Chapter 10

I woke up to a text from Lex.

  Shit. I slept with Lydia.

Oh. Is that a bad thing? I sent back.

  Well, no. But we aren't even really dating. And we were drunk.

Lex and I were best friends, but we hadn't really talked about sex. I assume he'd done it before, since he had dated in the past. And he knew without asking that I'd never done it, since I'd never dated. But talking to him about this now was weird.

YOU LIKE HER? I asked.

YEAH, I DO.

TALK TO HER, THEN?

When I went to the kitchen after taking a quick shower, my mom was drinking coffee. She looked rough; her hair was messy and her eyes looked tired. I poured a cup and was going to go to the living room to avoid her, when she spoke.

"Penny, I'm sorry. How I acted that day..."

We hadn't talked at all since that day she screamed at me in the kitchen in front of LouAnne. I couldn't even look at her. I was so angry that she had said those things about Asa, mostly. But I was mad at her for being drunk all the time and staying out later than I did, too. Id been mad at her for awhile.

"Penny, please."

I turned back, but I wasn't happy. "Mom, you were so drunk. But what you said was -"

"I know. It was a rough day, and I've been trying to figure out how to..." She combed her fingers through her thick hair. "I know I messed up. I am so scared to see Asa. I'm scared he'll hate me for leaving him there."

I swallowed hard. "He won't. He knows he was wrong. He's changed a lot and he's -"

"Do you know when the next visiting day is?" she interrupted, her eyes now looking a bit more hopeful.

"Next weekend."

She took in a long breath. "Okay. We can go."

I was shocked, and sure I hadn't heard her correctly. "You are going to go see Asa with me?"

"Yes. And... we can discuss bringing him home." Now she looked surprised at her own words.

"Really?"

My mom nodded, but looked a bit unsure. "He deserves a second chance, just like you're giving me. Right?"

I forced a smile, because I wasn't sure what her motives here. "Okay. Good."

"Will you stop ignoring me now?" she asked, but then smiled.

"Yes," I agreed.

I did some homework, watched a movie and then snuck my mom's laptop after she left for work. I checked Facebook to see that Lex had posted some photos from the party, and one of him and Lydia from today. One was Matt and I, and he had tagged me. Lydia posted a few of her and Camilla and Sam, laughing, drinks in their hands. And then I noticed I had a private message.

The account name was Duke McDuke, and when I clicked through to the message, my hand was shaking.

I found you, ha. I mean, I looked a couple weeks ago but I only knew your first name. But last night I saw Lydia posted a shit ton of photos, and there you were.

So, here we are. I'm sort of offended that your profile has zero info about you and almost no photos. But anyway. When I saw you last night, I couldn't stop myself from following you outside. Trust me, I tried not to. I didn't know how I'd explain it to Camilla, but I didn't care. You do something to me, it's crazy.

I guess you're wondering about the last two weeks. Maybe you don't care, I don't know. My parents are... well it's crazy here and my dad made me to go Jersey with him... I just got back on Thursday. I was gone for ten days and I know I should have missed Camilla... maybe friends at school... but I just missed you, Penelope.

This is a novel now, I realize. I had a lot to say, I guess. I hope you read it. I do still need a friend.

-Winston.

I read it twice before clicking reply. I waited an hour before actually typing anything, and even then it took me a long time to decide what I wanted to say back to him.

Hi. Um, wow. I don't know what to say. I was wondering why you didn't show up at the library, yeah.

Uh, last night. Yeah. That was... awkward. Honestly I'm glad I didn't see you before then. I don't know how to act, in general, and especially not around you.   -Penelope.

It was late and I was in bed before I realized I should have given him my cell phone number. Maybe. Instead, I downloaded the Facebook app to my phone and sighed in, clicking into my messages. He had already sent one back.

I can't tell if you're happy to hear from me or not. Although knowing you missed me feels good. You know how to act around me, Penelope. You're the only one who knows how to act around me. I was going to ask for your phone number, but I like typing to you here. But I'd like to know when you work this week? Please.

- Winston

I didn't say I missed you. I work Monday and Friday. I don't even know why I'm telling you this. - Penelope.

*

  The next afternoon, Lex came over to hang out. He was going on and on about how he and Lydia were a real couple now and he had taken her on a date the night before, after they talked about everything. I told him about my mom and how she had agreed to go see Asa. It was like a normal, Sunday hangout with Lex, until he saw my phone screen light up.

"You have Facebook on your phone now?" he laughed, surprised.

"Yeah. I just got it," I told him, grabbing my phone.

"Wow. I'm shocked. What's next, SnapChat?" he asked, teasing me.

"I don't think so," I said, smiling at him.

He grinned, then reached over to squeeze my hand. "This is so nice, hanging out."

"Yeah," I agreed. "Hopefully you still want to hang out now that you have a girlfriend again."

I was teasing him and he knew it, but he looked surprised for a moment. "Pen, I'm sorry that the last girl I dated didn't like me hanging out with you. It was dumb of me to even care. Lydia likes you, you know that."

I smiled at him again, reaching for the bag of pretzels that was on the table close by. "I know, dork. I was joking."

"Oh, good." He looked relieved. "So, Matt..."

"What?"

"Did he ask you out?"

"No."

"Oh, shit. He said he was going to." Lex looked a bit embarrassed.

"Lex, I don't like Matt like that," I said seriously, holding the pretzels in my hand.

"You don't?"

I shook my head, then popped one in my mouth. I chewed it and swallowed, while Lex waited for my answer. "He's nice, and I'm glad to have friends, you know..."

"What's wrong with him?"

"Nothing. But I don't have to date him because he's your friend, do I?" I snapped, then took in a breath.

Lex narrowed his eyes at me. "Of course not. Wait, is there someone else you're into?"

I hesitated, which was a bad move. I looked away, then at my phone. "No."

"Oh my god. You like someone and you didn't tell me!" Lex shouted.

"No," I said again. "Not really."

"That's not convincing, Pen. Who is it?"

I put more pretzels in my mouth. As if I was going to tell him. "No one."

"I tell you everything," he said, looking disappointed in me.

"It's really nothing. I swear." I wanted him to believe me.

I'd been thinking about Duke and the Facebook messages all day. I wanted to check to see if he had replied, but I couldn't do that while Lex was at my house. It wasn't as if I was going to tell Lex to leave.

"Well, Lydia wants me to call her tonight," he changed the subject, now reaching for the pretzels himself. "I'm going to go out for the train back to the village soon."

"Okay," I answered, relieved and sad at the same time. I wanted him there with me. I loved having him around. "Thanks for coming over today."

"Of course. See you tomorrow," he finished, grabbing a few more snacks before hugging me and then heading out of the room towards the front door.

I nodded and watched him go, but was already reaching for my phone to check my messages before Lex was out of my sight. It was crazy how much I wanted to see a message from Duke there. I'd never felt that way before.

Oh, okay. So you didn't miss me. Fine.

Man, you're so difficult. And for some reason I can't stop thinking about you. If I show up tomorrow at the library, are you going to talk to me? Hell, even if you don't, I'm still coming.

I felt my face blush. He actually made me feel something I had never felt before. Just telling me that he wanted to see me made me feel crazy inside. Excited, even. I knew it was impossible. I knew he had a girlfriend and a rich family. But I still messaged him back.

See you tomorrow.