Inspired by Community S3E15: "Origins of Vampire Mythology."

Annabeth POV

"Attention New Rome! The traveling San Francisco craft fair will be set up for the weekend here on our campus! Come to the quad for homemade treats, comfy sweaters, Essential Oils, and more!" Dean D says over the intercom, once again effectively interrupting the New Rome Seven's silent study session.

Percy slams his book shut. "Do you ever notice how we never get any real studying done? Like, we open our books, Jason says something about how the first person who talks has to buy us all Starbucks, and then once we're settled in, there's some stupid announcement."

"I thought breaking the fourth wall was Leo's job," Frank says.

Leo clears his throat and scooches his chair in. "There wouldn't be a good plot if we didn't have constant announcements from the dean. Like right there—that announcement was not only the catchy intro to today's episode, but it also stated the theme of the episode, which has something to do with the craft fair happening this weekend."

Piper snaps a finger gun. "Cool. So can Percy buy us all Starbucks now?"

"A craft fair sounds kind of cool," Jason says. "I mean, nothing's going to be affordable 'cause we're all broke college students, but I am a sucker for homemade soaps with fun seasonal shapes and scents."

"We know," Leo says. "Piper and I live with you. Your jack o'lantern soap looks like a turd and doesn't even smell like pumpkin spice anymore."

Annabeth cringes. That's nasty, but it does sound like Jason needs to take a trip to the craft fair. For that matter, she should go too. That's something bisexual women do, right? Now that she's out to herself, she should probably familiarize herself with places she might meet other women-loving-women. Go her—note the lack of enthusiasm.

"I'll go with you. You in, Pipes?" she asks. Here's the thing: Annabeth doesn't want to hang out alone with Jason. Lately, they've been beating around this 'we both like Piper' bush, and Annabeth's not down to have that confrontation anytime soon. That conversation would involve coming out to Jason, who would inevitably tell his bro Percy, who would inevitably tease Annabeth about how he knew before her. That's just not something she's in the mood to deal with, not out of fear, but out of honest to god laziness.

Piper takes in a sharp breath through her teeth. "I would, but Shel is working the Essential Oils booth."

"Who?" Frank asks.

"Shel?" Piper says. "My ex from freshman year? Guys, really? You all bullied her for playing the didgeridoo."

"Oh!" Jason says. "So what's the problem?"

Piper caps her pen and says, "The problem is that I'm not a good ex-girlfriend, but not in a crazy way. I don't know how to act, and I'll be tempted to make amends with her or at the very least hook up with her."

"Okay, so no craft fair," Jason says.

"I don't want to stop you from going to the craft fair," Piper says. "I do need someone to stay with me tonight and make sure I don't send any stupid texts."

Before she can stop herself, Annabeth says, "I'll do it." Shoot. She was going to back off the Piper thing. Piper and Jason had sex. Jason is a better option than Annabeth, yet here she is, offering to keep her from doing something stupid.

"Thanks, Annabeth," Piper says.

Leo perks up. "We can all play games! I just got the MythoMagic expansion deck for Cards Against Humanity. It'll be fun!"

Annabeth takes a deep breath of relief. There. Playing Cards Against Humanity with Leo is not a way to impress a girl you may or may not have some lingering feelings for. She can keep this evening completely platonic.

"I'll play too," Jason says. "It's more fun with more people." Apparently, Jason thinks that playing Cards Against Humanity with Leo is something that could impress a girl you may or may not have some lingering feelings for.

"Now, it's a party!" Leo says. "Annabeth should spend the night!"

"Yeah!" Piper says. "There's space in my room; my bed's a full size so you won't even have to sleep on the floor!"

That's slightly less platonic.

"Uh, sure, if you want me," Annabeth says.

Frank takes a deep breath and wrings his massive hands. "Uh, Hazel? Would you like to go to the craft fair with me tonight?"

Hazel's eyes light up. "I would love to! I can't wait!" Then, she gives Piper and Annabeth this look that says, I will be sending you pictures of many outfits I want your opinions on even though we all know I am just going to wear the purple sweater.

To be fair, it's a cute purple sweater, and probably the best option for an outdoor craft fair date.

Annabeth gives Hazel a subtle nod. The girl's been waiting forever for Frank to finally ask her out. She deserves this. They both do. They're nice people.

And Annabeth is not a nice person which is why she does not deserve to spend a whole night with Piper McLean, who very well might be the most beautiful girl on campus.

"I'll come too!" Percy says.

"Great," says Jason. "I don't mind taking the couch if you want my bed-"

"Oh no," Percy says, cutting him off. "I meant the craft fair. I'll come with you guys!"

Annabeth can't decide if Percy is rude enough to crash Hazel and Frank's date, or if he's stupid enough to not realize they're going on a date and won't want him third-wheeling. Either way, he's an idiot and a jackass. Sometimes, Annabeth can't believe she had sex with him on multiple occasions, but then she remembers that thing he does with his tongue and-

"So this is the part where the theme song plays!" Leo says.

"Ooh, what's our theme song?" Hazel asks. "I bet it's all about friendship!"

"Nah," says Leo. "That's too obvious. It's probably something vaguer, but short because we've got a lot of ground to cover in this episode. I can tell it's going to be a spicy one! Roll the theme song!"

✎✎✎

Annabeth didn't die on the ride to Piper, Jason, and Leo's apartment, which is saying something because Piper drives like a maniac. Someday, Annabeth is going to reach into her stupid Deadpool Loungefly bag while she's driving and find out once and for all if she has a driver's license. Seriously, do they just let anyone on the road in Oklahoma?

When Piper opens the door to her "humble abode," Jason and Leo have already prepared a pizza dinner with a side of extra hot Cheetos macaroni and cheese. Something about the shape of the noodles is unappealing, but Jason insists that Leo's been curious about it. Annabeth hasn't been curious about Cheetos macaroni and cheese, therefore she should not have to eat it.

But she does, just to be nice. "This pizza is really good," she says. She actually means it. It's pretty good. "Where'd you get it from?"

"Leo and I made it," Jason says. "The crust comes from Trader Joe's, and we cut up the toppings and put that and the sauce on ourselves."

"I'm trying to compose the most optimal combination of herbs and spices. I think I could have gone a little heavier on the garlic for this one. What do you think?" Leo asks.

With her mouth full, Piper says, "This is amazing. Don't you dare change a thing!"

"But that's the beauty of it!" says Jason. "We don't write any of this down, so you'll never have the same pizza twice!"

That's a little too philosophical for Annabeth on this brisk Friday night, so she turns her attention to the task at hand. "So with this whole ex thing... What exactly is it you need me to do?"

Piper reaches across the table and passes her phone to Annabeth. "Don't give me this, or else I'll try to text Shel."

Annabeth pockets the phone in her flannel while Jason and Leo start to clean up dinner.

"Thank you, M'lord," Piper says as Jason takes her plate. She didn't eat her Cheetos macaroni.

"You're welcome, M'lady."

You know, Annabeth did eat her Cheetos macaroni and cheese and nobody's giving her googly eyes.

Piper throws her hair over her shoulder and laughs at Jason's joke. It all happens in dramatic slow motion with "Dream Weaver" or some tacky romance song playing in the background. 

Damn, cuffing season has Annabeth down badly this year.

Luckily, she's snapped out of her weird daydream when Leo sets his Cards Against Humanity: Bigger Blacker Box in the middle of the kitchen table with a THUD!

"Jesus, I haven't played this game since middle school," Piper says. "I bet I'll understand a whole lot more cards this time around."

Ignoring that comment, Leo asks, "Who wants to be the Card Czar first?"

When nobody volunteers, Leo offers to take the job himself. He deals seven cards to each player and turns over a black prompt card. "The new Chevy Tahoe. With the power and space to take blank wherever you go."

Jason purses his lips as he peruses his hand.

Piper slaps a card face down on the table right away. In this game, that kind of speed is alarming.

Annabeth decides to forget about what the others are doing and looks through her hand. Sexual tension, powerful thighs, being marginalized, the Amish, Harry Potter erotica, slaughtering innocent civilians, and last but not least, this groovy new thing called LSD. Do Annabeth's cards suck or is the prompt just lame? Whatever. It's just a stupid game that middle schoolers play when they want to be rebellious.

Now that the others are waiting for her to finally make a move, she quickly throws powerful thighs onto the table and then grabs a new card, not even bothering to read it.

Leo picks up the cards and reads the prompt aloud. Ah, so this is the kind of household that is going to make Annabeth read profane things in context when it's her turn to be Card Czar.

"The new Chevy Tahoe. With the power and space to take the profoundly handicapped wherever you go."

And now Annabeth knows that these are the kind of people that'll play offensive cards too. Cool? At least she doesn't have to worry if she gets that one card that just says The Gays.

"The new Chevy Tahoe. With the power and space to take the gays wherever you go."

Annabeth spoke too soon.

"The new Chevy Tahoe. With the power and space to take... the Amish? Okay. With the power and space to take the Amish wherever you go."

That is not the card Annabeth meant to put down.

Jason raises an eyebrow. Leo squints a little more to make sure he reads the card right. Piper stares ahead blankly.

This is the part where everyone figures out it was Annabeth that thought "the Amish" was a funny card to put down and now they're going to ask her to leave because she lacks any sense of humor.

And then Piper smiles. "Wait, that's funny."

"I don't get it," Jason admits. "Sorry to whoever put that down."

"No, you know how Amish people pull up in a van and like a million of them come out of it like a clown car or something?" Piper asks.

Jason shrugs. "No, sorry."

"Well, it's funny," Piper says. "It's really funny if you're smart enough to know what that's referencing."

Leo sets down the card that says The Gays. "I liked this one the best though."

"Oh, sweet," Piper says as she takes the black prompt card for her winnings.

"Wait, that was you? I thought you put down the Amish since you tried to defend it so much," Jason says.

"I just thought it was really funny. Nice one, Annabeth." She winks, and Annabeth tries hard not to melt into a puddle right there on the spot.

"Thanks," she squeaks.

Piper reaches across the table for a new prompt card, but then accidentally knocks over the pile when Leo gasps.

"It's time to BeReal!" he shouts. "Guys, be in my BeReal!" He unlocks his phone and points his phone at Piper and Annabeth. Annabeth's not one for taking pictures of herself, hence why she has yet to download BeReal. She opts for just a peace sign because she tends to turn into a dork when put on the spot like this.

Of course, Piper has other ideas. She throws her arm around Annabeth and leans in close for a goofy picture, totally taking her by surprise. Fantastic. Now she looks like even more of a dork, both to Leo's camera and Piper.

"Hey, Annabeth, give me my phone so I can do the BeReal too!" Piper says.

"Are you sure you won't try to text Shel?" Annabeth asks.

"I can't miss the BeReal!" Piper reaches for Annabeth's pocket.

"Okay, Jesus, you can take the BeReal!" She passes the phone over to Piper and braces herself for another surprise selfie.

The surprise selfie does not come.

"Piper? Are you going to take the..." Annabeth trails off as the realization hits. How could she have been so stupid?

With lightning reflexes, Jason snatches the phone away from Piper. "Really?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

Instead of replying, Piper just sticks her tongue out at him and reaches for her phone.

Now, Annabeth doesn't usually condone people taking advantage of their height for a game of keep-away, but this is a game of keep-away with high stakes, those stakes being every last ounce of Piper's dignity.

And because of this logical conclusion, she only throws her hands up in the air when Piper begs her for help.

"Catch!" Jason tosses the phone to Leo, who catches it very carefully with both hands. That guy takes better care of machines than he does people.

Leo cradles the phone like it's a baby and scolds Jason for his carelessness. "C'mon, man!" he yells. He opens his mouth to say something more, but then like a charging bull, Piper comes for her precious cell phone.

Unfortunately for her, Leo steps to the side and she trips over the couch.

And then that little lightbulb goes off in Annabeth's head. It's Plan Time.

"Pass it to me!" she calls to Leo.

Leo shrugs and carefully slides the phone across the kitchen table. Annabeth picks it up and runs towards the first room she can find, discreetly tucking the phone into Jason's sweatshirt pocket on the way in.

Because she's got phone-obsessed tunnel vision, Piper follows Annabeth into the bedroom.

Annabeth shuts the door behind her and clicks the lock. Hopefully, Jason and Leo get the idea and pull the couch in front of the door or something.

"Hand it over!" Piper says.

Annabeth opens her palms. "I don't have it."

"Annabeth, this could be my one chance to make things better with Shel!"

"You don't want to do that." Annabeth looks around for some kind of distraction and realizes that this can't be Piper's room because Piper mentioned she sleeps in a full-sized bed, not two XL twins stacked against the wall. One of them has Star Wars sheets, and the other is entirely unmade. Like, it's just a mattress pad and a pillow. What kind of maniac sleeps in that bed?

"I don't think I realized Jason and Leo share a room," Annabeth notes.

Piper shrugs. "Yeah, there are only two bedrooms. They meant for me to sleep in a blanket fort when I first moved in, but I wasn't having any of that."

"Uh, good for you?"

"I thought so. I don't think I'll be making a blanket fort or a pillow fort for a long time."

Annabeth sits down in one of the desk chairs. "So whose bed is whose?"

Piper takes a seat on the bottom bunk. "This one is Jason's," she says, motioning to the Star Wars sheets.

Damn, Annabeth thought that was Leo's bed. "Wait, so where does Leo sleep? Does he even sleep?"

"It's complicated." The way Piper says that makes Annabeth think there's more to this sleeping arrangement, but she decides not to inquire.

Piper leans over the bed to plug in a lava lamp, and now Annabeth regrets not buying one for herself when she was shopping at Spencer's. She pats the bed next to her, not caring that maybe sitting on Jason's bed is a little invasive.

Annabeth joins her anyway because this is better than getting chased around the apartment.

A phone buzzes in Annabeth's pocket. At first, she's mad because that means Piper sent a text to Shel and now poor Shel is replying all confused, but then she remembers she passed the phone off to Jason in the living room. Now, he's hopefully hiding it away somewhere safe. Who would have thought? Jason's saving the day.

So that means the stream of text messages and Snapchats is coming to Annabeth's phone. While Piper picks at a glow-in-the-dark star stuck to the bottom of Leo's bunkbed, she takes the opportunity to make sure this isn't about anything important.

It's Percy. It's not important at all. Still, he is third-wheeling Frank and Hazel's craft fair date. Maybe he finally realized and he's begging for a ride.

No, that would be weird. Annabeth doesn't have a car, so he'd text Jason or Leo for a ride. He'd probably text Jason since he's the only reliable driver. Even more likely, he probably drove himself and insisted on driving Frank and Hazel too.

Well, now Annabeth has to open the guy's Snapchat.

It's a picture of a bag of blue gummy sharks tied together with a blue ribbon. For my sister?

Annabeth taps with full intentions of exiting the photo and answering Percy's question, but then there's another Snapchat.

And another.

Why is he sending so many weird pictures? His face isn't even entirely in any of them.

And then Annabeth gets her answer when she opens a photo of Frank and Hazel sharing a bag of popcorn, which would look super cute if Percy hadn't drawn an arrow overtop of them pointing to a girl behind them. The textbox says, Shel?

Annabeth makes sure Piper is still preoccupied with Jason's clothing drawers before replying. She snaps a photo of her forehead and writes, Yes, what the hell?

Why is she entertaining this idiot?

"Hey, did you know Jason wears boxers? I had him pegged as more of a boxer briefs guy," Piper says from underneath the bed.

"Is there a difference?"

Piper crawls out from underneath the bed and looks at Annabeth sternly. "Regular boxers are the stuff you usually see on television. You know, the plaid shorts with the hole over the crotch. I sleep in boxers when it's hot."

"How-"

"I sew the crotch shut," Piper says without skipping a beat. "And boxer briefs are tighter, and honestly make a lot more sense if you're wearing tight jeans or something."

"I thought skinny jeans were out," Annabeth quips.

Piper rolls her eyes. "They are, but 2000s fashion is coming back, and I wouldn't be surprised if those low-rise skinny jeans do too." She shudders.

"You sure know a lot about fashion," Annabeth says. This is a good conversation. This is a platonic conversation. Fashion is something two girls who aren't into each other talk about.

"Yeah, my mom wanted me to be a model, so..." Piper trails off. "Anyways, who were you texting?"

Annabeth tucks her phone back into her pocket. "Nobody."

"I hope Nobody is doing well." Piper wiggles her eyebrows.

"He's fantastic."

"I wouldn't exactly call Percy a nobody."

Annabeth chokes on some saliva. "What?"

Piper rejoins her on Jason's Star Wars bed. "You get all angry when you text him. It's kind of funny actually. Like, you can tell that you're still kind of into him and-"

"I am so not into him," Annabeth says.

"Whatever you say. I guess I can just go back out there and figure out where Jason hid my phone. Knowing him, it's probably on top of the refrigerator."

Annabeth picks a stray thread off of Jason's comforter and groans. "Fine, but let it be known that this conversation does not pass the Bechdel test."

Piper scoffs. "What? No, we were talking about fashion earlier, so it passes."

"Fashion is a traditionally feminine topic."

"Tell me about Percy," says Piper.

"He's uh, Snapchatting me from the craft fair," Annabeth supplies.

Piper waves her hands in a flourish. "Go on..."

"He asked me for my opinion on Christmas gifts for his sister," says Annabeth, "which is kind of weird because he went in there to find a gift for his mom."

"He's a momma's boy," Piper says.

"Yeah, but like, in a good way!" Annabeth says even though she has no idea why she's so intent on defending the guy. He dumped her for god's sake! He dumped her because he thinks she has a crush on the very girl who thinks she has a crush on him!

Piper laughs. "So you like him?"

"I liked sleeping with him," Annabeth mutters.

"Was he that good? There's no way. He must have a really good body. Tell me when to stop." Piper holds her hands parallel to each other and slowly widens the space between them.

Annabeth rolls her eyes and punches Piper in the arm.

"But in all seriousness," Piper says, "I won't tell you how you feel about him—that's for you to decide—but if it's your, uh, fruitiness you're worried about, there's no way he's judging."

Annabeth isn't sure how to respond to that. "Thanks?"

"I mean, he's not straight either."

"Woah, nobody said anything about-"

Saved by the phone! Hopefully, it's a text from Jason saying it's safe to come out or maybe Leo's realized the error of his ways and finally wants to put some sheets on his bed.

It's another damn Snapchat from Percy.

"Ooh, open it up," Piper says.

So Annabeth does, not realizing the potentially sensitive topic they were discussing.

Piper laughs. "See? No straight man wears a bucket hat and man overalls to crash his friends' first date. Wait a second..."

Annabeth taps out of the Snapchat, hopefully before Piper can see Percy's 'sneak-and-snap' of Shel working the Essential Oils booth.

"I saw that."

Shit. "I didn't... I mean-"

"I can't believe you and Percy are Snapchatting. Annabeth, that's like talking with a capital T."

Annabeth rolls her eyes. This is so not like talking with a capital T. Percy just feels the need to keep her updated on every single aspect of his life including but not limited to asking for her opinion on gifts for his family, pictures of goofy-looking fish, Instagram Reels, Leo quotes, and apparently, pictures of Piper's ex-girlfriend.

In turn, Annabeth entertains those texts which often leads to rabbit hole discussions that can begin with her opinion on one ocean-themed tie over another and end with her Taylor Swift theories that Percy doesn't entirely understand, but contributes to because they both have ADHD and will do just about anything to procrastinate on the biology reading for tomorrow.

Weirdly, Annabeth doesn't do this with Piper, who actually cares about her Taylor Swift theories.

Percy does care about those theories, a voice in her head says.

Maybe that's the wrong example. Annabeth and Leo don't-

Okay, stop, that voice scolds. Something's a little fishy here.

Great. Even her conscience is making marine biology puns.

"Where's my phone?" Piper asks. "I'll text him right now and see how he reacts if I start talking about you."

Annabeth rolls her eyes for about the millionth time. "What are we, middle schoolers?"

Piper wiggles her eyebrows. "Okay, but do you like him, like him?"

Probably not. Maybe. Perhaps. She probably could like him if he wasn't such an idiot all of the time.

Instead of waiting for a reply, Piper laughs to herself. "No pressure or anything though. I'm hungry. Be right back!"

In an odd turn of events, Piper runs off to the kitchen for a cheese stick, leaving Annabeth to contemplate her thoughts and feelings toward one Percy Jackass. Damn, that's a lot more clever than Seaweed Brain.

She should probably address that fight they had about a week before classes started, but they're finally back to frenemy status. It took so long to bounce back from their first major fight; there's no telling how easily they could make amends if Annabeth reopened the discussion that ended their friends-with-benefits arrangement.

Maybe she should just send Percy that long-ass text she's been drafting in her notes app about how yes, she's got to come to terms with some things, but also how yes, Percy is a very nice guy who she'd like to perhaps spend a little more time with beyond giving him head while the Discovery Channel plays in the background.

Annabeth certainly discovered something during those nature documentaries, and it doesn't have anything to do with the clownfish's symbiotic relationship with the anemone. She's beginning to understand where Piper's coming from with those obsessive feelings over Shel.

Shoot. Piper.

Annabeth drops her phone because now it's time to face the task at hand, or rather, the task she's failing at.

"Piper, I'm pretty sure it doesn't take that long to get a cheese stick!" Annabeth calls.

But she's too late. Jason's on his tiptoes retrieving her phone from the top of the refrigerator.

"Jason, whatever she says, don't fall for it!"

Instead of not falling for Piper's silver tongue, Jason gives Annabeth a wink and hands the phone over. 

"Thank you very much," Piper says before kissing him on the cheek.

An entranced Jason presses his hand to his red cheek in awe.

"Jason!" Annabeth scolds. "How could you-"

Ping!

"Check it," Leo says.

She's not sure she trusts what the boys are up to, but she checks her phone anyway, expecting a Snapchat of Percy buying handmade soaps for Jason or something stupid, but that's not quite it.

It's a text from Piper, but it's not meant for her.

Hey Shel, I hear you're in town and I just want to talk.

Damn, those guys are smarter than she gives them credit for. Granted, replacing Shel's number with Annabeth's in Piper's cellphone isn't the kindest or most honest thing they've done, but it's certainly not selfish.

Annabeth types a reply. Sorry, I'm super busy with the fair. That sounds like something Shel would say, right? Short and simple. Honestly, she's kind of surprised that Shel even owns a cell phone, what with her hippie lifestyle and all that.

Unfortunately, Piper's reply is instant. It's okay! I can come and meet you!

Leo reads the text over Annabeth's shoulders and winces. "Maybe we should get Cards Against Humanity back out."

"Yeah, okay," Piper says. "Give me just a minute to write this..." She takes a seat on the couch as she types away, not even bothering to move the throw pillows out of the way.

She's never double-texted anyone before, at least, not anyone Annabeth knows of.

It's kind of reassuring to realize that they're not on the same level of wanting an ex-something back. For starters, Annabeth doesn't officially want Percy back. She's still thinking that one over. And they were never dating in the first place, dammit!

She has more pressing issues than Percy. Annabeth has a duty to her best friend, who is trying to make a horrible mistake.

Stop texting me. It's over. That's a firm text. That's a text that gets the point across.

"Why aren't you just ghosting?" Leo asks.

"Shut up and shuffle the cards."

Leo starts to deal out the white cards one at a time.

Don't tell me you didn't feel it too, Piper texts back. Does she think she's a protagonist in a tacky romantic comedy or something?

Annabeth has to shift to some tough love. Like, really tough love.

You're being desperate. Leave me alone.

Jason arranges his cards in a chip clip because apparently, he can't hold his cards in a fan like a normal person.

"Why would she say something like that?" Piper laughs to herself. "There's no way. She's all about peace and love."

Come on, Shel. I thought labels were too mainstream for us. We're not mainstream.

Annabeth's fingers hover over the keyboard as she struggles to come up with another response.

"Who ya texting, Chase?" Piper asks.

"Nobody."

"Must be pretty important for you to think so hard about it," she says. "You've got the signature Plan Time face."

"I do not," Annabeth says.

"Do too. And to think I spent this whole time assuming it was only for the most special and serious of occasions."

Before typing out her reply, Annabeth says, "Screw you."

You're way too mainstream for me. Do you even know Hootie and the Blowfish? Hopefully, Shel hasn't mentioned to Piper that she likes Hootie and the Blowfish. If she has, Annabeth could probably get along with her.

Unfortunately, Piper's reply is lightning fast. Of course, I remember Hootie. I only wanna be with you.

A wave of secondhand embarrassment rushes over Annabeth. What kind of person tries to win her ex back with a Hootie and the Blowfish song? What kind of person uses song lyrics to win her ex back?

"You okay, Annabeth?" Piper asks. "Or did Nobody send a shirtless pic?"

"I'm fine," she says through gritted teeth.

It's over.

But it can't be over quite yet, because Piper simply won't get the idea. Although very out of character for Shel, Annabeth has no choice but to send the string of expletives she would have liked to send to Percy a couple of months ago—after he dumped her, to clarify.

Annabeth-as-Shel threatens to block Piper's number, and that's the end of the story. She puts her phone down, ready to comfort her friend because damn, she had to be mean there.

Leo assumes the role of Card Czar and flips over a black prompt card.

Everyone groans.

"For the love of God," Jason says. "Please, can we not do the two-card prompts?"

Piper looks at her phone, frowns, and then sets it down, replacing it with her Cards Against Humanity hand. "Shit, do we have to do the two-card prompts?" she asks as if realizing the game's unfortunate turn for the first time.

"I kinda want more pizza," Leo says, helpful as ever. He runs into the kitchen.

Jason stands up and wipes his clammy hands on his jeans. "I better keep him from using the leftover Cheetos macaroni and cheese as pizza toppings." He follows Leo into the kitchen with a sense of urgency. Granted, so would Annabeth if she were hungry for more pizza and aware of the possibility of that pizza being ruined with Chester Cheetah's macaroni and cheese.

"So," Piper says.

"Yes?" Annabeth asks.

"Is you-know-who still at the craft fair with Hazel and Frank?"

Annabeth rolls her eyes. "You can say his name. And yes, I believe he is."

"Why's that?"

"Because Percy never stopped sharing his location with me after... you know." Annabeth doesn't need to complete that thought.

"Gotcha..." Piper says as she sorts through her cards. "You know, I still stand by my offer to-"

BONG!

"Shit, Jason, again?" Leo shouts from the kitchen. "Can somebody help in here?"

Annabeth looks at Piper because she actually lives here and should probably take responsibility for strange noises coming from the kitchen and hurting her roommate.

And of course, Piper raises an eyebrow and gestures to the kitchen with her head, implying that because she's good in a crisis, Annabeth should attend to Jason and Leo's tomfoolery.

Because she has every right to be annoyed, Annabeth gets up and trudges into the kitchen. "What the hell is going on in there?"

Leo looks up from the ground, where he has Jason's head propped up on a bunch of brown bananas. Say what you will about him, but you can't say Leo Valdez isn't creative.

Jason groans from the floor. "What even was that?"

"One of the skillets fell and hit you in the head," Leo says.

"Do you have ice packs in the fridge?" Annabeth asks.

Together, the guys respond, "Nope."

Of course, they still haven't gotten around to buying ice packs. Why should Annabeth have expected any differently?

She opens the door to the freezer. The cool air is a stark contrast to the heat Leo has cranking throughout the apartment, but there's always something more pressing than Annabeth's comfort.

"Here," she says as she passes an old bag of frozen peas to Leo.

He presses them to Jason's head, only for Jason to adjust them so the coldness is against the spot that actually made contact with the skillet.

"Where'd the skillet fall from?" Annabeth asks. She's having trouble seeing any version of this story that doesn't involve horseplaying in the kitchen... with an eight-pound skillet.

"The refrigerator," Leo says. "That's where we keep the cookware."

"Oh. The fridge. Of course. Why didn't I think of that?" Annabeth mumbles.

Jason lifts his head from his fruity pillow. "Does anybody else feel cold?"

"Shoot," Annabeth says. "I'll close the fridge."

"No, it's not that," Leo adds.

She closes the freezer door anyway because she's seriously contemplating stealing that pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Mmm, Phish Food—her favorite flavor.

"Guys, the window's open," Leo declares. "Who left the window opened?"

"Screw that," Jason groans as Annabeth helps him sit up. "Who the hell opened it in the first place?"

"Piper!" Leo calls. "Piper? Guys, Piper's gone!"

Annabeth rushes to the window and looks out onto the fire escape. The city scene rushes by below. It's life as usual. You wouldn't even be able to tell it snowed just the other day since all of the whiteness is black slush. Thanks, car exhaust.

"Piper's truck isn't in the parking lot," she says to the guys.

Leo throws his trenchcoat on and ties it shut. "Well? Let's go get her."

Jason holds the wall as he grabs his coat and the keys to his minivan. "Stupid craft fair," he mutters under his breath.

Annabeth can't help but agree with that.

She puts her leather jacket on and opens the door to the apartment. "Looks like we're crashing a craft fair, boys."

"Wait, Jason isn't driving, right?" Leo asks as Annabeth leads them down the hall and to the stairwell. "Guys?"

"It's no more dangerous than riding with Piper," Jason says.

"Yeah, but we haven't taken you to have a concussion test or anything, and I... You know what? Never mind." Leo waves his mittens around.

Jason pushes the button on the remote to unlock the old Honda Odyssey minivan.

"Shotgun!" Leo calls. He tugs on the handle to the passenger side. It does not open.

Jason furrows his eyebrows and pushes the button again. The clicking sound that should signal the unlocking of the vehicle never happens. Fantastic.

Instead of freaking out the way Annabeth would, Jason sticks the key in the driver's side door and simply unlocks the car the old-fashioned way.

"Just tug on the handle to open the door. Don't pull it open or it'll start giving me hell again," he says to Annabeth. Cool. So she's sitting in the backseat. Maybe this will allow her to reply to Percy's most recent Snapchat. He added to his story. She'd like to see that.

Annabeth tugs on the handle, and the door opens.

"Does it usually make that god-awful pinging sound?" she asks Jason.

"Uh, no," he says. "Try closing it?"

Annabeth climbs into her seat and pushes the button inside the door. Nothing happens, and the van keeps dinging at her.

Leo buckles his seatbelt and turns around. "Dude, close it from in here."

"Good idea." Jason gets behind the steering wheel and turns the car on. He hits a button on the ceiling, which Annabeth gathers should close the door.

He pushes the button again.

And again.

The car replies with the same monotone Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding...

This is just perfect.

"Screw it," says Jason. "Annabeth, I'm sorry, but we need to save Piper."

Now at this point, Annabeth is fully ready to get out of the car and go back up to the apartment. In fact, she's beginning to wonder if Leo and Jason forgot to lock it on their way out. This isn't Percy's Jeep. It wouldn't be safe to have a passenger in a seat without a door right next to it, especially in the wintertime.

She fakes disappointment. "It's okay, Jason, I can-"

"Buckle your seatbelt and hang on tight."

"Wait, what?"

Jason puts a Jonas Brothers CD into the player and puts the van in reverse. 

So Annabeth grabs ahold of the handle on the ceiling and braces herself for a stinging cool breeze. At least they don't have to get on the highway.

✎✎✎

In hindsight, letting a potentially concussed person drive a tank of a vehicle to a college campus with limited parking was probably a bad idea.

Then again, letting one of your best friends confront her ex at an Essential Oils booth is also a terrible idea. Annabeth will take the concussed trip backtracked by the Jonas Brothers, thank you very much.

The breaks make a hideous screeching sound as Jason pulls up alongside the curb. He almost demolishes a kettle corn stand and a homemade Croc charm tent in his path, but it's fine. That kettle corn tastes like styrofoam packing peanuts anyway. And that's all on top of the dinging coming from the minivan's door.

"Go, go, go!" Leo shouts. "I'll fix the van! You take care of Piper!"

There are a lot of things Annabeth never thought she'd add to her college experience, but running through a craft fair with Jason to stop Piper from acting desperate to her ex takes the cake.

"Jason, hurry up!" Annabeth calls behind her.

Jason trips over a sewer grate but catches himself before he falls. "I'm sorry, but do you not remember the part where I got hit in the head with a kitchen skillet?"

Annabeth does remember that part, however, at this moment, she is choosing not to care. Quite frankly, there is nothing that can keep her from finding the Essential Oils booth and dragging Piper back to the apartment for a game of Cards Against Humanity. Maybe she'll give Shel a piece of her mind for making Piper so lovesick. She hasn't decided yet.

"Annabeth, Jason, you made it!" Hazel says from a shelf full of crochet bumblebees. What kind of demand is there for crochet bumblebees, Annabeth wonders. Either the poor vendor can't sell any of their bees, or bees are such a popular product that there's no need to make any other kinds of crochet stuffed animals. That doesn't stop Frank from buying one.

"I just think they're neat," he says softly, cradling his new stuffie.

"Did you see my Snap, Annabeth?" Percy asks, earning looks from all of their friends. "I'm deciding between a mug and a coaster set for my mom, but I have absolutely no idea what to get for Paul—that's my stepdad, Paul—and I could really use your opinion. Oh! Jason!" Percy is talking about a mile a minute.

Jason puts his hands on his knees and catches his breath. "Yeah?"

"I got you two different soaps. I really liked this ocean breeze one because it makes me think of Montauk—that's the beach I go to—but if you don't like it, I'll just wrap it up with my mom's Christmas gift." Percy passes two bars of soap to Jason. "And I like this other one because it's shaped like a Christmas tree, and I know you're into the whole seasonal thing. I wanted a snowflake because that's more secular, but they didn't have that. I thought I found a cookie-shaped one but then I realized it was just a regular bar of soap. This one smells like pine though, so that's kind of cool."

"Thanks, bro, but we've got a problem," Jason says.

"Is everything okay?" Hazel asks.

Annabeth can't take this stalling. "We have to save Piper from herself!" She jogs through the craft fair like a businesswoman in a Hallmark Christmas movie, not caring if her friends are following her or not.

She dodges homemade candy booths and shelves full of winter-scented candles and bougie handmade dog collars that probably cost more than her monthly rent.

"Essential Oils, Essential Oils," she mutters to herself—you know—like a crazy person.

And lo and behold, all she has to do is follow the smell of cypress to the green tent where Shel is bundled up in a plaid blanket. The poor unsuspecting girl doesn't know what's about to hit her.

"Oh, you're one of Piper's friends, right?" she asks.

"Yeah," Annabeth pants. "Listen, have you seen her?"

Shel's eyes widen at something behind her.

"She's right behind me, isn't she?"

Shel nods.

"I made you a sign!" Piper yells waving around a piece of cardboard from a case of Natural Light. Her handwriting is borderline illegible. This is embarrassing.

"Piper," Annabeth says calmly, "I'm going to need you to step away from the Essential Oils." For emphasis, she holds her hand out like a character in Jurassic Park. It feels like the appropriate thing to do in this scenario, except usually in those old dinosaur movies, the main character has backup. Annabeth, on the contrary, accidentally left her friends in the dust somewhere between the honey straws and the potholders.

So now Annabeth has to stall either until Shel leaves or Jason and the others show up. "I can tell you're having a rough time, and you might need closure, but I promise this is not the way to go about that," she says. "I mean, do you not see how crazy you look? Pipes, it's over."

"But she's the only person who's ever come back for me," Piper says, tears in her eyes.

It's like looking through a mirror. Annabeth gets that, except the only person who came back for her was her ex-boyfriend Luke. That's not to say Shel is as toxic as Luke—that would be a very serious thing to imply. It's just that Piper deserves someone who can put as much effort into a relationship as she does.

"There are other people out there who care about you," Annabeth says. "I care about you, Jason and Leo gave you your own room in their apartment... Hell, Jason drove you home from fake jail a couple of months ago! What are you doing pining over Shel when Jason is right here?" She turns around to address Shel. "No offense or anything."

"Ouch?" Shel asks. She probably can't get fully upset because of all the serenity oils circulating through the tent. Good for her. Maybe Annabeth should try some of that. Then again, she can get the same effect from THC oil, so why not just start strong right off the bat?

Back to the point. "I mean do you not see how he does everything you ask of him? This nerd gave you the password to his Quizlet Plus account! And he makes hella good pizza. He's head over heels for you, Piper!"

"Oh, uh, thanks, Annabeth?"

Shoot. Jason wasn't supposed to hear all of that. Annabeth scratches the back of her neck. "Hey, no problem. It's good pizza."

"Jason?" Piper asks. "Is this all true?"

Jason wipes the fog away from his glasses. "I mean, I was meaning to tell you that I might cancel my Quizlet Plus subscription since the digital biology textbook comes with-"

"No, I meant the part about you liking me back," Piper says.

"Oh, uh, yeah..."

"Oh."

Jason drapes his coat around Piper and puts his arm around her. "Can we talk about it over a homemade smoothie?"

Shel clears her throat. "You know I'm all about supporting small businesses, but the Amish guy making the smoothies has ringworm."

"Jamba Juice?" Jason asks.

"We can get fifty percent off a smoothie if I join the rewards program," Piper says. She passes her cardboard sign to Annabeth. "Thanks for being here for me tonight."

"Have a nice time with Jason," Annabeth says.

"Do you have a ride?" Jason asks.

Percy pulls the keys to his Jeep from his overall pocket. "I got you!"

Normally, Annabeth would object to that kind of thing, but it wouldn't be right to Snapchat a guy all night and then refuse his generous offer. Maybe they can clear some air on the way home.

Frank clears his throat and sticks his hands in his pockets. "Well, Hazel and I are going to go look at that crochet booth over there. Maybe I can find a present for my grandmother."

Hazel looks at Annabeth with pleading eyes.

Hanging out with a group is safe. It's more comfortable when the romantic subtext is muffled by friendship dynamics.

But Hazel seems to really want that romantic subtext with Frank to be more than just subtext, and Annabeth's a good enough friend.

"You guys go ahead," she says. "I promised Percy I'd help him find a gift for his mom."

It's pretty obvious that Hazel's trying to contain her excitement so as not to offend Percy, but she doesn't have to. Percy's already rambling about all the fun booths he'd like to show Annabeth and the gifts he's considering for his mother and his sister and maybe even his stepdad, Paul, and-

"Oh my gosh, Annabeth, you have to try the chocolate-covered espresso beans!" Percy yells over the band that Annabeth just now noticed. She had no idea Austin Lake could play the saxophone. His rendition of "This Christmas" is bearable. So bearable, in fact, that Hazel and Frank are dancing along.

"That's sweet," Annabeth notes.

"Come on, guys!" Hazel calls.

Percy makes a big show of looking around the quad. "Hmm, who should I ask?"

Annabeth gives him a playful nudge with her elbow. "I suppose I'll take one for the team and dance with you, Seaweed Brain." She laces her hand in his and tries to avoid the blood rushing to her face. It's just the cold. She can blame it on the weather.

She drapes an arm around Percy's shoulder and sways along to the beat. The Christmas lights along the roof of the student union illuminate Percy's features—his sharp jawline, his summertime complexion, and those startling sea-green eyes. Even though he's trying so hard to make Annabeth laugh with his goofy singing, she can tell that he's got the voice of a siren.

The song ends and Austin picks up the microphone to talk about supporting student organizations or something... Annabeth isn't really paying attention. She's so lost in Percy's everything that nothing else even matters.

"Oh my god, guys!" Leo shouts. "Something happened! Will, tell 'em!"

If only Annabeth had remembered Leo staying behind to fix Jason's minivan earlier, this wouldn't have happened. Then again, the poor dude would have gotten stuck third-wheeling without a doubt.

Will Solace, looking incredibly pale and shaky, takes a deep breath and addresses the crowd. "I just delivered a baby in Jason's minivan... God, my hands are still shaking. Feel them!" He grabs his boyfriend Nico di Angelo by the hands so he can feel.

Nico nods. "Very cool. Can we get hot apple cider now?"

Will shrugs. "I guess."

Percy looks back toward Annabeth. "How about it, Wise Girl? Apple cider on me?"

Maybe Annabeth doesn't have to be entirely sure of her feelings to spend some time with a really nice guy. Maybe she doesn't always need to look before she leaps. "You're on, Seaweed Brain."