It doesn't rain often in southern California, but on the day that we buried Jake, there was a torrential downpour. I stared at the overcast skies, watching in a daze as the cool drops fell from the dark clouds and landed on my deadened face. The rain reminded me of my own tears, which never seemed to end. It was as if even the heavens mourned the loss of such a good man.

Jake's funeral was beautiful. I wasn't much help in the process, as I couldn't see beyond my selfish grief. I think a part of me knew that having the wake would finalize things; that having to say goodbye would make Jake's death official. I didn't want to be reminded that he was gone.

I still half expected to hear his laughter as we danced clumsily in the kitchen; hear his beautiful voice singing along to the songs on the radio; feel his lips on my skin as he made sweet love to me. If I had known we were so close to the end, perhaps I would have savored those moments, and made each one of them last just a little longer. It was hard for me to acknowledge that those were just distant memories now.

Mariana coordinated the things spectacularly. The mahogany coffin and white roses were subtle and classic. Dwayne's eulogy was beautifully written, reminiscing about the days when he and Jake were both rookies being hazed by the rest of the firehouse.

Dwayne also reminded us of the countless people who were alive because of Jake's valor, and my heart swelled with pride. I had the opportunity to meet a few of the individuals he had saved during his time with the fire department. I left the funeral home even more in awe of him than I already was.

I didn't know if I could bear to see Jake with the life drained from his body, to know that I would never see his dark brown eyes staring lovingly at me ever again. But I knew I had to have that closure before I could accept the fact that he was gone. So with a deep breath, I walked to the front of the church to say my goodbyes.

As I stood by the casket, I realized that the most beautiful thing about the funeral was, by far, Jake himself. Even in death, he found a way to be the most handsome man in the room.

He was dressed in the charcoal suit that he'd worn on our first date. His face was paler than I was used to, and there were still scars on his body from the fire, but other than that, he was still the gorgeous man who had burst through my flaming bedroom door six months ago.

I had never seen him look as peaceful as he did in this everlasting slumber. If I didn't know any better, I would swear that his mouth was turned up, just slightly, in his signature crooked smile. As excruciating as saying goodbye was, it eased my pain to know that Jake had found respite from this cruel world.

As we walked to the gravesite, the rain picked up. Most people covered their heads or opened an umbrella, but I basked in the storm. I allowed it to cleanse the anguish that suffocated my heart as the last shovelful of dirt was piled onto the mound where Jake's casket now lay.

Through the hazy deluge, my eyes drifted to a young girl and her mother, sobbing several yards away. I recognized them from the article the local newspaper had published about Jake's death. This young girl, with her golden pigtails and bright blue eyes, gripping her teddy bear against her chest, was the one Jake had gone back through the fire for, the one that he had lost his life to save.

As I stared at the girl, I saw all of the things that the world still had to offer her. Because of Jake, she would get to grow up and experience life. She would feel the nervous butterflies of her first date and would attend her high school prom. She would go to college and give back to others, perhaps becoming a life-saving surgeon, or teaching the next generation. This was the gift that Jake had given her- the chance to live. He traded his life for hers, knowing she still had so much to look forward to. That was enough to bring meaning to his life, and the realization brought me peace.

As the service came to a close and the crowd disbursed, Mariana embraced me in a hug. Her eyes were hidden behind dark sunglasses. I knew she'd been sobbing for days now, same as me.

My heart went out to her. Jake's death would always have a big effect on me; I had lost a lover and a friend. But Mariana had lost more than that. She'd never lived in a world where her older brother didn't exist. Of all of the people who Jake's death had an impact on, she was one of the ones most afflicted.

Mariana sniffled and dug around in her handbag for a few moments, before producing a small piece of paper. She placed it gently into my palm and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. My eyebrows furrowed as I realized that she was giving me a photo.

Mariana removed her sunglasses, so she was looking me in the eye.

"It's from the wedding," she explained, her lip quivering. "I thought you might like to have it."

She was trying to hold it together, to repress her emotions and be strong for me, but her brown eyes were full of tears. I thanked her for the picture, and looked away; her eyes reminded me so much of Jake's, it was uncanny. I wasn't ready for that painful reminder just yet.

"Don't be a stranger, Cat," she said, gripping my numbed hand tightly, cutting off the circulation. She said her goodbyes before leaving the gravesite.

I knew that I wouldn't cut her out of my life. Mariana and I had grown too close over the past few months. Jake may have been the thing that brought the two of us together, the missing link that helped create our tight-knit friendship, but his death wouldn't be the thing that tore it apart. Though Jake was gone, I knew that Mariana and I would always remain close friends.

I stood at the burial site long after everyone else had left.

After several minutes of gripping the photo in my trembling hand, I finally mustered the courage to look at it. My heart ached as I saw myself and Jake swaying in each other's arms on the dance floor, him in his elegant suit and me in my purple dress, holding Mariana's bouquet. We had smiles on our faces as we stared fondly into each other's eyes. The love between us was nearly palpable.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to smile at the memory or scream. That night had been magical, one of the best of my life. I had caught the bouquet. Jake had implied that we might get married one day. We had decided to move to San Diego. Everything was perfect.

But in a matter of hours, everything had changed. Here I stood, staring at the mount of soil that enclosed my love, those dreamlike plans squandered. It almost made me angry that I had been so close to having everything that I didn't know I even wanted, just to have the carpet ripped from beneath my feet. As though every time I thought I could be genuinely happy, the universe laughed in my face and made every effort to prove me wrong.

Now I knew that there was no such thing as happily-ever-after.

                       * * * * * * * * * *

The grief of Jake's loss came in intervals, ebbing and flowing like the waves of the sea. One moment I would be doubled over, the ache in my stomach almost more than I could bear. I'd become bedridden, unable to leave the house that had become our home, despite the painful reminders of Jake's existence everywhere I turned.

Other times I felt a sense of amity, knowing that Jake was better off now. Though a part of me died when he did, another, bigger piece was happy for him. He had suffered so much in his short life, had been in pain for too long. To think he was reunited with his family and could finally rest easy was consoling during my time of mourning.

A piece of my heart broke the day that Jake passed away, and I didn't know how I would ever be whole again. I lost my lover and best friend in one fell swoop, and I wasn't sure how I would recover, or if the pain would ever go away. It was during that time that I needed Jake more than ever before. I wanted to look into those deep brown eyes and see the reassurance that told me everything would be fine.

Everyone told me that I would be okay, that I just had to give it time. They said that one day, there would be a light at the end of the tunnel. But that day felt so far away. I couldn't fathom seeing the light when I was so consumed by the darkness. Every cell inside of me ached from the hurt of loss.

As time passed, the pain did begin to ease, though it never fully went away. But at least I was no longer angry at Jake for leaving me, just a little sad that I didn't have more time with him when he was here.

He truly had been a wildfire- unpredictable, and untamed. He entered my life when I least expected him to, but when I needed him the most. Though I only had him for a short time, Jake Lucero had left a permanent impact on my life. He had been my first true love, and it pained me to think that a light that burned as brightly as his, could be snuffed out so quickly.

But unlike a natural wildfire, ours was a fire of passion, a love that would forever be burning wild. Jake ignited something in me that had long been lost. I didn't know if I would ever be the same after losing him, but I knew that I was better because I'd loved him. Jake had given me a gift that I could never repay.

In time, I found myself taking the same advice that I'd given Jake so long ago. He would tell me to move on and be happy, so that's what I was going to do. I would never forget him; how could I when he would forever hold such a big piece of my heart? But I wouldn't allow such a heavy loss to consume me any longer. I would live a life he would be proud of, just as Jake would want me to.

Staring up at the stars from the truck bed of Jake's old Tacoma, I thought of the time we'd spent in this little cove in the woods. It was sad to think about what could have been between me and Jake, but I was thankful for our time together. He had helped me remember what was important in life. He taught me how to love and how to be loved. He saved me, not just physically, but emotionally.

The one wish Jake had in life was to see the world, a world that had snuffed him out before he could experience its beauty. It wasn't fair that he couldn't live his dream, but I was determined to see the world for the both of us now.

Harley nuzzled against my neck. His tongue met my cheek, and the rough surface wiped away my tears. A soft whine escaped his mouth.

"I miss him too, buddy," I said, comforting him with a pat on the head.

Perhaps it was my imagination, but it seemed like the stars burned a little brighter that night. At that moment I knew that I would always have Jake's presence with me, watching over me as I continued this journey called life. Now every time I looked up into a clear night's sky, Jake would be on my mind.

I found myself smiling as I climbed out of the truck bed and into the cabin. My bags were in the backseat, packed and ready to go wherever my wild whims took me.

I took the picture Mariana had given me out of my pocket and held it against my chest. Jake was gone, but I would always have this keepsake of a happier time. I would have to thank Mariana for the photo, the permanent reminder that, despite my current grief, I was once happy, and was hopelessly in love with a man who loved me back.

I knew that I would cherish the picture for the rest of my life. I grinned at the happy couple before placing the picture in the corner of my dashboard, right in my sightline, so that I could always see it and remember the things that Jake Lucero taught me.

"Where to next, Harley?" I asked, wiping the tears from my cheeks.

His tail wagged happily as a loud bark resounded from the passenger seat, echoing through the quiet forest.

"Anchorage, it is," I laughed.

I started the engine and the truck roared to life. One of Jake's favorite songs came on the radio, and I sang the lyrics at the top of my lungs as I found the main road.

I drove north on the I-5 with a sense of renewal, ready for a fresh start. Jake was at peace now, so I could be too.

With my hair blowing in the wind and a watery smile on my face, I took one last look at the night's sky. I watched the stars continue to twinkle, and Jake's face flashed before my mind.

"Thank you, Jake. For everything," I whispered, as I started the next adventure of my life.

-THE END-

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© Dawn Norwell