Luke was standing at the door and Teddy knew it. He couldn't see it because he'd kept his eyes firmly shut and his body turned away from the door since he heard the soft knock of Luke announcing his presence. Teddy couldn't see him, but Teddy could feel him. It was like a vein ran through his body directly from Luke's heart. He could hear the bum bum bum of it from the other side of the room. Teddy couldn't see him but he still knew Luke was leaning casually against the doorframe wearing a pair of sweats with no top looking like he just walked off the set of everyone's favour romantic comedy and into Teddy's nightmare.

Teddy couldn't see him, but he knew Luke was there waiting for Teddy to stop pretending he was sleeping and face whatever mess he'd made the night before. The problem was Teddy couldn't remember making a mess, not anymore of a mess than he'd been making for himself since Luke tweeted the world his sexuality. Or even before that. As far as Teddy could tell he was the same level of mess he'd been since he met Luke.

The moment he realised he was in the spare bedroom Teddy had double, tripled checked his social media for any mistakes. He remembered making a decision about the politics of their coming out but he hadn't actually done anything about that yet, he had a very specific plan for that and it didn't involve drunk antics. Still he checked for it anyway. Then he googled himself to see if there was something, anything, he'd said in interviews that might have come across the wrong way but there was nothing. There was barely a comment on his continued correction of the media's miss labelling of Luke's bisexuality, although he noticed a few fans had picked up on that from videos and most of them seemed to share his outrage, which was nice. Teddy even went as far as to text Alice - risking exposure and ridicule - to ask if she'd heard anything through her secret fandom contacts. She hadn't replied but he took that as a good sign because if something had happened she would have been glued to her phone.

Rather than feeling relief, the fact that he couldn't locate the source of whatever drama he'd unleashed made Teddy more nervous. He racked his brain for something he could have said but the worst thing that came to him was a conversation about a getting a kitten, which wasn't ideal but was hardly out of the ordinary, Teddy had been talking about getting a kitten since Luke had moved out. He'd definitely talked to Luke about getting a kitten before, he had a Whatsapp message chain to prove they'd had similar conversations before. It couldn't be the kitten that caused his relocation to the spare bedroom. It didn't make sense. But if it wasn't the kitten that meant it wasn't something that happened at the premier or the afterparty, which meant that his exile hadn't been caused by a drunken mistake and that was terrifying.

Eventually the pressure of Luke silently waiting at the door grew too much and Teddy was forced to roll himself of the duvet cocoon of denial he'd created to face the day. He groaned, stretched and tried to make it look like he was surprised by Luke's appearance.

"Coffee?" asked Luke holding out a cup that had not doubt gone from warm to cool while he waited for Teddy to accept his fate. Still Teddy took the cold coffee like it was fresh complete with noises of delight when he had a sip of it, like it wasn't making him want to vomit.

"Thanks for this," said Teddy forcing himself to take another sip of the coffee that was just warm enough to be disgusting.

Luke perched awkwardly on the end of the spare bed, his discomfort telegraphing that something was very wrong between them. The kind of easy physical relationship Teddy and Luke usually had made it all the more obvious when either one of them was suddenly uncomfortable around the other. It was wrong in too many ways.

"You look a bit rough," said Luke, trying for friendly ribbing but coming across a little cruel considering the circumstances. Luke seemed get this and he almost cringed at his own comment.

"That's a horrible thing to say to your boyfriend," said Teddy trying and failing to save the situation. The moment he said boyfriend, the flicker of pain on Luke's face told him it was the worst possible thing he could have said.

Teddy turned away for a moment trying to figured out how to negotiate the knew level of awkwardness in their relationship. There had to be something he could do. Something that would cut the tension through the middle and reveal the friendly comfort that was hidden inside like the gooey caramel centre of a warm brownie.

It took longer than Teddy was proud of for him land on the obvious answer. He blamed the champagne, it always muddled his brain for days after. It made him feel like someone had gone into his mind and reshuffled all his thoughts without telling him so it took him longer to find things that would have generally been at the top of the list. Once the thought finally did appear though, it gave Teddy a new lease at life suddenly the thumping of his headache was more of a low rumble. He downed as much of the cold coffee as he could and turned back to Luke, a new hunger in his eyes.

"Sorry about last night," said Teddy, glowing a little at the way his apology visibly ruffled Luke. He hadn't been expecting that.

"What are you sorry for?" asked Luke, as though he maybe missed something. "You didn't do anything."

"Well," said Teddy putting his cup on the bedside table and crawling his way down the bed to where Luke was still perched awkwardly on the end.

"I do remember offering you a chance to prove yourself worthy of that one song," continued Teddy running his hands down Luke's chest.

"Teddy," said Luke, an attempted protest weakened by the groan that accompanied it.

"Then I just had to go and pass out before you got your chance," said Teddy kissing Luke's neck, making sure to keep his mouth away so Luke didn't get a whiff of his obviously awful morning breath.

"Stop," said Luke and even though he sounded like he was struggling to get the word out Teddy did as he said on instinct. He stopped.

"Do I look that rough?" asked Teddy pulling away, his humour hiding fear.

"No, it's just. I umm. There's a breakfast thing and umm Rah called did I say that? and I thought maybe we should umm," rambled Luke, which was a shocking experience because Luke never rambled. Teddy rambled, Luke did not. Luke sometimes said stupid things but he always said them with a confidence and clarity most people could never muster. He always sounded like he knew what was he was talking about even if he had no idea. Teddy didn't know what was happening, or why Luke was acting the way he was, but he knew without a doubt that Luke was not going to have sex with him and that was something that had never happened before.

"Right, right, Rah called you said?" asked Teddy latching onto the only thing that made sense in Luke's blenders mix of words.

"Yeah, she wanted to know if you were set to meet with that producer today? I don't remember his name? The one you were keen on?" said Luke clarity and confidence slowing returning to his tone.

"Cool cool, I better call her then," said Teddy jumping out of bed suddenly feeling more naked in a pair of Luke's pyjama bottoms than he'd ever felt being actually naked in front of Luke before.

"Teddy," said Luke as though Teddy was the unreasonable one.

"I'm just gonna shower first, you were right I look rough and I smell even worse," said Teddy fleeing the spare room into what he was relieved to discover was and ensuite. He hadn't been sure when he opened the door but he'd committed at that point so if he had ended up in a cupboard he would have had to live there forever.

"Teddy we - " began Luke.

Teddy cut him off before he could finish whatever far too serious thought he was about to start. "You've got that breakfast with the film people," said Teddy, he hoped it would be enough to distract Luke from what ever he wanted to talk about. "It's at nine right?" added Teddy his eyes jerking toward the clock that told Luke he was already running late. Whatever conversation he wanted to have would have to wait.

"Shit," said Luke. "I should go I guess. We'll talk later tho."

"Yeah of course, go be Oscar bait," said Teddy forcing a smile on his face as he half hid behind the bathroom door.

"We're cool right?" asked Luke before he left.

"We're always cool," replied Teddy and he meant it, mostly.

Luke didn't argue he left with a wave and a smile that held a threatening hint of pity.

Teddy closed the door, pushed his back against it and slid onto the bathroom floor, a place he'd been spending far too much time recently. He shouldn't maybe invest in some kind of soft bath mat if this was going to continue to be a regular occurrence, thought Teddy. Except that thought reminded him that he was not in his bathroom, he was in Luke's bathroom. It wasn't even Luke's bathroom, it was just a spare. He was now a spare person in Luke's life and that was not a fun revelation to have while nursing a hangover.

Luke had turned down sex before. Of course he had. He wasn't an addict, at least Teddy didn't think he was. He was pretty sure he wasn't. Teddy really hoped he wasn't. Luke's relationship to sex was complicated but that was more about his inability to express feelings of affection in any other way. If sex was an option, it was his go to one. In every other regard though Luke had a really healthy attitude to sex. He was clear when he wanted something and when he didn't. He was a massive advocate of open communication. Sometimes it was more difficult getting him to stop talking about sex than it was getting him started so the fact that he'd been tongue tied when he turned Teddy down was seriously unsettling.

Teddy had never see Luke like that, especially not in a situation related to sex and he didn't know how to deal with it. So he didn't. Teddy threw Luke and everything about their relationship onto the too hard pile and focused on something he knew he could control, his music.

Rah took one look at him when he jumped in the car and saw right through the facade he'd attempted build around his feelings but instead of pushing the issue like Lily would have she only had one question, "Is whatever this is going to cause a mess I'll have to clean up?"

"Maybe," answered Teddy truthfully.

"Private mess or public mess?" asked Rah.

"Private," replied Teddy. "Probably."

"Okay then," said Rah before launching into an outline of their schedule for the day, as though that settled the matter and it did in a lot of ways.

Rah loved Teddy, he knew that. She loved him more that she probably should love a client, but she'd also made it clear that as long as it didn't effect the production or sale of his music he was allowed to make his own mistakes. She'd been a sympathetic ear for Teddy's worst moments but she didn't get involved unless Teddy asked her to. Early on the line between what was personal and what was public was harder to define so Rah was more involved. As time progressed they got a better handle on each other and what was expected to the point where they almost never crossed that line anymore. Rah trusted Teddy and Teddy trusted Rah. If Teddy said it was a private problem, she'd accept that.

"Could you maybe get me a hotel room?" asked Teddy as nonchalantly as he could. He even shrugged although Rah wasn't looking at him. "Just in case."

"No worries," said Rah not even looking up from her phone.

Teddy wasn't sure he was going to use the room. He told himself he wasn't. It was just a precaution he thought. Just in case something happened. Just in case Luke decided Teddy's obvious obsession was getting too much. If stayed out longer it was because he was working and enjoying himself. He wasn't avoiding Luke, that's what he told himself. He always turned his phone off when he was working. He wasn't avoiding Luke, that's what he told himself. He always turned his phone of when he was working. It wasn't about Luke. He was only half considering going to the hotel, it was just a thought, in the back of his head, nothing more.

A day without Luke worked a treat for the most part, by the time it ended Teddy had almost convinced himself he'd freaked out for no reason. He didn't need that hotel room after all, that's what he told himself. Luke was probably just having a bad day, not everything was Teddy's fault. He was almost entire sure he was going to tell the driver to take him back to Luke's, that's what he told himself.

It was dark when Teddy finally left. Too dark to make out the warning on Rah's face. He hadn't turned his phone back on, not because he was avoiding contact with anyone. He just hadn't had time, he hadn't needed to. He had Rah, she was his phone. She'd tell him if something happened, and she that's what she did.

"Karen called," said Rah and Teddy's felt the moment between heartbeats as though it was hours.

"Is Luke okay?" he asked panicked. Sounding exactly like every single person that's just realised the last thing they sad to someone they loved wasn't good enough to be the last thing they said to that person. Images of car crashes and naturals disasters flooding his mind, Luke lying dead in a ditch crying out for Teddy until Rah snapped him back to reality.

"Luke's fine, for fuck sake calm down, he just had to head to New York a day early because someone's doing a profile," said Rah and Teddy could see she was trying to act like everything was normal. She was trying to act like she wasn't breaking Teddy's heart, but he could also tell that she knew exactly what was happening. She was watching for the pain in his eyes, but his heart was breaking in a way that hurt so bad it didn't hurt at all. He was strangely numb yet also aware that the numbness was only temporary, so there was a hint of anticipation leaking through his absence of feelings. Anticipation of pain to come. It was better and worse than pain.

"The movies doing fucking fab, like we knew," continued Rah. "So now everyone wants a serious interview with the heart throb suddenly. No doubt regretting all the inane things they asked about on the red carpet fucking leeches."

She was talking to cover the words, she did that sometimes. It never worked, but Teddy appreciated the effort anyway.

"So hotel for me tonight then?" asked Teddy trying to get across the point that he would really rather deal with his breakdown in private not in a metal box on a freeway.

"If that's what you want," said Rah as though maybe she thought he should want something else but the clarity of numbness made him very aware that if he was left alone with that damn piano only one of them would make it out alive.

"I'm fucking tried," said Teddy, curtly. He shouldn't be taking his personal drama out on Rah but he also knew he could because she wouldn't take it personally.

"Do you want to change your answer from this morning?" asked Rah after scoffing, loudly, at his behaviour.

It took Teddy a moment to realise what she was talking about. That morning, what had they talked about, she'd asked her usual question. She'd asked whether it was a personal or private mess. He'd said it was private. Did he need to change his answer? Was this going to require public clean up? Teddy wondered to himself. No, he decided. He wasn't going to let this go public. He'd almost killed his career once for Luke Ryan he wasn't about to do it again. Whatever was happening, whatever reason Luke had for making him sleep in the spare room, for running away to New York, whatever it was they would deal with it behind closed doors.

Publicly Teddy was going to be so in love with Luke Ryan people would write sonnets about it. Privately Teddy was going to do what his mother had taught him, he was going to avoid the fuck out of Luke until it was too late.