He must had been the nicest thing that had ever happen to me.

Apart from the fact that he had broken me still, at least he made me feel things I had never felt before, things I never thought I needed feeling.

We were young. I needed him in order to feel the love I deserve. He needed me to forget about the love he never deserved.

I was aware I'd get hurt at the end, still I pursued. I said I never understood my choices yet truth was I had always had, just too scared to admit it.

And here was the truth.

Out of all things, I picked the one that will pierce my heart. Because even though I know it would hurt me, at least it would make me feel something, and that was worth everything.

That was how desperate I am.

And that was how desperate he was.

The Art of Desperation.

♠♠♠

The diner was without charm for me on that particular day.

You weren't in your usual place by your friends usual table.

I forked the lettuce in my salad in order to will myself not to look too much on where you should be. Dave was starting to notice my glances.

Everybody in my table was talking at the same time it almost hurts my head. I stabbed yet another leafy thing on my plate and shoved it in my mouth rather harshly. I was irritated.

Bored, I risked another glance on your empty seat then at the glass entrance doors. Where were you? Supposed to be we should had been on our way to the park already for our daily ice cream thingy whatever. Yet where were you?

Letting out a sigh, I was about to just give it up and go to class early when I realized Jonah was staring at me from across in another table. He was with his research group. They seemed to be formulating over something since I can see notebooks spread open on the surface of their table.

I waved and he mouthed something to me.

Are you okay?

I tried to look taken aback as to cover my worried expression in case he had been staring at me for awhile. I made a thumbs up and even let out a soft chuckle to assure him. He stared a bit longer as if he can see through me then just shook his head and returned eating. Was I that obvious?

Though it was nice, seeing him worried for me and I felt rest assured it almost lightened up my mood from your absence.

So Rosa, what's going on with you two? Clarissa asked.

That broke my trance and I faced her. That was when I realized that all the girls were already staring at me.

I blinked twice, thrice.

Who?

She rolled her eyes and flipped her hair as if she was the Queen of England.

Oh you know who. Seen you two sneaking after lunch to somewhere and I thought Nu Uhh! I aint letting one of my girls get STD or something. I was planning on going shopping with you for condoms or some protection.

They laughed and I heated up. I love them but they can be stupid at times.

What do you mean? There's literally nothing going on. And you can still get STD with condoms you know.

I retorted sharply to cover up the fact that I was actually conscious and thinking about you.

Clarissa raised an eyebrow in doubt and all the others ohhhhed in unison like we were in some kind of sitcom.

Aint believing you. But whatever, it's your life girl.

She grabbed a mirror in her bag and started prepping her hair. I thought the interrogation was over already and I was about to go back in minding my own business when Clarissa turned back at me and at that rare time, she looked dead serious.

Just be careful Rosa. I don't want you swooning over the wrong guy.

I was surprised by the sincerity in her voice I let out a nervous laugh.

I told there was nothing going on. We just hang out. He's a friend.

I sure hope so. A guy aint that fast in moving on. But he seemed okay so depends on you.

With that, Clarissa had gone back to looking in her mirror and this time it seemed genuine. I resigned to putting my utensils in my bag but I cannot stop thinking about what she said.

A guy aint that fast in moving on.

I was confused and itching for an explanation yet it felt like I didn't want to know even though I was dying for it. So I had let the thought get buried in my mind for the rest of the day with activities and homeworks.

Stranger even, you didn't come to school the whole day and the things Clarissa and Kenneth had said started to resurface more clearly and I cannot stop myself from overthinking.

If only you had been here you can silence the storm in me. Yet you weren't. And I have to silence it alonw, or I'll be destroyed with my own thoughts.

I was an overthinker.

I had guessed you were too. Maybe that's the reason why you made me hopeful to silence your own storm.

Are you happy now, that while you were busy trying to calm yours you had created a storm in me?

Are you happy now? I pray to God you aren't.

♣♣♣

Series I
(The Art of Desperation)
#2

Second Base

At some point
There was something
A sensation passed through
A dash of lightning
Thumping
Both hearts at same time
Thumping
But then
It turned out
Just to be nothing
No more than a coincidence
A faux fucking pretense
My heart's a thrift store

•••

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