Roxana

I can feel your heartbeat under my fingertips. It's just that the split seconds between the beats feel too long and I feel like screaming your name every time because I am afraid there will be no next beat and you will vanish and I will be without you and now I can't deny anymore that being without you got to be a damn dreadful thing.

You, the murderer, my love.

I still loathe myself for feeling all that, but I can't stop it, can't help wanting you not to die.

You, who aren't anything to me, but it seems my curse reached you too. It seems like everyone around me dies a violent death rather sooner than later.

The handsome doctor who came with the task force of that Alex guy is giving him some pills.

I just hope I am not trusting the wrong people.

"What the hell did you do, Marco? It's your first penetrative shot wound in ten years," asks the doctor that Marco seems to indeed know.

"I... Was... distracted. Now ...argh... stop looking at me with your judgy eyes, Christoph."

At least he is not unconscious anymore but looks very pale and weak and I am clutching his hand again because I feel like crying.

"It's okay, Pebbles. Argh... I am... Going to be fine. No... need to worry."

"I...uh.."

"Or, maybe you prefer-"

"No! I don't want you to die!" I interrupt him irritated.

"That's ... nice to hear," he says with such a faint smile it's almost untraceable on his beautiful pale face.

"Why are you not doing anything?" I ask the doctor irritated.

He grabs my elbow and drags me away.

"Because he actually needs surgery and I don't know if I can perform it here without him dying."

"Well then don't. Bring him to a hospital right now."

"He... Doesn't want to, out of obvious reasons and it's not like I can just walk into any hospital and operate there."

No, he cannot die. That would mean I will never get my revenge on Ivan. Is that the only reason?

"Do that. Do it the safe way. Call an ambulance, I will convince him. Is he stable?"

"As stable as it gets in the given conditions."

"What hospital do you work at?"

"Universitätsspital."

"Ok, go ahead and do what you have to do, I will see that he complies," I say and can't help sighing.

Walking away from them I take Marco's blood-smeared phone from the pocket and search through his last calls.

Mustering all my courage I press call.

It takes only seconds for him to answer.

"Pronto! Marco?!"

I am frozen but need to pull myself together.

"Don Lorenzo. It's Roxana... The... Most expensive fuck..." I say, that being the only memorable thing that comes to my mind that he might remember me by.

"I know who you are. Where is Marco?"

"He was shot. And we need to get to a hospital. We are in Zürich, with some bodyguards of a certain Alexei and a surgeon. But he really needs surgery and it's too risky to do it here, and I don't know if I can trust these people," I say.

"Shut up."

"But. Sir, please. You need to do something. You have lots of money; you can bribe people to stay silent. You have lawyers. He doesn't want to go because it is compromising for you too if he turns up with a shot wound and people will ask questions and the police, but... But I think it's more important for him not to die and you can see to that after," I ramble quite obviously, not being able to stop myself.

"Shut up and listen. Get an ambulance now and go to the hospital. To the best in that city. I will take care of the rest. Now! You hear me?" he screams. He screams and it's okay because I would like to scream but can't.

"Yes sir. Universitätsspital. That's where the doctor works at."

He just hangs up on me but I don't have time to bother about it.

"Where's the ambulance?" I ask the doctor.

"On its way."

"What?! He is unconscious again," I almost scream.

"It's okay, it's under control," he says and winks. And I feel the blood draining from my face. Maybe this Alex guy is not a friend after all and I let this wannabe doctor inject everything he pleases without questioning.

"Now don't you fain too," he says.

"What did you do to him?"

"I sedated him so he doesn't object, to spare you some trouble. You can thank me later after your boyfriend is not in mortal danger anymore. You are welcome."

I am still mind-numb and don't even care to object to the title, but the ambulance sirens don't let me dwell on it.

One of the bodyguards is driving me to the hospital. He is big, bulky, bald and I don't know what language he speaks or if he speaks at all.

"Girl needs to take care of wound too," he says with his eyes on the road. I have almost forgotten about that. "Else Marco will be angry with Yuri when wake up."

"You actually know Marco?" I ask wondering a bit.

"Yes, Marco is friend of Alexei. He and Dr. Haller only friends of Alexei."

"Dr. Haller is this guy? Is he even a good doctor?"

"One of best surgeons in world. Got many prizes. Bit arrogant but good boy inside. Saved life of Natalia, and Natalia was in worse shape. Girl must not worry, will be fine."

"I don't know. Everyone around me seems to die. I think that I am cursed."

"No. Curse not exist, only bad people. Girl is not bad people, so things will be fine. Men of Yuri find shooter, then Yuri kill, or Yuri can let girl kill, if like."

Damn world of theirs, where homicide is talked about like changing the bed sheets.

"Roxana. My name is Roxana."

"Yuri knows."

"What? How? I didn't tell you, not even to the doctor guy."

"Alexei knows and told Yuri. But Yuri didn't want frighten girl. Not stalker."

"And what else did Alexei tell you about me?" I ask slightly irritated.

"That Roxana in a lot of trouble with the clan of the Kuraghins, and Marco want help because he likes Roxana, so he asked Alexei to do nothing when Marco kills clan members."

Oh my God, Yuri does seem to know at least some stuff about me, and several other people seemingly do too. That was an interesting conversation that ended abruptly with me being asked out of the car by Yuri who parked like a boss just in front of the hospital entrance, where there is no parking spot whatsoever.

Dr. Haller walks indeed inside as if he owns the place, too. That's not bad. A nurse comes toward me and asks to have a look at my arm. I nod absentminded while Marco disappears into an OR with the strange doctor.

Not even half an hour later a helicopter lands on the building and I learn that it's not a medical one when Don Lorenzo enters the hall frowning and looking holes into me. Oh shit.

"He... is in surgery. It will still take half an hour said the nurse," I tell him timidly. "He is going to be fine. This doctor seems to be indeed a good one. I google him. And he was confident."

He says nothing, just stares at me. Does he want to kill me now too? Good chances.

"It is good that you called me," he says in the end.

Not sure about that, either good or really, really bad.

"Now I even owe you a life, Roxana Ceban, and not any life."

You see, sir, the guys that shot your grandson though, they were kinda after me. But maybe it's not good to mention this right now.

"Marco might not agree with what I did."

"Marco does not agree with a lot of things but I have always his best interest at heart, and seemingly you do too, despite everything."

"So you won't... uh kill me? Or hand me back to Stefano while Marco is unconscious?" I ask candidly.

"Not right now," he says and winks.

Guys that are in the mob or associated with the mob, stop winking; it creeps the hell out of me.

After a terrible, frightening, awkward fifteen minutes, when Don Lorenzo is looking at me in his very peculiar and creepy way, the doctor comes out to tell us that the surgery went fine but he won't wake up for the next few hours. 

Don Lorenzo requests to see him and doesn't take no for an answer. I walk to the cafeteria of the hospital to just not be in the same space with him anymore. I buy myself a coffee to have a justification to sit there and sink my head on the table where I seemingly fall asleep and wake up only when someone is shaking my shoulder and I scream startling and spill the cold coffee all over myself.

"Jesus, Dr. Haller, given the circumstances, you could have been a bit more delicate. I startle easily these days."

"I tried, but you weren't reacting."

"Ok, I believe you. But why are you here?"

"Well because Marco is awake and asking for you and Don Lorenzo went to do not sure what. So I guess you want to take advantage of his absence."

I exhale and nod. 

"Ok, after you."

He walks towards a private room like the one Kary's mom was held in. Perks of being rich. When my dad was in the hospital he had to share a room with five other guys, one worse off than the other. 

"Is he going to be fine?"

"Of course. My death rate is very very low, and he was in rather good shape when we got here. If I would have had to operate there, he probably would have survived too but I couldn't have guaranteed it and Alex might have misinterpreted it."

What did Yuri say, brilliant and arrogant? I guess he nailed it. 

When I enter the room sudden shyness overcomes me and I can't lift my eyes from the ground for a few seconds. 

"You okay, Pebbles?"

When I hear these words, spoken in a rather faint voice, I can't help looking up and running over. Tears and snot run over my face. 

"I am not the one who was shot, you moron," I say between hiccups. 

"There, there, it's all good. But I can't give you a hug unless you lean in," he says and smiles a bit and I feel like crying even harder. "Oh my, you seem to indeed not have wanted me to die. I am flattered."

"Shut up, for one because you are weak after surgery and no, no, no! I don't want you to die. I never did. Regardless of everything I don't. I just don't."

"Roxi, breathe, it's okay."

"Are you not angry with me? Because I called creepy grampa?"

"Come here, and lean in, but on the good side."

Tired and overwhelmed by everything I give in and stretch out on the side of the bed with the head on his left shoulder. 

"I am very tempted to be angry because I will likely never hear the end of it from him, but I also try to refrain from it because you acted in good faith, doing what you thought was right. And in a way you were right; he took care of everything in his very own way. Hardcore but efficient."

"What did he do, except landing his own helicopter on the hospital heliport?" I mumble cuddling onto him. "I hope he didn't kill anybody."

"Not impossible, but no."

The words fade away as I fall asleep again and wake up only the next morning when Lorenzo and the array of doctors and nurses enter the room. 

Oh, shit... Awkward, embarrassing, you name it. But somehow they don't pay any attention to me for the better or the worse. After the doctors are done, Lorenzo lets out a string of Italian words I don't understand and feel ambiguous about and leaves too. 

"What did he say? Does he want to kill me?"

"Nope, he said I can keep you for the time being, that I well... cannot marry you because clan, legacy and yada, yada, but I can have some fun till it comes to that. That is his way of saying thank you and that he hates you less."

I feel like laughing a bit. 

"Why do you hate him so much? I mean, besides the obvious, mob, murder and all. He seems to actually love you. He has indeed a rather peculiar way of expressing it but I think he does."

"That's a story for another time, okay?"

I nod. 

The next few days go by quickly. Lorenzo insists that Marco stays in the hospital for the whole week even if he feels better after three days. 

In the end, we return to Italy escorted severely by at least ten bodyguards. 

"Why are we stopping here?" I ask, noticing we are in the middle of nowhere and the cars all pulled over. 

"Because we crossed the border to Italy, and it's a remote place."

"Aaaand? I will be killed after all?"

"And I want to teach you to shoot."

"Oh."

What did I say about just pushing a button? Well, I might have oversimplified it. I got a brief introduction to the type of guns that exist, how they work, and how you are supposed to handle them. And there is also the part when you have to train your aim and your posture and all that. 

"Ok, try it out now," he says. 

I raise the gun, unlock it and aim confidently at the target. 

"Remember, Pebbles, control your breathing," he says and comes close, so close I can feel his body warmth and blush a little bit. "They say you should wait to synchronize the shot with your heartbeat," he whispers in my ear. "That's romanticized though."

Yeah.. romance... it's the only thing I hear. And in the end ... I shoot.