Cian

I hadn't called Lucie for a reason. It was because she didn't need to know where I was.

      Caprice's club was a vacant building in the daytime, which made sense. It was a nightclub, after all, forged in the ambiguous hours from dusk till dawn in which anyone could be anyone, could do anything. During the day it was nothing but an empty expanse of wood flooring, showered in glitter. Even her neon signs were dark.

      The door was open. I stepped inside, shoving my hands in my pockets, eyes flitting around the open space around me. The bar was as empty as the rest of it, a still life of wine and shot glasses. Alcohol in oddly-shaped bottles reflected sunlight into my eyes; I lifted a hand to shield them. "Caprice? Are you here? I need to talk to you—"

      "My little one!" came her voice, echoing through the lofty ceilings. It was then that I saw her appearing from the back hallways, waltzing across the dance floor to greet me. Her pixie cut had been freshly trimmed, and—as usual—she'd managed to cram herself in a bodycon dress that looked a little too tight to me. I eyed the stretch of the fabric warily. Lucie would never wear anything like that, I thought. Whenever I saw her, she was in denim shorts and t-shirt, maybe a skirt when she was feeling extra girly. "You could have called," Caprice said, now standing in front of me. The tattoo at her golden collarbone winked at me.

      "Maybe I didn't want you to be expecting me," I replied.

      Caprice's eyebrows twitched. She motioned to the empty bar, and we wandered there, seating ourselves. Her lips tightened, as if she'd read the graveness of my tone. "Fine. What's this about, then?"

      I swallowed down my discomfort, tapped my nails across the wood of the bar. "You've worked for the Order way longer than I have."

      She rolled her eyes and muttered, "That's true..."

      "So do you know anything about an angel gaining their wings back?"

      The room had already been mostly silent, but it was more deadly so now. The only noise was outside—chirping birds, subtle tunes of human voices, the faint crash of a wave against the shore. Caprice blinked her dark eyes at me, her entire expression filling with surprise. "Cian..."

      "You don't understand," I begged her. "I can't live like this anymore. I thought it didn't bother me, but it does, Caprice. I'm slower now. I can't do my job anymore. The...the constant energy my wings gave me? I miss it like crazy. When I had my wings, I was unstoppable—and now I'm just this thing. This thing that doesn't even have a name."

      Caprice swallowed, and I dropped my eyes to the glitter-covered floor underneath us. "You asked me once," I went on, "if I recognize myself in the mirror. Well, I don't. I don't know what I am. I want something promising again."

      It was quiet again, without my voice in the air. I heard Caprice sigh, and she leaned her forehead into her hand. I waited for her to say something, maybe even ask me to leave. I waited for her to laugh and tell me I was being ridiculous. I waited for her to make some cruel joke, just like always. I mean, Caprice only assisted when there was something in it for her, something she gained from the circumstance.

      So I was just wasting my time.

      "Fine," I hissed. My voice was firm and acidic, and Caprice flinched because of it. "Sorry for bothering you and your stupid club. I'll just—"

      "You certainly are an anomaly, Cian Horne."

      I froze. Anomaly. For some reason, the word struck me like a bullet, even if it was all I'd ever been, since the accident.

      "An angel without wings, yet still linked to heaven?" Caprice scoffed. "You're the first of your kind, you know. A fallen angel who's not fallen."

      "Yeah, I know all of this," I muttered. "Caprice, I don't want to be this. I can't be this. I'm either...I'm either human, angel, or fallen. I can't be in this in between. I can't."

      "What do you want to be?"

      "What?"

      "Of those three—if you could choose—what would you want to be?"

      I grimaced. "I don't have time for your cryptic questions."

      Caprice's lips slid into a grin. "Yes you do, little one. Humor me."

     And I thought I knew what I was going to say. I thought I knew I wanted my wings back, wanted my power back, wanted my old days as an angel back—but that was before. Before Lucie, before I loved her, before I realized just how easy it would be to be with her forever if I didn't have heaven's duties on my back.

      If I were human, we could be together without complications. I'd be normal again—we could be normal together.

      I rubbed my eyes, and hesitated before I spoke next. "I don't know. All I know is that my identity right now is too blurred, and I can't stand it. So if I have to get my wings back to fix it, then that's what I'll do."

      "What about the human, huh? Are you just going to forget about her?"

      Forgetting Lucie was impossible, even to think about. I jolted a little in my seat. "I'd never," I replied, "forget Lucie. Trust me, I've thought about this, about what this might mean for us."

      Caprice clicked her teeth, crossing her legs. "Clearly you haven't. Imagine this: her, thirty, and you, the same age, yet looking like you're still under the drinking age. It'd be even weirder once you both near the sixties and above range."

      Who's to say we'll even be together that long?

      I didn't say it, but it was buried in the back of my head. Nothing was guaranteed to last forever. Something, anything, could happen. A fight, or something, that ends it all, leaves us both with a bitter taste in our mouths and memories forever soured.

      Strangers, again.

      I shuddered thinking about it. "I won't make my decision now," I told her, forcing myself to make eye contact with her. She was giving a skeptical look, as if dubious of everything I was saying. This, too, sent a shudder down my spine—it was as if she was studying me. "I can't make my decision now, really. I just...at least let me know if it's possible."

      The skepticism was slowly replaced by something that looked like pity, and I tried not to look offended. Caprice sat back in her seat, folding her arms. "Well, anything's possible, Horne. Especially for you, since the Order's practically in love with you. Every other angel may hate your existence, but those guys up top..."

      I rolled my eyes. "Yeah. I get it. Move on."

      "Considering you didn't do anything wrong to lose your wings, and that you're still linked to heaven, I think it's likely. I don't know if asking is the right way to go, but maybe...maybe show them that you're worthy, somehow. Patience, Cian. Patience."

      I sat there for a moment, just letting the thoughts roll over in my head. So it was probably possible. The hard part was figuring out if I wanted it, if it was even the best idea for me, for Lucie, for Vince.

      I'd been thinking about it for weeks now, so why hadn't I figured it out yet?

      Caprice's heels against the wood of her dance floor woke me from my trance. I looked up to see her heading back towards the hallway, but not before she turned and asked, "How's Lazarus doing?"

      I blinked, as the only people Caprice ever asked about were "the human" and "the ghost." "Lazarus?"

      "Your brother, genius."

      I couldn't help but smile, even if it was not the cleverest name in existence. "Oh. He's...doing well, I think. Working on being alive."

      "Good for him."

      "Yeah," I said, and now that I was thinking about Vince, I thought I should probably head back to the house and see him, as I hadn't done so since this morning. Even though it'd been at least two months since he'd come back to life, I was still keeping a watchful eye on him. There was still that part of me that thought there has to be a catch to this somehow. And when that catch revealed itself, I wanted to be there. "I should head back and check on him. I mean, his body's not one hundred percent normal at the moment. Fundamentally."

      Caprice shrugged. "I wouldn't expect it to be."

      I started to see myself out, but not before Caprice called: "Cian?"

      "Yeah?"

      "You know, if you ever need anything else, I'm here, and you have my number."

      That made me pause. Sure, Caprice's and my relationship was much less sour than it had been when she'd tried to kill me a year ago, but that didn't mean we were best friends, or anything. As if it was possible to be best friends with someone as old and wayward as Caprice Martinez.

      I turned to her, raising an eyebrow. "Is that...is that a hint of fondness I detect in your tone? Are we friends now?"

      She opened her mouth in a laugh, and pivoted on her heel, beginning to walk away. "Ha! You wish, Horne, you wish!"

      I listened to her echoing chuckles before I turned and headed for the door, speeding up my pace to reach my Cadillac.