I got out of the ring and followed Abhay to the exit. The blood had stopped flowing out but the pain got worse.

"Breathe through your mouth, okay?", he said as we walked and I pinched my nose as I sucked in air in my mouth.

The infirmary was a good distance away and thanks to the no-vehicles policy besides the ambulance, we had to walk the entire distance. Somehow calling an ambulance for a nose bleed didn't seem very agent-like to me although Abhay did suggest it.

"Infirmary is too far.", he said, looking at me as I dig in my fingernails in my palms to distract myself from the pain.

"I'll run and get an ice-pack from the hostel. Jut wait here okay?", he said and I nodded.

I went and sat on the elevated footpath and looked at the green fields in front of me. I saw a momentary golden light in the distance and focused my eyes on the spot. And then it revealed itself - a whole colony of fireflies. I smiled as I watched them in their dance around the jack fruit trees, diving in and out, encircling the tree in their own fairy light. The last time I had seen fireflies were in the rural areas of my hometown. I realized that I gotten so wrapped up here that I had forgotten to take a break and just be with myself for a while. Maybe behind all this unresolved conflict and anger was just the need to understand myself first.

"Hey, got the icepack.", Abhay said as he jogged towards me.

He was no longer wearing the blood soaked grey shirt. He had put on a black turtle neck sweater.

"And a new sweater.", I smiled.

"Yeah, well, my room is right next to the refrigerator on our floor and I didn't think running around the Academy at midnight in a blood soaked shirt was a good idea.", he said as he handed me the ice-pack.

"Thank you.", I said, looking at him and nodding and he smiled back.

"We'll still have to go to the infirmary though. Apply a decongestant spray. Afrin should do it.", he said as he looked at my nose.

"What?", I said, all of those terms were foreign to me.

"It's something you apply on a nosebleed. I grew up getting those so I'm a bit of an expert on these now.", he chuckled.

"Look.", I said, pointing to the fireflies.

"Ahh yes. It's been a while since I saw them.", Abhay said.

I nodded watching this golden spectacle as the tree was adorned with golden ornaments all over in a beautiful apparel.

"Let's get some medicine on it. It'll heel sooner.", Abhay said, getting up and offered me his hand.

I took it and he pulled me up while I kept the icepack on my nose with the other.

"So do you get in a fight with all your ex-flames or am I special?", Abhay smirked as we walked towards the infirmary.

A part of my heart felt disappointed when he used the word ex. Disappointed because I was angry at myself for not being able to forget Abhay when he had moved on so easily and also because a part of me wished he hadn't, that he had fought for us.

"I have never been in a relationship before. And turns out for good though.", I said, pointing to my nosebleed.

"What? I cannot believe that!", he said, "No high-school flings, back-bench romances, bunking classes to meet your boyfriend?"

"No, none of that.", I shrugged.

"Why?", he asked. I looked at him. It was a genuine question, with no underlying sarcasm.

"I was too shy to tell the guys I liked about my feelings.", I said.

"Their loss.", he shrugged as we entered the medical wing.

"What about you?", I asked.

"My relationships?", he asked.

I nodded.

"I don't get in one. I date, have flings, but I don't do committed.", he said.

"Why not?", I asked.

"Love is overrated, Tisha. I don't do cliches.", he stopped and said to me. I nodded as I understood what he wanted to say to me. My idea of a partner was completely different from his. I wanted all in and he wanted to hang around on the periphery. We were not compatible.

"Guess that addressed the elephant in the room.", I said as we entered the lift of the infirmary.

"Yes.", he said as he faced me, "With you, it wasn't going to be a fling, it couldn't be. I didn't trust myself not to fall for you completely and I drew myself back every time I got closer to it. You, Tisha Dutt were going to be my kryptonite and I couldn't sign up for that.", he said.

I took a step back as I made sense of what he had just said. He had expressed his feelings for me and rejected me at the same time.

"Did you just tell me you like me and reject me in the same sentence?", I said, raising my eyebrows.

"You wanted the truth, here it is. I liked you, I still do. You make me feel things I've never felt before. When I heard you were caught in the room where the Professor had already kidnapped two agents, I was petrified. I've never felt as helpless as I did then and I wanted nothing more than to fight the entire security and go save you. I threw away all the training I had, all ethics that dictate how you should control your emotions. In that moment all that mattered was saving you. And these emotional outbursts exactly are what screw missions. I didn't want to see you, Tisha not because I was angry at you but seeing you scared me. Reminded me of how I was willing to commit all fallacies and violations just for you, defy everything that was ingrained in me for two decades. I was willing to throw it all away for you in a moment and that thought scares me.", he said.

The lift opened and I was glad it did. It had sudden;y got too hot in here. I couldn't take any of this building tension. The dizziness in my head was making it worse.

"Why did you not just tell me this?", I said as I sat on the infirmary bed and the agent went to find Doctor Kumar.

"Cutting off communication seemed like the best idea. I didn't want to hurt you, I knew you had feelings for me and I thought keeping my distance would help you withdraw yours. That your feelings would gradually die out even if it came at the cost of hating me. I could take that but I couldn't take hurting you. Guess I ended up hurting you more this way.", he said as he knelt on the bed in front of me.

"I liked you and even though I hate myself for it, I still do. I regret using your feelings to betray you, every time I think of it, a new way comes up, anything else that I could have done to get to Irrfan without letting you get caught in the crossfire. It pained me to do that, it still does.", I said and unconsciously my hand drifted over to his. I drew it away as soon as I realized it but he held it in his.

"I had to stay away from you, there were too many reasons. I had to tell them the truth about us, how you were able to get away, my father wouldn't have believed any bullshit story and it would have come up in the polygraph test anyway. Being seen near you would just cement the theory that I couldn't handle my emotions.", he said and took both of my hands in this.

"A letter would have done, a text maybe? Heck anything except avoiding me for months would do. The guilt shook me and the fact that you wouldn't even see my face was too much for me to handle.", I said.

"You're new here, Tisha but I grew up here. I've seen agents screw up missions and get themselves killed because their loved one could get in the line of fire. I can't let myself commit the same fallacy I've been warned against since I was born.", he said.

"Hey.", I said, as I held his face, "I get it. I really do."

"I wish we had met in some other parallel, Tisha.", he said, as he held my hand against his cheek, "Where every logic wasn't against us being together.

"I wish it was different.", I said, as I found myself leaning into him.

"I'd do anything for it to be different. To have met you anywhere but this Academy.", he said as he brushed his thumb against my cheekbone and brought our face together.

"But it can't be.", I said, as our foreheads touched.

"It can't be.", he said.