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Chapter 30

Chapter 30

There was not a single soul in the classroom that was paying attention to their math teacher, Ectoplasm. Well, except for the one who always seemed to have a stick up his ass: Iida. With how straight and tense he sat, nobody would doubt that that were the case.

Anywho, most students were still processing what had happened minutes prior in their school's cafeteria. To say that everyone was shocked and dumbfounded was an understatement. There was even a debate on which sudden couple was the least expected.

In Katsuki and Izuku's case, most people thought that Katsuki hated Izuku. Although everyone began to see changes in their relationship starting a few weeks ago. But what was shocking out of it all was the fact that Katsuki actually liked someone, and not only that, but he was the first of his classmates to get a partner.

On the other hand, Uraraka and Tsuyu seemed to have a unique friendship. Nobody knew that Tsuyu was a lesbian, and most people thought that Uraraka had a crush on Izuku. While that might have been true about three months ago, the brunette was long past it.

Oh, and nobody thought that Uraraka could be so bold. That was Tsuyu's thing.

Izuku was, as Uraraka had mentioned before, on cloud nine. The thousands of questions that were thrown his way didn't seem to phase him at all, but it did make him feel quite shy and embarrassed. Even so, they didn't erase the big ass smile that was plastered on his face. Some people even began to wonder if his cheeks didn't hurt from it.

All in all, their classmates were happy for them. All except for one incredibly irritating purple midget. Who—to no surprise—seemed to be quite homophobic, and used their small time between classes to express his feelings.

He would make disgusted faces and remarks, exclaiming how boys are supposed to like big boobs and plump, round butts. He even used Yaoyoruzu as an example—which, in turn, he received with the wrath of everyone.

Katsuki felt more than confident when his revelation was taken so well by almost everyone. The support he received from those he could consider almost friends put him at ease. And since Mineta was one tiny, irritating sick pervert, he was more than happy to blast his face up whenever he would open his mouth.

Mineta's words wouldn't phase him—but Izuku? That was a whole other story.

He suppressed the bad memories as he did his best to keep on his smile. Even though Sero had taped Mineta's mouth shut with his quirk, the words lingered in his head. They would replay like a broken, cursed record, that took him back to his middle school days. The teasing and degrading of his classmates, the horrified look his mother's eyes held.

It was all coming back to him like a tidal wave.

Throughout the rest of his classes, Izuku would try and keep the memories at bay. His heart rate would become uneven as a panic attack crept upon him. But he had to stay strong. Katsuki was the only one that had seem him at his worst, no one else knew about his inner demons. And he planned to keep it that way.

Even as his hands trembled and cold sweat coated his forehead, he would keep smiling and hiding his problems.

His day had been great so far to let Mineta's judgement ruin it. He could do this.

Or so he wanted to believe.

As soon as they were all back in the dorms, Izuku quickly excused himself from his friends, sending Katsuki a small smile. He did his best to remain composed on his way to his room, but there was one thing that stopped him from going inside. That thing—or rather someone—being none other than the grape midget that slept at the end of the hall.

"Oh look, it's the guy who prefers dick over delicious boobs and big round asses," Mineta mocked with a gag.

"Mineta," Izuku acknowledged politely, already feeling his stomach twisting.

"Seriously man, what the hell is wrong with you? Is it because you've never had a girlfriend before? I bet that if you touch some boobs for the first time it will completely change your mind," Mineta continued with dreamy eyes.

"Uhm..."

"I've got a couple magazines that would help you," he wiggled his eyebrows. "I bet that this whole gay thing is because you haven't seen delicious babes naked. You're just confused. But don't worry, I'm willing to lend some of those magazines to you."

"I'm not confused," Izuku frowned, already feeling like throwing up. This guy had already ruined his day, and he was only making it worse.

Mineta's expression turned into one of disgust. "I'm just trying to help here, you know? It's disgusting how you like boys and not girls like a normal guy. Dicks are made for fucking girls, not boys buttholes!"

Fetching for his key, Izuku turned away from him and unlocked his door. But that didn't stop Mineta from talking.

"And to think that I looked up to you as a hero. Don't come near me unless you change your mind, you disgusting fag."

Izuku would've slammed the door behind him, but he didn't want to alert the whole building. Tears prickled his eyes as he tried to block all noise with his hands. He was trembling, he noted. His chest felt heavy and a knot had formed at the back of his throat.

He couldn't hold it in anymore.

A sob broke through his lips, hands now gripping at his hair as he shook his head from side to side. He started hyperventilating, breathing rapidly and unevenly. He couldn't take Mineta's words out of his head. They blended in with the words his mother had spoken over a year ago.

Flashes of her horrified face resurfaced from the pile of memories he had tried to block out. Her angry and disappointed expression. Her words that had cut through his heart like a sharp knife. The tears that escaped her eyes when she began to wonder what she had done wrong.

All because he had decided to come out to her.

That was the worst decision he had made in his entire life.

Between sobs, his airway began closing up, leaving him breathless. He gasped and clawed at his chest and throat, but he couldn't get enough air. His school uniform felt claustrophobic, shaking fingers clumsily undoing his tie as he fought against his anxiety. His head spun, vision blurry and eyes burning. It was as clear as day that the anxiety was winning the fight.

His knees gave up from under him, sending him tumbling to the ground with his mouth agape. Everything was spinning; he couldn't breathe!

Uncontrollable tears escaped through his eyes as he laid on the ground defeatedly. Once the panic attack had calmed down, he was left exhausted and lightheaded. But that didn't stop the tears from overflowing. Even as he regained his breath, broken sobs escaped him.

It was overwhelming. He had been clean of cuts for a few weeks now, to the point that his most recent cuts were already healed. Even as he clawed at his thighs, none of them would reopen. He was beyond frustrated. He needed something.

His body moved on his own, shakily getting to his feet and walking towards the bathroom. The first thing he saw was his messed up reflection in the mirror that had been set up the week before. His hair was tangled and tousled, his eyes bloodshot and skin pale. It made his freckles stand out in a way he hated.

He desperately rummaged through his drawers, trying to find something, anything, that would bring him the relief he so desperately yearned. His lips moved in an array of mumbles even he couldn't comprehend. His hands moved, but his eyes were unfocused. It was as if he was blindly searching for a miracle item that would put him at ease.

The background noise was almost nonexistent. Whatever sound there would be, he wouldn't pick it up. It was as if he had noise canceling headphones, only hearing muffled, distanced noises.

He had almost trashed the bathroom while searching through his drawers. It wasn't until rough fingers wrapped themselves around his wrists that he had stopped his movements. But his eyes were still wide, flicking around every single item.

Those same rough fingers then took a hold of his face, forcing him to face whoever was holding him. He kept mumbling the same thing over and over, not even trying to focus on the person. He could only make out a mouth moving continuously, but he couldn't hear a word that came out from it.

Katsuki grabbed him by his shoulders and shook him, alarmed. He had come in to check on him, since he wouldn't answer the door. Luckily, he had managed to convince Aizawa to give him a spare key a few days ago, so even if the door was locked he could go inside. He had found Izuku on the bathroom throwing things and searching desperately for something. Hell, he had called his name so many times, but the greenette just wouldn't stop.

It was as if he didn't hear him at all, and that worried him beyond relief.

"Oi!" Katsuki grumbled, slapping Izuku's cheeks gently but firmly. He shook him one more time, snapped his fingers in front of his eyes, but nothing seemed to work. What had him even more alarmed was the fact that Izuku's wide eyes were starting back into his very own.

But his eyes looked dead.

They were unfocused, puffy, and incredibly dull. His mouth kept moving in the same string of silent mumbles, which Katsuki could finally comprehend.

"I need something. Anything. I need it..." Over and over again.

With a huge amount of pain and guilt, it clicked on Katsuki's mind. Not only was Izuku disassociating, he wanted to cut. He needed it. "Nerd, please, answer me!" Katsuki pleaded, starting to get desperate.

After a few more attempts, he could see Izuku's eyes finally focusing on his own. As if finally realizing that Katsuki was there with him. The blond almost let out a breath of relief, but was interrupted by Izuku grabbing the front of his blazer harshly.

The glare the greenette sent him shocked him, noticing the anger and desperation behind the gaze. That look had never been directed to him before, at least not that he remembered. In the tousled state Izuku was in, it made him look like he had gone insane in a way.

It terrified him.

"Give them back to me," Izuku growled lowly, then raised his voice. "Give them back to me!"

"Izuku, calm down!" Katsuki breathed out, grabbing Izuku's wrist.

"Where do you have them?!" Izuku asked, his wide eyes looking around the room frantically. That was when Katsuki realized, Izuku wasn't completely there. That was not him. "Where are they!"

"Hey, look at me!"

"I'm going fucking insane!" Izuku cried out, eyes watering as his voice broke towards the end. "Give them to me already!"

"First, I need you to focus on me!" Katsuki tried, feeling the godawful knot at the back of his throat at Izuku's words. The greenette struggled against his hold, but Katsuki held him firmly in place. His eyes watered as he saw his boyfriend slowly breaking down in front of him.

It took him a minute or two, but Izuku finally stopped struggling and looked at Katsuki in the eye. Slowly, his wide eyes relaxed a bit, completely focusing on Katsuki's ruby red orbs. He recognized him, at last.

He took a sharp intake of breath, gasping and taking a step away from Katsuki. Katsuki's eyes softened as he saw Izuku revert back to his normal self, but frowned when he backed away from him.

"No. No. No. Shit, no. I'm sorry, " Izuku whispered, sinking down to his knees and holding his head with his hands. He had come to his senses, only to find a terrified and deeply concerned Katsuki holding him. What made it worse was that he couldn't completely remember what had happened after his panic attack. Only bits and pieces.

"Shh, it's okay. You're alright," Katsuki spoke softly, quickly embracing him in a tight hug. Izuku could feel his his body trembled.

"I'm not," Izuku admitted brokenly, trying, but failing, to hold back a sob as he hid his face in his hands. "I don't know what happened, I'm sorry, please don't leave me. Please, I'm sorry."

Katsuki decided not to reply to him, just held him as tightly as possible as he buried his face in the crook of Izuku's neck. The greenette sobbed, apologizing over and over again, and each time Katsuki would only tighten his hold. As if to silently reassure him that he would never leave him. He would always be there.

Izuku was full of surprises. And it dawned on Katsuki that the bright, happy kid he used to know was far from the person Izuku was.

He feared that he didn't know Izuku as well as he thought he did.

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