LILY SAW A SHADOW OF A MAN. It stretched on the far side of the tree. Mabilis niyang tinapos ang pagsabit ng bike helmet sa handle ng bike. Iniwan niyang nakasandal sa puno ang bike para lingunin ang lalaki.

She faced him in her puffer jacket. Open in the middle, showing a bit of the pink corset-styled crop top with floral prints on it. She wore a pair of white stretchable pants and thick-soled white sneakers with pastel blue accents.

Her hair surpassed her shoulders but never reached her waists, as smooth and dark as a polished black car threading the night.

Her beer brown, round eyes softened for him.

She was a Pre-Raphaelite masterpiece— dabbled with colors that showered her with life. Lily carried an expression true to her nature in the midst of being intensely-tinted with passion.

Her soft pink lips slightly quivered. She wanted to greet him, but only held back by her awe at him.

Her heart thumped at the very sight of Jared.

He stood against the sunset in his beige-colored, single-breasted Burberry cotton raincoat. Bukas ang mga butones kaya nasisilip niya ang light blue button-down shirt at itim na pantalon na suot nito. He matched the attire with a pair of black ankle boots.

Jared remained gorgeous. He was already forty-six, with hard jaws, thick brows and intense eyes centered by liquid black. His stoic feature caressed by the sunset, like the timeless Michaelangelo statue that never chipped off or faded. His wavy hair grew tips that poked his shoulders, vined like tendrils over and behind his ears, brushed up to kept them away from his forehead. His built was outlined by the glow of the sun behind him. It turned his hair strands into threads of copper flames.

Just gorgeous.

Breathtaking.

Every intricate detail about Jared was defined finer.

Age existed but never in his universe.

He is an immortal demigod in her heart, in her eyes.

She would worship this deity if allowed. Be on her knees before him. Praise him day and night.

But Lily kept those thoughts at the back of her mind.

Una niyang pinansin ang hawak nitong may kaliitang canvas bag.

“Galing ka sa pamimili o mamimili ka pa lang?” lakad niya palapit dito.

Huminto rin siya dahil nakaharang sa pagitan nila ang wooden bench.

“Nakapamili na ako,” magaan nitong sagot. His eyes probed her intensely, Lily felt like blushing.

He looked at her as if he desires her still.

He adores her still.

You worry too much, dear.

Masakit. Naalala na naman niya iyon.

Maging ang pagkakangisi ni Jared kay Heidi habang sinasabi ang mga iyon.

Kaya siguro imbes nung Linggo ng gabing iyon, mas pinili ni Jared makipagkita ng Miyerkules.

This October 7—

Natigilan si Lily sa napagtanto.

Seven years ago, year 2017… they also first met at October 7.

Sinadya ba ito ni Jared?

“Let’s sit here,” ikot ni Lily sa bench para umupo doon.

Pero hindi pa siya nakakaupo, nagsalita na ito.

“Let’s go to my flat instead.”

Napatitig siya rito.

Nakipag-negosasyon si Lily. “We can drop by to the nearest café.”

“I have to keep these refrigerated,” angat nito sa dalang canvas bag.

Napalabi siya. “Then, let’s just make this quick. Tapos, magkita na lang ulit tayo some time this week. How about that?”

“Bakit ayaw mo na lang tayo mag-usap sa flat ko?” bahagyang pagkunot ng noo nito. He wasn’t losing his cool, yet. “We can walk there from here.”

“Let’s just say, I don’t want to invest on something, na baka ikadehado ko.”

“You left me to learn to love yourself. I don’t expect you’ll love yourself way too much,” he raised a skeptical brow. “Or is it just acceptance? Not yet love?”

Lily looked at him, confused.

“I accept who I am. I love me for who I am and have been. What’s the difference?”

“Minsan, tanggap na natin na ganito tayong klase ng tao without even loving ourselves. There are some people who accept the kind of person they think they are— a failure, a klutz— to justify their misery, their misfortune and blame themselves for that for the rest of their lives.” Naglaho ang anino sa mukha nito. It was as if he stopped watching a movie that flashed before his eyes and finally saw her. His eyes directly met hers. “So, the question is, have you already learned to accept and love yourself?”

Lily swallowed.

She didn’t feel interrogated. To answer his question promised her freedom.

Jared was giving her a stage now to free herself.

To speak of the things she haven’t told anyone before, of things she kept to herself, to her journals, between her and her psychologist.

No one in her personal circle have heard of this yet.

“I do,” she spoke, swept by a liberating feeling. A cool breeze blew past their direction. Dried leaves of orange stumbled on the wet cobblestone street. “It doesn’t matter if this convinces you or not. I am not that afraid of the future and I am not ashamed of my past anymore. I love myself now.”

He was moved. Stirred deeply in the heart. His eyes misted and the sunset’s light make their corners sparkle. Jared stood unfazed in their staring match. What was he thinking? That he was good at acting stoic?

Jared has feelings he cannot hide.

Especially from her.

Because when it comes to her, his body never lies.

“Lily is a strong woman, isn’t she?” he said softly, not smiling but there was a hint of it somewhere in his face. “She had her heart broken. She lost her child. She was treated unfairly by her family, and at work. She had…” he stared at her as he searched for a proper term, “…a lot of experiences in the past that she regretted, that she couldn’t accept she did.” He paused and breathed in, taking in her very image touched by the softening glow of the setting sun. “But now, look at her… that peace in her eyes, that pride in her hint of smile when she said she loves herself now.”

Nginisihan niya ito. “Binola mo pa ako.” Hinilig niya ang ulo. “Did I pass the test, Doc Jared?”

She knew. She knew he was testing her. Jared would never speak this intensely on the first few minutes of meeting a person.

Or maybe, she will always be an exemption.

Napangisi na rin ito. “You smartass.”

“I know you very well,” pabirong irap niya rito bago umupo sa bench.

“Too well it’s scary. Pero totoo ‘yong mga sinabi ko,” upo na rin nito pero nag-iwan ng puwang si Jared sa pagitan nila.

“You made it. After all you have went through,” lapag ni Jared ng canvas bag sa upuan, sa espasyo sa pagitan nila. “You have been strong for going through all of those things and still making it here in the now with that…” he smiled at the corner of his lips, “with that glow…” Then he paused. He fell into a magical trance, just looking at her.

Tila sinaway ni Jared ang sarili sa loob-loob nito. He finally snapped out of the magic moment, their loving gazes.

He winced. “I couldn’t be more proud.” He looked back at her. “Bakit gusto mo makipagkita sa akin, Lily? Ano ang gusto mong pag-usapan?”

“You said you will be there when I need you,” walang gatol niyang sagot. Hindi niya napigilang manumbat. Wala rin naman siyang balak itago. It was hard to bear, she looked away from him. “Tapos, hindi mo naman pala sasagutin ang mga tawag ko. Ang mga email at chats at video calls ko!”

Jared responded calmly, looked at the sunset. “I changed my simcard.”

“Changed?” lingon niya rito

“I made a new Messenger account and email. I stopped using social media.”

“Bakit?”

“Because I knew it,” he turned to her the instant the sun completely sunk in the horizon. Their faces slowly faded to a gradient of blue and soft yellow from the light posts and dark skies. “Hindi ka makakatiis. Hahagilapin mo ako. Lalo lang matatagalan ang paghilom mo kung nadi-distract kita.”

Lily pained. Doble ang sakit kasi totoo ang asumpsyon nitong gagawin niya noon.

Masakit kasi kahit alam nito na hahanap-hanapin niya ito, mas pinili ng lalaking lumayo.

“So you lied to me,” titig niya pa rin dito, nanlulumo. “You lied about being there for me.”

“I did not. Hindi ko pinagkait sa iyo ang impormasyong nandito lang ako sa Belgium,” may diin sa pagseryoso ng boses nito. “Mahigpit kong  binilin kay Clint na kapag hinanap mo ako sa kanya, ibigay niya sa’yo ang number ko.”

Lily felt a shake in her chest. A tremor so slightly.

An aftershock.

“Kaya pala… Kaya pala hindi ako nahirapan hingiin ‘yon kay Nena…”

“I made sure he’ll understand the situation, nang hindi kinukwento sa kanya kung ano talaga ang pinagdadaanan mo.”

Nagbaba siya ng tingin. Pinigilan niyang mapayuko sa hiya na naramdaman. Kahit siya ang nang-iwan, walang sinabing masama si Jared tungkol sa kanya. Jared kept her secret safe. On top of it all, Jared made sure that no one would hate her for what leaving him.

Lily hiding from Clint and Nena in the past two years… it was useless. Because they never hated her for how she and Jared ended up.

Pinigilan niya ang maiyak.

Jared continued. “I thought, if you are really ready to see me again, sasadyain mo ako rito. Hihingiin mo ang number ko. Hindi madadaig ng hiya o pride o takot ang kagustuhan mong makita ako. Kasi handa ka na.”

He looked far away after that.

Nanatili siyang nakatitig sa lalaki.

She could not look away now.

And she didn’t want to.

“You see, ‘yong unang mga pagkikita natin, puro nagkataon lang. Hindi natin sinasadya. It was all some kind of trick orchestrated by fate.” He spoke intensely. With a passion while he wasn’t even mad at her. “Kahit ngayon man lang, gusto ko namang magkita tayo ulit hindi dahil nagkataon lang o kagagawan ng tadhana. Gusto ko na kapag nagkita tayo ulit, iyon ay dahil ginusto mo. Dahil sinadya mo.” He faced her. “Naiintindihan mo ba, Lily?”

Hindi siya makaimik. Naghahalo-halo ang emosyon sa kanyang dibdib. She was torn between staying strong and crying on his shoulder.

“Naiintindihan mo ba ako?” usig nito.

“I get what you mean,” balik niya ng tingin sa harap.

She could not believe that she’s still this weak against his intense eyes. She just wanted to fall in his arms and helplessly melt there.

“What season is it here in Belgium?”

Naguguluhang napatingin siya sa lalaki.

Hindi ba obvious sa lamig ng hangin? Sa kulay ng mga dahon sa puno? Sa paglalagas ng mga dahon?

“Fall. Fall season.”

“Ah, akala ko pa-fall season,” naglaro ang ngisi sa mga labi nito.

Lily tsked. Iniwas niya ang tingin dito. She faced on the other side to hide a grin fighting its way, going against her will to suppress it.

“Hopeless romantic na corny ka pa rin pala,” bulong-bulong niya, pero sinadya niyang umabot ‘yon sa pandinig ng lalaki.

She remembered Heidi again. Should she ask him about her now?

Paano niya isisingit si Heidi sa konbersasyon nila?

“Pa-fall. Hahabulin mo ako. Tutuksuin. Aakitin. Tapos hindi ka pa pala ready.”

Nawala agad kay Heidi ang kanyang isip. Naeskandalo siya sa pagpaparatang sa tono ni Jared.

She faced the front, but never looked at Jared.

“I had plans, okay? I was planning to keep my past a secret forever!” Then her defensive tone shifted. Lowered. Saddened. “I was wrong with that.

“Which means, you’re not yet ready that time.”

Lily silenced. Hindi umimik si Jared. Halatang naghihintay sa sagot niya.

“Yes, I am not ready. But when are we even ready when love arrives?” Lily wildly faced him. “Never. So it doesn’t matter.”

“It matters!” gulat nitong saad. “Because even if you meet the right person at the right place and at the right time, if they are not ready for you, they really cannot be with you!”

“Oo na! Tama ka!” sumusukong bulalas niya rito. “Hindi ako ready. Okay? Ang dami ko pang unresolved issues no’n! But my heart have always been ready for you! Ready for your love to fill it in. Because I used to be empty! People drained me out and left me empty!”

Her hand tapped her chest passionately.

“Akala ko, kapag handa na ang puso, everything will fall into place. Bago pala ang puso, dapat handa rin sa isang relasyon ang lahat-lahat sa’yo. Like, your body, your mind. Even your freaking wallet. Do you know how broke I was before I began earning through vlogs? Ang mahal kaya rito sa Belgium!”

Then she looked away from him.

Nahihiya siya sa dami ng sinabi. It just proved her that it wasn’t just Jared who is the corny hopeless romantic in their story.

Pero nakakahiya man, ang mahalaga, mas malakas na ang loob niya ngayon.

Now, she can finally speak up— unafraid, and less ashamed.

“It’s getting cold out here,” tindig ni Jared. “Let’s go to my flat. I’ll cook dinner.”

He was right. Tumayo na rin siya.

Sasama rin siya kay Jared para lang makumpirma kung kasama nito sa iisang bubong ang Heidi na ‘yon.

“I have a bike. Angkas ka sa akin,” nagmamadaling sambit niya bago binalikan ang bike sa kalapit na puno.

Pagbalik niya, nakaupo na siya sa bike.

“Pwede namang ako ang magpedal,” anito.

“Ako na. Bike ko ‘to, eh.” Inip na siya. “Hop on.”

Inabot nito ang canvas bag sa kanya. Sinabit ito ni Lily sa handle ng bike bago pinatong doon ang kanyang kamay. Jared pulled out the foot rests and climbed at the back of the bike.

Lumapat sa kanyang mga balikat ang mga kamay nito.

“Which way?” hindi niya ito nilingon.

“Stadswaag.”

Nakatira pa rin siya rito sa Stadswaag!

“Anong street?”

“Pumunta ka na lang sa dati kong flat dito.”

Pinanlakihan niya ito ng mga mata.

“Sigurado kang doon ka pa rin nakatira?”

“Same building, different floor and different flat.” Tinapik-tapik nito ang kanyang balikat. “Hurry up.”

Namilog ang mga mata niya.

“How come I haven’t seen you pass by or…” Lily shook her head. Niliko na niya ang bike patungo sa kapitbahayanan, sa hanay ng magkakatabi at magkakatapat na bahay ay gusali na nagpasikip sa eskinita roon.

Hindi pa sila nakakalagpas sa mga puno at wooden bench nang hindi siya nakapagpigil

“Ang bigat mo. Baka hindi tayo kayanin nitong bike!” Lily grunted, her pedaling was slow than her usual.

“Oh really? Because I don’t hear the same complaint, kapag nakapatong ako sayo.”

Namula siya sa buong mukha.

“What the?”

Nanatiling seryoso si Jared. He already hopped off the bike.

“Ako na,” agaw nito sa handle.

“Ano ba? Ako na,” bawi niya sa handle.

“At bakit ikaw pa?” pakikipaglaban nito ng titigan sa kanya. “Huwag mo pahirapan ang sarili mo.”

Napipilitang bumaba si Lily ng bike. “Ako na lang dapat, eh. Forty ka na, ‘ di ba? Baka sumakit kasu-kasuan mo.”

Pinanlakihan siya nito ng mga mata. “Kasu-kasuan ka diyan…” Then he asked softly. “Nabibigatan ka, ‘di ba?”

“Oo.”

“Then, let someone else do it.”

Iyon din ba ang tumakbo sa isip ni Jared noon? Na hindi niya kinaya noon, kaya ibang tao na lang ang inatasan ng lalaki na maging karelasyon nito? Ibang tao tulad ni Heidi?

Damn. Why was she even overthinking?

Nothing is confirmed yet.

Lily braced herself. Hindi siya aatras.

She is going to go after what her heart wants, like what she used to do. Like how it have always been in her nature to do so.

She will only stop when it’s time to stop.

It is time to stop when it is going to hurt her.

Lily won’t let anything and anyone hurt her again. She prioritizes taking care of herself now.

Of her heart.

Of her well-being.

Of her peace of mind.

Hay, tama nga si Jared. Kung nahihirapan siya, humingi siya ng tulong sa iba. Minsan talaga, nakakalimot mag-self care kapag gusto nating alagaan o pasayahin ang ibang tao.

Humalili sa kanya si Jared. Sumampa siya sa likuran, nakatayo roon at humawak sa mga balikat nito.

“Isuot mo ‘yong hoodie mo,” mahigpit nitong utos na sinunod naman niya.

.

.

NARATING NI JARED KASAMA SI LILY ANG PALAPAG NG KANYANG FLAT. Nakatalikod sa direksyon nila si Heidi. Medyo nakayuko habang patagilid na nakasandal sa pinid ng pinto ng tinitirahan niya.

Heidi wasn’t alone.

Kaharap nito na nakasandal din sa pinto si Markus. Markus had a rugged look— wavy shoulder-length hair, stubbles on his chin, an arm sleeve tattoo, and fitting cut-off sleeves shirt. He wore a pair of jeans that hugged his narrow hips and slim legs. His coat draped over his shoulders.

Balot na balot si Heidi sa sarili nitong coat na brown. Bumabawi pa si Heidi pagdating sa usaping budget kaya pinagtitiyagaan ang brown coat na binili niya noon para rito.

“You worry too much, dear,” Markus murmured in his heavy Flemish accent. It was the very same lines that Jared would often mimic on situations when Heidi would start worrying.

Knowing he was mimicking her boyfriend, Markus, that would instantly make her smile. Epektibong inaalis ng pag gaya niya kay Markus ang masyado nitong pag-aalala sa mga bagay-bagay. Hindi lang naaalis. Kinikilig pa si Heidi dahil naaalala nito si Markus. And Jared would find it really funny when she reacts like that.

Nakakatawa at nakakatuwa. Nakakatuwang unti-unting natututunan ni Heidi na asikasuhin naman ang sarili nitong kaligayahan.

Heidi’s worrisome behavior, Jared believed, was rooted from her upbringing. Lumaki ito mula sa mahirap na pamilya. Na ultimong kakainin nila ay si Heidi pa ang umaalala dahil ginawang breadwinner ng pamilya.

Wala namang masama sa pagiging breadwinner pero, naniniwala si Jared na hindi lang para sa pamilya nito nabubuhay si Heidi. Kung para saan pa man iyon, si Heidi na ang bahalang umalam at magdesisyon.

Napalingon siya kay Lily. Nahuli niyang napamaang ito. Titig na titig kina Heidi na parang may rebelasyong nasaksihan. Napatingin ito sa kanya nang maramdaman ang kanyang mga mata.

Lily’s eyes seemed to ask if should they disturb Heidi and Markus’ moment. He preferred not. At mukhang naintindihan no Lily mula sa tingin niya ang kanyang gustong mangyari.

Markus held Heidi’s cheek as she replied to him.

“You see, I owe this person a lot, Markus. I just want to check every now and then if he’s okay. Because last Sunday, when our group was strolling, he answered a call and after that he was cry—”

Never mind. He should disturb their moment.

“Hi!” masiglang lapit ni Jared sa mga ito.

Gulat na napalingon ang mga ito sa kanya.

“Hi, Doki—” Hindi natuloy ni Heidi ang sasabihin nang makita si Lily. “Doki, siya si—” Napalunok ito. Nagpalipat-lipat ang tingin sa kanya at kay Lily. “Doki, alam na ba niya—”

Nag-angat siya ng kamay para i-gesture na huminto si Heidi. Tumigil naman ito. Siyang lapit sa bandang likuran ni Heidi si Markus— ang Flemish nitong ka-MU. MU pa lang daw sila sabi ni Heidi, kahit ngiting-ngiti ang dalaga kapag nag-text o nag-chat dito si Markus.

“Bakit napunta kayo rito?”

“May pupuntahan lang kami ni Markus. Pero nakiusap ako na sumaglit kami rito.” Then Heidi gave Lily a polite nod. “Hello. Welcome to Belgium.”

“Tanda mo pa ako?” hindi makapaniwala, inosenteng tanong ni Lily kay Heidi.

Magaan itong ngumiti. Of course, Heidi would remember Lily. Hindi nagkulang dati ng paalala si Jared sa assistant na siguraduhin noon na hindi papapasukin si Lily sa kanyang opisina. Naikwento niya rin si Lily dito at sa mga kasamahan nilang OFW nung minsang nalasing siya sa isa sa mga naging night-out nila.

“Medyo.”

Jared internally sighed in relief.

Heidi turned to him. “You seem alright. We are going now, Doki.” Sumulyap ito kay Lily at ngumiti. “Lily.” Then back to him. “Have a good night.”

“To you and Markus too,” aniya at binigyan ng pataas na tango si Markus. Markus did the same upward nod before securely assisted Heidi by the elbow.

Sabay na tinungo ng dalawa ang paliko patungo sa pababang hagdan.

Kapwa tinanaw nila ang pag-alis ng mga ito. Sabay pa silang nagkatinginan ni Lily nang naglaho sila Heidi at Markus.

Jared opened the door for Lily. Pinaupo muna niya ito sa couch. Iniwanan doon matapos i-on ang heater. Sumaglit siya sa kusina para hugasan ang mga pinamili bago i-ref ang mga iyon.

Pagbalik niya, may bitbit na siyang mga tasa ng mainit na tsokolate. He set them on the coffee table in front of the couch.

He tried to, but he kept glancing at her.  The warmth of the room was already crisp and cozy. It made Lily take off her puffer jacket and neatly drape it over the backrest of the couch. Lumantad ang makinis nitong mga balikat at braso sa spaghetti-strapped corset top nitong suot na kulay pink at may floral prints. She looked so good in it.

So sexy.

The corset top tightly hugged her shape.

It was maddening.

Hinubad na rin ni Jared ang sariling coat. Sinampay sa arm rest ng solohang sofa bago inupuan ang dulo niyon na bumagsak sa seat mismo. Napansin niyang nakasunod lang sa kanya ang tingin ni Lily.

“Drink up,” ngiti niya rito.

She quietly picked up a mug. Careful with its heat.

Habang pinagmamasdan ang dalaga, at saka lang pinagtuunan ng pansin ni Jared na kulay itim na ang buhok nitong lagpas-balikat.

She used to want to be spontaneous, alive, and on-fire like her orange hair. But ended up blank, empty like her white-blonde hair.

And now, she wore her natural hair.

The real thing, deep and dark as the night.

“So,” lapag nito sa mug matapos sumimsim ng kaunting tsokolate, “nandito rin pala si Heidi sa Belgium?”

“Yes. Nagpatulong siya maghanap ng trabaho rito. Registered Nurse na kasi siya.”

“Ikaw ang una niyang naisipang hingian ng tulong?”

“She just wants to be far from her family for a while.”

“And closer to you?” nanghuhuli nitong ngisi.

“I think. Because I am the only person she knows here in Belgium that can really help her.”

“Masaya ako na, hindi ka na laging nagsasarili. You know? Humahalubilo ka na talaga sa mga tao,” sandal ni Lily. Pinagpatong nito ang mga hita at nilapag sa tuho ang isang kamay.

Her other hand relaxedly laid on top of the empty space beside her.

“Heidi started it.”

“Heidi?” disbelief was in her tone.

Jared could stare at her all day. Sitting sexily like that with her corset top that slightly pushed up her breasts, hinted a bit of her cleavage, and a fit pair of pants that hugged her slender legs.

“Yes,” he replied as calmly and lazily as he could. “Panay ang anyaya niya sa akin na samahan siya. Nahihiyang tumanggi ‘yon sa mga katrabaho niyang nagyayaya mag-good time. So, I occasionally accompany her. Hanggang naging kaibigan ko na rin sila.”

“I am glad that… someone else has done that for you. It could have been me but, sadly, I haven’t done that for you.” May dumungaw na lungkot sa maamo nitong mga mata. “I am sort of wishing right now. I wish it could’ve been me, who did that nice thing for you.”

“You don’t have to. Remember, I could have been with you every step of the way on your journey to healing. But I haven’t.”

Napatitig ito saglit sa kanya. Nag-alala tuloy siya.

May sariwa pa ba itong sugat na nasagi ng mga sinabi niya?

“I mean, we cannot be everything to a person. No matter how much they mean to us,” napatuwid siya ng upo. “One way or another, ibang tao ang magtuturo sa atin ng mga leksyon na makakabuti sa atin. Ibang tao ang magpaparanas sa atin ng mga bagay na makakatulong sa growth natin bilang isang tao.” He gave her a reassuring smile. “We can grow apart. We can grow together. We can grow with others. And we can help others grow.”

Lily smiled, serene. “That’s true. Kaya hindi tayo dapat nakakulong lang sa sarili nating mundo. O sa mundo kasama ang iisang tao. We have to let other people into our lives too, and let other people into their lives too. Like our friends and families.” She took in a deep breath. Relieved. “Now that I think about it, I feel relieved. Nagselos kasi ako noon sa friendship nila Beta at Nena. I thought I will lose a friend if I allowed them to be friends but…” She smiled at him. Sweeter. “You’re right. We can always share a part of our world with others.”

“Yes,” he leaned, rested his elbow on his thigh and the other hand reached for a mug. “Honestly, being with different people is more helpful with how I do my profession compared to just observing them from a distance, you know?”

“Bakit nga ba kasi, hindi ka palahalubilo noon? Dati kasi tipong bahay-trabaho ka lang. Na sila Clint at Walter lang kaibigan mo, although I know, automatic friend mo si Clint kasi kapatid mo siya.” Lily waved a hand, then reached for her mug to drink.

Sinabayan niya ang dalaga sa pag-inom.

Pagkababa ni Jared ng mug, sinagot niya ang tanong nito.

“Maybe because I tried to venture outside of my circle… and it didn’t end pretty well. I was ghosted.”

Pag-angat niya ng tingin, nagtama ang mga mata nila ni Lily. Her air of confidence melted in the background. A softness that somewhat seemed lonely reflected in her eyes.

“Now that you’re open to welcoming new people in your life,” her voice, soft as well, “can be friends?”

Lily was playing safe. She was checking if they were still on the same page. She was offering friendship to see if they can still make things work now that she’s settled things with herself and her past.

Seriously? She went all the way here just to ask for… friendship?

But here’s the hard truth for Jared.

He doesn’t do reboots in relationships. When you already reached a level that’s beyond friendship, it was already the point of no return.

To reconcile is alright.

To have closure is alright.

To resume the level of relationship left behind is acceptable.

But to go back to the level before the level of relationship they previously had?

“Friends lang?”

Lily took in a deep breath. Confused. Was she having a debate in her mind right now? Hindi ba nito malaman kung susundin ang gusto o susundin ang sa tingin nito ay nararapat?

Ah. He should stop.

He already learned. Bakit pagdating kay Lily, napapa-overthink na naman siya?

“We can be friends… if it won’t hurt my girlfriend,” aniya na gumulat dito.

“Girlfriend?”

It was as if she stopped breathing.

“She’s probably still asleep in my room,” tindig niya. “Wanna meet her?”