dreamlike haze as he gazed at us surrounding him, feeling all of us touching him. He started to mumble crazy things about being in heaven and how he knew we had always wanted him. I rolled my eyes. This kid was positively delusional. I was just getting ready to give him a little tap on his temple to help him go back to sleep, when the front door slammed open, the sound of heavy breathing filling the air. All of us froze, turning to the door as one, to see a furious vampire barely clinging onto his control. Edward.

EPOV

I hummed happily to myself as I got closer to my house. I was fairly certain Bella would love the gift I purchased for her today. I couldn't wait to have her all to myself later, wrapped in my chilly embrace. I turned into our driveway, eager to get back to my one true love, eager to see her face light up the way it always does when she sees me.

My headlights flashed on metal off to the side, and I could clearly distinguish an SUV parked behind the bushes off to the side. The SUV looked creepily familiar, and I lowered my window to confirm the scent. Mike freaking Newton. What the heck was he doing here at my house?

I drove quickly down the drive and caught bits and pieces of various thoughts, but none were focused on the subject at hand. Jacob met me out by where I parked and showed me the evening's activities and revelations thus far. I congratulated his good work in literally scaring the crap out of Mike and laughed at Jared's expressions of distaste. I loved the look on Mike's face when he thought Jacob was going to literally bite off his head. It was a memory I would treasure and frequently remember every time he annoyed me. I was incredulous at the sight of Carlisle hosing Mike down and carrying him around by one arm, but I saw the same memory in several others. Jasper replayed his and Jared's words, and suddenly Carlisle's behavior made sense to me. I actually thought Carlisle had been much too gentle with him.

"So where is Mike now?" I asked bitterly, wanting to avenge my own mate as well.

"The girls wanted their pound of flesh," Emmett offered, maintaining his distance from me. "So we delivered him up as a human sacrifice." His thoughts indicated he believed I would erupt and behave irrationally, so he was keeping his distance but eagerly awaiting the impending scene. I scowled at him. I was not going to overreact and start screaming. I was much too mature to throw a temper tantrum like Emmett was picturing.

I searched the house for Mike's thoughts and zeroed in on them instantly. I looked through his eyes and saw all the girls, even Emily and Esme, with their hands all over him, rubbing and caressing him. He was in seventh heaven. My jaw dropped. This was their idea of punishment? He certainly wasn't feeling punished. He was praising the Almighty for fulfilling his lifelong fantasies. How could they? How could they do this to us? Did Peeping Toms turn them on or something? How could they all betray their lovers, their protectors for this piece of human scum? How could Bella do this to me?

I was crushed. I was enraged. I was falling apart. Jasper stared at me in confused concern.

"What's wrong, Edward? Your emotions are all over the place!" Jasper demanded.

I shook my head in despair. I couldn't tell him what I had seen. I couldn't say the words that would shatter my whole family. But I couldn't live with the lies, the secret knowledge either. I would expose their treachery.

I stormed over to the house. Emmett and Carlisle tried to stop me, but I shook them off of me. I marched up the steps to the door and threw it open with a mighty crash. The girls were indeed all crowded around Mike, all touching him. I saw red.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I screamed. Mike opened his eyes wide, saw my undiluted rage, and promptly fainted again. I didn't care. The women in my life were startled and surprised by my outburst. They were even confused. Only Esme had the slightest remorse, but then her thoughts shocked me even more.

What is his problem?

Is he asking us or Mike?

Relax, brother dear, we're just having a little fun.

Playing with our new Ken doll.

I thought this was supposed to be a 'girls only' slumber party. How come these guys keep coming in here?

I suppose this isn't really the most appropriate behavior, but Carlisle agreed it would be acceptable.

Carlisle had agreed for Esme to be holding hands with Mike? Had he finally lost his marbles? Had I fallen into some strange alternate universe?

I heard Emmett bust out laughing behind me. Carlisle and Jasper joined in the merriment. I turned around to look at them in complete bewilderment. We just walked in on our mates feeling up Newton the slimeball, and they thought it was funny? Jasper sent me a wave of amusement, which knocked out some of my righteous anger. I turned back around to view the scene again. The girls had all frozen in place with my outburst.

It suddenly dawned on me that Mike was wearing a dress and tights. Next, I noticed his toenails were painted bright red. I realized Emily had nail polish in her hand and was in the act of applying it to his toes. My brain rapidly processed the items held in all the other women's hands, and I felt like a complete fool. I assessed Mike's condition, noting his hair was spiky with a wide swath of hot pink down the center. He was covered in all kinds of makeup and looked like a really ugly girl. He was wearing cheap clip on earrings and gaudy necklaces, rings, and bracelets that clashed terribly with the most hideous dress I'd ever seen. I finally understood that the girls had been giving him a hellish makeover, and it was only his deluded, confused mind that had made it into something else. He would find out his mistake soon enough.

"Sorry. Uh, never mind. Please, carry on with what you were doing," I mumbled in embarrassment, turning around and exiting as quickly as I had entered.

"Wait!" I heard Bella call. I stopped and turned back. She ran over and gave me a quick kiss.

"I missed you," she murmured sweetly. "Where were you?"

I grinned. "That's for me to know and you to find out," I teased. She ran her hands over my chest before slipping them around my waist, squeezing me tightly and rubbing her body against me. I stiffened, in more ways than one. I tapped her lightly on her nose with my index finger. "None of that, young lady. Behave yourself, or I won't give you your present later," I threatened, uncomfortable with such a display in front of my mother. She pouted up at me, but I just smiled back, gently pushing her body away from mine.

"Mike's ready now," Rosalie announced. My eyes narrowed as I glanced in their direction.

"Fine, I'll take it from here," I promised, a distinct edge to my voice.

"Wait!" Alice shrieked. "I need pictures to document our achievement."

We all smirked as she got out her camera and took several pictures of 'Michelle'. Bella grabbed my hand and looked at me in concern.

"Just take him home, Edward. It's over and done. We've tortured him enough for one night," she urged. Esme and Emily nodded in agreement. After a few moments, Angela and Kim added their agreement as well. Rose and Leah didn't look pleased. Alice had a quick vision and tried to hide her smirk. I ran a finger along my love's cheek and smiled gently.

"I love your compassionate, forgiving nature, my Bella," I complimented her. She smiled at me in relief, failing to notice I had not promised her anything.

I carried Newton out to my car and was intercepted by my brothers.

"Are you really taking him home now?" Emmett asked crossly. I raised both eyebrows, allowing an evil grin to flash across my face, fast enough to alert my brothers to my intentions but too fast for any of the compassionate, forgiving members of our family to notice. What they didn't know wouldn't hurt them.

"I do believe it is time for him to take his leave, don't you? He has overstayed his welcome," I answered politely, as if conversing about the weather.

"Indeed," Jasper returned formally, hiding his amusement.

They decided to help me deliver Mike and his SUV, and Jacob chose to join us as well. Once we were safely away from the house, Jacob asked me what I had planned to do with Mike next. I spoke loudly enough for Jasper and Emmett to hear me from Mike's SUV, which they were driving behind me.

"I do believe Jessica and Lauren could use a new friend, don't you?" Jacob looked confused, as he doesn't know those two, but Jasper and Emmett were suitably impressed with my evil genius. We drove over to Jessica's house, where Lauren was spending the night. I carried Mike over and set him down on his feet on the porch. I asked Jasper to help wake him up enough to stand on his own. He still acted punch drunk. I rang the doorbell and waited for Jessica to answer.

"Edward Cullen!" she gasped, amazed to see me standing on her porch as she had fantasized many times before. Lauren came up behind her to see for herself and was shocked to actually see me there. I intentionally dazzled them, so they wouldn't be thinking clearly and then spun my web of lies.

"Good evening, ladies. I came across this young lady outside a bar, fighting with her date. Her date stormed off, stranding her there, so I offered to take her safely home. She claimed her name was 'Michelle', but she refused to give me her last name. She wouldn't give me her home address either, but gave me your address instead, saying you were a close friend of hers. Does she look familiar to you?" I moved Mike closer to them so he could be clearly seen in the light spilling from the doorway.

"Hey, Jessica, Lauren. What's up?" he slurred to them, weaving a bit. I helped steady him so he wouldn't fall. They peered closely at him, but did not seem to recognize him. Finally, understanding dawned on Jessica's face.

"Lauren!" Jessica hissed under her breath. "That's Mike!" Lauren started to shake her head, but then saw the similarities for herself. She choked on her next breath. They both looked at me, but I projected naïve, innocent charm, pretending I had no idea who was really standing on the porch in front of me.

Jessica smiled stiffly at me and grabbed Mike's hand. "Thanks for bringing her over. We've got it from here."

I gave a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank goodness. I wasn't sure I did the right thing. I had thought I should maybe bring her to Chief Swan instead, underage drinking and all." I shrugged, as if I had actually considered turning him in to the police.

"No!" Jessica yelped. She took a deep breath to calm herself. "Don't worry. I'll take care of hi-er. Of her. Thanks again."

I wished them all a good night. We dropped Mike's SUV off at the bar to substantiate my story and then we were all back in my car for the drive home. I snickered as I told them about Jessica's thoughts and her plans for a few new YouTube videos. They laughed, and I actually felt a stab of pity for the guy. I would never want to be at the mercy of either of those two girls. I shuddered at that thought. For now, I would let my enemy take out my other enemy and save myself the trouble. I had a hot date waiting at home for me, and I didn't intend to waste any more time with thoughts of the Newton kid.

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