Just so we're on the same page; Tenko is Shigaraki 😚✋ We're back to our regular crack filled program!

⚠️⚠️⚠️ M A N G A — S P O I L E R S ⚠️⚠️⚠️
– I marked spoiler areas with a 😾 bc im built different –

T e n k o :

So the bar was slightly destroyed after that whole fiasco. Who knew All For One was such an over the top bitch, speaking of the over the top bitch, he's currently fending off a feral All Might.

😾Honestly, the bluenette is so over everything right now; he doesn't remember signing the waver of consent that stated his whole life would be a Drama in fact he doesn't remember consenting to being born in the first place.

Time to sue his dead parents i suppose.

Ah yes, the parents he lovingly murdered. Tenko can see why he blocked that part of his memory out and became Shigaraki now. Wasn't a fun time, 0/10.😾

What also isn't fun though, is how Kayama is currently bleeding all over him. See, this is the only t-shirt he owns and does it look like he has the money to simply buy more? Also she might be dying and thats not fun either but its beside the point.

"I don't see why you're refusing to go to the hospital, girl you're literally bleeding to death on me." He deadpanned, she was currently leaning on him like her legs had been taken by All For One himself. "Please. Go to the hospital, all of you."

"Why would we go to the Hospital?" Kaminari genuinely just asked, more than slightly baffled. He pointedly ignored Tenko's distant cry of 'you are dying sir' and went back to picking matted blood out his hair.

"Yeah, it's still Friday and there's alcohol to be had duh." Shinso the minor grinned hungrily. "I'm sure Nem will live, she's had worse."

Somehow, Tenko didn't quite believe that but who was he to deny getting absolutely shwasted and forget the shit show that was this Friday.

~☆~

Arriving back at the bar served as a lovely reminder of how Bitch for One trashed it. Not only was there a gaping hole in the wall but there was a shit ton of blood like everywhere, not even Toga can slurp all of that. All of the tables were broken or flipped and the worse part? The alcohol bottles were just gone, as if they evaporated.

At least thats what the group believed until a certain slurping sound caught their attention. Stashed behind the bartop, surrounded by alcohol was the League of Villains; Tenko was only slightly worried about them to be honest. The worry was replaced by annoyance because these clowns were drinking hiS aLcoHOL.

"Oh shit uhm." Dabi choked, putting down the whole bottle of wine he was previously chugging. "Would you believe me if i said we were actually helping to rescue you?"

"I'd say you were a lying piece of shit, Dabi."

"Then yes, we all collectively decided to get wasted while you were being kidnapped by your asshole of a father."

Toga gasped in offense. "Nu-uh, you decided to get drunk Dabs, i wanted a milkshake. But the Kurogiri said all the milkshake venders were probably dead so i stabbed you in the foot."

The newly arrived group blinked once, then again before saying a quick fuck it and joining the circle of alcohol drinking villains? Miraculously, the old retro Tv had stayed in one piece so the group was able to watch All Might kick All for One's ass live while drowning in beer and wine.

"Look at us." Midnight hummed. "A couple of dysfunctional adults babysitting rabid teenagers. Hero, villain, we all know the real terrors are these shits." She snorted, ruffling Shinso's hair. He was still denied alcohol so sad for him.

"I say we make a toast!" Mic grinned, holding up his glass of champagne welcomingly. "To something so familiarly strange. To something so happily melancholy. To something so good its bound to be bad!"

"God i hate oxymorons." Monoma scoffed, but still meeting Yamada's glass with a satisfying clink.

"Yee-haw!" Kaminari hollered, repeating the action.

"To whatever the fuck you just said." Dabi snorted and the group collectively toasted to something new, smiling and prepared. The only thing that broke the moment was Bakugo making a gurgling choking sound.

For a second Tenko thought he might've poured Ratsuki a glass of bleach by accident like he did with Thirteen awhile ago; but then he saw it. Displayed on the Tv where All Might was just standing was none other than Skeleton Man.

"Haha wow guys call me a lightweight because I'm hallucinating already!" He chuckled humourlessly. "Whats in this huh? Pure ethanol. Ahahohoho."

"Bro you're drinking water like the rest of the children." Toga whispered.

"Oh." Tenko said simply before it sank in. "So we're aaall seeing that." He pointed at the Tv with a raised brow.

Midoriya laughed nervously. "What? The fact you have a really ancient Tv that isn't playing anything interesting? I thought we all noticed that weeks ago." He's a bad liar,  we won't discuss it.

"Oh my God. You knew. Thats some tea. Wish it was alcohol though." Shinso gasped. "Wow all the teachers knew? My own parents? Mcdamn."

Bakugo suddenly gasped again, yes this bitch is still here. "It all makes so much more fucking sense now. Deku i am going to kick you're fucking ass later, holy shit." Yes, this is the moment he put all the One for All pieces together.

"E-Eh?"

The fight ended quickly after that, Midoriya cried and fan boyed alot, the adults drank even more than usual, Aizawa finally regained consciousness and Tenko just pondered the events of the night, giving it time to properly sink in. Then it hit him, Tenko. "How the fuck did you figure out my actual name? Even i didn't remember that bitch."

That made the heroes sputter. Thats suSpiciOuS, thAtS WeiRd. Tenko raised a brow at that, even the kids were acting shifty. "What did you do..." Yamada muttered something under his breath. "Speak up."

The newly awakened Aizawa was the one to speak up, we love a man of rationality which is why the 1-A homeroom teacher is Tenko's favorite. "Well, after the initial blast most of us were injured but not as much as you probably thought. Most people don't realize heroes have to take acting lessons."

"So you're telling us you were playing dead." Dabi deadpanned. "Shoto, i take back all the tears i tried and failed to shed for you."

"Don't do that, i sprained my ankle. Please can i have one tear at least?" The half n half boy reasoned.

"You get one and a half."

Tenko leveled the two with a disappointed glare before turning back to Aizawa, urging him to continue. The man complied. "You were taken, of course so we all came up with a plan to rescue you." Awe thats nice. "The first step was to raid your dingy bedroom." Wait what the fuck, privacy? violated. "There we found your collection of hands which we took to the police station."

"And they just didn't question that? You had a box of severed hands and they were just chill about it."

"They get used to it after a while." Aizawa nodded. "And considering the world was kind of ending outside, i feel like they had better things to do." Valid, carry on. "We just scanned the fingerprints of one of your hands and pieced the rest together. Then i passed out i think."

"Ah." Tenko said sourly. "You reached level 40 and got access to my tragic backstory." Dabi snorted at that, glad he appreciates Tenko's humor.

Midoriya flailed his arms around stupidly, Tenko lied about being able to tolerate him, he smells. "N-No we only know the bare minimum and if you don't want to elaborate we totally get it–" He was cut off by a chop to the head courtesy of Ratsuki, maybe he isn't so bad.

😾Either way, Tenko felt like he owed his group of ragtag homeless gnomes a well thought out explanation. "I accidentally killed most of my family when my quirk first manifested and then i wrecked my abusive dads shit on purpose. Killed him with joy." Sure, that was well thought out enough...–

"I don't condone murder but nice one." Midnight approved.

"Records said the Shimura's had a dog." Vlad King started slowly, muffling a cry when Tenko casted his gaze to the floor. He wasn't crying over the humans that died, he was always more concerned about the dog. The blood hero was quickly shoved out the circle by Thirteen while he composed himself.😾

"Do we get the other tragic backstories?" Shoto asked plainly, recoiling slightly at the weird looks shot his way. "What? We've obviously set the mood for it now, I'll even say mine if i must."

"Kacchan fell off a log and was never the same since." Midoriya snorted, mans feeling especially brave tonight. "I was bullied too." Oh damn, maybe Tenko felt a bit of guilt for ruthlessly ragging on the boy. Maybe, maybe not.

"Endeavours a dick and i didn't need his bad juju in my life so i fleed into the sunset and lived in a bush while fulfilling my Goth Jesus fantasy." This man was so obviously wasted to the point he wouldn't remember any of this night but thats beside the point.

Tenko glanced at Shoto, Dabi just revealed he was basically a Todoroki, right? Why did the boy look so unbothered, was Tenko wrong, just grasping at straws? No that wasn't it, no what it really meant was: "You had your touching family reunion while i was geTtiNg gAsLigHtED?!"

"It definitely wasn't touching.." Shinso muttered into his wine glass that was full of Pepsi. If anything stronger was mixed into that pepsi, we'll never know.

"Yes." Shoto confirmed. "I yelled at him, he yelled at me. I tried to set him on fire and he almost cooked my face to further perfection." This boy knows he's beautiful, disgusting and self aware. "Then we hugged while you were probably being brainwashed ha."

Yeah Tenko hates it here.

Midnight, drunk and still bleeding, turned to Toga. "What about you hun. Whats your tragic backstory?" Judging by Toga's creeping smile, Tenko feels like Kayama just created something of a shit storm by asking that.

"Bro, i just wanted to stab and and bEcOmE the people i loved. And apparently society frowns upon such a thing. I just wanna be myself but i suppose the world ain't ready for that. Neither was my crush when i stabbed him lmao." The girl snorted, she got her milkshake, thought you should know.

Midnight nodded attentively. "Keep that self-confidence! Society will be ready one day but until then you have us. We appreciate your greatness."

"So i can stab you?"

"Preferably not! But with consent go hog wild."

"Wicked."

Even as a cold chill crept in through the gaping hole in the wall, the group continued to go around in a circle spilling their tragic backstories and getting to know eachother better, later playing a quick game of spin the bottle before Midnight ultimately passed out from blood loss.

The fuck is she made of. After bittersweet goodbyes and promises to go straight to the hospital without a pit stop to KFC, the heroes finally limped out of the bar. Tenko relaxed, spinning around to face his League.

Dabi was on the verge of blacking out and Toga along with Twice were defacing his face with permanent marker. Kurogiri took the role of cleaning what he could like a good mother should, Magne helped because again, she's a sweetheart and the only tolerable 'M' he recruited. Spinner was annoyingly preaching about Stain to anyone who would listen which was nobody but Compress obviously felt the need to listen out of pity.

Somehow Tenko had accumulated such a strange group of people yet they were already like a thrid (fourth? FiFtH?) family to him. Which is why this would probably hurt. "Look, i don't think i can keep being your villain boss. Especially after tonight." He was met with a suffocating yet expected silence as his league paused.

Just totally silent for minutes until Toga broke it with giggling. "It's funny because you probably thought we'd ditch you to go back to villainy!"

Ok that wasn't what he predicted–?

"We literally got free therapy from heroes and they understood and encouraged us?" Dabi slurred. "This is like a one in a million situation." He proceeded to puke in a trashcan, lovely.

"Stain may have been a murderer but he was no villain." Shut the fuck up now sweet Spinner, Tenko was this close to calling the RSPCA.

"They'll probably put us in jail." Tenko muttered, eliciting even more laughter from the League. Really, the bluenette is so glad they're finding this funny, maybe he should be a comedian for the why notsies!

"You actually think that? Seriously? You are mega dumb Crusty, they would've handed you in decades ago." Toga deadpanned.

And oh shit. She was right.

But that begs the question, what next?

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I say this every chapter but i love how this one turned out.

Full League redemption through alcohol and kindness? Yes please. Its all i needed and more. So let me bless you with it too, since so many Villain Rehab stories have them forcefully participate. I like to think this was ✨gradual✨

:: Lets not mention how for a section of this i was listening to depressing piano music and decided to be emo and deep with oXymORoNS– Please, i think it fits.

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