Here's a little piece of advice that might prove helpful if you don't want to give your friends heart attacks and full days of panicky thoughts: don't deliver big/important news through fucking sticky notes.

Alex spent much of what should have been an ordinary day distracted and worried, unable to focus on her duties at the shop. She grew very frustrated after ten full minutes of searching for a CD under "Zed Leppelin" and not knowing why she couldn't find it. She also accidentally put the new Metallica CDs in the Megadeth section, seeming to forget that Megadeth didn't have an album named Master Of Puppets.

It was all thanks to Sean and his stupid note. Alex had been on the way out the door when she noticed a folded up sticky note had been slipped under it. She'd opened it to find the words "The band is going on the Clash of the Titans Tour. I'll tell you more when I get back, I have a shit ton of errands to run right now. NO LOVE, Sean" in Sean's hurried handwriting.

The second leg of that tour was supposed to play its first date in less than a week. Alex couldn't help feeling panicky when she thought of them leaving so soon--she had been wanting to talk to Jerry about...well, anything. It had been a while and she'd found herself missing the annoying guitar player more than she felt she should've. And she had no idea when they'd be back, but she couldn't say it would be anytime too soon.

It's fair to say Alex's head was foggy with questions and worry. What if they forget something? What if something happens to their plane? What about Layne and his nerves? What if Jerry...never mind.

She ended up staying in the shop later than usual, reorganizing things here and there. Her mini-Seattle needed cleaning and there were boxes of books downstairs that had to be unpacked. There were also new orders to file in. Orders for the next month, and the month after that...but her pen had run out of ink. There had to be another one somewhere nearby--she was pretty sure she'd seen one under the counter...

"Alex?"

She moved to stand up so fast she slammed her head into the countertop. "FUCK! Ow, ah..." She slowly straightened up with her eyes shut tight and her right hand on her head. "Jerry?"

"Uh, yeah. Did I scare you?"

"No shit." Alex sat on the chair behind the counter and lowered her head to the countertop, putting her left hand over her right.

Jerry put on an apologetic smile and sheepishly said, "sorry. I didn't mean to."

"It's alright. What are you doing here, anyway?" Alex looked up at him with curiosity in her expression.

Jerry shrugged. "Shopping. How much is a CD?"

"Depends on which one it is. But you can just take whatever you want."

"Wait, really?"

"Yeah. There's a fridge somewhere in the back. You can have some shit from in there too."

"Huh. I guess you weren't lying when you said you were nice."

"Would I lie to you?"

"Probably...?"

"Yeah, I probably would. So really, what's up?"

"Uh, Sean said he was gonna tell you about—"

"The tour! Yeah, he left me this." Alex reached into her back pocket and showed him the note. "I mean, is he fucking kidding me? I've had this on my mind all day and I've been messing up so much because of it."

Jerry took the note and read it. "You can barely even read this. Anyway, yeah, we're leaving for Hollywood in two days."

"Oh, that's--that's great. That's really exciting."

"You sound like I just told you I want you to stand on the sidewalk and sing country music with me."

A giggle escaped Alex as she lifted and shook her head. "No, I'm serious. I'm happy for you guys. You better bring me a souvenir."

"Sure thing. I'll bring you a lock of Dave Mustaine's hair."

"Oh, perfect. Maybe I can make a clone of him with it."

"Make one for me," Jerry said, making Alex sputter and laugh.

"God, I can't even say anything because I started it. Let's pretend none of that even happened, alright?"

"You got it." He ended with a nervous little smile that Alex seemed to perfectly mirror. "Hey, so..."

Sensing the shift in Jerry's tone that probably meant a more serious conversation was pending, Alex stood up and looked around for a distraction, suddenly remembering something she'd done out of boredom. "Hold this," she said to stop him from continuing, holding out her pen. He raised a brow but took it, his gaze never leaving her as she jumped off the stool and looked around for a moment before switching the desk lamp off, leaving the shop in total darkness.

"Wow. I can't tell if it's really dark or if I just went blind."

"Shut up. Have patience," Alex said in an uncharacteristically soft voice, finally finding the switch on the wall behind her. The room was suddenly bathed in a cool blue light that soon melted into a delicate purple, then to a pretty pink and a soft red. "There. What do you think?"

"I...I think the music should be different," Jerry said, nodding toward the radio.

Agreeing that Smoke on the Water wasn't quite in keeping with the tone of the moment, Alex turned the tuning knob and found a softer station, quickly recognizing the new song as something by Cyndi Lauper. She looked back at Jerry and asked in a voice that could've been kidding or completely serious, "wanna dance?"

Jerry looked down at his floor as if expecting his next line to be written on it. "Well..."

"Just kidding. I, uh, can't dance, anyway. So...Hollywood, huh?"

✩✩✩

Charlie Shepherd was very good at reading people. She could always tell when something was bothering someone, and more than often, she knew how to help. It was part of what made her the essential friend (and the best friend Alex had ever had).

It was this constant awareness that led her to ask her good friend (and one of two latest roommates) Jerry Cantrell if anything was bothering him late one night after he'd gone out, presumably to visit Alex. She'd guessed that was where he'd gone because when she'd asked where he was headed earlier that evening, he'd replied, "um, nowhere..." and hurried away.

They were watching TV when she asked. He was sitting on the floor in front of the television, his back against the coffee table in front of Charlie's couch. His response to her question had been a hasty no! and anyone could see that was an obvious lie. And Charlie didn't want to make him feel pressured to tell her anything, but Alice In Chains was about to head out on tour, and she knew it would be difficult for anyone to focus on their work if something was bothering them. So she pushed him just a little more, finally getting a longer answer after a few tries.

"I don't know," Jerry slowly began after turning to face her. "I think I messed up and I wish I could take it back, but at the same time, I really don't. And it's weird."

"Can you tell me how you think you messed up?" Charlie asked carefully, hoping he didn't say 'nothing' and shut down again.

"Shit, it's awkward." He started to say more, but at that moment Layne walked in with a bag of food.

"I got supper," he announced in a funny voice.

"Oh, good. Come on, we're gonna do group therapy," Charlie said, patting the spot on the couch next to her.

"Group therapy?" Layne asked as he sat down. He opened the bag and took a bottle of beer out, holding it out to Jerry as he looked at Charlie with a question mark for an expression.

"Well, it's mostly just for Jerry, but I don't want it to be weird, you know? Now hush. Listen to him."

Jerry reached out to take the beer and cleared his throat. He looked at Charlie first, then at Layne, finally saying, "okay, so you know how I'm in love with Alex?"

"Yeah?" Layne so casually affirmed as Charlie choked on a fry.

"Wait, wait, wait, hold on--you're what?"

"Well, I don't know if I'd say in love with her, more like have a crush on her, you know, I guess I kind of like her...." Jerry put the bottle of beer to his lips and took a long drink from it as he pensively looked down at the table. "Nah, that's a lie. Definitely in love with her."

"I--Since when?"

"He's finally growin' up," Layne said.

"I'm older than you, y'know. And I don't know. I hadn't thought about it until now. But I mean it, and I wish I wasn't. She probably hates me."

"Why would she hate you?" Charlie asked, hesitantly reaching for another fry.

"Oh, right. That's what I was talking about earlier. Um, I kissed her and--"

"You WHAT?"

"You keep freaking me out with that!" Jerry complained, making Charlie take a deep breath and put the fries down.

"Alright, I'm sorry. But you keep saying all of this so calmly, like it's stuff we're supposed to already know!"

"I already knew," Layne said under his breath, picking up the box of fries.

"Of course you knew. You probably know what he's thinking right now. Anyway, continue, before I have a heart attack."

"There's nothing more to say," Jerry sighed. "We didn't talk for a long-ass time. Until today, that is. And it was awkward. I'm pretty sure she hates me."

"That means she doesn't. If Alex hated you, you'd one-hundred-percent know it. Trust me."

"Wow, I can't believe it was that easy. Hey, this wasn't awkward at all. I'm just gonna go--"

"You're not going anywhere," Charlie interrupted right as he was starting to stand up. He stopped and sat back down and she continued, "we have to do the therapy part now."

✩✩✩

It seemed the night was going to be a bit of a long one for Alex. Jo happened to be at the apartment when Alex finally got home, happily explaining that Joey had given her the night off. She was on her way to Ben's house, she said, because Soundgarden was hanging out there and Matt had called with an invitation to join in the TV-watching fun.  And, Jo had added with a little grin, Matt had also asked for Alex, and if Alex had nothing better to do, she should definitely come along...

"Are you alright? You haven't gone two minutes without yawning," Matt asked Alex, who was in the middle of a yawn.

"Huh? Oh, I'm fine," Alex said in that stupid yawning voice.

"Do you even sleep?"

"How do you sleep? Ah, how do you sleep at night?" Alex lazily sang, yawning again halfway through getting the lyrics out.

"Oh my God, stop that," Jo said, yawning as well.

"What is this, a slumber party?" Kim asked, walking into the living room and tossing a pack of cigarettes at Matt, who wasn't quite prepared for that and ended up getting smacked in the face.

"Thanks," Matt said, snatching it up and shoving it into his pocket before Kim could take it back. "And yup. You're late. I hope you brought your sleeping bag."

"Sure did." Kim looked around and tilted his head in the direction of the other couch. "What are they doing?"

"Finishing a song," Alex replied, turning her head to look at Ben and Chris, who seemed to be arguing about something on the piece of paper in front of them. "They're almost done. Although they said they were almost done about an hour ago."

"It's a delicate process," Chris said. He looked up and directly at Alex and added in a playfully scornful voice, "you wouldn't know."

"Yeah, we'll see about that," Alex said, leaning back with her hands behind her head.

"What, are you gonna write a song?" Ben asked, tucking his pen behind his ear and taking the piece of paper from Chris.

"Uh-huh. It's gonna be about the future. It'll be thirty years into the future and World War Three will be starting and there will be a new virus that people are freaking out over..."

"What the hell kind of song is this?" Jo asked.

"What's the name of the virus gonna be?" Matt seemed more eager to accept the concept.

"Uh...Budweiservirus."

"Why Budweiser? I think Heinekenvirus sounds better," Kim said.

Alex thought for a moment. "Coronavirus."

They all laughed and agreed that would never happen. Especially not thirty years into the future, when everything would be really advanced and so much better.

"Well, we're done, I think," Ben said, giving the piece of paper back to Chris.

"Yeah, it looks good. So what do we do now? Braid each other's hair and make s'mores?"

"Ben and Matt barely even have any hair to braid," Jo pointed out, reaching up to ruffle Matt's hair.

"Hey!" Matt whined, swatting her hand away. "This takes a while to get just right, you know!" Jo stared at him for a moment and they both melted into laughter, knowing right well it didn't.

Hair-braiding or no, it was a fun night.

✩✩✩

Next to Charlie, the best person anyone could go to for advice was Stone. And there just happened to someone who just happened to live with him who just happened to need his advice...

...only he had no idea how to go about asking for it. So he didn't. Instead, he stayed up listening to the radio and thinking.

But it was hard to do that comfortably when the house was that hot. He finally had enough and got up to see if there was anything in the fridge that might help.

"Eddie? What are you doing?" Stone asked the unmistakable lump sitting on the kitchen floor holding an empty milk carton.

"Uh...having a drink," Eddie responded in his best casual voice. "What's...up?"

"Nothing, I--seriously, what are you doing on the floor? You know it's two in the morning, right?"

"No, actually. I haven't checked the time. So thanks for letting me know. I'm gonna go back to bed now."

"No, you're not," Stone said, sighing heavily as he pulled two of the table chairs out and sat in one. "What's going on with you, man? You're all quiet--more than usual--and you just stay in your room--more than usual. You're weirder than you usually are."

"Wow. Hearing that makes me feel so special and good." Eddie stood up and took the other chair.

"Aw, you know what I mean. So what's up? Why are you being like that?"

"Oh, I'm just going through a phase..."

"What phase? If something's bothering you, just say it, will you?"

Eddie hesitated. "I guess nothing's really bothering me. There's something I can't stop thinking about, but I wouldn't say it's bothering me."

"You're making me want to go look up the meaning of the word 'bother' and that sucks because I don't own a dictionary. Anyway, what can't you stop thinking about?"

"Um...you know Rhea?"

"Yeah...?"

"Alex said--"

"That Rhea asked her about you."

"Yeah--how'd you know?"

"She told me," Stone said with a shrug. "That's all she said though. My knowledge on the subject is: Rhea asked Alex if you were seeing anyone. Never told me what she told her, though."

"The truth. Which is that I wasn't and still am not." The words came out in a huff, as though they were rather unwanted.

"So? What's wrong with that?"

Eddie leaned back in his chair and took a deep breath, reaching out to put one hand on the table and lightly drum a random rhythm with his fingers. "I don't know," he said in a soft, low voice. "I keep...I just...I wish she'd said I was."

"Why? If Alex said--oh..."

✩✩✩

"Everyone else here is a big baby," Alex whispered to Chris and Kim as she put two of her cards down.

"I know, right? Who even goes to sleep at this hour?" Chris asked. He put four of his cards down.

"Normal people," Kim yawned, dropping just one card.

"Who's normal?"

"Everyone else here."

"They went to sleep too early."

"You know who goes to sleep this early?"

"Big babies."

"That's right."

"I might be a big baby," Kim said as he watched Chris's process of carefully putting his card down and lifting the top half of the main deck and take his new cards from the middle of it. "I'm tired."

"Of course you are. You know why?"

"'Cause I'm normal?"

"Exactly." "That's right."

"You guys are weird as fuck."

"Your cards are weird as fuck."

"Yeah, you're right. I fold." Kim put his cards down face-up and Chris and Alex quietly ridiculed the hand.

"Flush," Chris murmured, showing them his own hand.

"Ha! Full house!" Alex almost yelled, sheepishly adding a hurried "sorry, sorry" when Chris and Kim gave her very wide-eyed looks and gestured to Jo and Matt, who were peacefully sleeping on the couch.

"I quit. Luck really just said fuck you to me," Kim said, looking down at the cards on the table. "I'm just gonna go to sleep."

"And I gotta go home. I have to shower before work tomorrow and I really don't feel like getting up early to do it," Alex said, standing up and stretching.

"How do you plan on getting there?" Chris asked as he gathered all the cards.

"Walking. How else? Flying?"

"Gotta stretch the ol' wings now and then," Kim said as he took a seat on the couch and put his head back.

Chris tossed a bottle cap at him and turned back to Alex. "I'll go with you."

"Aw, you don't have to do that. I can--"

"Just let 'im. Or argue about it outside. I wanna sleep now." Good proof of that statement was the sleepy edge to Kim's voice and the fact that his eyes had closed.

"Or we can argue about it on the way there," Chris said, and Alex rolled her eyes but agreed.

The sky was a weird color. It was still nighttime, but the sun was getting ready to come up, so it wasn't as dark as it could've been. The walk to the apartment was fairly slow and quiet, which was cause for what was originally supposed to be a simple joke.

"You're not talking as much as you usually do," Chris said when they reached the first stoplight on their route. "What's wrong? Cat got your tongue?"

"I think so. And I want it back," Alex said, her tone just as light. But there was a tiny dip in her voice at the end there that, though hardly noticeable, caught Chris's attention.

He nudged her arm with his and asked, "seriously, are you alright? How have you been?"

Alex sighed. "Yeah, I'm okay. I just keep thinking about...you know. I'm sorry, I know I should just get over him already, but I--"

"What are you even talking about? I'm not over him! And you and him were the closest thing to meant-to-be I'd ever seen, and I don't even believe in that! Just...you're allowed to have feelings, Alex."

"I know that, but it's been over a year and I still feel like it all just happened yesterday. I still hardly believe it. I mean...is it always gonna be this way?"

Chris kicked at a rock in his path and hesitantly replied, "no. I don't think so--I hope not."

"I don't know...every time I start to think I can move on I go backwards. It's like...that's fucked up. How dare you even think of moving on? He died! How dare you? And I'm starting to think that's never gonna go away."

"It will. That's your own...guilt, I guess, that makes you think that stuff. And I don't know why, but I do know that's definitely not what he would've wanted."

"I guess not. Knowing him, he'd tell us to stop being so down, because we're so depressed he can feel it all the way from the afterlife and it's ruining his time there." They both managed to laugh at that, each just able to hear Andy himself saying it. "But I can't help it. It's never going to feel right."

"Yeah, that's for sure. But life has gone on since then, hasn't it? And it's gonna keep going on. If we're gonna make it, we have to find a way to go on with it, so we might as well try to get at least somewhat comfortable."

"It's like he always used to say," Alex said, her voice small. "Suffering's a choice. But I don't think he thought about this as something we'd be suffering over."

"He still knew what he was talking about, though." Chris's tone matched Alex's.

Because Andy Wood was someone special.

Alex went to sleep that morning feeling just a little better than she usually did, and all she could do was credit Chris and be glad she had a friend like him.

✩✩✩

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JERRY! I LOVE YOU!!! the amount of STRESS i went through to get this done on time...i'm not even going to edit it before i publish it because there are two minutes left and i'm a little insane.
alright, stay safe and hydrated, have fun, listen to good music, be what you wanna be, and stay sober for Layne! until next time :)