LIVING ROOM

Harry Spengler and Ed Zeddmore sitting in easy chairs in front of a fireplace, dressed in formal wear and holding brandy glasses.

"Hello. I am Harry Spengler" Harry Says

"And I am Ed Zeddmore. Now if you have received this tape, you must be some sort of bigwig network executive. Well, today is your lucky day, mister." Ed Says

"Because the unsolicited pilot you are about to watch is the bold new future of "reality TV."Harry Says

"Mmmm. We know you've had it hard during the crippling writer's strike." Ed Says

"Lazy fat cats." Harry Says

"Who needs writers when you've got guys like us?, Harry reaches for... a cheap dimmer switch,!Our team faced horrible horrors to bring you the footage that will change your world forever. So strap in for the scariest hour in the history of television." Ed Says

"In the history of your life..." Harry Says

"Strap in for..." Ed Says

"Ghostfacers!" They Both Say

Ghostfacers theme song and opening montage, showing the characters and names: Ed, Harry, Sruce, Maggie, Corbett, Sam, Dean, Elena and Corrina

"Ghost...Ghostfacers. We face the ghosts when the others will not. We're Ghost...Ghostfacers. Stay in the kitchen when the kitchen gets hot. Ghost...Ghostfacers. We face the nightmare, we face the dread. Ghost...Ghostfacers. We face the faces, we face the dead!" (screams) When you trip and fall into the supernatural, we're who you're gonna call. We face them all! Ghost...Ghostfacers. We face the faces, we face the dead! We're Ghost...Ghostfacers!"

__________________________________

SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD

Harry and Ed exit an AMC Gremlin with Wisconsin license plate, each carrying a metal briefcase with a "Ghostfacers" sticker.

"You know, it can get kind of hard balancing our daytime careers with our nighttime missions." Ed Says

"Yeah, but Ed and I pretty much call the shots at the Kinko's where we work, so we can usually pretty much get off by six every night?" Harry Asks

"Yeah, six o'clock. It used to be just, you know, you and I taking on the cases -- just Harry and me." Ed Says

"Two lone wolves." Harry Says

"And two lone wolves need, uh...other wolves." Ed Says

PHASE 1: THE HOMEWORK

GHOSTFACERS "OFFICE"

"Morning, 'facers." Ed Says

"Good morning, Ghostfacers." Harry Says

"It's seven p.m., dude." Spruce Says

"It's morning to a Ghostfacer. Corbett, what do we got, buddy?" Harry Asks

"Oh, I'm just putting up some of the --" Corbett Says

"Yeah, this has got to go up here. That's got to go here. got to see the whole field. Markers, eraser -- good job." Ed Says

"I first saw Ed putting up flyers down at the -- the outlet mall in Scogan, so I-I read one, and I thought to myself, "huh. Where do ghosts come from?" And now here I am." Corbett Says

"Ed, your sister's abusing staff." Harry Says

"That's adopted sister, thank you very much." Ed Says

"Ed has been obsessed with the supernatural since we were kids, you know, and then he meets Harry at computer camp...and love at first geek" Maggie Says

"Spruce here. What up, playaaa?" He Says

BALL CART ON DRIVING RANGE

"I am 15/16 Jew, 1/16 Cherokee. My grandfather is a mohel, my great-grandfather was a tallis maker, and my great-great-grandfather was a degenerate gambler and had a peyote addiction." Spruce Says

GHOSTFACERS OFFICE

"Okay, people. Let's cut the chatter and get on a mission. Okay? Morton house..." Ed Says

FOOTAGE OF MORTON HOUSE
OFFICE

"...one of our big fish. All right, we all know the legend. Every four years, supposedly, this becomes the most haunted place in America." Ed Says

"The leap year ghost, some call it. The ghost returns at midnight just as February 29th begins." Harry Says

"And no one has ever stayed the night, right?" Maggie Asks

"Yeah, well, every testimony that we dug up, every eyewitness has cut and run well before midnight." Harry Says

"Well, that's all about to change, baby." Ed Says

"Absolutely true, Ed. Absolutely true." Harry Says

"Mmm. That's good." Ed Says

"It's French vanilla, 'cause the other day, you said how much you liked it, so..." Corbett says

"Thank you." Ed Says

"You are welcome." Corbett Says

DRIVERS SEAT OF CAR

"I like Corbett. I do. Shows up early, does his job, lot of good hustle out --, Corbett knocks on window and waves, I think he's got the hots for Ed, and that could spell trouble for the whole team." Harry Says

OFFICE

"Ed's kind of the more rugged, with that really golden...beautiful sort of beard. Definitely nice. Uh, and Harry's nice." Corbett Says

"29th is this Friday, facers. We want this mission, we got to move on it now, or guess what -- He's gone for another four years, Sudden loud noise, Ed's whiteboard crashes to the ground, caused by the garage door it was attached to opening up.
Oh, watch out!, Who is that? Dad! Come on!" Ed Says

"Just cut the cameras. We don't need that. We don't need this part. We don't --" Harry Says

PHASE II: INFILTRATION

OUTSIDE CHAINLINK FENCE - MORTON HOUSE

"Stay low. Follow formation. Okay, as suspected. A lot of people have tried to break into the Morton house. The local authorities have just gotten fed up." Ed Says

"Looks like the cops have got this place pretty well fenced off." Harry Says

"Wait. Didn't you guys get, like, a permit or something?" Maggie Asks

"A permit? That's a good idea for next time." Harry Says

"Yeah." Ed Says

"Car!" Spruce Says

"Car. shh, shh! Flashlights off." Harry Says

"Keep totally still." Maggie Says As They Hear the loud rumble of a car engine approaching, along with a radio playing "We're an American Band." It's the Impala, driven by Dean, slowing to a crawl, with Sam in the passenger seat shining a flashlight towards the Morton House before they drive away.

"It's okay. Not cops -- just hicks." Spruce Says

"Ed's got it." Harry Says Then Ed opens gate with wire cutters, Guys, let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
Go! go!"

FOYER - MORTON HOUSE

"Hear that, people? Let's keep it quiet." Ed Says

"There's the kitchen sink." Harry Says

"Copy that. Copy that." Ed Says

LIVING ROOM - MORTON HOUSE

"All right, everybody. Ghostfacers, let's line up, Everybody. We'll set up camp right here. This is command center one." Ed Says

"We're gonna call this the Eagle's Nest.
Fastforward footage of Ghostfacers setting up equipment." Harry Says

"Hallway cam one up and running." Corbett Says

"Looking good, Corbett." Ed Says

"Copy that, Ed." Corbett Says

"Uh...uh, you're welcome,All right, Spruce, how are we doing there, buddy?" Ed Asks

"Checking basement camera two, mein fuhrer." Spruce Says

"Maggie, I got no visual on you, Maggie." Ed Says

"This is Maggie. Do you copy?" She Asks

"There you are. Hello. Harry, are you alive?" Ed Asks

"Upstairs, Ed. Camera one." Harry Says

"Looking good. I can smell syndication. All right, fellas. Let's regroup at the Eagle's Nest.
Morton House 10:40PM Base Camp" Ed Says

"All right, Spengler. Battery check, battery check. Check. Okay." Harry Says

"Check. Check. Yo, Corbett, dude." Spruce Says

"Lookin' good, Corbett." Harry Says

"You're Robocop." Spruce Says

"R-robocop? You think I -- you think I look like Robocop?" Corbett Asks

"Everybody, bring it in. Bring it in, We've all been here before. Standard walk-through. Team one, west. Team two, east. Spin the tires, light the fires. Ghostfacers on three. 1, 2, 3..." Ed Says

"Ghostfacers!" They All Say

__________________________________

PHASE III-FACE TIME

MORTON HOUSE 10:51 PM 1ST FLOOR

TEAM 1 - ED & CORBETT

"Hello! I'm speaking to the restless spirits of the Morton house!" Ed Says

"Okay." Corbett Says

"Hello! My name's Ed. Careful. Watch my back." He says

"Okay. Okay." Corbett Says

"What's your name?" Ed Say As he Looks at EMF meter .3, .29.

"Is there an entity or entities here with us now? Can you give us a sign of your presence?" Corbett Asks

"You got to breathe, buddy." Ed Says

"I can't breathe." Corbett Says

"Corbett, night vision." Ed Says

"Okay. Okay. Yeah." Corbett Says

"Calm down, buddy. Breathe, all right? Calm the whirlwinds of your mind." Ed Says

2ND FLOOR: TEAM 2 - HARRY, SPRUCE, MAGGIE

"We're doing a basic EMF, EVP, temp-flux sweep. Looks like we've got all of our ducks in a row here.
Camera interference, EMF noise, What?" Harry Says

"I don't know. It's weird. It's gone." Spruce Says

"All right. Get this. Get this." Harry Says As he  unsuccessfully tries to kick in the door.

"Turn the knob." Spruce Says

"All right...that's a good idea." Harry Says As He Opens door.

There Is Jerky camera movement as Harry runs away yelling.

"Oh, my god! Oh, my god!, Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
Oh, my god! Oh, my god!" Harry Says

"It's just a rat, dude." Spruce Says

DRIVERS SEAT OF CAR

"I don't really like rats. They're gross. Rats are like the... rats of the world." Harry Says

2ND FLOOR MORTON HOUSE

"What -- was that an apparition? Was that a spectral -- was that a .4? What do we got, 'cause the EMP was just off the --, Spruce throws a dead rat at Him,Oh, god! Oh, that is so not funny, Spruce!" Harry Says

1ST FLOOR MORTON HOUSE

"Oh, god. Okay, it was just... I think it was just this branch... Okay...in the window." Corbett Says

"This is spooky, man. This place..." Ed Says

"Okay. Oh, no!" Corbett Says As He and Ed are confronted by Four figures approaching with flashlights.

"Freeze! police officers! don't move!" Dean Says

"All right. All right. All right. Take it easy, take it easy." Sam Says

"Let's see some identification." Dean Says

"Come on. Let's see some i.d." Elena Says

"What -- are we under -- under arrest?" Corbett Asks

"We are unarmed." Ed Says

"Oh, god. Oh, god." Corbett Says

"Want to explain that weirdo outfit, Mr., uh, Corbett?" Dean Says

"I know you." Ed Says

"Yeah, sure you do. Give me some identification." Dean Says

"Yeah, ho-- whoa, hold on a second. I know the both of you guys. Yeah." Ed Says

"What?" Corrina Says

"Yeah, huh." Ed Says

"Holy Shit!" Sam Says

"What?" Dean Says

"Uh, West Texas... the... the tulpa we had to take out. Those two goofballs that almost got us killed... The hellhounds or something?" Sam Asks

"Fuck me." Dean Says

"Hellhound?" Elena Says

"Wait I knew that website, She Chuckles, yea that site would crack me up obviously you can tell it was ran by a bunch of Virgins" Corrina Says

"Yeah, we're not hellhounds anymore, okay? It didn't test that well." Ed Says

"Ed, what's going on?" Corbett Asks

"They're not cops, buddy -- no, not at all" Ed Says

"Ed, Ed, you had a partner, too, didn't you -- A different guy?" Dean Asks

"Oh, yeah, yeah." Ed Says

"Is he around here somewhere?" Dean Asks

"He's running around, chasing ghosts." Ed Says

"Okay, well, listen, you and Rambo need to get your girlfriends and get out of here." Dean Says

"All right. Listen here, chisel chest, okay? We were here first. We've already set up base camp. We beat you So How About You two and your hot girlfriends get out of here" Ed Says

"They were here first." Dean Says

"Mm hmm." Ed Says As Dean grabs Him

"Oh, god..." Ed Says

"Ed..." Dean Says

"Yeah?" Ed Says

"..where's your partner?" Dean Asks

2ND FLOOR MORTON HOUSE

"10.6. 10.7, guys. The EMF is really spiking here." Harry Says

"Temperature's down, like, 11 degrees." Maggie Says

"All right, all right, keep your eyes peeled. This could be it. Maggie, can I get a reading in here, please?" Harry Asks As There Is Camera interference

"Something keeps messing with the chip. I don't know what's going on here." Spruce Says As There Is
More interference, then suddenly a man in 50s-style suit and hat appears.

"Guys. Guys. Guys."

"Look buddy, I'm sorry. That's it. I'm telling you, that's all the money I --" The Man Says Then
Gunshots ring out, apparition of man falls and disappears.

GHOSTFACERS