How the hell am I supposed to be able to believe in my dream?!

4 years. For four years my only goal has been to become my only dream Youtuber. And so far I haven't given up believing that one day I'll make it.

But how?!

In the meantime, I could easily manage to record and upload videos, and I finally have my parents' consent. Although they are not really enthusiastic about it. I was indirectly called a disgrace and told to focus on things like school so I could get a good job and a great husband. As if my life can only be good with a good husband..

I want to become a Minecraft Youtuber. One like I've been watching for 4 years. Now the content of Minecraft Youtubers has changed so much and I want to bring the good old days back to Youtube and give a new generation of kids the same experience I had back then. Sounds really cheesy, but I don't really care.

Today I made the first recording. With my I think 6 year old Apple pc. The recording went quite well, I recorded an hour and it hardly lagged. But then when I wanted to edit the video... It just doesn't work. I couldn't do it. It's a long story to explain and I just don't feel like it. But it does not work.

And that's the point where it became clear to me: I won't be able to upload Minecraft Youtube videos with my 6 year old Apple pc.

And the rest of my current setup consists of a pair of ancient Apple headphones. These little ones that you always get for free with an iPhone.

So if I want to make Youtube I need a new setup, that's for sure.

But I don't have the financial means to do so, my parents don't really want to support what I'm planning, so I can't wish it for my birthday or Christmas or something like that, and they won't let me do a part-time or holiday job either.

My mother offered me to work for her during the holidays, watering plants or washing clothes, but I don't think I can finance a new setup with that. Maybe I'll earn one or two euros per day but not more i guess.

I don't want to give up now, I can't be stopped that easily. But I have to be realistic, I won't be able to do it without money.

I don't want to get bogged down in some random job after school. I have exactly one goal in life and I want to achieve it!

But will I ever be able to?