Brothers, Knives, and Anxiety

My eyes take a tour of my surroundings. My heart sinks, my throat shrinks, and the air won't pass through my nostrils. Gulping, I cast my eyes down to my casual outfit. The song Levitating sounds in the background, but I feel like sinking. The smell of a sweet, strong perfume hits me fully when a girl with a beautiful red tube dress passes by me. I cough a couple of times. She frowns at me and walks past me, tossing her long, strawberry blonde hair to a side.

I'm so regretting this.

I shouldn't have come.

The crowd swallows me in my yoga pants and oversized bright, orange hoodie and I pray no one pays attention to me-though my outfit begs for it. My eyes peer down and I clap together the tips of my dirty, black Vans while high heels and platforms perform a little choreography around me. How do people wear sandals in cold weather?

Every girl that passes by me reeks of vanilla and cinnamon while I'm pretty sure that if someone pats my shoulder, dust would spring from my clothes just from being at that library. I take a subtle sniff to my shoulder. Yeah. I really need a shower.

Music blares in the background as my hands go up to my golden hair, releasing tendrils from the knot it is in.

"Excuse me," I keep mumbling when people bump into me.

My eyes search for my brother. He has blond hair, just like me, but his hair is straight and mine is indecisive. Mine, it's something between curly, wavy, and straight. It depends on the day, sometimes on my mood, and also the weather.

I gasp loudly, pain erupting on my shoulder.

"I'm so sorry!" This chick apologizes to me, regret washing over his expression. Immediately a cold sticky liquid travels through the fabric of my hoodie. My skin instantly feels the dense substance spreading around my chest.

Great.

"Oh my Gosh! I'm so sorry!" The blonde girl cries again.

My anxiety chokes my senses. Why am I here? Why did I think this was a good idea? I need to leave. I knew this wasn't a good decision. But, oh God. I'm not getting in that damn car again.

"Hey, relax." She grabs my shoulders, her worried eyes fixating on mine. "I'm Camille from the cooking course. Remember?"

I hear his words but my voice can't find a way out.

"I can give you something to wear," she offers, bringing me out of my trance. Before I can protest, I'm being dragged upstairs. To someone's room, I was told. Maybe I should fight against this and leave because I don't trust Camille. But, for some odd reason, I just follow her.

Ten minutes later, the mirror returns an image that I don't recognize as myself. "I'm so not going down there dressed up like this," I declare. She smiles at my reflection.

"You kidding? You're gorgeous. I don't know why you were hiding all of this." She beams at me, making a gesture to the length of my body. "Let's go," she continues. "Let's have fun! Then, Raiden can give me back this." She points at my black velvet top.

She grabs my hand and pulls me away from her room. She navigates expertly through the crowd. People simply get out of the way for her, as if she would be Moses facing the dead sea. I can't help but keep pulling the edges of my top up since I feel every guy in the room is looking in my chest's direction.

The couch where I'm sitting feels divine, which is amazing considering how cold I feel in this black corset I'm wearing. My belly button is exposed, and I fidget in my place not feeling comfortable with so much skin of my body being exposed.

Camille laughs at a joke someone made, tipping her head back. She's right next to me. I turn my head back to Josh, the guy who is sitting to my left.

He's telling me about a book club at University. His enthusiasm is so contagious, that I feel like I could go to these clubs. So, maybe there's a place for me in the academic world after all.

I freeze when his arm goes around me, not touching me, but resting on the sofa, behind my head. Smoothly, I slide away from him. I think he senses my reaction so his arm just lies still on the sofa behind my neck.

Smiling politely, I continue listening to his review of the last book they read at the book club. But shivers spark on my skin the second his fingers graze the the straps of my corset. As casually as I can, I shrug my shoulder away, getting rid of his touching. I need out.

"Sunset?" I hear someone asking from afar. When I look up, Raiden and Lukah are standing under the doorframe of what looks like a kitchen-their mouths hanging open.

They walk to me. Although, Raiden beats him and comes faster to me. "Sunset?" His brows knit together as he scans my looks.

I stand up, finally getting rid of Josh's uncomforable touch on me. "I've been looking for you!" I reply, treading toward him.

My brother shakes his head, scowling at me. Removing his blue denim jacket, he puts it on my shoulders-bourbon notes lingering around me.

"What are you doing here and dressed like that?" he questions, disgust drenches his utterance.

Despite the tone, I'm glad to hear that he has the same opinion as mine regarding clothing. Clothes are meant to cover you. That's why they were created, right?

"I came here looking for you but someone spilled a drink on me, so I just hat to borrow some clothes," I explain to him.

"How did you even come here? You don't drive," he scoffs.

I hate that my anxiety makes me so vulnerable that he already knows my limitations. And I hate the tone he uses. Like he doesn't even consider it possible for me to ever drive again.

Screw him.

I'm here on a mission and I will not let him see my reaction. So with a defiant look on my face, my chin up, and mustering a sexy pose, I slide his jacket off my shoulders, letting it fall behind me.

"Put that on, right now," he seeths.

I humph as I hear Josh laughing loudly. "Come back, Sunset!" Josh calls me.

"Is your sister friends with Josh Gilbert?" Lukah interjects.

His eyes are clearly grey now, not like this afternoon. Does he wear contacts?

"Excuse me? What do you care?" I scold him, my eyes focusing on the trail of a tattoo peeping under the sleeve of his black t-shirt.

"Well, that's actually a really good question, thank you," Raiden states. "This is between she and me."

Ugh. The only thing I need now is two overprotective brothers.

"Raiden, I just wanted to tell you that your prank was amazing. Please give me the link to the video so that I also laugh about it." I stomp over his jacket and walk away.

"What video? Are you nuts? I didn't do anything!" he complains, but I'm already too far, and he doesn't follow me. Brothers don't chase around sisters-well...at least, he doesn't.

Ugh. I'm sure he's just secretely laughing at me and sharing the video with all his friends-including Lukah.

Whatever. I have a plan. Before going outside to commit my latest crime, I take a detour to the kitchen. It's amazing how having an objective in mind clears my anxiety away.

It's so infuriating that he would take so much trouble to just mock me. We always pranked each other in the past, but with silly, small things. And we have been away from each other for so long, and this is what he thinks is best to start building our relationship again?

The autumn cold clashes against my skin. Damn, I should have kept his jacket. I walk casually since I'm holding the biggest knife I could find in the kitchen.

Don't worry, I'm not going to kill anyone. This is not that kind of story.

I'm just going to teach him a lesson. I approach Raiden's car and lean on it carelessly, as if I were waiting for someone. I swallow hard and check the surroundings to make sure I'm alone.

When I'm positive that there's no one paying attention to me, I crawl down, my knees hitting the concrete. I hesitate for a second with my eyes trained on the black, rubbery surface of the wheel. Gripping tightly the handle of the knife, I stab it.

Well...I didn't know wheels were so hard to stab-the knife just bounced back.

I can't even do this well.

I take a deep breath to try to do it once more. I pinch my eyes shut as I drive as much force as I can to dig the knife against my aim.

"Hey! Hey! Stop that!"

I freeze. Blood drains from my face as I look at Lukah's panicked eyes begging me to stop my actions.