I found myself driving around Chico aimlessly for a few hours, just letting the reality of what happened sink in. I glanced in my rearview mirror and saw my numbed reaction staring back. Yesterday's eyeliner was still smeared down my cheeks, a reminder of the perfect day that had ended so tragically.

It felt surreal that less than twenty-four hours ago, I was having the best night of my life. The Christmas party had been a blast, and the night of romance afterward was beyond words.

So how did I get to this point, a destitute with nowhere to go, just driving around without purpose, as the radio blared heartbreak songs in the background?

When the sun began to set along the horizon, I knew I would have to find somewhere to sleep for the night. Not willing to put too much thought into it, I decided to just go back to the hotel where I had stayed before my journey with Jake began.

When I arrived at the reception area, I felt my heart sink. The doors were locked. There was a note on the window stating that the building was temporarily closed due to repairs.

With a sigh, I grabbed my phone and began searching for nearby hotels. I set to work calling each number, but to my dismay, every other hotel in the area was already booked with holiday travelers. There was nothing available within a sixty-mile radius until after the new year.

Perfect. Not only had I been kicked out of Jake's house, but I had nowhere else to stay, either. I was irritated and moody, but I couldn't say that I was surprised. It was two days before Christmas; of course the hotels would be booked. Still, I was so frustrated, that I turned my phone off and tossed it in the floorboard, unable to bear looking at it any longer. 

I sat in the parking lot of the abandoned hotel for a long time, letting the tears fall down my cheeks. Harley gave me a gentle lick, trying to console me. I smiled and patted his head. Even if I had no one else who I could depend on in this life, I would always have Harley, my best friend.

His reassurance gave me the motivation I needed to start the car and pull out of the parking lot.

Without really thinking about it, I drove to the only other place where I'd ever felt safe and secure. It was already dark when I pulled into the driveway of my old home. I stared at what was left of the house, subconsciously running my finger along the burn mark on my right palm. The months spent away had helped me internally heal and become whole again, but the house had not been as fortunate.

It was depressing to see the house in this shape. But that pain was nothing compared to how it felt remembering the last night I'd spent there, not just the near-death experience, or the fear of the unknown that followed the fire, but the fact that this was the first place where Jake and I had met.

The idea made me sad. I remembered how far the two of us had come, just for it to end this way. Somehow I felt as if losing Jake had caused my entire world to fall apart. But that was illogical, because how could you lose something that was never yours, to begin with?

I wanted to kick myself for not having a backup plan. I had always been a prepared person, someone who was cautious in the extreme. Being with Jake had made me comfortable, too comfortable. I had forgotten that his place wasn't supposed to become my home, but a temporary solution until I could find somewhere else to go.

But things had been going so well between us lately that looking for a house had completely slipped my mind. Now I was going to be alone during the holidays, stuck in a bind because I'd come to rely on another person more than I should have.

Through this journey with Jake, I had lost a little of myself along the way. I didn't recognize the woman I had become, the one who put all of her eggs in one basket and placed her well-being in the hands of a man she hardly knew. The old Cat wouldn't have allowed herself to fall this hard for a guy. The old Cat would have had a plan so that she wasn't left sitting in the abandoned driveway of her desecrated home with nowhere to go.

Since when did I think with my heart instead of my head? This wasn't me.

With a sigh, I dug a blanket out of the disorderly garbage bag, accepting that we would be sleeping here tonight. I tucked Harley beneath the folds of the thick fabric, relying on his heat to help keep me warm and hoping I could do the same for him.

As he curled up in my lap, I leaned the driver's seat back, trying to get comfortable in the cool confines of the car. I stared out the window at the vast sky above me, watching a handful of stars shine through the dark clouds that had begun rolling in.

The night sky reminded me of a time long ago when Jake had shown me his favorite place to gaze at the night's sky. He had taught me that there is good in all situations, even ones that felt wholeheartedly damned. At the time I had thought that he was right. But now I could see just how wrong he was, because what good could be found in the situation I was in now?

I felt like such an idiot. Why did I have to get involved with Jake when my instincts were warning me against it from the very beginning? There were millions of people on this planet that I could have fallen for, so why did I have to catch feelings for the one man who couldn't reciprocate them?

I had held out hope that he might learn to love me one day, but my optimism was in vain because Jake could never love me. I wanted to pursue a relationship with him, to learn his secrets, to rely on him when the rest of the world failed me. But I couldn't do that because it turns out, he had failed me too. 

Jake didn't want a relationship, I got the message loud and clear. His heart would always belong to Elena, and as much as it pained me to say so, it was something I would just have to accept.

The worst part was that I couldn't even be upset with Jake for what happened. From the very beginning, Jake told me he wasn't looking for a relationship. Could I really be angry with him when he gave me every chance he could to run away? No, my irritation was self-directed.

I should have listened to my better judgment when it told me things wouldn't work out. Maybe it was good that things had ended when they did. Maybe I should be grateful that he had severed things before I became even more infatuated with him. Deep down, I knew this wasn't true. 

As desensitized as I was, I couldn't stop Jake from invading my thoughts. Last night had been magical, and though spoiled by this morning's rude farewell, I wanted more of it. I was fuming and hurt, but I would be lying if I said that I would be better off without Jake. I loved him, maybe more than I had ever loved anyone else.

In another life, at another time, perhaps Jake and I would have found each other when we were both whole. Maybe we would have fallen in love, created a family of our own, and been able to live a true fairytale like young girls always dream about. He would have swept me off of my feet, and been the love of my life.

But this wasn't a fairytale, and Jake was no prince charming. He was the broken and battered love interest who was destined for a life of loneliness. His family would always be at the forefront of his mind, a reminder of what could have been if the world wasn't so cruel. Jake would never be able to move beyond his past, nor did he seem to want to. Neither of us would have our happily ever after.

I turned my head away from the stars, their beauty a painful reminder of the good times. Outside my window, the sound of a thunderstorm rumbled in the distance, mimicking the tempest that was waging in my heart.

I was glad that Mariana had told me the truth. Otherwise, I would have never known the extent of Jake's pain. But, at the same time, a part of me wished that I had never learned about his past. We would still be happy if I remained blind, because ignorance truly is bliss.

I tossed and turned through the cool winter night, unable to find reprieve from the pain that consumed me. I wiped my red and watery eyes on the sleeve of my sweatshirt incessantly, but I couldn't staunch the tears that continuously flowed. My eyelids were swollen from crying and heavy with exhaustion, but rest continued to evade me.

The hours passed slowly, each one making the ache in my heart more intense. I was drowning in a sea of grief, secluded from the rest of the world, lost in a bubble of sorrow where only Harley and I lived.

By morning, the storm outside had settled into a persistent rain. The rhythmic patter on the roof of the car matched the tears flowing down my cheeks. I was drained from the hours of anguish and self-pity. I was finally on the brink of unconsciousness when a loud knock on the glass window startled me. I screamed, and Harley growled, the dark hair of his hackles raised in alert.  

I sat my car seat up, startled to see that Jake was standing outside my passenger seat window. He looked crazed, his hair and shirt soaked from the constant rain. The dark circles under his eyes told me that he hadn't sleep any more than I had.

Harley recognized him immediately, and let out a yelp of excitement, his tail wagging uncontrollably at the sight of his friend. I, on the other hand, was not so eager to see Jake. Perhaps it was petty, but I gritted my teeth and turned my head the opposite direction, pretending that he wasn't there.

Jake knocked again, this time impatient. I contemplated snubbing him and driving away, but where could I go that he wouldn't find me? He had me cornered. With a sigh, I rolled down the passenger seat window a fraction of an inch.

"Cat, I've been looking everywhere for you!" he called over the deafening rain.

"Well, you found me," I muttered. "What do you want?"

"I was worried about you. Why weren't you answering your phone? I've been calling all night!" he said, his cheeks flushed with frustration.

Only then did I remember that I had turned my phone off, frustrated to find every hotel in the city booked.

"Did you sleep in your car?" he asked, looking appalled.

"Where else was I supposed to go, Jake?" I said a little gruffer than I intended. I could see regret and shame in his eyes.

"Can I come inside? It's pouring."

I shook my head. I didn't want him here. Not after the cruel things he'd said to me the previous day. It wasn't fair that he was here, a constant reminder that I would never be enough for him.

"Cat," he said, his eyes begging. "Please. I just want to talk."

"Well, I don't," I said forcefully. "You've already said all that you need to say. I get it, Jake. You don't need to rub salt in the wound."

Instinctually I wanted to close the window, wishing to distance myself from the cause of my current grief. I pressed the control, but he stopped the glass with his hand. The motor whined against the pressure as Jake pressed it back down. Unwilling to sacrifice my car's well-being in a battle of wills that persistent Jake would certainly win, I let off of the button.

"I'm sorry, Cat. I was wrong," he called. I could barely hear him over the sound of the pouring rain. "I was wrong," he repeated, sorrow etched in his face.

Although I wanted to tell him to go away because he had already caused enough pain, I couldn't do it. The desperation on his face melted my resolve. With a sigh, I unlock the car door and let him inside.

As always, Jake Lucero had me wrapped around his finger.

Thank you for reading! If you are enjoying this story so far, don't forget to vote! :)

© Dawn Norwell