Inspired by Community S1E21: "Contemporary American Poultry"

Piper POV

Piper has a superpower. It's called Charmspeak. Anything she asks for, she gets. It's the power of persuasion and boy, is it sweet!

Well, technically it's more of a soft skill, but it gets her just about anything a girl could possibly want.

And today, Piper wants a tofu sub from the dining hall. It used to be her little secret. Most people never even looked at the vegetarian and vegan options before this semester, but now, tofu subs are a delicacy that few can get. It's all the school newspaper's fault. That Silena Beauregard leaked what's really in the meat a couple of weeks ago, and the dining hall hasn't been the same since.

Piper stares up at the clock. She used to eat lunch at a reasonable time, but now that her favorite meal is a rarity that few can come by, she's been scrambling to get some lunch in her around eleven.

She's going to miss out on her tofu sub sandwich if she can't rally the study group together soon. There's a big Greek history exam today, and Piper can't take it on an empty stomach.

Sometimes, Piper's friends bicker. It happens with all friend groups. People make mistakes, feelings get hurt, then everyone makes up and it's all great.

But nobody fights like Piper's friends do.

"All I said was that she's not interested in you, Seaweed Brain!" Annabeth shouts. "You've been hanging out with Rachel for like, three months now. Give it a rest."

"She wants to get to know me as a friend before committing to anything!" Percy shouts back.

It's a recurring argument. Percy says something about how great Rachel is, and then Annabeth bursts his bubble in a totally non-friendly way. Fighting ensues.

"Hazel," Jason says. "You know I look stupid carrying your Lisa Frank notebooks! Please just get a new backpack or something!"

"No!" Hazel whines. "I like my backpack, and people leave me alone when they see you."

"They don't leave me alone!"

Jason and Hazel's one-sided friendship has also begun to take a toll on the group dynamics, but luckily, Piper can handle it. At the very least, she can put it off long enough for them to get some actual studying done.

"I wish Leo wasn't so mean to me..." Frank mumbles, picking some pieces of pink gum from his hair.

Piper rests her hand on his buff shoulder. "I know, Frank. I know."

It's time to put an end to this. Piper's hungry. No, Piper's hangry.

"Everybody!" she says. Six pairs of curious eyes find Piper at the head of the table. "Is this really what we came here to do? I thought we were studying Latin!"

"Piper, you of all people should talk," says Annabeth. "Aren't you the one who's been dipping out early all week?"

Piper ignores that and puts Annabeth on the spot. "Why do you care so much about Percy and Rachel, huh? Are you into him?"

"Oh, gross, no!" she shouts.

Check.

"Jason," Piper says. "You know Hazel and her brother have a hard time fitting in. Imagine how cool she looks hanging out with a guy from the Ultimate Frisbee team! And I find guys with big enough balls to carry unicorn notebooks very attractive."

Jason's glasses become foggy with steam. "Oh..."

Check.

"Leo, be nice to Frank."

"Okay."

All done.

Maybe it looks like Piper's taking sides. That's alright. Next time there's an outbreak, she'll side with Annabeth, Jason, and Leo. It maintains the balance.

And now Piper's going to top it off with a little guilt trip of her own. "Guys, Annabeth's right. I have been skipping out early all week. The problem is that I'm... I'm a vegetarian."

Leo gasps. "Oh my god, Piper, I'm so sorry! That sounds horrible!"

"It's okay, Leo. I chose to be a vegetarian for personal reasons. Ever since I saw that video..." She wipes a fake tear. "Anyway, the only thing in the dining hall that I can eat for lunch is the tofu sub. If I don't have one, I'll go hungry for the rest of the day. Now that it's popular, I have to leave study group early to get one."

"Piper, I'm sorry for bitching at you," says Annabeth.

"It's okay. You didn't know."

Percy stands up and points to the hallway behind Piper. "Look! There's a tofu stampede out there!"

Sure enough, crowds of students are rushing through the library and towards the dining hall.

"Let's get you that sandwich, Pipes!" says Jason. He grabs Hazel's Lisa Frank school supplies in one arm and lifts Hazel herself in the other. Wow, he must never skip the gym.

✎✎✎

"Hi!" Piper says to the cafeteria worker. "I'd like a tofu sub sandwich, please!"

"Sorry, honey, we're all out." The worker puts a roast beef sandwich on Piper's tray. Gross.

She takes a seat outside in the picnic area and munches on her chips as her friends join her.

"Can I eat your sandwich, Piper?" Frank asks.

Without a word, she hands the sandwich over.

"I'm sorry that happened, Piper," says Hazel. "Is there anything we can do?"

"Yeah, do you want my chips?" Jason asks.

Piper waves him off. "I shouldn't. I have a test today and..."

"And?" Jason asks.

And there he is. Travis Stoll in a hairnet and an apron, passing out tofu subs to Clarisse and Miranda, and... a guy that looks just like him?

Piper can't take this. She stands up and stomps over to Travis. "I was told we're all out of tofu. What the heck, Travis? I bet the dean wouldn't be happy to hear you're playing favorites."

Travis chuckles. "Travis? I'm Connor! Travis is my brother!"

Piper glances down at the real Travis, who looks just like the cook in front of her. "You have a twin?"

"No," says Travis. "We get that a lot though. You were saying?"

"Oh yeah. You're abusing your position!" Piper says.

"What are you going to do about it?" Connor sneers.

Oh, Piper knows what she's going to do about it, but words won't be enough. This requires action. This is going to be a team effort.

She takes a few anger-management breaths and rejoins her friends. "Everyone, I know what you can do to help me."

"Sure, Piper," says Percy. "What is it?"

"We're going to get Connor fired and replace him with..." Who would make the best cook? Who can make the best tofu subs and save them for Piper and her friends without getting caught?

Oh, she knows. "We're going to replace him with Leo."

"This sounds like a tofu mafia..." Leo warns.

"Woah," says Annabeth. "That's a tall order. I mean, it's one thing to get him fired. I'm sure we can find tons of evidence for that, but to get Leo in... that would take some elaborate scheming."

Piper smirks. "Good thing we've got the best strategist in the whole school on our side."

Annabeth leans back and eats a french fry. Oh, gross, she's back on the Old Bay. "You know what?" Annabeth asks. "I probably am the best strategist. I think I've got just the thing, but I need all hands on deck."

"I'm in," says Percy.

"Me too," Jason agrees.

With the seven most powerful students at New Rome Community College working together, Piper just can't lose!

✎✎✎

The plan rolls into action the next day, with Piper and Annabeth playing the prime supervisors.

Annabeth explained yesterday to Piper that it's important for everyone to feel like they have a key role in this, no matter how insignificant that role is. The group has to be able to work seamlessly. This is just the first of many elaborate schemes.

"Hi! I couldn't help but notice that you have a Squishmallow turtle keychain on your backpack. I have a mouse one," Hazel says to Connor.

"Oh, really?" Connor asks. "My boyfriend got little Henry for me. I have a bigger one in my room."

"Wow, that's neat!" Hazel gushes. She's doing good. Piper would like to credit her acting, but she knows better than that. Hazel will talk to anybody about Squishmallows.

"Say, do you happen to like tofu?" Connor asks. "I like to save some for my friends."

"Get the camera ready," Annabeth whispers.

Piper unlocks her iPhone and zooms in, ready to take a video of Connor giving Hazel a tofu sub sandwich.

And sure enough, he does, falling right into their trap!

"Thanks so much!" says Hazel.

"Always happy to help out a friend," Connor says.

"Gotcha," Annabeth mutters.

The plan is now in full swing.

Piper texts the video to Jason.

His reply is instant: Got it!

It doesn't take long before Piper and Annabeth—along with the rest of the school—receive emails from New Rome's newspaper: The New Roman Times.

The headline reads, STOLL-GATE. Perfect. Once Dean D sees the story about Connor, he'll be fired, and Piper will be on her way to getting a delicious tofu sub!

Later in the week is when the hard part starts.

Percy has been in stealth mode, tearing down the flyers advertising the open job in the cafeteria, and the others have been prepping Leo and Frank for the job interview.

Why Frank? That's exactly what Piper asked Annabeth. The reason for sending Frank in for an interview is that it will make Leo look better by comparison, especially since Piper picked out a killer outfit for Leo, and a—er—killer clown outfit for Frank.

"Okay, Leo's in the room now," says Annabeth. "Does everyone have their phones on them?"

Hazel's phone starts to ring, and immediately she passes it to Piper.

"Ah, yes, this is Mrs. Ding-Dong," Piper answers in a high-pitched voice. "Oh, Leo? Yes, he was my star student, always willing to lend a hand." She speaks as Leo's first reference for a couple of minutes and then hangs up.

Before she can catch her breath, Jason's phone begins to ring.

Piper picks up. "Oh yes, this is Gertrude," she says, doing her best old lady impression. "That nice boy rescued my cat, Fluffy out of a tree, and then helped me cross the street. What a kind young man!"

At last, Leo emerges from the dean's office. "They're ready for you, Frank."

"That's Chuckles to you." Frank claps Leo on the back with his electric shock button.

Once Frank craps the bed on this interview, everything will align.

✎✎✎

Everyone praises Leo when he presents them with tofu subs the very next day.

"Thanks so much for doing this, Leo!" Piper says.

"Happy to help. Oh, Octavian, wait!"

The Latin TA turns around, and Leo hands him a sandwich. "Thank you, Valdez," he says.

"Leo," Piper scolds. "You can't just give out subs to anyone."

"Yeah, when did you and Octavian get so buddy-buddy?" Frank accuses.

Leo shrugs. "Oh, just since I told him I'd give him subs in exchange for a ten-percent boost in Latin. For all of us. Of course, I'm looking out for you all. You guys are my friends. You get subs for free."

"Can't argue with that logic," says Jason.

The friends eat their celebratory sandwiches.

"Victory sure tastes good!" says Percy.

"I'd say it tastes like tofu!" Frank laughs at his joke.

Is Piper complaining about the boost in her Latin grade? No, definitely not.

The concern here is that Leo seems to be taking some independent initiatives, and this is Piper's little project.

She is the boss of their tofu sub mob. Leo's just their insider.

Maybe one incident doesn't matter, but Piper needs to stay vigilant.

It's probably nothing to worry about though.

✎✎✎

As it turns out, Leo's growing influence over the group is something to worry about.

Leo's... guidance... has earned the study group some material benefits.

Now Piper's always been a strong advocate for treating oneself, especially when it's deserved, and she loves treating others on special occasions or even simply out of the goodness of her heart, but this?

This is madness.

Annabeth's taking the things out of her beat-up fake Kånken backpack, and filling a new and very real Kånken backpack. It's cute, and very thoughtful of Leo, but aren't those bags kind of expensive?

Piper almost isn't concerned because really, Annabeth deserves a nice backpack, and it isn't harming anyone, but then she sees Sherman.

Yes, that Sherman. The very same guy that punched Frank.

"Isn't it great, Piper? Sherman is going to carry my books, and he says he'll give me piggyback rides when I get tired!" Hazel exclaims.

"That's great Hazel," Piper says. That is not great. Exploiting your classmates' talents and giving them tofu subs is not a fair deal.

And then Jason's entourage shows up, and all things go to shit.

"Who are these ladies?" Sherman asks.

"Oh, these are The Hunters," says Jason. "Anybody who comes after me has to go through them."

"Don't even try hitting on us," says a girl with short spiky hair.

So Jason has a gang of women following him around. That... stings.

That stings so much that Piper almost doesn't even notice Frank's new bulldog chewing on her pant leg.

"Oh, hey there, cutie," she says. She does like dogs.

Frank runs up to Piper, out of breath. "No! No! Leave it!"

The dog continues to chew.

"Should you be calling your dog by its name?" Piper asks.

Frank turns red. "I don't want to."

"Why?"

Leo enters the room and stares a Frank smugly. "You know he only answers to his name."

Annabeth stands up, fuming. "Don't even start! I'm sure you can teach it to answer to a nice name, like Rover or something."

"No, you can't!" Leo teases. "He'll only answer if you call him by the super cool name I gave him!"

"Can somebody please get this dog off of me?" Piper asks. "He's cute, but I really like these pants."

Frank sighs and looks at the floor. "Annie's Boobs, leave it!"

It's chaos. Annie's Boobs lets go of Piper, but at what cost? This is the worst possible situation that could have come from this. Piper needs to take down the tofu mafia.

"Hey, everybody!" Percy shouts. "Don't mind me! Just got back from a date with my new girlfriend. You guys don't mind if my girlfriend, Rachel hangs out with us, do you?"

"Hi, Rachel," says Piper.

"Oh, hey, Piper! Have you tried the tofu sub yet?" Rachel asks.

Okay, this is wrong. This is so totally not cool.

"Listen, everyone," says Piper. They do not listen. "Uh, guys?"

Leo stands up on a chair and shouts, "Hey! Piper wants to talk!"

Everyone listens to Leo. This is bad.

"Okay, I need all of these extra people out of here. We're having a little chat," says Piper.

Jason's girl gang leaves, and so do Sherman and Rachel.

"Can, uh, Annie's Boobs stay?" Frank asks.

Piper smacks her forehead. "Yes, Annie's Boobs can stay..."

"Can we please stop objectifying me?" Annabeth asks.

"Agreed," says Piper, "but the first order of business is this: you guys are all obsessed with these... these material goods! You can't just exploit people for subs, no matter how much you like eating them!"

"But we did this for you. You're the one who needs them, just like I needed a little extra protection, and Annabeth's backpack was literally falling apart," Jason says.

Hazel raises her hand like a student in a classroom. "Would this be an appropriate time to say that I am a material girl?"

"No, Hazel! You can't let tofu turn you into a material girl!" Piper shouts.

"But Leo said that it's okay to treat myself," Hazel says.

So this is Leo's fault. Of course, it is.

But Piper has Charmspeak. Tofu doesn't trump Charmspeak. "I'm sure Leo would agree that we're using our new power for the wrong reasons and that we need to get back in touch with our roots, our real goals." By that, she means studying for the Latin quiz on Tuesday, but clearly, that's not what everybody else has in mind.

"Yeah, guys," says Percy. "Piper's right."

At least someone in this room is being sensible.

And then Percy doesn't shut his mouth. "I mean, did anybody ask Piper what she wanted?" He turns to Piper. "I mean, I know you want tofu subs every day, but you've gotta think bigger than that. You can have anything you want now, all thanks to Leo!"

"Oh, that's why you wanted to meet!" says Jason. "Seriously, anything you want, Leo can get!"

Leo drops his stress ball but waves Piper off when she tries to pick it up for him.

She's never going to get through while everyone is high on the benefits of Leo. Their judgment is clouded. Piper needs to get Leo alone.

"Leo, can I talk to you alone?" Piper hisses.

He shrugs and pulls his pants up higher. When did he stop wearing suspenders? "Listen, Pipes, I'd love to, but I'm on a tight schedule now that I'm head of the biggest criminal organization on campus. Annie will show you where you can make an appointment. Won't you Annie?"

"Sure." Annabeth doesn't even object to the nickname. What is Piper's life coming to?

Leo tosses a can of Old Bay to Annabeth.

What can Piper possibly do now? Leo has five people in the study room—and who knows how many more outside—that will come to his defense should Piper try to use force.

So she makes an appointment.

✎✎✎

The fact that this many people want to see Leo in his smelly dorm room is baffling. Leo was a great dude when the tofu wasn't in his hands, but nobody was lined up outside his room back then.

Piper feels bad that all these people want from him is food.

Stop. You can't go in there with emotions. If Leo wants a business meeting, then a business meeting is what he'll get.

"He better not ask me to kiss a ring or something," Piper mutters to herself.

One of The Hunters—Thalia, if Piper remembers correctly—opens the door and allows Piper entry. "He'll see you now."

"Yeah, yeah." Piper pushes past and into Leo's... office?

What the hell?

"Welcome, Piper," Leo says. "I suppose this is about your end of the deal? I did manage to get you a Starbucks gift card. I know you come to study group with those drinks all the time. I wasn't sure what it is that you really want, so I'm happy you've come to talk to me today."

"Save it, Leo," says Piper. "This has gotten way out of hand."

Leo drops his professional demeanor and sets his feet on the desk. "I've got everything under control, Honey."

"Don't 'Honey' me! This is ridiculous! You're exploiting people for... for tofu!"

"Isn't that what you do?" Leo asks. "You play to people's emotions and talents at study group to get us all to do what you want. I've just figured out how to do it myself. Now, everyone wants to be my friend."

Piper can't believe what she's hearing. "These aren't friends, Leo! These are servants!"

An old-timey phone on the desk rings. "Hang tight." Leo picks up. Rude!

"Hey, it's the Super-Sized McShizzle himself speaking."

Leo strokes an invisible beard as he listens to the caller.

"Okay, tofu on Tuesdays, and what can you offer us?"

"Leo, c'mon! This is ridiculous!" Piper whispers.

But he just presses a finger against his lips and spins his giant wheely chair to the side. "I do have a friend who might be interested in a pony ride. I'll pass along your info. We'll be getting back to you. Don't call us." He hangs up the phone. "Where were we?"

"You were just about to put an end to this whole thing because you've realized I'm right." Piper stands up and crosses her arms. It's a classic power stance that always works.

She's going to need a coffee after this, but she'll pay for it herself. No way will she be caught using the gift card from Leo.

"Actually," Leo says. "I think you should go and think about whether or not you want in this group. Everyone else is chipping in and getting what they need. You're just jealous that they listen to me and not you. I understand people now."

That's it!

If Leo isn't going to listen to Piper, she'll just have to manipulate the group. She would have preferred cornering them each individually, but since they've become a pack, she'll have to just kill five birds with one stone.

"Hey there, everybody," Piper says when the reenters the study room.

Everyone's eating tofu subs, and Piper's reminded of her grumbling tummy. What she wouldn't do for something to eat.

Stay focused, she thinks to herself in a DJ Khaled voice. "Are you alright? You know you don't have to listen to Leo if you don't want to."

"Did he kick you out?" Frank asks.

"No," Piper says. She reaches down to pet his bulldog, but Frank doesn't let her. "But he threatened to. Don't you feel a little bit guilty? Every time someone tries to take down this group, he just gives them a tofu sub! Dean D was just on his way over here to bust you all, but he turned around when Hazel gave him a sub."

It's true. Piper doesn't want her friends to get in trouble with Dean D.

Rachel climbs off Percy's lap so he can stand up. "Listen, Pipes, things are finally going our way. We like Leo in charge."

"Yeah, that's not cool of you to tell us to betray our bro like that," says Jason.

"Guys, this is completely unreasonable! He's taking over!" Piper shouts.

She's getting desperate. There's only one person here with enough reason to turn the group against Leo.

"Annabeth, c'mon!" Piper says. "You agree with me, right? This plan was super awesome, but it was our plan!"

If only she wasn't in an Old Bay-french fry coma. "There is no Annabeth," Annabeth mutters robotically. "Only Annie. And I have fantastic breasts."

Great. Leo turned Annabeth stupid.

"If you're going to lecture us like this, you should probably go," says Jason.

So that's it. Piper would rather not be escorted out by The Hunters, so she just leaves quietly. They like Leo now.

She sits down in a cushy library chair and sulks. Latin doesn't start for another hour, and with her study group apparently no longer being a thing, she might as well study for the upcoming quiz alone.

"Hey, you," says the potted snake plant over Piper's shoulder.

She jumps. Leo can't make plants talk now, can he?

"Yeah, I'm talking to you."

"Who's there?" Piper asks.

"It's me, Connor." Piper can make out the mop of brown curls beneath the succulent leaves. Interesting hiding spot. "You wanna take down the tofu mafia?"

Piper closes her book and gives the plant her full attention. "I guess, but I'd like to keep my friends if that's possible."

"Well, I just might have an offer you can't refuse," says Connor.

"I'm listening."

A freckled hand reaches out of the plant and drops an Elvis Presley keychain on the armrest of Piper's chair. "This key opens up the cafeteria. I used to sneak in there and make extra fried pickles after midnight. You know, munchies."

"Wait, we have fried pickles?" Piper asks.

"Yeah," says Connor. "They're vegan too. There's actually a lot of vegan foods; we just weren't allowed to put all of them out at once since they cost the school more money."

"Okay, so?"

"So the freezer where the tofu is kept is obsolete. There's a piece in it that they don't make anymore." Connor passes a small Ikea wrench to Piper. "Get rid of that, and the whole operation goes down."

"Thank you, Connor," Piper says. "I'll save you a sub."

"Don't need it. I used to make them, remember? Once you see what goes into your food, you're kind of over it."

"Please don't tell me about it."

Connor gasps. "Someone's coming! Hide me!"

Piper pushes the leaves so that they obscure Connor's pasty skin, and angles the chair to hide the plant altogether.

"Piper, you've gotta help me!" Jason takes refuge on the coffee table. Party streamers are wrapped around his forehead, but they aren't effective. Piper can still see the blood oozing through.

"Jason, what happened to you?" She unwraps his head and dabs at the wound with a tissue from her backpack.

He rubs his bent glasses against his shirt even though they aren't all that dirty. "Leo turned the Hunters against me! They threw a brick at my head. I got really lucky; it's only a graze, but I've been concussed before. It could've been bad, Pipes."

"Shh, it's okay, Jason..."

"Annie's Boobs! Annie's Boobs, where are you?" Frank calls. He stops in front of Piper and Jason, a red leash hanging limp at his side. "Leo let Annie's Boobs out of the study room while I was getting a snack. Have you seen them—I mean—him?"

Piper shakes her head. She's about to offer to keep an eye out, but then Rachel stomps by.

"I can't believe you, Percy Jackson! You thought we were dating?"

Percy stumbles into the room, hair disheveled. "I, uh-"

"I thought you knew!" Rachel sticks up her middle fingers, exposing a black ring on one and a white ring on the other. "I'm literally aro-ace! I don't date!" She storms out of the library.

Oh, that's incredibly awkward. For Percy. At least Piper doesn't have to deal with his PDA anymore.

"Frank!" Annabeth yells. "Your stupid bulldog pissed on my new backpack!"

"What are you talking about?" Frank asks. "Annie's Boobs got out a while ago!"

Annabeth drops the backpack. "Oh shit, I'm going to kill Leo!"

Piper gags a little. That's a bold move, even for Leo.

Hazel trudges into the room, carrying a pile of charred Lisa Frank notebooks. "My notes..."

How did Leo manage to set Hazel's stuff on fire and not get arrested?

"Piper," Hazel squeaks. "I'm sorry we didn't listen to you."

Everybody else nods in unison.

"He's too powerful," says Annabeth.

Piper stands up and twirls the keychain around her finger. "I've got this."

"Do you want some help?" Percy asks.

"No," says Piper. "Just go make amends with Rachel and explain that Leo manipulated you both. She deserves to know the truth. Everybody here deserves to know the truth."

✎✎✎

Once the night falls over New Rome Community College, Piper's new plan is formulated and ready for action.

It doesn't have multiple parts or multiple actors. This is something Piper needs to do on her own.

Piper unlocks the kitchen, only to come face to face with harsh light, and Leo Valdez himself at the fryer.

She should have asked Annabeth for an opinion.

"I've been expecting you, Piper," Leo says, not once taking his eyes away from the fryer.

"Wrong movie. What are you doing in here?" she asks.

He pulls the basket from the oil and shakes it around. "The people are getting tired of tofu subs. I need to find a replacement before they leave me."

And then everything clicks. Some of Piper's insecurities were coming from losing her influence, but the tofu mafia was never about power for Leo. He's a people pleaser. This was all about making people happy, and getting them to like him.

Leo continues. "I know what you came here to do, and I don't think you're wrong for doing it. Our friends became obsessed with the power of the tofu mafia. That's why I did all those things. I never wanted it to become corrupt. I was just looking for a way to understand people, and to have them understand me."

"Leo," Piper says. "I understand you. We all understand you. Don't we matter?"

"You guys won't be enough once this is all over. I want to have a job someday, maybe get married, and raise a couple of kids. How will I ever do that if you're the only ones who get me?"

"Turn the fryer off."

"Why?" Leo asks.

"I want to hug you if that's okay."

Leo smiles and turns off the fryer. He waits a minute for the oil to stop bubbling and then accepts Piper's embrace.

"We'll help you, Leo. I promise. I can help you understand people," says Piper. "But you have to promise me that you'll stop taking advantage of them."

"I promise. I promise I'll stop."

✎✎✎

And that's how the tofu mafia rose and fell. Feelings were hurt, and people were exploited, objectified, and even physically assaulted, but there's one thing that not even a Hunter can throw a brick through, and that's friendship.

"Hey, guys, I got the last basket of fried pickles!" says Piper. "Wanna share?" She sets the basket in the middle of the table, expecting her friends to turn into seagulls and go all ballistic over the food.

They don't.

"You should eat the pickles, Piper," says Leo.

"Yeah," says Percy. "We all agree that they're fantastic, and Nico is a great fry cook—even better than Leo—but that's your lunch, and we can't have our friend going hungry."

"You guys are sure? I'm pretty sure I saw Nico hoarding pickles for that Will Solace guy," says Piper.

Jason nods and throws an arm around Piper. "We'd rather not risk throwing a wrench in the study group again, even if we do get stuck eating the macaroni and cheese for lunch."

Piper smirks. "Wow, you must really like me if you'll eat the chemical macaroni for me."

Jason turns red. "I guess so..."

Piper eats a pickle. Everything's back to normal, except for the rising fried pickle mafia.

Normalcy tastes good. It's also crispy.