BAD BITCH
❝these were the women who knitted pain into glory❞

11. Team Pep Talk

January 2017

❝Where the fuck is the birdman?❞
All eyes immediately go to Clint Barton; who was desperately trying to hide behind Natasha from the scary lady at the front. He presumed she was talking about him, a pang of sobered anger at being referred to as such, but didn't dare have the guts to speak up at all. He watches as her eyes fleet over his head before looking him dead in the eyes. He swears his soul went cold just from Svetlana's annoyed gaze.
❝You're not black.❞
Svetlana grumbles but only seems to get exasperated as Clint responds. She honestly didn't have time to take the fucking register but the lack of diversity was obvious so it was easy for her to identify someone as missing when they were, in fact, black.
❝No, um, I'm not.❞
Svetlana rolls her eyes before barking out the name of the man missing. Sam Wilson seemed to finally ring a few bells in their heads and they all let out noises of realisation. Svetlana had returned to the Avengers Compound merely three days after their last meeting, the one which lead to her conversing with Directer Fury, and had instantly gotten down to finding Barnes. Svetlana knew that the quicker they found him, no matter where he was, would instigate how fucked up his mental state would be. The team had not seemed pleased at her arrival, each one of them avoiding eye contact most of the debrief, but hadn't voiced any complaints as Svetlana had come with a sleek black briefcase filled with documents that they needed desperately.

It had been a pain in her arse to retrieve them. The moment she'd left the safety of the Director's Office, the woman had known exactly what she needed in order to quickly locate the man. Unfortunately, those papers hadn't been a simple retrieval mission. They'd been sitting inside Madame Hydra's residence for a few years, Svetlana had always been vaguely aware of their existence but hadn't had the energy to steal them, and she'd had to of been more ruthless than she usually was in order to get them. She'd left the other woman alive, Madame Hydra had never been a problem for her beforehand, which could only be seen as the Viper owing a debt to Svetlana. Smirnov hoped that, in the near future, the woman would repay the favour as they were sure to be sent in Hydra's direction to find Bucky.

❝He's not here.❞
Steve confirms and Svetlana only stares at him blankly for a few seconds. She refrains from choking the man for his stupidity but clenches her fists a few times to let her anguish out. The whole group seemed to be sent from whatever deity there was above them just to test her patience. They'd refused to engage in conversation, even when it was necessary, out of fear of her reactions which had been enjoyable to begin with but had only begun to annoy her further.
A silence purses after Steve's statement and he cringed away slightly as Svetlana basically screams 'how fucking idiotic are you?!' through her eyes.
❝Really? I thought he was - it's why I asked.❞
Svetlana quips drily which warrants Stark and Thor to snigger to themselves. Natasha sighs to herself, which Svetlana ignores completely, before muttering to Clint Barton in a hushed voice. She shouldn't be as bothered by the pairs obvious connection as she is but, no matter how hard she tries not to focus on it, her chest still burns with the familiar flame of jealousy.
❝I mean: he's helping S.H.I.E.L.D on another mission.❞
Narrowing her eyes on the file, Svetlana purses her lips. With the sort of espionage mission they'd be attempting to carry out, the team severely needed more eyes from above. Iron man, no matter how much she hated to admit it, was an absolute necessity within the groups dynamics but they simply didn't have enough people who could scan the terrain. If Tony was compromised, they would have to completely abandon their posts as the 'Vision' seemed to be elsewhere. Glaring into space for a while, mind whirling for alternative solutions, before drawing a blank. Svetlana leans over the table where they are all sat and gets into Steve's personal space by grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling him in close to her face.
❝Call him in now. I don't care how important his mission is; I need this man in with us if we're going to have a slither of chance of retrieving Barnes.❞
Steve looks slightly shocked but the woman has let go of him before he could protest. Everyone on the table is tense, not knowing what to expect,
❝Ma'am I can't just call him-❞
Svetlana stopped listening by that point.

❝Hello, this is Svetlana Smirnov, is this Mr Wilson? - Good, I need you to come into the compound. - As soon as possible, yes - I will speak to your captain about this - thank you for your time - room 4F in the sixth block - see you soon.❞
Steve's mouth is open, eyebrows furrowed in anger, as he begins to pat his pockets for his phone. It had been all too easy to slip her hand into his breast pocket. All she'd had to do was cause a physical distraction, her grabbing his shirt in aggression, and been quick to slip her hand into his pocket and retrieve the phone. The passcode had been easy to guess. She'd gotten it on her first try.
1918.
Year of birth - typical. Svetlana almost laughed when she'd seen the man's wallpaper, a photo of Bucky seemingly taken off guard, but had been quick to go through his contacts. Steve Rogers was still a military man at heart so each contact was simply the person's forename and surname so it had been incredibly simple to call Sam Wilson. The man had even sounded relieved when she'd requested him to leave his post in order to reach them. It was a lucky coincidence that Wilson had only been preparing to leave in the block on the opposite side of the compound, not having left the country yet, so the man would be with them in under ten minutes.
Looking back at Steve, Svetlana realises that he's still got a look of anger on his face. She just rolls her eyes and lightly throws his phone back at him, which he catches with ease.
❝Sorry to crease your shirt, Captain.❞
She drones, sounding as bored as she felt, and the team wait until Sam Wilson arrives to begin their plans properly.

❝Okay, who's the scary lady?❞
Sam whispers, loud enough for everyone to hear it, and everyone is incredibly relieved that he'd refrained from saying it whilst Svetlana was in the room. The woman had stormed off to find Coulson when they'd found that no one in the room had authorised access to the online database on Bucky Barnes, leaving the team to exhale loudly in relief, and Sam had been the first to speak since she'd left.
❝Her name's Svetlana❞
Wanda muses, tapping her fingernails on the table in front of her in boredom, and Sam just looks more confused.
❝Her and Natasha used to have a thing. Ya know; bow chicka wow wow-❞
❝Fuck off Stark.❞
Natasha grinds out, grip on her pen far too tight to be natural, before rolling her eyes at his grin. She'd worked with the man since 2007, just as she'd joined arms with S.H.I.E.L.D, and had learnt to become fond of his humour. Everyone on the table sniggered slightly, even Natasha managed to scoff, and they all began to loosen up again.
❝It was long ago, Wilson. I trust her though. She'll help us find Barnes.❞
❝Was she always like that?❞
Sam wonders, sniggering slightly as Pietro mimics Svetlana's glare whilst amping up the theatrics of it, and Steve winces slightly. No matter how much the woman annoyed him, after hearing from Natasha of the horrors Svetlana had lived through, he couldn't bring himself to dislike her. He'd met people like her, people who shut everyone out to avoid pain, and knew that it wasn't entirely her fault for her survival methods. When he looked at Svetlana, no matter how intimidating she appeared to be, he simply felt the desire to hug the woman and assure her that she'd be alright. Of course, he also knew Svetlana would slaughter him the moment he could even attempt to embrace her so refrained from doing so.
❝Pretty much.❞
Natasha responds, finding it easier to lie rather than admit that Svetlana had changed, and Sam gives a look of acceptance and just mutters 'respect' before going through the documents in the centre of the table.
❝So do you guys still..?❞
❝No. Anything we felt for one another got tarnished a long time ago.❞
Natasha goes very quiet as the table erupts into conversation and both Wanda and Steve pick up on it. Steve had become concerned for Natasha soon after Svetlana had helped over three days previous. The red head had seemed to become more secretive as ever and, when she thought no one was looking, her eyes would begin to water with a look of regret before she would compose herself. Wanda, on the other hand, had ran through Natasha's thoughts and felt exactly what the woman had been internalising. She hadn't meant to. She was still getting the hang of repressing her powers when it came to her own curiosity, subconsciously snooping if she yearned for an answer, but had only realised she was in the woman's mind when she'd heard Natasha's deepest secret.

See the mind has layers of vulnerability. Much like a person, some memories will be on the surface for anyone to see. The memories on the surface were always the first that Wanda would see, they were usually mundane and pointless thoughts, and would eventually become harder to access as she sees deeper into the victim's subconscious. Wanda had managed to get to the deepest layer of Natasha Romanoff, not meaning to in the slightest, and was surprised at the two screaming secrets she heard. One, she would never mention. She wasn't prepared to speak of it, even to the woman herself, so pretended she had no knowledge of it. The other one, however, made Wanda feel a sense of sadness for Natasha.

You still love her.

Natasha immediately wished that Wanda would get the fuck out of her head. The two women often spoke to each other non verbally, finding it easier to gossip and rant than out loud, but it had taken Natasha off guard at first. Svetlana had walked back into the room, face stoic as usual, and the table had become silent. They were staring at the files Svetlana was handing around, all the while explaining their importance, when Wanda had spoken to her.

Not anymore.

Natasha responded, frowning at the photograph between her fingers. It was photo of the two of them, preparing for a mission, and had been worn with time. The photograph was simple and consisted of Svetlana helping Natasha zip up her cat suit. The reason why it was amongst the pile was made obvious by the white marker circling the compound number - indicating to where Madame B would most likely be as well as what to look out for.
She felt a wave of desire. Not a sexual desire, however. She just felt a desire to go back in time and to relive her memories. Her time in the Red Room had been far from easy but, with Svetlana by her side, they'd been bearable. The photograph had been taken at a time where the two were as close as they could have been. Looking up from the photo and seeing the stone cold woman grinding out information, Natasha could only wonder what it would be like if Svetlana had remained as trusting of her.

That's a lie and you know it, Natasha.

Natasha took another look at Wanda, glaring at her in annoyance, and prayed she'd drop the subject. She didn't think she was ready just yet to admit that she still felt as in love with Svetlana as she had the day she'd left her. She'd never stopped, perhaps, but she was willing to ignore it if it meant her own happiness.
But then she looked up at Svetlana. Svetlana was looking back at her, eyes filled with a unidentifiable emotion, and Natasha just snapped. The woman looked lost. Natasha stared into her eyes, unable to look away, and finally realised just how lonely the woman looked. Sure, she was powerful. Sure, she was terrifying. Yet, despite all of that, her body longed for her. Natasha longed to have her Svetlana back and not the shell left behind.

I miss her, Wanda. I never stopped.

I know, Nat, I know.