☠EDITED☠

Video on side made by MapleLeafx

Hayden's POV:

My phone rings for the fifth time, and I groan as I look down and see the same name running a crossed my phone. I angrily pick up, "What?"

"Hayden, I'm sorry." Louis apologizes.

"Are you? Didn't seem like it when you let me leave crying."

"Yes, I am. I really am. I was drunk, and I regret everything I said and did."

I bite my lip as I comprehend his words. "Okay."

"Okay?" He asks, confused by my answer.

"Okay, I forgive you."

"Really?" I could almost hear the happiness radiating through the speakers.

"Yes, Lou." I smile, slightly.

"Thank you, Hayden! I promise I won't let you down again."

I walk over to Jasmine's house and knock on the door, and she answers. "Oh, hey!"

"Hey, Jas. Good news!"

"What about?"

"Louis." I reply. "Mind if I come in?"

"Of course not." She opens the door wider and I walk in getting ready to tell her everything.

"Louis called today and apologized for the way he acted."

"Did he now?" Jasmine asks, sipping her coffee.

"Yes! Isn't it great?" My cheeks heat up at the thought.

"I suppose."

"You suppose?"

"Hayden, can I talk to you about something?"

"Of course." I smile as my phone rings. Jasmine raises an eyebrow and I apologize, muting it. "So what did you want to talk about?"

"About Louis."

"Come on, Jas." I say, irritated.

Jasmine swallows and holds back the tears threatening to spill. "I know you like, Louis. I just don't want you to get hurt!" I give her a questioning look as she goes on, "He's changing you!"

Anger surges through me, "What about Harry, huh?"

"That's different."

How dare she go and talk about Louis like that? She has absolutely no right to do this!

"Listen, Jas." She opens her mouth to say something but I cut her off. "I know you mean well, but don't you dare go and comment on my boyfriend when you don't even know him."

"I just want what's best for you..."

She has no idea what's best for me!

"I've got to go." I reply, standing up.

"Wait, Hayden!"

"Goodbye, Jas." Angered, I walk out the door not looking back once.

I walk over to Louis house after our fight, and walk in not expecting him not to be there. "Louis?"

He doesn't answer, so I send him a quick text letting him know where I am. While I wait for him to get here, I go into his room and the first thing that catches my eye is a brown journal.

My heart races as I look at the old brown journal in front of me. Maybe I shouldn't read it. I mean, it is Louis privacy. I wouldn't want him to read my journal. But I couldn't help myself.

4/7/11
my mom left me. she told me she wouldn't, she promised. how could she lie just like that? kiss me goodnight with me not realizing it meant goodbye.  if this is what love is, I don't want it anymore.

7/23/11
the foster care is still looking for some people to take me. they don't want me anymore. I'm just another case they don't want to deal with. why did my mom have to put me through so much pain? I just want to die.

1/12/12
I finally tried to commit suicide. nobody has adopted me yet and it's already the beginning of the year. why doesn't anybody want me? why would God do this to me? what did I do to deserve this? but the people found me and took the razor away. I don't think I actually wanted to die; so I'm kind of glad they found me. hopefully God makes me happy again because I don't want to feel this way anymore.

I can hardly swallow the lump in my throat as I didn't realize Louis went through this much at a young age. How could his mom do this to him? I flip the page, and furrow my eyes at the big time jump.

2/4/16
I'm sorry I haven't written for a long time. I just felt there was nothing to write. but now I think I have something. today a new girl showed up at our school. the first thing she did was roast Hailey. I'm impressed already; I made sure to let her know I was. she was beautiful. she looked right at me and blushed. I don't know her name yet, but she seemed as interested in me as I was in her already. she was different, and I felt something I haven't for a long time.

2/6/16
I finally found out her name. I told Zayn about her, and he went around and asked. her name is Hayden. It fits her.

A smile finds its way onto my lips as I read his entries.

2/16/16
I finally asked her on a date; she said yes.

3/5/16
I am planning to ask her to prom this month...I hope she says yes.

3/11/16
I asked her, and she said yes. I joked that I was planning to ask Hailey, and her smile fell. she seems to really like me, and I hope she does. because I really like her too.

3/20/16
proms over and it was amazing. I met her brother, Evan. he was very kind, and I like him a lot. and Hayden, she was so beautiful. I decided to take a move and kiss her; she kissed back.

4/1/16
she told me about her parents. what she thinks happened and all. I hate to see her distressed, but I'm glad she decided to tell me.

4/26/16
we were all out tonight, just hanging out. but as soon as Hayden flashed her genuine grin I smiled. I couldn't help it. but I also realized one thing; I am madly in love with her.

I let out a cry of happiness. He does love me.

5/2/16
she asked about my mom. I told her it was nothing. she can't know. I can't let her know. and I also in no way can keep falling in love with her.

5/10/16
I keep hoping my moods will push her away. I don't want love. I loved once and look where it pushed me. love is a disgusting, dangerous thing. I must destroy the very thing I love. or, it will destroy me.

5/24/16
her innocence fucking disgusts me. but, now it's gone. she let me take it, finally. it was a few times she would let me do other things, but now I finally got it. now I have the power to do whatever I want.

5/25/16
she loves me. what a fucking joke. she also forgives me too easily. I have her wrapped around my damn finger.

5/25/16
but the thing is; I love her. yet I don't want to. she said I am heaven on earth, but what she does not know is I am a paradise on fire.

I place the journal on the bed beside me as I realize how stupid I was. The tears fall freely as I lay down in his bed.

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:( bby