✧ ""graphic"" coming soon ✧

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TOXIC PEOPLE ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS.

i've been feeling this topic a little more lately, between the end of the school year, things i've been experiencing, && things i've been witnessing on and offline. support is needed. goodness it is.

it's second nature to be stuck in this constant loop of the same people doing the same things treating each other the same way-- and yes, this works for some-- but if this 'same' is something negative, people you thought you loved become someone else entirely. we need to start breaking away from a habitual pattern of deprecating people and situations.

and gosh, yes, it's so hard to separate from a group of friends you've known since forever, but sometimes? it's necessary in order to breathe. we so often let ourselves be subjected to a more internal pain and frustration by willingly surrounding ourselves with those who don't have our best interests at heart— simply because it's easier. it's easier to run with the crowd because then we're not alone. it's easier to stay with our current friend group because branching out won't work. it's easier to take this familiar hurt rather than opening up to another. it's easier.

it's not easier. it's pattern, it's human nature, better yet- it's fear. fear of what will happen when our habit is broken, fear of who we're going to talk to next, fear of what we don't yet know nor understand. we cannot let this feeling of being afraid inflict more pain upon us. things are ALWAYS better when we stop thinking about it and just get there. wherever that open-ended there may be for you.

but let me tell you something, what friendship is NOT.

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□  friendship is not:

➵ a competition for each other's attention ( you're all friends, it doesn't matter who's queen bee. )

➵ a pile of negative energy you all feed off of ( they're your comfort- not your place to feel worse. )

➵ being in a crowd and feeling alone ( these are the people you should LOVE to be around and vice versa. )

➵ a contest of who's better or who's worst ( don't switch the negativity just to get that attention off of you. don't let them. )

➵ constant one-upping / one-downing ( always having to have an experience etc. that's better or a feeling that's worse than the other. )

➵ having surrounding people who you can't trust nor talk to ( you should feel open, comfortable, not afraid of getting real. )

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of course, there is no such thing as perfect person, thus, no perfect "group of friends." it's impossible, so if you're expecting that to be the case- you might need to check yourself first. hence, there's always going to be inner conflict , fighting , and situations where those may apply. but if this is constant, if you feel wrong- if it all feels wrong. something IS wrong; listen to your gut, use common sense, and trust your first instincts.

always believe the best in someone- but there's a point of naivety where you simply need to get out. don't get sucked into this or that because it's what you know and are familiar with. the same hurt you'll feel with continue to be stuck with you; it doesn't go away, it's got that nasty knack of awfully placed resilience.

if your "friends" are discussing plans in front of you (not including you), if your "friends" are finding little negative things to point out about you (that are quite irrelevant), if things your "friends" say just don't sit well with you- something you'll just know, if your "friends" are putting you down, if your "friends" don't seem to truly care about your well-being, if your "friends" are being the first ones to jump on an attack from an outsider, if your "friends" tell you things because 'it's okay, we're friends' or 'it's just a joke' or 'that's just their personality and how we act around each other' — GET OUT. i'm telling you now. it's not good and it's far from healthy.

these seemingly 'little' and 'normal' things continue to pile on, one after the other. it tears you down, truly, it does, before you've even been given the chance to realize how much you're internally hurting.

YOU deserve people who will constantly have your back, no matter what's happening. YOU deserve people who are going to continuously build you up and challenge you to become your best self in the face of negativity. YOU deserve people who are conscious and aware of your feelings as well as theirs. YOU deserve people who will respect you enough to tell you the truth, but with dignity and grace along with it. YOU deserve somebody who will find the good in you. you deserve somebody who will care. just. simply. care.

friendship is a two way street, don't carry others on your back && feed them what they're capable of doing themselves. it will only weigh you down while placing them higher, metaphorically and physically. if they're toxic, if their deprecating, if they're negative 24/7- kick them to the curb. you don't need more of that in your life, not from somebody who is supposed to have your back.

i know it's so much easier to tell you that you should and can break away to new people. like- it's difficult, no matter who you are- where you go to school- what part of life you're living- it's difficult and it will always be difficult. trust me when i say that i've been there. i am there. and it does get better— but you have to put yourself out there, a little, too, in order for any real change can occur. there's always other groups that aren't open, those people are constantly around, you don't want to create conflict-- i know i know i know.

but please, for your own well-being, begin to separate from the toxicity flooding your life. find little ways to talk to others you may not have before. expand upon the relationships you feel flourishing, you want to flourish, and the ones that make you truly happy inside.

you're never ever as stuck as you may seem.

find happiness in others. you can't always get that peace and love from yourself, you need an outside support system besides your family and yourself.