Inspired by Community S2E2: "Accounting for Lawyers"

Frank POV

Frank does not need to be taking Greek and Roman mythology for his major in early education, but he agreed to it anyway because he likes having friends. When's he supposed to hang out with everyone if they're taking a class he's not in? They're a study group. Not having a class together would defeat the very reason they met in the first place.

Well, he did hear that Percy only started the group to get close to Annabeth, but Frank's grade in Latin did go up since joining, and he likes the friends he's made, so he doesn't really mind.

Octavian, their former TA, did not receive a good course evaluation from Frank, or from anyone else in their Latin class for that matter.

As it turns out, someone turned Octavian in for not having a legitimate degree. What do you know? A TA that isn't qualified to assist in teaching.

So no more Octavian, right? Frank thought so too. He was looking forward to the first semester of his sophomore year free of the creepy TA.

But, as usual, Frank's hopes are way too high.

He sits down on his first day of Greek and Roman Mythology in a chair that isn't in the back with all of the people that shop on Amazon during the lecture—he'd never be able to pay attention there—but not too close to the front either. Sure, the front row is a great way to make sure you're paying attention, but the one time you pull an all-nighter during midterms week...

Yeah. So Frank claims a spot in the third row for his study group. Jason and Annabeth will take the second row most likely, and Percy as well since he's head over heels for Annabeth. Hazel will sit next to Frank, Leo will sit on the other side of her, and Piper will do a full migration around the classroom before settling on the seat next to Leo.

Easy peasy?

No, not easy peasy.

"Well, hey there, Frankie. Looks like we've got a class together."

Frank almost screams like a little kid on his first roller coaster when Octavian sits next to him.

A more confident person might say, Hey, that seat is taken! Sorry!

But Frank is not a more confident person. He's a little shy, in fact.

So he just says, "Oh. Do you go here now?"

And that's how he learns that Octavian got busted for having an illegitimate degree, and about how he's finally going to pursue his lifelong dream of becoming a rapper.

Yeah, a rapper. Frank can't think of any rappers with college degrees off the top of his head, and to be completely honest, he can't think of any ways Greek and Roman Mythology could count towards a music degree.

Frank's actual friends file in front and behind him. He's sort of sandwiched between Creepy Octavian and the portrait of Mars on the wall, but he feels like it might be kind of mean to move. Octavian's only a few years older than them, and he probably is just trying to be friendly-

Frank, quit making excuses for people who make you uncomfortable! Annabeth's voice barks in his head. She's right. He needs to-

Frank rushes to silence his cell phone. Really? The barking ringtone? And on the first day of classes too.

He checks his phone and smiles when he sees his screensaver: the selfie he and his hockey teammates took together after their first and only win.

There's a text message from Piper: Pat your head and rub your tummy if you need rescuing!

That's nice. Piper's a good friend; she's just a little... misguided... at times.

But at least Frank knows who he'll turn to if he's ever wanted for murder. Piper would bury a body for her friends.

If only he had someone like her in high school.

Jesus, Frank, this isn't high school anymore! Annabeth yells in his brain.

She's right. He's a new Frank now.

Dean D struts into the classroom, wearing giraffe print instead of leopard print.

"Where's Mr. Brunner?" Percy asks.

"There have been some... complications," the dean explains. "I will be teaching this class until we can find another instructor."

"But where is Mr. Brunner?" Leo asks.

Piper chimes in, "Yeah, is he okay?"

"Now, settle down." Dean D opens the closet door and wheels in one of those old televisions on a cart. It's got to be like, a million years old.

Octavian leans over and whispers to Frank, "I heard Brunner got fired for sleeping with a student."

"What?" Frank asks. There's no way.

"Today, we're going to watch a video." The dean waves around two DVDs: Disney's Hercules and Spartacus. It's the old version of Spartacus. You know the one.

Either way, Hercules is completely inaccurate, and Spartacus is kind of irrelevant to the class, and, you know, super dated.

"Let's take a vote," says the dean.

A majority of hands go up for Hercules, even though Spartacus is kind of a cooler movie that they're not sick of. Hercules is shorter. Hercules means they'll get to leave class sooner.

"Fantastic." Dean D puts the DVD in the player and then pushes the 'on' button on the television.

It does not turn on.

He pulls his mask below his chin and blows the dust off of the relic.

Nothing.

"Is there a remote?" Leo asks.

"Great idea!" says the dean. "New lesson plan: the first person to find the remote gets extra credit!"

✎✎✎

There's no homework in their new class today, obviously, but for the sake of routine, the group meets up in the study room anyway. Frank convinces himself that this is much better than grabbing an early lunch. Besides, he's excited to hear about what everyone did over the summer.

They go around the table and swap stories. It's kind of tedious and mundane, but it's fun to hear about all of the cool things everyone did.

Percy went to Montauk with his family. They go every summer, but he's still excited to tell everyone about it.

Piper stuck around in Berkeley Hills and worked. Worked where? She doesn't say.

"Nico and I rented a cheap apartment and he worked two jobs!" Hazel goes on and on about how funny it is that Nico worked as a fry cook at McDonald's and also as a landscaper at a graveyard, while she somehow got on the TikTok creator fund for her mask-making.

Leo smirks. "Well, Jason and I hung out most of the summer. He got a concussion trying to do pull-ups on his doorframe and then I drove him to the emergency room."

"Where is Jason?" Hazel asks.

"He got COVID."

"Then what are you doing here?" Annabeth asks.

Leo throws his hands up in defense. "Hey, I tested negative!"

Frank clears his throat. "I, uh, worked at the zoo again this summer. I think they'll teach me how to feed the animals when I go home for winter break."

"You don't already feed the animals?" Leo asks.

"No, I... I make the balloon animals..." Frank trails off.

"Frank, that is so cool! Can you show us sometime?" Hazel asks.

"Uh, sure."

Annabeth pulls her mask below her face so everyone can see her new nose piercing. "Okay," she says after everyone's done admiring her. "We have important business to discuss."

"On the first day of classes?" Percy teases. "C'mon-"

"No, you c'mon. Mr. Brunner should be here," she says.

"Well, I know it came from Octavian," Frank says, "and we should really never trust him, but he told me that Mr. Brunner was accused of sleeping with a student before the fall semester started last year."

"Shit," Annabeth says.

Leo drops his stress ball. "Care to share something?"

Annabeth rubs her temples. "It's a long story that I really don't want to get into, but somebody must have gotten the video from his front porch. He uh, let me sleep on his couch once when I was going through a rough time, but I guess I can see how the footage might look like it was more than a friendly gesture."

Piper facepalms. "Oh my god! You can't just sleep on people's couches, Annabeth!"

"I know! I was in a bad place!" she shouts. "But we have to get rid of that video!"

"I agree, but how are we supposed to do that?" Frank asks.

Annabeth opens her laptop and waits for it to load.

It takes a very long time to load.

She groans as the fan starts to whir. "Sorry, it's slow." The windows seven startup sound plays and she logs in. "Almost there..."

"Oh my god, is that Internet Explorer?" Percy teases.

"Shut up, Seaweed Brain."

Piper takes a sip from her first frappuccino of the semester, and Leo rests his head on the table and pretends to snore.

"Ha!" Annabeth shouts. "There's a board meeting tonight, and Mr. Brunner is on the agenda. We'll sneak into the venue and grab the tape before anyone can notice!"

"Wouldn't it be easier to just testify?" Percy asks.

"What's wrong?" Leo asks. "Never done anything illegal before?"

"Look, I like Mr. Brunner too, but there's an easier way to do this!" Percy objects.

Annabeth types away on the little computer and then says, "Time to break out the prom dress I never got to wear."

"Ooh, a formal!" Hazel exclaims.

Annabeth slams her fist against the table. "I've got a plan! Leo, how are your computer skills?"

Leo gives her finger guns. "Don't even worry about it, sweetheart."

✎✎✎

Frank didn't exactly imagine his first day of school ending like this. Then again, his friends are probably the only people on the planet who've ever thought, Ah, yes, I've always imagined my first day of sophomore year ending with a heist!

It's not the most elaborate heist, but it's a heist nonetheless. They've even got Piper as their getaway driver.

As soon as they get to the venue, Annabeth and Percy start to mingle with members of the board. They don't blend in very well, what with Percy in his shark tie and Annabeth's red prom dress.

The board members are stupid though, and the waiters don't even bat an eye when they offer Annabeth and Percy those tiny quiches.

"C'mon," Leo hisses. "The office is upstairs."

"Upstairs?" Frank asks.

Leo tugs his pants up higher and starts to climb the spiral staircase. Frank and Hazel follow in tow.

"It should be this big one at the end here!" Leo runs down the hall, completely missing the point of blending in.

"Keep watch, Hazel!" Leo orders. "Frank, be my muscle!"

Frank looks to Hazel for some sort of backup; she can't leave him alone with Leo!

Hazel just shrugs and leans against the wall. She looks really pretty with her hair in an updo. She even made a mask to match that green dress that's just so breathtaking.

No, literally. Frank almost choked on his tiny quiche when Hazel got off the back of her brother's Vespa scooter.

"Frank, hurry up!" Leo whisper-shouts. He's hunched over a giant desktop computer, typing away some sort of code that Frank wouldn't understand.

"What are you trying to do?" Frank asks.

Leo makes a big fuss out of cracking his knuckles. "I have to put in the correct username and password combination in order to access the footage from Mr. Brunner's Ring camera. The username is saved to the computer. I just have to guess the right password."

"So you're just trying random passwords?" Frank crosses his arms.

"Yes."

"Get out of the way." Frank pushes past Leo and opens the center drawer, retrieving a pink spiral notebook with blobfish cartoons on it. He flips through the pages. "Try this."

"Oh, I'm sure that this is the password. Very smart, Frank," Leo says sarcastically.

"It's a random letter-number combination. It's got to work!"

"Fine." Leo types the password in and then the home screen pops up. "Who is the president of the board and what is their deal with blobfish?"

"Fair question." The home screen is a collage of different blobfish. Not the cute cartoon blobfish. Actual photographs. Gross.

"Hey! You two!"

Oh, no.

The night janitor is a tall lanky man with silver hair and a nametag that reads 'BOB.' He waves his broom around. "You can't be here!"

"Oh, uh, we're just... with the union?" Frank supplies.

Leo looks up at Frank and nods, urging his story on.

"Yeah," Frank continues. "Do you feel as if your needs are neglected here?"

Bob scratches his forehead. "Well, I suppose so. The job doesn't provide very good dental benefits and my little boy Attie needs braces soon..."

"I see," Frank pretends to write this down in the blobfish notebook.

The janitor lowers his broom and rests his arm against it. "You know, nobody told me that we were starting a-"

Bonk!

Before Frank can come up with a lie about how the union hasn't officially started yet, and ask Bob what color he might like the membership cards to be, Hazel hits him over the head with her pink Hydroflask.

It's a little ironic, considering the sticker on it that reads, Peace, Love, Horses.

"Oh my god, Hazel!" Leo shouts. "What have you done?"

"I saw that janitor slip in and I panicked!"

"You knocked him out!" Leo cries.

Hazel checks her water bottle for dents. "Well, delete the video, and let's get out of here."

"We can't just run," Frank says. "He'll wake up and remember that we were here. That's sure to look shady."

"So what should we do?" Hazel asks.

What should they do?

Wait.

What would Annabeth do?

"Video deleted!" Leo shouts.

Then, Frank has a plan.

✎✎✎

Frank and the others groan dramatically as they sit on the carpeted floor next to Bob the janitor.

"Ugh," Bob says. "What happened?"

Leo rubs his head. "Oh, it looks like someone came and knocked us all out... at the same time..."

Hazel yawns as if she's waking up from a nice nap and not a head injury.

"Hey, wait just a second," says Bob. "When did you get here? Are you part of the union too?"

Hazel squeaks and hits Bob over the head with her Hydroflask... again.

Bob falls unconscious... again.

"What's the plan now, Frank?" Leo asks.

"Plan B: Run!"

They scramble to their feet and run out into the hallway, and down the stairs. They only stop for just a moment so Hazel can take off her heels and carry them out into the cocktail party that's apparently a board meeting.

"We have to find Percy and Annabeth!" Frank says.

Being the tallest has its advantages, but Frank can't find Percy and Annabeth. C'mon, Frank! Red dress. You can find me! Annabeth's voice says in his head.

What would Annabeth be doing right now?

Well, there's free food at this event, and Annabeth and Percy do enjoy free food. That's one thing they actually have in common. So...

"There!" Frank says.

Frank pushes through the crowd, Hazel and Leo in tow.

"Annabeth! Percy!" he says. "We gotta get outta here!"

Annabeth swallows and then says, "But Frank, have you tried these cookie things?"

Leo reaches for a cookie, but Frank swats his hand away.

"Yeah," Percy says. "They're called... shoot, 'Beth, what did the lady say these were called?"

"I think she said 'Lotus Flowers,'" Annabeth giggles. Why is she giggling?

"That's great," says Frank. "Grab some to go. I'm texting Piper."

"But I don't want to leave!" says Percy. "Annabeth was just telling me about houses she's building in The Sims."

"Yeah!" Annabeth chimes in. "The mansion I'm working on right now has like, three floors, and the couple living there just Woohoo'ed and had triplets..." She stuffs another Lotus Flower cookie in her mouth as she rambles.

Percy brushes some crumbs off of his now loosened shark tie. How'd that happen? Geez, and his hair is all messed up too. What do they put in those cookies?

Then, Frank's phone buzzes. A text from Piper says, r u on your way? I've listened to Sour like three times.

Almost, Frank replies.

Good 4 U, says Piper.

Frank loops his arm under Percy, hoping people will think he got drunk and they're helping him to an Uber.

Of course, Percy doesn't drink, but nobody here needs to know that.

"This would be so much easier if we had Jason," says Leo.

"Shut up, Leo!" says Hazel. "Frank's doing his best." She hands her heels to Annabeth and pushes her towards the door.

Thankfully, Piper pulls up at the front of the building in a Chevy Silverado pickup truck. "Hey, hey! Where the hell have you been, Locas?" she says.

Hazel, Leo, Percy, and Annabeth fill the back, except Annabeth and Percy have to double up. Piper takes a picture of her on his lap, no doubt to tease them with it the following morning.

Frank claims the shotgun seat. He deserves it. He put the most work into this little quest of theirs.

"Driver's License" by Olivia Rodrigo is playing over the speakers. Piper taps along on the dashboard.

"So," Frank says, trying to remedy the silence with small talk, "when did you get your license, Piper?"

That's always something college students can talk about. Learning-to-drive stories are the best.

Piper runs through a stoplight, pushing forty miles per hour in a twenty-five, and then answers Frank's question with an even more concerning one: "My what?"

But he never gets an answer because the chorus starts and his best friends scream the lyrics at the top of their lungs: "Red lights! Stop signs!"