A Word About Depression and Social Anxiety
(before reading or after reading this book or while reading this book, or even if you are not gonna read it. This might help you.)

It has come to my knowledge that Depression and Social Anxiety Disorder are issues that are not as widely known as I thought they were.

Since Sunset Williams, the main character of Book Boyfriends, suffers from both of them (and also PTSD, but that's for some other time), I have decided to include this chapter so that we can all be aware of what we are talking about.

I apologize in advance if my voice sounds a bit sharp and loud in this update, I just want to be as clear as possible.

Two things have led me to write and publish this chapter (cuz thank God I don't publish everything I write). First, the number of readers that after reading Book Boyfriends tell me that they think they suffer from anxiety (which is super scary, cuz it's not okay to be sick and not to be aware of that, you can only heal a wound when you know you have it). Second and most sadly, the number of readers that judge Sunset so harshly as they read.

I believe this is all part of not being aware about it, so do not take it the wrong way if you belong to the second group, I just feel we all need to learn from this, so no hard feelings.

I took for granted that people knew what Anxiety and Depression felt like. I got it wrong. So this is me, an ordinary human being who suffers from both conditions, and that has gone through years of therapy and self-discovery, providing you with some reliable information about these issues.

If you suffer from any of these conditions, you need to do more than reading on Wattpad about it, you need medical attention. Please, reach out for help. This is a serious matter.

This chapter includes knowledge that I acquired through personal experience and quotes from diverse reliable sources. The sources are listed at the end.

First things first. 🤗

❌Depression and anxiety ARE NOT feelings or emotions that you suddenly feel because your internet is not working, or you couldn't get tickets to go to a Coldplay concert.

❌Depression IS NOT FEELING SAD for a week because you didn't get what you wanted.

✅ Depression and Anxiety ARE PERMANENT CONDITIONS that people have to endure for 6 months minimum or even their entire lives.

✅Depression and anxiety are MENTAL DISORDERS, this means that it is a kind of disease, a condition, so you can't ask a person who suffers from any of these to "get over themselves", or to "stop being dramatic", or to just "calm down."

✅ Depression is a constant, overwhelming, and sad mood that prevents you from doing everyday life activities.

There follows a few technical definitions and facts that may shed further light on the topic.

😱😱 ANXIETY 😱😱

A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome. (The google lady said)

We all experience anxiety in everyday life, when you have an important exam, or when you are about to tell someone something important. However, for people who suffer from an Anxiety disorder the definition may be a bit different.

Anxiety is your body's natural response to stress. It's a feeling of fear or apprehension about what's to come. But if your feelings of anxiety are extreme, last for longer than six months, and are interfering with your life, you may have an anxiety disorder. (Healthline.com)

Anxiety feels literally like you are being chased by a T-rex, your body may show it or not, but you feel threatened and frightened. Even when you come and tell me, "Hey, relax, there is no t-rex behind you," I will not relax, cuz when I have an anxiety attack, I can only see what I see, logical thinking doesn't work during an anxiety attack.

(The t-rex may be a phone call, buying groceries, going to school, or taking a blood test. That means that it can be any every day activity, but that brings you extreme fear, to the point you avoid doing them).

ANXIETY DISORDER:

It's normal to feel anxious about moving to a new place, starting a new job, or taking a test. This type of anxiety is unpleasant, but it may motivate you to work harder and to do a better job. Ordinary anxiety is a feeling that comes and goes but does not interfere with your everyday life.

In the case of an anxiety disorder, the feeling of fear may be with you all the time. It is intense and sometimes debilitating.

This type of anxiety may cause you to stop doing things you enjoy. In extreme cases, it may prevent you from entering an elevator, crossing the street, or even leaving your home. If left untreated, the anxiety will keep getting worse. (Healthline.org)

Several types of anxiety disorders exist:

Agoraphobia (ag-uh-ruh-FOE-be-uh) is a type of anxiety disorder in which you fear and often avoid places or situations that might cause you to panic and make you feel trapped, helpless or embarrassed.

Anxiety disorder due to a medical condition includes symptoms of intense anxiety or panic that are directly caused by a physical health problem.

Generalized anxiety disorder includes persistent and excessive anxiety and worry about activities or events - even ordinary, routine issues. The worry is out of proportion to the actual circumstance, is difficult to control and affects how you feel physically. It often occurs along with other anxiety disorders or depression.

Panic disorder involves repeated episodes of sudden feelings of intense anxiety and fear or terror that reach a peak within minutes (panic attacks). You may have feelings of impending doom, shortness of breath, chest pain, or a rapid, fluttering or pounding heart (heart palpitations). These panic attacks may lead to worrying about them happening again or avoiding situations in which they've occurred.

Selective mutism is a consistent failure of children to speak in certain situations, such as school, even when they can speak in other situations, such as at home with close family members. This can interfere with school, work and social functioning.

Separation anxiety disorder is a childhood disorder characterized by anxiety that's excessive for the child's developmental level and related to separation from parents or others who have parental roles.

Social anxiety disorder (social phobia) involves high levels of anxiety, fear and avoidance of social situations due to feelings of embarrassment, self-consciousness and concern about being judged or viewed negatively by others.

Specific phobias are characterized by major anxiety when you're exposed to a specific object or situation and a desire to avoid it. Phobias provoke panic attacks in some people.

Substance-induced anxiety disorder is characterized by symptoms of intense anxiety or panic that are a direct result of misusing drugs, taking medications, being exposed to a toxic substance or withdrawal from drugs.

When to see a doctor

See your doctor if:

You feel like you're worrying too much and it's interfering with your work, relationships or other parts of your life

Your fear, worry or anxiety is upsetting to you and difficult to control

You feel depressed, have trouble with alcohol or drug use, or have other mental health concerns along with anxiety

You think your anxiety could be linked to a physical health problem

You have suicidal thoughts or behaviors - if this is the case, seek emergency treatment immediately

Your worries may not go away on their own, and they may get worse over time if you don't seek help. See your doctor or a mental health provider before your anxiety gets worse. It's easier to treat if you get help early.

If you are wondering whether you suffer from social anxiety disorder or not, below I quote some common symptoms. However, be aware that you cannot self-diagnose this, you need to go to a doctor or ask an adult so that you seek professional help. I hope you never feel any of the things listed below, but if you do, ask for help. Please.

Common anxiety signs and symptoms include:

Feeling nervous, restless or tense

Having a sense of impending danger, panic or doom

Having an increased heart rate

Breathing rapidly (hyperventilation)

Sweating

Trembling

Feeling weak or tired

Trouble concentrating or thinking about anything other than the present worry

Having trouble sleeping

Experiencing gastrointestinal (GI) problems

Having difficulty controlling worry

Having the urge to avoid things that trigger anxiety: university, school, work, phone calls, people.

These symptoms should last more than 6 months and be recurrent.

💔DEPRESSION💔

Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and sometimes you may feel as if life isn't worth living. (Mayoclinic.org)

Depression symptoms can vary from mild to severe and can include:

Feeling sad or having a depressed mood

Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed

Changes in appetite - weight loss or gain unrelated to dieting

Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much

Loss of energy or increased fatigue

Increase in purposeless physical activity (e.g., inability to sit still, pacing, handwringing) or slowed movements or speech (these actions must be severe enough to be observable by others)

Feeling worthless or guilty

Difficulty thinking, concentrating or making decisions

Thoughts of death or suicide

I am no expert and no psychologist, just a writer who suffers from these conditions. So do not rely solely on this to self-diagnose you.

With no intentions of oversharing, but rather show you that I have knowledge about this from first hand, let me tell you that as a teenager I dropped school for a year, I was not able to step into a bus without shaking and sweating like a t-rex was chasing me, I avoided shopping, concerts, and all crowded places, I started shaking and sweating in public, crowded places without understanding what was happening to me. In spite of everything, thanks to God, my family, medication, and therapy I was able to catch up on school, I graduated as a teacher of English literature, I had kids, I have been able to deliver public talks, and I have even been to concerts and enjoyed the whole time there.

I still struggle when doing a phone call, going to the doctor, taking the bus, driving, or publishing something here, and most of the times life is hard cuz I live scared-damn t-rex. But I have overcome so much of it, and I know it can be conquered.

How?

Therapy (very important, don't avoid it). Family support. Meds can help, but it's better if you fight it yourself (meds sometimes make you different, I never liked that). And supernatural forces. Yes. Let me acknowledge God here. He has bad press, I get it. But He helped me a lot, so it would be selfish not to mention this. When you suffer from depression and anxiety, you need safety, constant safety from all dangers, including death.

God gave me that safety. And he pulled me out of places that I thought were too deep and dark for anyone to reach or see. My anxiety has become a superpower thanks to him, even when some days it drains me, it also empowers me.

I hope that you know that you don't need an appointment to ask Him for help, I promise He will listen.

(By the way, the fact that I believe in God doesn't make me a hater of the LGBTQ+ community whatsoever. I love people. I love human beings. I am a kind soul that has been through a lot, there is no room for hate in me. )

To sum up, I created a character who also suffers from anxiety and depression, and I was not aware that so few people could pinpoint what was happening to her, hence I wrote this chapter using information from my own experience, and from several websites that I quote below.

Please, treat people with love and kindness, we are all struggling and some people struggle so much more than you and I.

It's free to be kind, I promise, no one will charge you.

I want to end this chapter by quoting Sunset. These lines are dedicated to all people who battle every day with any kind of mental disorder.

"So, when I feel the soft carpeted floor against the soles of my feet, I feel like someone should give me an award for deciding to get up in spite of the armageddon that dwells inside of me.

And I don't complain about the fact that no one gives me the award, I just wish I could let those who suffer like me know that it is an incredibly epic thing for you to get up from your bed every day when you are struggling with depression or maybe just a not-passing mark or the lack of notifications on your phone.

Even if no one notices, in my most humble opinion, you are pretty epic."

Sunset Williams in Book Boyfriends

References and Websites with More Information

https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/anxiety/24-common-signs-of-social-anxiety/

https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/anxiety/is-anxiety-a-mental-illness/

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/anxiety/symptoms-causes/syc-20350961

https://www.healthline.com/health/depression#symptoms

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/depression/what-is-depression

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20356007

The following website offers an online preliminary test to see if you suffer from social anxiety like Sunset, or myself: https://www.psycom.net/social-anxiety-test/