Freezing, Caring, and Warming

The Canadian cold weather should be sued. It cannot be possible that it gets so damn cold. It feels like my bones are made of ice, even below all the layers of Hermione's costume, I'm still so damn cold.

Lukah's arm is tightly wrapped around my shoulder, trying to keep me warm. But it's useless. The black gown and the Gryffindor scarf are not enough either.

We walk through the crowd gathered around the stage that was assembled in the middle of the street, tables, and chairs placed randomly around the massive structure.

My eyes spot Matt Tiessen on the stage that is set across the street and my face aches from smiling. They are playing 'Forward Motion'. I love that song so much.

"I'll bring you something hot to drink, okay?" Lukah whispers to me, letting go of his arm around me. I quickly feel the cold hit me full in all the places he was keeping me warm.

"Sunset!" Raiden shouts over the riff Matt is doing.

I recognized his voice, but I can't find him. I look around me, trying to find his voice. I spot him near the door of the StarDust Cafe, sitting on a table with some guys and girls that I recognize from University.

"Sunset Williams is your sister?" One of the guys asks when I arrive at their place.

Raiden throws him an annoyed, puzzled look, then he throws him a crumpled napkin. "Yeah, she is Lukah's girlfriend too."

My eyes widen. "Raiden, relax," I mumble, annoyed. Why is he convinced that every guy speaking to me wants to date me?

"I watched your talk today. That was awesome!" He puts his hand up for me to high-five it. By the time I realize what he is doing, I remove my glove, and I high-five him back.

"Thank you, I guess." I frown. "What is your costume exactly Raiden?" I look at the colorful sweater he is wearing.

"I'm wearing a Christmas sweater," he states as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Of course, you wouldn't be wearing an actual costume. I can't believe you made me wear one." I cross my arms and lean my back against the wall because there are no empty places for me.

"Please, I'm the Christmas spirit," he explains to me.

My eyes squint in his direction, certain that he just made that up.

"And what are you supposed to be? A graduate student? You forgot your cap."

"I'm Hermione Granger, you Christmas boy. Don't you see the Gryffindor scarf?

I look around me trying to spot Lukah. The emptiness of the insides of the StarDust Café shocks me. But then it makes sense because the band is playing outside, on the street, and all the furniture was moved outside, and the street was specifically closed for this today. Drivers must be so thrilled.

"Hermione Granger?" A girl's high-pitch voice queries. I turn to find Camille joining the group. "The only thing I love about your costume is those shoes, honey," she adds. I look down at my...well her stilettoes.

"Alice? Alice in Wonderland?" I ask her and she twirls in her small, light blue dress, with the white apron and all. The edges of the blue fabric take flight as she twirls. I really don't get how Dean could dump her, she's so perfect.

"The one and only!" She beams at me. "I'm freaking cold though." Her hands curl around herself, rubbing her bare arms up and down.

"It's freezing tonight, right?" I complain, agreeing with her. "Who puts together a concert on the street in sheer Canadian Winter?" I question, annoyed.

"Umm, that would be me." Dean startles me. His eyes scan me up and down. "Fuck," he cusses.

"It's nice to see you too." I glance at him, and then my eyes quickly return to him. Panic settles in me, my heart knocking my ribs. Oh my God, his costume. This is just my luck.

"You are Hermione," he rasps, gulping visibly. He got it. Of course, he did. He is not a damn muggle like my brother.

I swallow hard. "And you're Draco. Draco Malfoy."

His bleached white hair makes sense now. He is wearing the same black gown as me, but a green and white scarf drapes around his neck.

The air grows thick between us as we hold each other's stares. I was always in love with Draco, even when he was an ass, I always had this urge to help him get some redemption.

"Is something going on?" Raiden asks, his eyes flickering between Dean and me.

Camille snaps his fingers on Dean's face. "Just that there's a whole fandom that ships Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger," Camille fills Raiden in, while we remain frozen, staring at each other.

"Hey, baby, I brought you hot cocoa." Lukah joins the picture and hands me the plastic cup. The spell breaks mercifully, and Dean clears his throat, his eyes quickly looking beyond me, towards the stage.

"This is way too good. Wait a second." Camille laughs as her finger flickers among the three of us. "Lukah is Harry, and you are Hermione, and Dean is Draco. Did you guys plan this?"

"No!" I voice in unison with Dean.

"Well, we kind of did." Lukah pulls me closer to him. "What's up, Draco, buddy?" He pats Dean's shoulder with his hand. Dean remains silent, a struggle visible behind his eyes.

Meanwhile, the sound of the introduction of "Be my escape" starts sounding in the background.

I smile comfortably, welcoming the warmth of Lukah's body against mine. He kisses my forehead and winks an eye at Dean.

"This song. I love this song," Raiden says, the sole of his shoe tapping the floor, his head shaking, accompanying the rhythm of the cheerful melody. "Come on, let's dance!" Raiden grabs my hand and pulls me towards the herd of people surrounding the stage.

"Camille! Lukah! Come!" I shout as I'm dragged away. I maunuver through the people careful not to spill my drink.

"And I've been housing all this doubt and insecurity..." Raiden sings the lyrics as he dances around me, while I just drink my hot chocolate. He is insane if he thinks I'm dancing. Then he gestures me to sing the next bit, but I shake my head and remain fixed to the floor.

Lukah grabs my hand, and makes me twirl and he surprises me when he starts singing the lyrics. "I've been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key." He engulfs me in his arms, just because he knows I'm freezing, and he starts swining us both in a slow motion, though the song is an upbeat one.

"And I've been dying to get out and that might be the death of me..." Camille starts singing like crazy, while she dances with Raiden.

"And even though, there's no way in knowing where to go, promise I'm going because..." My brother completes the words, and when the chorus start the whole crowd sings loudly.

"I gotta get outta here. I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake. I gotta get outta here. And I'm begging you, I'm begging you, I'm begging you to be my escape."

The band sings the chorus one more time, the audience going crazy, and honestly, so am I. Lukah makes me twirl one more time, making me laugh and gasp at once when I feel my hot drink spilling dangerously out of my cup and into Camille's body.

"Damn!" I cuss feeling the burn in my skin.

"No f*cking way!" Camille growls, her mouth hanging open. My eyes fixate on the mess my cocoa made on her flawless dress.

"I am so so so sorry." I helplessly try to clean her, but the damage is already done. "Are you hurt?"

She growls loudly, stomping her feet on the floor. Her hair whips agains my face when she turns, and she jogs away from us.

"Wait here," I beg Lukah and I follow her, apologizing on my way to all the people she bumps into.

I see her opening the Stardust Café door, and she disappears in the bathroom's direction.

The minute I step into the café, silence swallows me whole. I hear her complaining, and whining from afar, so I go after her voice and end up in the bathroom with her.

"Please, just let me help you." My hands make a calming-down gesture.

"How? How can you help me? Do you have a damn costume hidden under all those clothes you're wearing?" Her knuckles go white around the sink.

Do I look that bad? My index and thumb fingers feel the texture of the cotton scarf I'm wearing.

Silence stretches between us, and I drown in my guilt.

"I- We can switch costumes," I blurt out without thinking it twice.

She flashes me a puzzled look. "What?"

"We can switch costumes," I repeat. "I don't mind." I mean, I would rather feel cold than guilty.

"But you'll be cold in this dress, and it's all wet." She turns to me, her hands pointing at the brown stain on the front of her dress.

"I'm already cold inside, no matter what I wear," I confess.

Her golden eyebrows furrow.

"Do you want to do this or not?" I take a step closer to her, unwrapping my Gryffindor scarf from my neck, and I offer it to her. She hesitates, her look flickering between the scarf and her ruined dress.

She sighs heavily, and finally snatches it out of my hand. "Come on. I want to go back dancing."

Some minutes later, I am Alice in Wonderland. She is Hermione. And I'm freezing, but I don't tell her that. The dress is not only stained, it's wet. I'll surely get an asthma attack after tonight.

"Just one more thing," Camille says, unwrapping the white lace that she had on her hair. She grabs the extremes of it and places it around my head. Her hands work with the fabric of the lace until a beautiful ribbon appears at the top of my blonde hair. She smiles brightly when she contemplates my image in the mirror.

"And..." she trails."Here." A small, fluffy item hangs from her index finger. The handle is made of small, pearl beads.

"What's that supposed to be?" I examine the white, soft thing.

"It's a fluffy purse, duh. It matches the outfit." She rolls her eyes at me.

I laugh because not even my phone fits in it. I grab the weightless item and strike a pose for her.

"Perfection." She smiles brightly. "You ready?"

"Yeah, I'll catch up in a second. You can go." I dismiss her, as I stare at my reflection in the mirror.

"Okay. See you then!" The bathroom's door closes behind her, and I am left alone.

I feel like...

No. I try to swallow, but my throat is shrinked. Damn anxiety. "There's no lion behind you Sunset. Try to breathe," I admonish myself. "You're not trapped in a car accident anymore."

I'm just cold. I'm okay. I close my eyes, taking a deep breath.

I want to- No.

What if I go downstairs? To the basement?

No. No. "What am I thinking?" I speak to the mirror before me.

I wish I would have the guts to go and see the way the place looks like now. But no. I just can't do that yet. I haven't moved on. I can't. I'll just go outside and find Lukah. I walk out of the bathroom, trying to undermine the winter storm in my heart, but I freeze when I find Dean sitting alone at the bar.

"Hey," I greet him. Then, I notice the lit cigarette stranded between his fingers. I'm about to ask him why he is smoking again, but the words just don't come out.

He glances at me, then he looks again. "Jeez, what did Hermione do to Alice?"

"Ugh. She threw hot chocolate into Alice's dress." I point my index fingers toward my chest, a tight smile appears on my face.

"I see." He smiles. "Well, I almost ran away when I mistook you for Camille."

His comment takes me aback. It bothers me how mean he is to her. "Why do you treat her like that?"

He scoffs loudly. "I'm not having this conversation with my sister-in-law," he spits, disgust lacing his tone. His cheeks hollow as he holds his cigarette to his lips.

"God. Why do I even bother?" I turn on my heels to leave but he runs towards me and grabs my arm, right above my elbow, forcing me to stop.

I glare at him, and try to shuffle out of his grasp.

"Wait." A regretful look washes over his face. "Can- can I show you something?"

I swallow hard, then release a big sigh. "No."

"I promise it's good."

"I really don't care Dean. The way you treat girls makes me sick," I snarl.

He releases me from his grasp, and takes a small step back but he still remains close to me.

"And don't let me get started on the way you treat yourself." My chin nudges at the lit weapon between his fingers.

Just as if my words meant nothing to him, he takes the cigarette to his lips and inhales the cancer into his lungs. He puffs the air out, the disgusting cloud of smoke reaches me, making me cough.

"F*ck you." I roll my watery eyes at him.

I turn my back to him, the biggest sigh leaving my lips, and stride toward the door. I stay outside for a second, frozen, because of the cold weather, and because I miss them so much. I look behind me to check that Dean is not chasing me, and he is not. He is not that kind of guy. I honestly can't deal with him right now, so that's okay.I just need my anxiety to calm down. A gasp escapes my lips. Please don't cry now. Lukah is talking with Raiden next to the stage, they seem to be absorbed in whatever is it they are discussing because they don't notice me.

"I need to move on," I speak to myself.

I turn on my heels and push the door of the Stardust Cafe open. My feet carry me fast towards the library, or the basement, or whatever it has become right now. My eyes closed because I know my way by heart, the tears running wild, but I need to go down there one more time. I just need to be closer to them. I need to remember what it was like to have them around. I want to tell them about Lukah, about Dean, about my talk at university. Maybe then, I'll be able to move on. Maybe then, my anxiety will shut up.

I open the small door to the basement and I start going downstairs. Dust is no longer an issue in this place. It smells clean, and no trace of dust makes my nostrils react. I sniffle, gasp and whine at once, as my emotions rush to my heart, and my mind, and they burst out through my eyes, crashing down like waterfalls over my cheeks.

All the memories rush back to me. Meeting Lizzie and Darcy. My arguments with Hardin, Hardin running away. I laugh at that one. Me telling off Edward Cullen and Christian Grey, When we went to the Harry Styles concert with Tessa and Hardin, and when they left.

I reach the bottom of the stairs and will myself to look at the refurbished place. My chest heaves up and down, but only because I'm crying way too hard-like never before.

There are short and high, white, wooden tables scattered around the room. The centerpieces are simple, square-shaped, glass bowls. Tens of rounded stones rest inside each of them. A tablecloth lies across each of the tables, below the centerpieces. I step closer to see what is the design in them. When I reach one of the tables, I identify words scribbled in a beautiful long cursive font on the fabric of the tablecloth.

"It's a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." I read out loud. "It's quotes from the books," I whisper, my voice hoarse from how tight my throat feels.

I stifle a laughter, and walk towards the other table to see if there are different quotes or if they are all the same. "I noticed just about every girl, but none of them made a lasting impression but you." Peeta. That's from The Hunger Games. I smile. "He was always my favorite, sorry Hardin," I speak to the walls.

I turn to another table on my left and I read another one. "Elizabeth Bennett needs to chill. Love is just a transaction. We're all hardwired to desire. We present the correct set of desirable traits and boom! We can turn it on or we can turn it off."

I scoff. Hardin, of course, he would say that.

My eyes transition to a different tablecloth. "You aren't my type. Just as I am not yours." That would be Hardin again. I shake my head, smiling.

From the corner of my eye, one quote catches my attention. I had forgotten how beautiful it was. "Just because he can't love you the way you want him to doesn't mean he doesn't love you with everything he has." I frown. Liam says that in After.

Did Dean make this? I'm so confused.

Light bathes the whole place, startling me. I look up, puzzled. Someone must have turned the rest of the lights on. My eyes double take the room around me, and the air is knocked out of my lungs. I stumble backward in shock, my butt knocking a chair down. I grasp the edge of one of the tables for balance as I gulp and blink several times to understand what I'm seeing.

Open books.

Hundreds of open books.

Hundreds of open books nailed to the walls around me.

All the pages flutter open randomly. I step closer to the wall before me to try and figure out which books are these, or if this is some kind of joke someone is playing to me.

The tip of my fingers graze the countless pages. I gasp, my hand cupping my mouth when I find Twilight. I start desperately fumbling around each of the books.

"They are all there," a voice says from my left. "The books, I mean."

I turn towards the source of the voice, all my actions stop abruptly. Bleach white hair, blue eyes stare at me.

He walks closer to me. "All the books are there, open and free. You have nothing to worry about."

Words fail me as I grasp the meaning of his words.

Fire feels kindling at the core of my being. All layers of frost crack up slowly, defrosting the ice in my soul.

He takes a few more steps toward me. The gap vanishes between us. His eyes fix on the wall covered with books.

"Wh- how-, what did you do?" I manage to complete a full question for him.

"I..." He rubs the nape of his neck. "I kind of free them...the characters I mean."

My widened eyes dart to the wall, and then back to him. Then, back to the wall again.

"Ff- f*ck me."

"Excuse me?" He connects his eyes with mine for a second, and my cheeks burn in carmin red hues.

"I- I mean, I-, you, I-" I shake my head, my mouth open, my words absent.

"I wish I could have shown you before, but I needed to-"

I turn my body towards him, and take a step closer to him until there is a mere inkling of air between him and me. "Why?" I demand.

He bites his bottom lip, his eyes avoiding mine.

"Why!?" I raise my voice. "Why did you do this?" My fists clenched at either side of my body, my cheeks drenched with tears.

His hand travels to my face, and I force myself to remain still. His thumb carefully presses against my cheek, and he slides away from it the leftovers of my tears.

"Because I care, Sunset." He gulps, his blue eyes trained on mine. "I care about you."

I think the world around me just exploded-physically or metaphorically speaking, I'm not sure. I'm not sure what's happening to be completely honest. The only thing I know is that I'm not cold anymore.

The End