Of all the things I never said, this is the stupidest. 

I never said that for three years I thought you knew me better than I knew myself. Sometimes that seemed more realistic than you'd think because you seem so similar to me. I think we both thought that for a period of time. Maybe we both should have looked a bit closer. You once told me when I was feeling sad these song lyrics that you liked: 'and if you can't see anything beautiful about yourself, get a better mirror, look a little closer, stare a little longer.' That stuck in my head for a pretty long time, and I wish I could have said the words right back to you. I think you needed to know that things were going to be okay just as much as me, but you never faced up to it because you wanted to think things were already great. I did that too. There's not much point wondering how life would turn out if you said your emotions a little quicker, dreamed a little bigger, fought for what matters a little louder because everyone's going to keep making so many mistakes in life that it doesn't make any difference. 

I used to anxiously analyse everything I said to you, mentally slapping myself for not speaking up or for gabbling all my words too quickly. Maybe if we all just stepped back and accepted what life is, this wouldn't happen. I don't know, it's just a thought. When I first wrote to you, I'd write late into the night, scribbling into so many notebooks that I ended up writing on blank paper, sugar paper and anything I could get hold of. It was like this mad rush of words, I couldn't write enough down. There were some things I never said because I thought it would make you want to get as far away from me as you possibly could. Sometimes you miss someone when you talked to them just minutes ago, and you only miss them because you know the human you just talked to was completely different from the human you thought you knew. It really hits hard when that happens, because it's like the person is so good at hiding from emotions that they even began to hide from themself. Seeing as you said you wanted to escape, I hope you ran far away enough to finally do that. There are some people who tie you to places that you don't even want to remember the name of any more, and no matter how far you try and outrun them, they're just gonna keep running back quicker. I think we're dumb because that's exactly what we're both doing.