VALERIE SAT QUIETLY at one of the couches that sat Annie Lennox and David Bowie. It was one of the couches in the corner. Valerie had hardly any desire to talk to anyone at all today. She hadn't even wanted to come; it was too much to bear.

But she had to do it. For Freddie, and for John.

And so Valerie  absently nodded along to whatever David was laughing about while she sipped her drink, barely tasting it.

The concert had not yet started, so Valerie needed something to occupy her mind. Elena and Mary June were under the watch of Miami and whatever other musician they came across; they were responsible enough not to run off. Eddie, Michael, and the twins were staying with a baby sitter.

Appropriately, Valerie had had a boy and a girl. Freddie got his wish: both of his names were used.

"Valerie," David said, snapping Valerie back to reality. "We were talking about that time your lovely husband forgot the bassline to Under Pressure." He said in a kind attempt to bring Valerie back into the conversation, his arm hooked around her calf and his head leaning against her knee while he looked up at her.

"Oh, it bugged everyone for hours. Good thing Roger remembered it, yeah? I remember Freddie took him out to get drinks to reward him." Valerie said, a small smile gracing her face.

"Such an iconic line, and he forgot it. Would've made Hot Space an even worse album if you hadn't had that song on there." David said with a cheeky grin while he sipped his beer, and Annie scoffed.

"Hot Space was not a bad album. In fact, I think it's one of my favourites." Annie said defensively.

"It's in the top five for me. It's always between New Of The World and The Game for me." Valerie said, and David and Annie nodded, continuing the conversation about what their favourite albums were and why.

Valerie spaced out again.

She sat on the ledge of the couch, David's arm still hooked around her leg, while she stared at the bottom of her drink.

It seemed the past few months had aged her five years. She looked so tired and sad all the time.

And John was no better.

Five months after losing one of her best friends and it still hurt to even think about him. She wanted to cry just sitting there listening to everyone laughing and talking so happily as if nothing was wrong.

She was glad for this concert; it was raising money for The Mercury Phoenix Trust that Miami had organized, but it was bittersweet.

Celebrating one of her best friends, a music icon and legend who deserved it, but having to watch other people perform the songs.

It was hard to even listen to any Queen music anymore, let alone performed without Freddie.

She only wished she could enjoy this day without feeling like she might punch the next musician that gave her sympathetic talks.

She just wanted to go home and cry, and the day had only just begun.

But she knew she didn't have a right to continue wallowing in self pity as a lot of the people here were also grieving.

      Many of these people also lost a friend.

      "Valerie," a voice behind her said, and the conversation around her momentarily stopped while Valerie turned around to spot a distraught looking Brian.

     A simple nod to the group of people surrounding Valerie signaled them to resume their conversation, and David unhooked Valerie's leg to allow her to stand up and join Brian.

      "What's wrong?" She asked when she and Brian turned their backs and began to walk past groups of people and reporters.

      Brian opened his mouth to speak, but he was interrupted by a sound engineer calling out ten minutes to start time.

      "It's John." Brian said, his eyebrows kneading together. Valerie immediately snapped out of her slow paced reverie that she felt she'd been stuck in all morning.

      "What's wrong with him?" Valerie asked, dropping her voice and smiling at George Michael who greeted her with a blown kiss and a wave.

       "He's.... he's crying. Roger's with him right now, but I think you'd know what to say to him better than we could." Brian said quietly, wrapping an arm around Valerie's shoulder and leading her through the crowd, their heads down and slightly together as they had grown accustomed when they were trying to talk and avoid the press.

It has grown to be a second nature when they had gone out in public together. Valerie had learned the technique from Roger, and she used it all the time, oftentimes forgetting she didn't have to do it when she was with the kids or past colleagues.

      "Is he okay? When did this start, Bri?" Valerie asked him while they finally made it out of the fray of people to the private dressing room that the band had been given.

      "Not long ago." Brian replied, while he opened the door to the dressing room, pushing Valerie inside quickly and shutting the door behind them.

     Valerie's heart dropped when she spotted John leaning against Roger's knees, shaking and sobbing into his hands.

      "John," Valerie said, heading straight for the floor and kneeling in front of him. "John, it's okay." She said, attempting to take his hands in hers and utterly failing.

     "It's not okay." John sobbed, his tone as sharp as it could be as Valerie wrapped an arm around his shoulders and brought John's head to somewhat rest on her shoulder. John refused to accept her embrace and kept his knees tight to his chest, still shaking with tears.

      She hadn't even noticed Roger had moved from the couch and gone to stand next to Brian, the two of them deciding to leave the room momentarily to give John and Valerie some privacy.

      "We can't do it without Freddie. It's not the same without him. We can't do it without him." John cried, and Valerie rubbed his back, kissing his temple lightly.

"Yes, you can do it, John. You can do it for your daughters who are smiling for the first time in months, you can do it for all your friends out there who came out here just for Freddie. You can do it for Roger and Brian, who are looking to you, because they can't do this without you." Valerie said, her tone soft as she continued to comfortingly rub circles into John's back.

"And you'll do it for Freddie. Because he's also counting on you to be able to do this. Do it for your best friend, because you know he wouldn't want you to be crying for him right now." Valerie said, and John let out another sob, finally relenting and falling into Valerie's embrace.

       "You're right. He wouldn't." John moaned, allowing Valerie to wipe at his tears as he rested his head against her chest.

     Valerie lightly scratched her nails agains John's now short hair as she propped her chin atop his head, allowing him to cry and try to even out his hyperventilating again.

     The sound system called out five minutes to start time.

     "It's okay, John. Just breathe with me, alright?" Valerie said, and John nodded, his breaths gradually becoming more even before he sat back and looked at Valerie.

      "You're okay?" Valerie asked quietly, taking the sleeve of her jacket to wipe some of the tears from John's cheeks.

      "I'm okay. You can get Brian and Rog now." John said, and Valerie kissed his forehead softly as she stood up and helped John off of the floor.

      "The show must go on, right?" John said, taking another deep breath to ensure that he wouldn't completely lose it again.

"Right. You'll be okay, John. Make sure to wave to the kids at home when you're onstage." Valerie said, trying for some levity to make John smile.

She succeeded, and smile he did. "I will. I oughta get Cherone to sign something for Elena when we're done announcing Metallica. You know how she likes him." John said, walking past Valerie to check that he looked alright in the mirror.

     Valerie didn't tell him that Elena had already asked Gary Cherone for his autograph as well as about ten other singers and guitarist, and that she'd cried when she met Liza Minnelli.

        "My eyes are all red." John said defeatedly.

       "You were crying, John." Valerie said, as if he needed any reminding. He gave her a look that expressed this, and he turned back to the mirror to straighten his jacket.

      Valerie walked over to lightly rub his arm. John turned to ask her something when there was a knock on the door that made them both jump.

      John went pale as Brian and Roger came back in.

      "Ready to go?" Roger asked, rubbing his palms together a bit nervously. Brian was tapping his toe on the floor, tugging at a strand of his hair.

       "As we'll ever be." John said quietly, speaking for everyone.

      It was then that Valerie finally got a good look at the three remaining members of Queen. The three of them looked exhausted. Anita had told Valerie that Brian hadn't slept at all and that eventually he went out driving at three in the morning.

     Dominique said that Roger slept in one of their extra bedrooms because he kept waking Dominique up with all of his fidgeting.

      And between the twins and John's increasing anxiety, Valerie knew he didn't sleep either.

      But she knew this exhaustion was not just from lack of sleep but also grief. Brian, a few days before the concert, had called up Valerie and ranted about not wanting to do the concert because he didn't think he could handle it.

      Yet here they were, overcome with dread and emotion, but ready to play for their best friend one last time.

       Freddie would be proud, Valerie thought. It was certainly the grandest of send offs.

      "Right, we're on soon." Brian said, looking at his watch again.

      In a frenzy, they four people of them walked out of the dressing room and into the fray of sound engineers, roadies, and performers to go to the wings of the stage and wait for them to be announced.

       "You'll be fine," Valerie said to none of the three band members in particular. She figured they all needed to hear it.

      "And remember," she said, kissing John's cheek. "The show must go on." She said with a smile before she walked off to find Elena and Mary June and watch the show begin from backstage.
*****

      The show seemed to whiz by. Valerie took refuge in Elton's trailer with Elton and her daughters for much of the first half of the show, watching the performances in a television in his trailer before they finally got antsy and ventured out for the second half.

      Elena immediately went off to go scout out guitarists in the trailers to talk to them about techniques, but Mary June stuck by Valerie.

     "Mum," Mary June said, tugging on Valerie's hand as they walked through the crowd.

     "What, lovey?" Valerie asked, stopping when Mary June tugged her back. She kneeled down to be able to look up at her twelve year old who, admittedly, was almost catching up to Valerie's height. Elena, who was nearly sixteen, had already surpassed Valerie. And she never let her mother forget it.

"I wanna go home." Mary June said, and Valerie's brows furrowed as she, very matronly, straightened out her daughter's Wham! shirt.

"Why, baby? Are you tired? You want to lie down in dad's dressing room?" Valerie asked. She'd tried to get Mary June to stay home, but she was adamant she come because Elena was coming.

"No, I'm not tired." Mary June said stubbornly, and Valerie brushed some of her dark brown hair from her face. "I miss Uncle Freddie." Mary June said, and Valerie felt her heart drop for what must've been the thirtieth time that day.

All of the kids, with the exception of the twins and maybe Michael, had grown up and had very vivid memories of Freddie. They'd seen him perform multiple times, and because he and John were so close, he came over to the house a lot to visit.

Elena had gone and was still going through coping with his death; she'd been very close to him, and it was very hard on her.

But none of the other children had truly expressed their grief like Elena. Yes, they'd cried, but they'd never explicitly talked about it to Valerie, which she figured was her fault because she'd hardly talked to them about it.

"Oh, love. I do too. We all do. That's why we're having this concert. To remember him."

"He's never coming back, is he?" Mary June asked, sadly, and Valerie was shaken. She'd had to talk about this with the kids before because John couldn't do it, and she figured they understood, but perhaps not.

"No, Juney. He's not. But you know what? I like to think he's in heaven with some of his past cats, and that he's still singing to us from up there. And y'know what? He's not really gone. You still have all those happy memories with him, right?" Valerie asked her daughter, and she nodded.

"See? He might be gone from this world, but he's alive in your memory. In all of our memories. And that's what's the most special thing of all. That you have those memories." Valerie said, and Mary June nodded.

     "It's.... it's going to be okay that he's gone, alright? Because we'll never forget him. And every time you hear a song with him singing it, he'll be singing it for us. For you." Valerie said and she smiled for Mary June. She didn't want to start crying and then make her daughter upset.

"You're alright?" Valerie asked, standing and lightly caressing her daughter's hair.

"I'm alright." Mary June said, significantly brighter than she had been before. She seemed elated at the fact that her godfather would still be singing for her even if he was gone.

"Okay," Valerie said with a smile, waving slightly when she passed James Hetfield, who gave her a bit of a concerned look as they went by, but said nothing.

"Hey, are you alright?" Anita asked when Valerie and Mary June arrived in the wings while Lisa Stansfield and George Michael were finishing up These Are The Days Of Our Lives.

"Yes, never better." Valerie replied, and Anita didn't question it.

"Elena's been talking to Slash for five minutes now. I thought she would pass out, she's using so many words in one breath." Anita said with a light laugh, and Valerie smiled.

"She gets that from me." Valerie said, and Anita rolled her eyes.

"I'm not gonna argue with that."

"You were supposed to!"

"But I didn't." Anita said, giving Valerie a cheeky smile, and Valerie laughed, genuinely.

"She loves it here. Elena, I mean. She's been writing her own songs, and she's got a few friends she wants to start a band with. She was so excited to be able to talk to all of these very talented and renowned musicians. She talked to Roger Daltrey Tony Iommi for nearly half an hour." Valerie recalled when they'd first arrived. Elena had nearly passed out seeing all of these musicians in one place.

She wasn't as into music at Live Aid, and Elena made it a point to emphasize this whenever John tried to remind her that Live Aid was very similar to this.

"She wants to start her own band? Oh, that's lovely! I'm sure John is pretty happy about that." Anita said, and Valerie nodded.

"The first time she played him one of her songs she wrote, he had to leave the room because he started crying. To be fair, it was written for Freddie, so, y'know." Valerie said, splaying her hands as if to say what can you do.

Anita nodded understandingly, and the two women as well as Mary June clapped as the song finished and Lisa Stansfield came offstage.

Elena finished up her conversation and came to stand next to her mother, just a few inches taller than her, but tall enough for Valerie to rest her head on her shoulder.

Valerie closed her eyes, listening to the defeaning cheers of the crowd as George Michael went right back onstage and waved to the crowd.

And that's when the song began.

The opening notes of Somebody To Love began to play, and Valerie as immediately attentive. And then George began to sing.

Valerie audibly gasped, a smile forming on her face as he walked across the stage, singing with such emotion in his voice.

      "It's Somebody To Love!" Valerie said, shaking Elena's arm. Elena gave her mother an amused look.

      "Mum, I know. I can hear it." Elena said,  though not harshly as she found her mum's excitement rather adorable.

       Valerie just smiled excitedly as she kept a hold on her daughter's arm, watching George sing her favourite Queen song.

      The one Freddie wrote for her and John.

      In a such a quick glance she nearly missed it, John caught Valerie's gaze and smiled ever so slightly at her. But it was enough to say all that he needed to say to her without saying anything at all.

     And this time Valerie didn't care that she started crying or the sympathetic looks she got from the musicians and crew surrounding her backstage.

     It was a rough day for everyone, so it was understandable that Valerie had cried so many times that day. And this song was so dear to her, she couldn't help it.

     Every single memory of Freddie came flooding back as did her love for husband. All the good memories and bad memories she'd had over the years; all of the memories connected to the song.

     It was when the song ended that Valerie nearly couldn't handle herself anymore.

      George hit the final note and grinned as he gestured for the audience to finish the last iconic run of the song.

      Elena gave her mother's shoulders a squeeze and Valerie barely smiled at her, focused on the song in an attempt to try to control her emotions again.

        When the song was finally over, the stadium filled up with applause yet again. Among them, Valerie was clapping, tears still streaming down her face, but she didn't care.

She went the rest of the night finally backstage, talking to a lot of the people that were there. Perhaps it was the talk she had with Mary June, or finally listening to Queen's music after two months, but Valerie felt a little bit better. Well, she felt much more inclined to socialize, that was for sure.

The rest of the concert seemed to fly by, and the next thing Valerie knew, everyone who performed was onstage, and the stadium was as loud as it was when the concert first began.

Thunderous.

      "Goodnight, Freddie! We love you!" Roger said into the microphone, and the show was done.

     The boys didn't bother to take their last bows or even look into the audience again. Brian was the only one that lingered for a moment before they rushed offstage again.

      They were stuck in the crowd of musicians, sweaty and still filled with adrenaline and emotion from the performance.

      "Are you going to the after party?"  Anita asked Valerie, raising her voice above the talking of the people. Valerie had her hands tightly wrapped around her daughters as they headed to the bar and sat at the stools, waiting for the band to come back out.

      All around them, the performers were getting their drinks and talking raucously. It felt very much like Live Aid.

       "I don't think so. George and Annie asked me the same thing, but no. These two have to go to bed." Valerie said, kissing Elena's sweaty temple lightly and then making a playful face at her. "You were dancing too much." She told her daughter, who rolled her eyes.

       "There's no such thing. Dad would agree with me." Elena replied, surveying one of her many signed sheets of paper and pictures. She'd come prepared, knowing who most of the lineup was in advance, with pictures she'd torn out of magazines.

       "I know. But dad agrees with you on anything." Valerie replied, and Elena did not dispute this, simply shrugging and giving her mom a smile as she read the message that George Michael had written on one of the Wham! posters she'd taken off her wall.

It felt as if hours passed, when in reality it was about ten minutes, before John came out of the crowd again with a different shirt on. Brian and Roger seemed to have changed as well, and were talking amicably to their performers, though looking as if they wanted nothing more but to go home to sleep.

"Are we ready to leave?" John asked the moment he got to the bar where his wife and two eldest daughters were seated.

He looked anxious, antsy, and he made it very clear that was done socializing with anyone else for the day.

"The parking lot isn't crowded?" Valerie asked as she stood from the bar stool, helping Mary June get down from her chair.

"We parked in the back, remember? We just have to walk around." John reminded Valerie, smiling slightly at Anita as if noticing she were there for the first time. "Dobson,"

"Deacon," Anita responded, nodding and sipping the drink Valerie hadn't even noticed she'd gotten.

"Alright, but lemme say goodbye to Bri and Rog." Valerie said, leaving the kids with John before she walked off and lightly tapped Roger's shoulder.

      "Roger! You were awesome." Valerie exclaimed when Roger turned around and immediately pulled her into a hug, lifting her off the floor slightly.  

      "Thank you, Valerie." Roger said, his voice thick with emotion as he held Valerie back lightly by her shoulders. "Did you like it?"

      "I did. It was one of the best shows I've been to since Live Aid." Valerie said, and Roger gave a light laugh.

      "Now that is impossible. You saw us live here in '86 and said that was the best show,"

     "Well I changed my mind, Roger." Valerie said, crossing her arms at him and giving him a cheeky smile.

       "Yeah, yeah. And when you see U2 or someone else live, they'll be the best performer you've seen." Roger said, and Valerie rolled her eyes.

      "No, no. It'll always be Queen. Nothing can ever surpass you." Valerie said, and Roger gave a sad smile.

      "Yeah... I don't know if we'll ever perform again." Roger admitted, staring at his shoes, being jostled slightly by musicians and roadies passing by to get to the bar. "It's not really Queen without Freddie, is it? But I can't imagine never performing again." Roger said, running a hand through his hair and sighing.

      Valerie reached forward and rubbed his shoulder sympathetically, hugging him again. "It'll be okay, Roger. Maybe you will continue touring. Find someone new, not to replace Freddie, but just someone to sing his songs and bring joy into them again. And so you're able to keep doing what you love." Valerie said, and Roger nodded, his head resting on Valerie's shoulder as the two simply stood there in an embrace for a long while, neither wanting to let go.

       "Maybe. We'll see. The future is always uncertain."

      "But it's certainly there." Valerie said, and Roger shook his head at her, smiling as he kissed her forehead.

      "You're too philosophical sometimes. It's too late for that nonsense." Roger teased her and Valerie laughed slightly, fighting back tears. The banter reminded her too much of when she'd gone on tour shortly with the band and her and Roger would just go back and forth non stop.

      But it was a good memory, and like she told Mary June, the good memories were the special ones. The ones you always keep.

      "It's never too late to be philosophical." Valerie said with a smile,  and Roger shrugged his shoulders, the two of them standing in silence for a moment, just listening to the crowd bustling around them.

      "Can I call you tomorrow, Valerie? Just to talk. Maybe I'll come over to visit the twins." Roger asked as he hugged Valerie once more. He'd been called over by David Bowie.

      "That sounds lovely, Roger." Valerie said, standing on her toes to kiss his cheek. "I'll see you soon, then. I love you." She said, and Roger smiled gratefully at her.

      "I love you too," he said, and before he walked off, he turned back. "Let's not say goodbye anymore, yeah? It's too depressing." Roger said, and Valerie's breath caught before she nodded.

      "No more goodbyes."

      "Because I'll see you soon." Roger said, his blue eyes filled with emotion, meeting hers.

      "Always soon." Valerie confirmed, and she and Roger didn't say goodbye, but rather 'see you later' as Roger went to David and Valerie went to scout out Brian.

      She she finally found him, she simply tapped him on the shoulder like she did with Roger.

    "Valerie," was all Brian said, wrapping his arms around her in a hug. He hadn't talked to her since that morning.

      "Brian. You did amazingly." Valerie said, burying her head in Brian's chest as she hugged him tightly.

      "Thank you, Val. It was so hard."

      "I know it was, Bri. But you did it. For Freddie. And it was spectacular. He would have been so proud." Valerie said, ruffling Brian's curls affectionately. He gave her a half hearted smile.

      "I hope so,"

      "I know so. You should be proud Brian." Valerie said, and Brian nodded, rubbing his eyes and laughing slightly.

      "Are you going to the after party?"  Brian asked, slightly choked up.

      "No. Lenny and Juney.... we've gotta get them home." Valerie said apologetically, watching Brian survey the crowd with an emotion she couldn't quite read in his eyes.

       "Ah, okay." Brian said, hugging Valerie again. "I love you, Val."

      "I love you, too, Bri." Valerie said quietly, rubbing  Brian's back lightly.

      "Do you wanna get lunch next week, maybe? I know a spot where we can have a pic nic. Just.... unwind." Brian asked, and Valerie nodded.

       "That sounds lovely, Brian." Valerie said, overwhelmed with emotion yet again as she fell back into Brian's embrace, sobbing quietly.

       "I think this was the greatest send off in history." Valerie said through sniffles, and Brian smiled ever so slightly, though she couldn't see this.

       "I love you so much, Brian. You're my brother, y'know that? And no matter what happens to Queen, I'll always be here for you." Valerie said, leaning away from Brian so that she could emphasize her point with eye contact.

       "And you're my sister, Valerie. And I'll always be here for you," Brian said, and Valerie wiped away her tears, laughing slightly at her emotions.

       "Now you go get your kids to sleep, alright? Don't worry about me for the rest of the night." Brian said, and Valerie nodded.

       "I wasn't planning on it."

      "Ah, isn't that lovely." Brian said, the two of them laughing before Brian leaned down to kiss Valerie's cheek, patting the top of her head and earning a look from her,  though not one of anger.

      "I'll see you later, Brian. Have fun at the party. As much as you can." Valerie said, patting Brian's arm. He nodded, steeling himself as Valerie gave him one last kiss on the cheek before he turned and walked back into the crowd and she went back to John and the kids.

        "We're ready?" She asked when she arrived, taking her purse from Elena who'd been holding it for the past few minutes.  

        John nodded as he wrapped an arm around Valerie's shoulders and took one of  Elena's hands in his free one.

       As the four of them walked into the parking lot, they were surprisingly not met with anyone. Everyone was too busy heading to their own cars, talking loudly and laughing.

        John gave Valerie a light kiss on her temple as they continued their walk to their car, not talking, but rather listening to their surroundings.

      About how much joy the concert brought them. About how happy Queen's music made them.

      About how much they loved Freddie. And how much they would miss him.

     But above it all, above all the laughter and the loud talking, the singing arose from the fray.

      And soon everyone was singing along.

      "Can anybody find me.... somebody to love?" The crowd sang loudly, not caring about how well they sounded.

     Valerie and John shared a look, their arms still wrapped tightly around each other and their children as they walked to the car.

     The two of them shared a kiss among the dimly light of the parking lot, among everyone singing.

     And in that moment, everything was okay. Both John and Valerie felt happy knowing how Freddie would still live on in their memories and in the memories of the people. The singing and the unity that Queen's music brought was proof of that.

     And Valerie knew that, maybe not anytime soon, but sometime, everything would be alright.

      And finally, in the late darkness of the finished Queen concert, four more voices rose to join the singing of the still adrenaline filled crowd.

      "Can anybody find me... somebody to love!"