January, 1945

Y/n could feel it. The tensions in the base building up like a flooded pool up to everyone's necks. If they didn't act sooner, HYDRA would deliver the final blow that would put the rest of the world to annihilation.

At least, that was what those bastards wanted them to believe. And for some of her fellow soldiers, they considered it to be a wavering  possibility.

Steve had reassured her countless times that the battle was going well, and Schmidt was losing hope as they continued to knock down HYDRA bases like dominos.

So why did something still feel wrong? Like there was agony that lay ahead despite their likely success in winning the war.

Winning any war came with its sacrifices, she supposed.

Y/n understood now; what it meant to be a soldier. What her father and Steve's father had meant when they talked about the first war and the pieces they brought back that engraved permanently in their souls. So far they'd won every battle that Steve led them through. The other divisions began to question the degree and scale of Steve's missions, believing that they were just a quick "in and out job" every time because they had Steve.

If only it were that way.

The other day Y/n had witnessed one of her fellow soldiers collapse in front of her. The gunshot had found its way around the bulletproof vest into his shoulder. All she could do was apply pressure to the wound with both of her hands, screaming for a medic until her throat felt raw while Bucky covered for them both.

She remembered her thoughts becoming static, Bucky's hands pulling her up by the shoulders, for her to let the soldier go.

"We gotta get outta here, Y/n. There's nothing we can do for him." Bucky's voice echoed in her head, sounding as reluctant as she was, but he'd had already forced himself to let go. The man had lost far too much blood by then. She knew the words had pained him as much as leaving the soldier was for her, but he was just another casualty. One out of dozens from that day across the battlefield.

The battle didn't seem to end at the field. Coming back from a mission to the debriefing table was like entering a high school lunch fight. Men fighting over who could've saved who, who should've done what and who deserved to live more than the other. Steve and Peggy's efforts to contain certain soldiers became pointless. They were all human after all, war tends to bring out the worst in everybody.

The noise and commotion had winded her up here in her room, sitting on the splintered floor with her back pressed again the side of the bed. Half of the cheap whiskey remaining in the bottle sat weakly in her hand.

She knew drinking like this would cause the negative thoughts she could suppress when sober to arise. Things had become so much better when her and Steve first reunited with Bucky. The three would fight alongside one another, come out victoriously hand in hand. As much as she hated to admit it, their comfort wasn't always enough. The fight was getting worse, HYDRA had developed better defense, and while they'd always lose in the end, there was one hell of a price to pay.

And then she was overwhelmed. She bunched up her knees to her chest and stared at the bottle through glassy eyes. They all had to fight this, to the bitter end. For the goodness of the world, for her, Bucky and Steve.

A knock at her door yanked her out of her river of thoughts.

"Y/n? You in here?"

Y/n opened her mouth to say something, anything her buzzed mind could muster up. "Mmm." Was all she could seem to manage, frantically wiping at her tears.

Bucky entered and was by her side immediately, concern washing over his features. "Hey, what's wrong?"

She shook her head and shrugged. "Nothing, just... needed some time alone. Away from the chaos and everything."

Bucky sighed, getting up to close the door and seating himself next to her against the bed, gently taking the bottle of whiskey from her hand and taking a small sip. "Rest is for me. You've had enough." His hair looked soft and fluffy, like he'd ran his fingers through it few too many times out of habit. A white T-shirt clung to his body that allowed his silhouette to define every ripple of muscle.

Y/n grinned, but it faded as quickly as it appeared. She dabbed at her tears with the sleeve of her nightgown."I'm ashamed to admit it, Buck. I... I knew that this wasn't gonna be easy."

Bucky tucked her loose hair behind her ear as he listened.

"To think how many people around the world are suffering, dying in the crossfire of this ridiculous war that started because of fucking tyranny. In the twentieth century too. I just can't wrap my mind around it, Buck. How can the world be this screwed up?"

Bucky frowned, nestling his body closer to her's. "Some people have to involve the rest of the world in their selfishness." Was all he could come up with. He stopped for a moment, wracking his brain for something better. His brows creased together. "I don't think a single person fighting in this war is in it to win the war, but rather to finish it. Nobody really wins in the end, when you think about it."

Y/n broke a fleeting smile. "How'd you get to be so wise?"

"You're wiser than me most of the time, Y/n." Bucky chuckled, nudging her shoulder with the edge of the whiskey bottle. "The difference, my dear, is that I'm more sober than you right now."

"What? I'm f-fine." Y/n nearly fell over in an attempt to lean on Bucky's shoulder.

He licked his lips, nodding with a smirk. "Right."

She sat up and let her gaze settle into his own, her heart suddenly growing heavy the more she melted into his comfort and warmth. Bucky brushed his thumb over her hand, rubbing slow circles when a twinge of sadness glinted in her eyes. Her shoulders began to quake.  

"But what about you?" Y/n's voice cracked. Bucky frowned when a new set of tears appeared in her soft eyes, her dazed demeanor shattering rapidly.

"Me? 'M right here, darling." His chest tightened when a sob suddenly broke from her lips.

"No." She shook her head violently, turning her body to face him and meet his gaze. "We made a pact, remember? Back in middle school? You can talk to me, Buck. I'm worried about you, and there's something you're not telling me."

"Y/n..."

"I know those HYDRA bastards did something to you, I know they hurt you." She said between small sobs, placing a hand on his chest. "I can't go on fighting this war without knowing if you're okay."

"I can't lose you."

"Y/n..." Bucky clenched his jaw as his own eyes threatened to well up, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear. "You gotta trust me. I don't want you... picturing everything that I'm trying so hard to forget."

She held onto his hand as if he'd slip from her grasp, staring intently as if silently waiting for elaboration. But the pain that backed his irises screamed at her to leave it be, at least for now. "Okay." She let out a staggered breath. "Then at least tell me what's been going on with you. The fast healing and recovery. All of it. Are you in pain? Did they... give you somethin?"

Bucky frowned, averting his gaze and shaking his head. "I remember seeing syringes, masks with anesthesia. Whatever they did, I'll never be fully sure." His voice dropped to a broken whisper. Part of him wondered just how much of himself was left.

"Can I ask you somethin', then?" Bucky asked suddenly, though not sure his efforts would be worth it. The effects of the alcohol could sway the truth from her lips, for all he knew.

"Of course."

"Do you still see me as me?"

Y/n's expression etched with confusion. "What?"

She stared into the doe eyes that were fixed on her own, scrambling for any ounce of sobriety left that could give him a real answer. One she wouldn't regret in the morning. One that wasn't half-assed and ignorant to the hurting man in front of her.

"You'll always be my James." The 'sober Y/n' in the back of her mind had heard leave her own lips, not quite sure if she should make herself scarce from his line of view and bolt down the hall. But the way his features softened had untangled the knot in her chest. 

Bucky reveled in the way his first name rolled off her tongue. He rummaged his mind for the words, but all he could do was clutch her hand a little tighter and rub circles with his thumbs, expressing his affection soundlessly.

"I'll always be by your side, y'know. In some way, shape or form." Y/n said, repeating what he once told her laying together on the grass. "I'll make sure you're never alone."

Bucky's breathing faltered beneath his chest and he instinctively leaned closer, no longer caring if she was tipsy, because the way she was looking at him like a gift sent down from the highest and divinest of deities had him drunk on her. And it was taking every fiber of his being to not smash his lips onto her's until the light of tomorrow.

"Are you going to stay?" She whispered finally. So quietly, that he was sure she hadn't even said it, that he was suddenly envisioning her enchanting form in front of him.

So close.

So beautiful.

So... insatiably perfect.

"D'ya want me to?" Bucky replied, ghosting his fingers under her jawline, scared that if he touched her, she would disappear.

"Course I do." Y/n's chest ached at the feeling of her heart pounding away as though it wanted to rip out of her skin and reach out to him itself.

She slowly drew her hand closer, hovering her fingers over his cheek until his own callused hand grasped her softer one, pulling it into his own skin.

Y/n shuddered slightly, not sure if she could ever get used to the way his skin felt against hers. How his touch sent her consciousness spiraling into a frenzy of bliss and euphoria unlike anything else.

"Do you mean it this time?" She questioned. Y/n knew he'd already understood her vague question. He always did.

"I won't leave you." He gripped her hand that rested on his cheek. "Anything for my best girl." He breathed out a smile, tracing his finger around the golden bracelet dangling around her wrist.

Before Y/n could register he'd stood up, she was being scooped up into his arms, her cheek pressed up against his chest. The steady thump of his heartbeat only lulled her further into slumber as he gingerly set her down on the small twin mattress. Bucky hesitated for a moment when she sleepily stared up at him, inviting him next to her.

As he promised.

Like a moth to a flame, he slowly climbed under the sheets and scooted himself close enough where he wasn't falling off the small bed, but was at a comfortable distance from her.

Y/n knew she was the luckiest girl in the world. Even if she hadn't opened her heart to him yet, he was still her perfect soldier. Her beautiful boy, James Buchanan Barnes. He could be out drinking with the Commandos and Steve, playing pool and poker around the table. But no, he had chosen to be with her. And it swirled up a tidal wave of desire that washed over and took control over every nerve in her body, pressing her to reach out and pull him closer.

Bucky watched intently as a sheepish grin ghosted her blush lips as her eyes fluttered closed, a small sigh leaving her as she drifted off and her breathing evened.

He ever so gently pulled the sheet over her exposed shoulder and ignored the tears that stung the back of his eyes. How he wished he could run away from this war, with her arm tucked under his and the warm scents of Brooklyn welcoming them home. A home they could share, a home that embraced their little family that Y/n had always deserved.

"I'm getting us outta here, Doll." Bucky whispered, kissing the back of her hand as she lay asleep in front of him. "Doesn't matter how long it takes, I wanna give you the world. The life you've always wanted."

"Even if it means I die while doing it."

•••

"That jacket looks warm as hell." Exclaimed Dugan, who was helping Morita and Jones set up the transceiver, allowing them track Zola's location.

"Gift from Y/n." Bucky smiled shyly, but pride evident in his eyes.

"Heard my name." Y/n stepped out of the jet and immediately tensed when she entered into the frigid winds of the Austrian Alps.

"How you feelin'?" Bucky's voice faltered when all he received in return was a small frown.

Y/n had been awoken abruptly this morning by a frantic Peggy, urging her to haul herself out of bed and jump into her uniform.

What was more abrupt was the empty spot beside her, expecting to be woken up by the soft voice of her soldier.

Y/n's disappointment was interrupted by the snappy voice of Peggy, mumbling something about Zola and a train in Austria.

Now she watched as Bucky's guilt ridden eyes followed her as she wordlessly made her way towards the meeting sight.

"Y/n." He murmured through his teeth, looking back at the rest of the crew to make sure their conversation was out of earshot. "I... I promise I didn't leave you. Steve pulled me out to disclose what he'd found out about Zola."

The sorrow in his voice made Y/n's heart sink. She let her glare melt. "He did? Why didn't he wake me up as well, then?"

"Wanted to let you sleep a bit longer." Bucky smirked when her brows scrunched together, which he found adorable. "I don't suppose you remember the what happens when you knock back too much whiskey, Y/n."

"I wasn't that drunk." Y/n defended, fighting the grin that tugged on the corner of her lips.

She took a moment to rake her eyes over his form, the blue hue of the mountains bringing out the captivating color of his eyes and making her breath cut short. The sight warmed her from the chilly wind that whisked through the air.

"The uniform suits you." He blurted, raising his hand to slap his hand to his mouth, instead running it through his hair.

He never knew how much a woman in a uniform could make his heart somersault under his chest.

Y/n hummed. She bit the inside of her cheek in an attempt to hide her blush. "Not as good as this jacket." She brushed off the snowflakes that began sprinkling his hair, turning at the sound of Steve's voice.

"Got a big one today. If we can track down Zola we can get closer to putting a stop to HYDRA's advances." Steve announced, his chest puffed with determination, patting Falsworth on the shoulder who peered past the cliff through a set of binoculars.

"That's what he said." Bucky joked, earning a playful eye roll from Steve.

They stood atop a small plateau, where a pre-setup cable stretched towards the railroad tracks half a mile below them.

"We're... going on that?" Y/n swallowed a lump in her throat.

"Afraid so. Got no other way that'll quietly get us onto that train, unless Zola decides not to show up to this party." Dugan said with a sigh.

Y/n stared meekly at the long line of rope, hoping her adrenaline would be enough to carry her through to the end. If she could walk over a pit of fire or jump off a jet into an open fire range, surely she could zip-line 500 meters over a canyon above an icy river.

Sure. No problem.

She joined Bucky and Steve, who were standing at the ledge by the rope. "Remember the time I made you two ride the Cyclone at Coney Island?" Bucky smirked at the memory.

"For the first and last time?" A grin spread across Y/n's lips, looking over at Steve who had slightly turned pale in embarrassment.

"Yeah, when I threw up and Y/n passed out?"

"This isn't payback, is it?"

The corner of Steve's mouth perked up. "Now why would I do that?"

"There's a reason I don't do rides with you two anymore." Y/n said.

"We were right, Doctor Zola is on the train." Jones turned them, slipping off the headphones attacked to the transceiver. "HYDRA dispatch gave them permission to put up the throttle. Wherever he's going, they must need him bad."

Y/n sucked in an icy breath, ignoring the sting of the cold invading her lungs. Bucky snuck up behind her, giving her shoulder a light squeeze.

"We can't get this one wrong, Bucky. If Zola gets to his destination, who knows what-"

"Hey, hey." Bucky's brows knit together. He brought himself in front of her, holding tightly onto her gloved hand. "We've got a streak goin' for the HYDRA bases. If we can manage to take out a whole division of soldiers in a day, who's to say we can't work together to take down one puny, bug-eyed scientist?"

Y/n tried to force a smile, but it came out more as a scoff. "You've seen him, though. Zola." Her soft voice dropped to a low whisper.

"...yeah. Course I have, Y/n." He clenched his jaw as memories resurfaced of Zola lurking over him and Harrison like dissected experiments.

"That man... he's not like the soldiers. Not like Schmidt either. I just... get this sickly feeling when I see him, Bucky. This darkness in his eyes that terrifies me more than Schmidt. Like he's planning something terrible that even Schmidt may not be aware of." She clenched her sweaty palms. "Maybe I'm just being paranoid but-"

"You're right." Bucky said shortly, glancing towards the rope before pulling Y/n into his chest. "I'm not gonna let him touch you, Y/n, I promise. That's why we gotta stop him and put an end to HYDRA."

"But I couldn't stop him from hurting you." She whispered, blinking away furiously at the unshed tears that brimmed her lids. She cupped his cheek with her hand, and he leaned into her touch. "None of that was your fault."

"Let's get going, because they're moving like the devil!" Falsworth's voice pulled the two of them back to the present.

Steve hooked himself onto the cable. "We only got about a ten second window. You miss that window, we're bugs on a windshield."

"Better get moving, bugs!" Dugan checked the speed of the train with his wristwatch.

Y/n took a moment to breathe, regaining her focus. Her, Bucky and Steve nodded to each other.

This mission had to count.

"Mind the gap!" Falsworth shouted to Steve before he leapt onto the wire and zipped down towards the incoming train.

Y/n didn't give her mind a chance to pull her back, pushing past Bucky and the rest of the men and lunging onto the cable. She swallowed a scream that ended up coming out as a breathy yelp, timing her jump from the line onto the roof of the train.

"Shit!" She landed flat onto the train, straining her left arm to hoist herself into the center.

"Jump too late?" Jones quipped and she rolled her eyes in response, turning her neck against the force of the wind to make sure Bucky and Steve made it onto the train safely behind her.

"Told ya we'd make it!" Bucky flashed her a smile that made her beam. All four of them met eyes, relief washing over them briefly.

"Wish I could say that was the hard part." Jones shook his head as he slowly stood into a crouch, making his way towards the engine.

Steve waved his arm. "This way!" He shouted through the wind.

Y/n and Bucky followed close behind him, swinging down once Steve opened the metal door to one of the cars. Once Bucky shut the door behind the three of them, they drew their weapons quietly.

"Let me go in front of you." Bucky whispered as they crept between a series of shelves, Steve on the other side.

"Bucky-"

"Please." He stressed through his teeth. He knew she was capable, she'd led through the field dozens of times already.

His hammering heart couldn't let her this time.

Y/n sucked on her lips and slid behind him. The pure fear in his eyes softening her stubbornness.

They soon met Steve at the end of the car who went ahead of the two, leading them into the next car that was already wide open.

And menacingly quiet.

Steve looked back at the two, all sharing puzzled glances. He slowly entered the car, with Bucky close behind him.

BANG

"No!"

"STEVE!" Y/n and Bucky exclaimed in unison, banging their fists against the door that suddenly locked and separated them from Steve.

Steve slammed his hands on the door when he watched as Bucky and Y/n whipped around, firing at the HYDRA soldiers who'd appeared in ambush.

BAM

Steve's eyes widened at the... robot? No, metal suited man ahead of him, diving for cover when it released the same blue rays as before.

"Get down!" Y/n bellowed through the gunshots, urging Bucky to use the shelf in front of him to his advantage. She pressed her back against the back of the container, quickly kneeling up and firing towards the attackers.

"I'm out dry!" She moved to reload.

"Got you covered!" Bucky shouted, running across the width of the car and shooting.

The two took turns, hiding, then firing, watching closely as the soldiers weaved between their objects of cover.

Y/n's ears throbbed at the rapid sounds of shots coming from every which way, something she'd gotten used to ignoring.

She snapped up her head when Bucky cursed. He looked at her. "Got any refills?" She read his mind.

She grimaced and shook her head, patting down her cargos for another weapon of any sort. She knew her knife wouldn't do him any good, and a grenade could put Steve in danger.

She stood up and shot rapidly, covering him while her other hand came into contact with a small grenade-looking device in her pocket. She smushed her body next to Bucky's and quietly handed him a device, flashing him a "sorry, this is all I got" look. He raised his eyebrows, communicating "are you fucking crazy?"

She fought a grin, standing up to continue defending. She smirked. "Just trust me."

Bucky waited until Y/n had finished shooting and had returned to her cover spot across from him, looking through the window on the door for Steve. He was busy fighting on the opposite end of his car.

It was now or never.

He aimlessly threw the device across the car towards the soldiers, shielding his eyes when a familiar blue ray flashed in front of him and swallowed up the car in its color. He blinked when there was no explosion that followed. 

"Holy cow..."

Y/n stood up with a sigh of relief and satisfaction. "New grenade design from Howard. Somehow he removed the exploding part and kept the disintegration part in."

Bucky flashed her a half smile. "I had him on the ropes. Didn't have to scare the shit outta me."

"C'mon, you know you're proud." She grinned while adjusting her gun. "You're welcome."

Bucky dragged his tongue across his back teeth, simply watching as she flattened out her sage colored uniform, the one she'd asked his help in designing. She twirled her handgun around her fingers and joined his side, flashing him a wink.

Oh, he was screwed.

And he loved it.

Steve jammed his fist on the keypad and unlocked the door in front of them. "You two alright?"

"All thanks to Sergeant Y/l/n." Bucky threw her a grin of amusement.

Steve's relief was cut short when the sound of a launcher suddenly whirred behind Y/n and Bucky.

"GET DOWN!"

Y/n felt Steve push her to the floor and a shockwave of explosion that came from his shield, her gaze whipping behind her when Bucky harshly pulled her back further behind Steve. He dug his hand into Y/n's belt and taken her handgun without warning, causing her to inhale at the sudden contact.

A gust of icy wind hit her face as she stood up, snatching her rifle from her belt without time to worry about the gaping hole in the wall of the train.

Bucky had grabbed Steve's shield and began shooting at the figure in front of them, the same kind that attacked Steve earlier.

Y/n fired while simultaneously running to help up Steve, who'd been thrown to the other end of the car. Her eyes instinctively went to Bucky fighting until there was of another blast and flash of blue light.

Y/n's rifle dropped to the floor with a loud thud.

No...

No no no

Her heart collapsed and bled a cry.

"BUCKY!"

Steve had picked up his shield and thrusted it into the armored soldier, pushing Y/n behind him as he reached out to Bucky, who was dangling from a loose metal bar on the side of the train. His feet were flailing over the tracks, over the abyss of the mountain.

Bucky's terror filled gaze flicked back and forth from his two best friends, his arms frantically clinging on to the bar, the wind threatening to betray him.

He had to reach for them.

For his best friend.

For the love of his life.

His name filled his ears, the sound of her shrill cries drowned out by the banging of his own heart that pulsed to his head.

Steve's best friend, who'd always been braver than he ever wished himself could be, had eyes that pleaded with fear. A look Steve and Y/n never hoped or imagined would ever come across his features.

Her soldier, her beautiful James.

Her love.

"Hold on, grab my hand!" Steve hollered as he strained his reach, their hands so close, yet so far.

Steve hadn't registered in time when Y/n shoved herself in front of him, stepping onto a small ledge that her foot managed to fit on.

"Bucky, c'mon! Take my hand!" She grimaced, her arm teetering on being ripped from its socket. She ignored the pain, and the sound of Steve calling her back.

Bucky's eyes met her's, communicating a novel worth of words. One simple look, telling her every sentence, every thought, every emotion that he wished to convey to her in the fraction of a second that was left.

Before it was too late.

But when Y/n heard the crack, the strain of her gripped hand vanishing. Her love disappearing in front of her. She knew it had been.

So she swatted away Steve's hand.

"Y/N!!"

Bucky blinked and there was the train, there was Steve. They grew farther... and farther.

And Y/n?

His lungs stopped him from screaming her name again. She should've been next to Steve, so he thought.

He was the one falling. He was dead, surely.

So why was she growing closer, why was she above him, reaching out as if she were an angel flying down to escort him into the afterlife.

No... no she was falling. She was falling with him.

If he was dead, then so was she.

"No..." Bucky heard himself sob quietly, his voice dying with him.

She had left Steve behind, but she knew he had his Love waiting for him. So Y/n concluded, she'd have to die with her's.

Rather than live without him.

In a world that already felt far too empty.

Far too broken for the tenderness of the life in their lovely and blissful dreams.

Perhaps, wherever they'd be taken next after death, would treat them kinder than life.

It felt funny, falling so fast into death. Much too similar to being held underwater; the surrounding sounds muffled, eyes stinging and begging to close, air stolen from your lungs.

Bucky saw his own arms reach out above him to his angel, to grab that hands that grabbed for his own.

Her fingers entangled in his own as the world faded around them, the ground drawing nearer, the sky floating away. Her hands moved to his shoulders and he felt her press her body as close as the acceleration let her. His vision went grey and static, a warmth reached his ear. He then let the darkness engulf him whole.

"I love you."