I had just returned from the Roger family a few days back. They were annoying, but once again, a family that didn't want me. They demanded for me to do every little thing for them and when I refused, bad things would happen. They would  pull my hair, hit me with belts, and make me go days without food. It still makes me wonder to this day how or why these types of people got into the foster care system in the first place.

This family also reminded me specifically of my brother. He would talk on and on and never leave me to one second of my own life. Nathan was my older brother of three years. Once our family perished in a terrible fire, we were sent into an American foster care system, Green Bear Saint Children's Home. Very few orphanages were existence in America at the time. Some of us were orphans, others were fosters. They took in children from different countries, like myself and Nathan. Some were from the states and others didn't speak a lick of English. Nathan had been fostered by this one family as an only child for about six months. I had not been able to see him since then. Surprisingly, with me being there for six years up until 2009, I was not connected to anyone. I grew up learning to not get close to anyone. everyone breaks your heart in some way. I for one had experienced it so many times. I saw kids go into new families each week and eventually get adopted. Some familiar faces return for another day. New days for new families for new secrets. Their histories were clean but yet act like we were money bags or dirty rags off the streets.

I woke up as an early riser that morning. I decided to take a shower, so I didn't have to go to this book club they are having in the cafeteria. I loved reading as much as the next guy, but even they made it boring to the ear. After I finished, Mrs. Dona, the owner, social worker and my best friend, called me from downstairs. There was a new family for me.

There was a decent amount of people in this building, most of which I did not know. Business had been slow, but couples of all sorts from all over came in and took me and only me, but none were suited for me. I went out to families for weeks at a time, but most would return me after they got the paycheck. It was nearing Christmas, which meant I most likely had to do all of their leftover dishes and clean the whole house by myself. That was how most of my families were in this god forsaken world. They looked at you, at your files, keep you sheltered for a few weeks. the dropped your ass back off on the front doorstep before adoption was amended.

I put on my gray, dirty jeans, black high top converse sneakers that filled with dirt, stickers and marker lines from past years. I threw on an emoji shirt and a black jacket. Very rare was it that I ever got new clothing. I walked downstairs combing my hair with the same comb I had since age seven, only a few teeth remaining on it. My hair was naturally blonde, but over time got bored with myself and started to dye parts of my hair black.

"Sarah!" Dona yelled from the front door.

I huffed a breath on the last step and rolled my royal blue eyes through my black framed glasses. I approached her and her four other people who were all very pale. There was a tall man with dark brown hair and eyes. He wore black slacks and a light blue button up shirt. The look on his face was sweet but seemed fake on so many levels.

"Sarah, this is the Johnson family. You will be staying with them for a couple of weeks. Everyone this is Sarah," Dona said and stepped aside so I could see them better. "Their records look clean and they are so happy to finally meet you."

"My name is Joe," said the tall man and shook my hand. "Such a pleasure."

A woman with red lipstick and dress that hugged her curves, black three inch heels and long, brown, wavy hair stepped forward. "My name is Elizabeth, but you can call me whatever you want. I'm so glad I get to meet you." She shook my hands quickly.

A tall boy, around the height of his mother without the heels, jumped in front of me causing me to step back a few inches. He had dark brown eyes, freckles and redish-brown hair. He seemed to have the crooked smile of his mother and the eyes of his father, but nothing else seemed to compare.

"I'm Michael," he said and studied my shirt. "Your shirt amuses me." I looked down. "I heard your really smart."

I made a fake smile and nodded as I did throughout the whole family. I wouldn't dare to make a word. I had not spoken a word since my family fire on my seventh birthday six years earlier. I find talking to be one of my weaknesses. Whenever a word was spoken, it always seemed to be the wrong one. Playing it safe around people I didn't know was my motto. No one ever seemed to mind. I picked up the language of English at the age of two from this book I read. Everyone in my family struggled to learn, but it always came easy to me. But with the people I have been around, I never found a real reason to speak.

A smaller child, a girl, peeked out from behind Joe. She was just about my height, long, straight brown hair, brown eyes and wore a bright pink dress that stopped just before the knee.

"This is Luna," Elizabeth said pushing her forward. "She was also fostered by us until we adopted her a couple of years ago. She doesn't speak either. Mrs. Dona told us you also don't talk much, but that's alright. We only want you to be happy."

"I'll go get your bags," Dona said before leaving.

I looked at her before looking back at the family. Their facial expressions changed quickly . Their welcoming smiles became frowns and their eyes turned to evil. There was a long pause of silence before backing away, leaving the frightening family to themselves. I helped Dona with my few bags that were already set aside. She explained to me that they looked at my files and were very interested, saying that their family was too small with only four. Dona has already done background checks and visited their home to see if it was in stable living condition.

Joe took my bags when we returned. Usually there was more to this meet and greet, but everyone seemed like they were in a rush. Liz walked the rest of us to the car, holding onto the back of our shirts. In the car, Luna and I sat by the windows while Michael sat between us. Dona waved goodbye  to me as Liz pulled away from the curb.

We drove down the North Carolina streets. Children were playing in their front yards and dogs chased squirrels up trees. I held my photo album close to my chest. The camera had broken many years ago after much use but I was able to salvage every photo from it, including a photo from every family I had been to. Not because I liked any of them or for memories, but for the reminder that I survived this long.The atmosphere was so much nicer than the inside of any house.

The front of the Johnson house was just as nice on the outside. Clouds on blue skies sat above the gray roof. The sun peaked out from behind small clouds and shone its bright rays onto the white paneling. All grass was cut though dead patches laid about. The inside was a more moderate home. Walls and clear sliding doors separated the kitchen and the living room. There were stairs that went to a second floor and stairs that went to a bottom floor. The house seemed to have a them of white walls, black trim with red and black furniture.

"Well this is our home," Joe said, handing me my bag. "It's not much, but it's home. We have a spear room you can use for now until you fix it up of how you would like it."

Up the stairs and down the hall, Michael opened a door to my room. It was spacious. The walls were red, and the trim was black. There was a simple bed, lamp post, leather bean bag chair, black desk, and black round rug in the center of the floor that didn't look all that fuzzy. Everything seemed normal until I noticed at least ten knives hanging from both the walls and ceiling. Crazy thoughts ran through my head.

"Don't worry, Sarah. They're just decorations. Not real. My father has strange ideas in interior design. Most of the time, this door is locked because we only use it for storage. We cleared most of it out for you."

I placed my two bags on the bed and left. This would be a time when I spent the least amount of time in the room. We finished the house tour. Everything seemed normal,except for the room I stayed in. When I walked back to my current room, I came across a door at the end of the hall that we somehow have missed. I ran back to Joe and tapped him on the shoulder.

"What is it Sarah?" He asked, bending down to my level. I pointed to the brown beat up door. He looked to me and shook his head. "Sarah, you must stay out of that room. There is dangerous stuff in there that only adults can use. I don't want you getting hurt."

I nodded in agreement, but there was no way I agreed with anything. I lived on this earth long enough to know that no one should ignore a secret door. All the secrets that no one tells you builds up inside and makes you want to scream. I didn't need that stress in my life. I need to get behind that door, but it was like that family never took their eyes off me. The door was busted and looked as old as the land, so how hard would it actually be to open.

I organized all of my clothes I had brought, into the dresser drawer then flopped on the bed very tired. All I wanted to do was see my brother or sleep, but I knew neither was going to happen.

"Sarah! Dinner!" I heard Liz call.

I took my jacket off showing my bare arms of scraps and bruises and walked downstairs to the kitchen. I decided to help Joe and Liz with getting food. We all sat around the dining room table. The table was oddly shaped. Not long. Not round. It was a curvy shape, more like an hourglass. I sat between Michael and Liz while Luna and Joe sat at the opposite end. The food was green and slimy and I swear it was moving. Although I was about to throw up, I choked it down to not hurt anyone's feelings, thinking maybe that was normal to them.

Luna and I helped out with the dishes, but she kept staring at me the whole time. I glanced up here and there. I first showed my braced face but then frowned back. Her lips puckered the same way mine did and she scrunched her nose almost identical to me. The night soon ended shortly after that. I slipped into a ragged white t-shirt and black shorts and carefully slid into bed, trying to not make the tacky decorations fall onto me the first night that I was there.