October 15th 1936

The rain suddenly stopped, as if Sarah Rogers was telling them to stop crying, and to smile. Steve had told everyone he accepted his mother's death, that she was finally with his father. Bucky and Y/n knew this to be false however.

The three stood in front of her grave, being the last ones there as all the other guests had left. It was only a matter of time that her sickness would overcome her, but Steve wasn't ready to be left alone just yet, and his best friends weren't going to let that happen.

The air was solemn and tender, a gentle gust of wind lightly rustling the leaves of all the surrounding orange and yellow trees, tinted the color of autumn.

A single tear fell on Steve's face causing him to quickly wipe it away in case his friends were to see. Y/n didn't mention it, and just put a arm around his shoulder.

"You played beautifully Y/n." He said, breaking their silence. She chuckled softly "I made sure of it, it's the least I could do Steve." Her cello case was leaning against a nearby tree, along with a painting, painted by Bucky.

"C'mon guys, let's go, it might start raining soon." Bucky glanced up at the darkening clouds. The other two nodded and head out of the memorial field.

Y/n heaved her cello case down the street, with some much needed help from Bucky. Fortunately her apartment was close by, so she'd only have to carry the massive instrument down a few blocks. Once they arrived, she quickly put the case back into the corner of her apartment, the spot specifically for it, and rejoined her two friends outside to walk with them.

The streets of Brooklyn were oddly quiet, even if it was mid-afternoon when everyone was working, however it felt appropriate for the mood. Bucky and Y/n had offered to walk Steve home, and although he politely declined, they knew that he needed his best buds for just a little while longer.

Y/n thought back on the day her father died. Her mother was such a lovely person, always caring and having fun with Y/n through everything, making sure that her one and only daughter was as happy as she could possibly be. It was only when Y/n was seven that her beautiful mother died from a heart attack. It only angered her father more that Y/n looked exactly like her mother, same eyes, same gorgeous hair, same smile, a smile he'd almost never see when he was near her. Y/n had almost no relationship with her father, who chose alcohol over her. He would completely neglect her, and his abusive behavior terrified her at times. It only made sense that when he died two years ago, she hadn't felt as though she had lost something so great.

How insensitive is it to not shed any tears at your own father's funeral? She only wished it weren't that way, that she made amends with her father before he drowned in their bathtub. If Bucky and Steve hadn't been there for her, she might have lost her sanity.

"Y/n?.. Y/n are you there?" A gentle nudge on her shoulder snapped her back into consciousness. "Hm, yeah sorry." She said, noticing Bucky hadn't taken his hand off from her shoulder. That day when her father died had changed her for the worst, but she decided from that day on, it was best to keep those demons deep down inside her, not letting anyone know of the nightmares she'd have to bear. After a while, she had finally come to terms that her parents were truly gone, something Steve had helped her through as he had lost a parent, even if he never met his father, he still had to grow up without one. Now Steve had lost his mother, someone Y/n had also grown close to as a mother figure.

Losing Sarah was like losing her mother all over again, even if she wasn't her, she treated her like a daughter, something Y/n would treasure within herself forever.

Despite all the loss, Bucky has never failed to be there for them and comfort them through the grief. He had a lot of people he felt like he needed to care for, including his three younger siblings who he'd forget, were mostly grown up now. He pressures himself to make sure everyone he cares about are living their best lives, but what worried Y/n and Steve was if he was taking care of himself as well. Steve had to convince Bucky into doing a lot of things like going out or letting Steve help him with errands because of Bucky taking care of his household. His father worked quite a bit to make sure they could survive through the Great Depression, and Bucky knew that he couldn't do it all on his own.

Thankfully, the Great Depression didn't affect the trio and their families too much, Y/n only struggled to find work, but she was fortunate to have the financial support of her friends.

The three continued walking in a comfortable silence. Y/n was stuck on the topic of Sarah and her father, and couldn't help but compare the two people. Why, why hadn't her father been there for her, why didn't he ever speak to her, why did he hate the fact that she reminded him of her mother so much? It seemed like Steve and Bucky were studying her expression, and knew exactly what she was thinking about.

"Y/n, are you thinking about Sarah and your father again?" Bucky met her gaze. "What? No of course not, I was just thinking about the happy times we had with Sarah, and how loving she was, and.." her voice trailed off. Steve and Bucky looked at each other and frowned. "Y/n, I know you were as close to my mom almost as you were to yours, don't feel bad for thinking of it that way." Steve said quietly.

"I know Steve, I just wonder, why the universe wants to take everything away from us, I feel like we just weren't meant to be happy, you know?" She sighed. She didn't know what she was feeling guilty for, maybe it was that Steve should be the one grieving the most, but that thought was ridiculous. Y/n had lost both of her parents, it's only understandable that she would grow so close to Steve's mother, just not as a replacement.

The three decided to just go home, and have some alone time to process and grieve on their own. Y/n and Bucky were simply walking Steve home.

"Ya know, my dad offered to give us a ride." Bucky said, looking up at the sky, expecting the rain to come anytime now. "It's alright Buck, I think walking home is fine, plus, it'll get me used to being on my own in a way."

Bucky and Y/n shot Steve worried glances. "Now Steve, don't you dare think you're alone, you've got us. That's what you guys told me anyways, when my father died, and you were right, we have each other." Y/n held his hand firmly. She took a deep breath and calmed herself down. What she said, she truly meant.

Bucky softly smiled, and looked into Y/n's eyes. She felt her cheeks turn red and hastily looked forward.

They made their way to Steve's house, where he now lived alone. They climbed the small concrete staircase to his door, when Steve realized he didn't have his keys on him.

He looked at Bucky and Y/n, to which Bucky sighed and grabbed the spare key from the hiding spot on the porch. "C'mon, man." Steve took the key from him.

"You could always stay with me ya know, we can put couch cushions on the floor like when we were kids. It'll be fun." Bucky said enthusiastically. "We could invite Y/n over and hang out together, right Y/n?"

She nodded her head, "Yeah, you should consider it Steve."

"Thank you Buck, but I can get by on my own." Steve tried to sound reassuring.

"The thing is, you don't have to." Bucky put a hand on Steve's shoulder. "I'm with you till the end of the line pal."

"So am I." Y/n pulled them both in for a hug.

After dropping Steve off, Bucky decided to walk Y/n home. She didn't want to admit to him that she was secretly hoping he would stay the night.

"So, how are you actually feeling." Bucky said raising an eyebrow. Y/n met his gaze, faking a confused look. "Wha-what do you mean?" She only hoped he hadn't read her mind about him staying over. "You were thinking about your father today, weren't you?" Y/n sighed. "Oh, that. Yeah, I guess."

"You can tell me Y/n, you've been doing fine lately, the nightmares have died down. But with Sarah dying, you lost someone that you felt even closer to than him, it's alright if you're not okay."

She looked at him, bewildered that he'd guessed exactly what was on her mind. She felt like her mind was going all over the place. "Yeah, you got me."

He put an arm around her waist, causing her heart to race just a little at the sudden contact. "When you played that sonata, I could sense the pain in the way you played. You played that cello like it was the last time you'd ever play it. You put your heart and soul into your playing, Y/n you were incredible."

She looked into his eyes and, for the first time today, genuinely smiled. "Bucky you have no idea what that means to me, thank you." She looked up at the grey sky. "In some way, I felt as though Sarah was listening, like she knew the song was my way of saying goodbye."

They went silent for a while as they were walking, until Y/n thought out loud. "Buck, I didn't cry once when my father died, if anything, I was almost relieved that the pain he'd put me through had finally come to an end." She stopped herself, realizing what she had just said. She had meant it.

"And that's ok Y/n, what kind of father doesn't show up to any of his daughters recitals, doesn't remember to keep the front door unlocked so she can get into her house late after work, so she has to walk a few blocks to mine or Steve's house. Y/n he wasn't a dad, he was a jerk you were forced to put up with, and I know he would hit you from time to time because of the bruises you'd have."

She felt tears start to build up in her eyes, anger and despair filled them. "You're right Buck, you're absolutely right. I would blame myself so much, that maybe if I cared for him, he could get better. But I was caring for him, and he didn't give a damn about me." She exhaled, glad that she finally got those words off her chest.

"That's why I didn't cry at his funeral, why my speech was short and sloppy. I didn't need to put my heart into someone who didn't do the same for me."

She looked into Bucky's sorrowful eyes, he knew he couldn't feel her exact pain, but he was guilty that there wasn't anything more he could do, nothing that could change what Y/n had experienced. The only thing he could do was to be there for her and Steve.

He decided to talk about something completely different. "Hey, did you hear Walt Disney is starting to make animated films now." He hoped the sudden change in topic wasn't too soon.

"Oh wow really, imagine seeing that in a theatre." She wondered. Something like that could change everything. Y/n thought it was adorable how nerdy Bucky could be sometimes. He was a sucker for sciency stuff and anything futuristic.

Y/n would sometimes wonder about what her future held for her. As a woman, she thought that maybe there wasn't much in store for her, but what if a group of women were to change that, and a new sense of equality came to be. She wasn't sure.

Her passion for music wasn't just because she enjoyed it, but also because she may have a chance of being successful with it. She couldn't just work as a waitress or a nurse her whole life, especially when they don't make nearly as much as a man did. At least with playing the piano or the cello, she was doing something she loved.

They finally arrived at Y/n's apartment, where she decided to ask Bucky what had been on her mind.

"Buck d-do you mind spending the night? I feel like having someone else around on a night like this would be nice." He smiled warmly and opened her door. "If you don't mind me staying, of course." She closed the door and locked it, grinning to herself that he had agreed.

"Do you want tea or something? I'm having my usual earl grey." She said, putting the water on to boil.

"Just some water please."

As the water boiled, she walked over to her radio and turned the dial until a slow jazzy song played softly.

She let her wavy hair down, enjoying the feeling of it being loose and natural. Fancy hairstyles weren't really her thing, but she made sure that she did it nicely for today.

Bucky was on the couch reading a newspaper he picked up on the way. Y/n kicked off her heels and lay down on her couch, resting her head on his lap.

The smooth music soothed her, as she tiredly stared up at her ceiling. Where will she be twenty years from now? Maybe she would find the man of her dreams, start her own family and grow old living a happy life.

She was eighteen already, and still hadn't ever had a boyfriend. She laughed to herself as she remembered a boy asking her if she would be his girlfriend when she was only seven. Bucky almost beat the hell out of that kid, with Steve having to restrain him from going any further.

She hadn't had a boyfriend, and hadn't had her first kiss yet, "Maybe I'm waiting too long," she thought to herself.

It was just finding the right guy that was important.

Y/n then thought of the many times someone had asked her if she was dating Steve or Bucky. It was ridiculous to imagine such a thing. She had been best friends with them almost her entire life, dating either of them could just ruin a perfect friendship.

Y/n looked up at Bucky, who had drifted off to sleep, the newspaper being loosely held on to by his hands.

She thought it was absolutely adorable the way he furrowed his eyebrows when he slept, like someone had asked him a difficult math problem or something.

She carefully got up and took the newspaper out of his grasp and placed it on the coffee table. She then grabbed a blanket and draped it over him.

"Sleep tight Buck." She whispered, as she poured her boiled water, and tiptoed to her bedroom, letting the sleepy brunette rest.