Ship: OT7

Summary: Seokjin worries over a million things, including his sexuality. But despite all of it, he is only home in the arms of the people who know him too well.

Idol! Kim Seokjin (asexual)
Idols! OT6

(Min Yoongi, Jung Hoseok, Kim Namjoon, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung Jeon Jungkook)

Song: Dimple - BTS

3860 words

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Uncertainty in life should be quite expected. As hypocritical as it sounds, one has to always know that the X factor, which can change courses of fate and destiny, does exist. But expecting such a thing is never easy, for it looms over the unknown. What this unrendered future unfolds, will come forth, only when it occurs. So was Seokjin's life, which seemed to hold a turbulent future ahead. 

The recent concert had been spectacular in all senses, even received a lot of praises from ARMY's. The recent turn of events with the successful concert, album single promotion, and other activities almost felt too perfect to be true. It was fairly low on the workload, and thus, he was left with the thoughts that he had long forgotten. Or more so pushed back, aka procrastinated to-do list. Seokjin wasn't going to let the uninvited guests stay in his head for any longer.

"Say it (the truth) out, and you are cut down."

He was pushing 30 now, and that meant he had reached the supposed 'end of youth'. Though, he could argue how youth is in the heart of the cherished person and not by mere numbers, he knew it was true. He knew despite the fact the innocent cheer that lived in his words, it was true. True as per the definition of the society. The same society that pushed the wrong agenda of normalcy and stability. He was 30 now, still ever so young but that wasn't enough reason.

If he were any normal guy on the street, he would have atleast a steady fling by now. Or even married, like his friends. But, this profession made it difficult to even keep up friendships, so the idea of even maintaining one was already out the window. Yet, he doubted if that were the case, would he actually be with someone? Above it all came his own wants not as Jin, the idol, but as Kim Seokjin, a human who is still wary of his sexuality. 

All his precious years in the 20's went by too quickly in making the title, 'World's biggest band.' He loved it whole heartedly, but there still seemed that distaste of how he never could relate to his friend's lovely stories. Stories that revolved around how they met their partners or how they had travelled around the world. Even if he had to sacrifice all these joys, Seokjin was ever grateful for this band that gave him his six mates for life.

The stories he heard seemed so real, raw and happy, and he knew he could never have it that way. Atleast not in this lifetime, where he was scared of letting his vulnerability out. Scared of not fulfilling what they wanted from him. There were so many things muddled up in his mind to even form sentences. The world expected so much from him, or was it him who had imposed these harsh regulations? 

"Hyung, wanna grab coffee with us?"
Jimin's voice through the phone's loudspeakers echoed in the room.

"Hello? Hyung?"
Jimin asked again, as he received no response.

"Oh shit. Yes, Jimin-ah, I'll be there in an hour."
Seokjin replied, as he pulled the chicken off the stove, before it could burn. And in the process, got a burn slash on his unblemished arm.

"Hyung, I need you to be safe, so don't multitask and put some ice on that burn."
Jimin sounded calm as he spoke, though the panic underneath could be easily identified.

"But, how did you know?"
Seokjin hissed out as the water kept running to cool the heated area.

"I know you long enough to identify your groans. See you soon, ni!"
Jimin giggled cheekily before cutting the phone.

As he walked to the café by the isolated regions of Seoul, he saw a couple walking their dog. They could as well be couple of best friends, but he could see the masked shyness and innate affection the two women had for each other. To be honest, he didn't really care what gender his partner was. And he knew it was a taboo to even think of it, but being with Namjoon and Yoongi- who had come out as bisexuals three years ago-, he knew it wasn't at all as bad the people painted it to be. It was a choice, and apparently a beautiful one.

His friend group had increased with more diversity in age, profession and nature. As long as the roads leading to his favorite people, were active he did his best to make sure that they remained that way. He loved them all, for they filled his life with more wonder and wisdom. But, among the hundreds he knew, the members were more closer to his heart. Maybe it was the 360 out of 365 days spent together with his boisterous friends, or the fact that they genuinely cared for him no matter what, it all led him to his comfort place.

"You seem a little distracted. What's wrong?"
Yoongi asked as the conversation between the four younger boys had taken a comic turn. Namjoon and Jungkook were apparently arguing with Taehyung and Jimin over the milk and cereal situation.

"Ah, nothing Yoongi-yah."
Seokjin laughed, patting the shorter's back. Though, Yoongi didn't seem convinced by the answer, he let it go.

With Hoseok's intervention, the argument cooled down, leaving four pouty puppies. Hoseok clapped his hands in joy as everything seemed to settle off. Sure, Namjoon had his eyes trained on the soulmate duo, but it was all in playful love. The respective drinks they had ordered came by and the atmosphere lifted up almost instantly. Seokjin was happy at this moment, where he didn't have to think of the future or the ones that bugged him.

"By the way, I came across this post on Twitter which was about a cute cat, and now I need to get one."
Jimin spoke as his cheeks turned pink at the warmth of the hot chocolate, which was currently being nursed between his tiny hands.

"Oh yeah, cats are so cute and tiny."
Taehyung added in with a coo on the tip of his tongue.

"Same, my sister got a kitten last week and has been spamming lots of pictures."
Hoseok spoke with a wide smile, as he pulled out his phone to show the little white kitten's photos to the members.

"I have a cat."
Yoongi blurted out, making Seokjin hide his laugh behind the cup of vanilla Frappuccino.

"I mean, you can come along to see Sugar, I guess."
Yoongi tried patching up the situation, nervously rubbing his neck.

"Was that an innuendo, hyung?"
Namjoon giggled out, causing a childish snarl from the cat boy, aka Yoongi the great.

"No, what the heck? I genuinely mean it."
Yoongi retorted, crossing his arms. The entire interaction had Hoseok and Jimin laughing uncontrollably.

"Oh you just want Hobi hyung at your home."
Jungkook pouted with a frown. It was indeed all in good fun, but Seokjin knew that Jungkook wanted to be part of the fun as well.

"No idiots, I meant for all of you."
Yoongi side-eyed all of them, causing another howl of laughter in the quiet setting.

As Seokjin sat on the couch, looking at all of them pet Sugar fondly,– which was a little funny name because Yoongi had always been pouty when they misspelled his words– Seokjin got a text from his dad to call him soon. They had only reached here fifteen minutes ago, upon Yoongi's insistence. Glancing at Taehyung, he signed to the other that he had a call to make. The younger only showed a small smile and nod, and so Seokjin went to the nearest room, later dialing the number.

"Hey dad!"
Seokjin greeted his father cheerfully.

"Hello Jin-ah! How's everything going?"
The other asked, matching the energy of the conversation.

"It's going okay, appa. Anything wrong?"
Seokjin asked, a little concerned at the call.

"Ah, nothing. Just wanted to see how you are doing?"
His dad enquired, though the hesitancy was very visible.

"Spill it, appa. I know you don't just call me like that."
Seokjin jokingly exclaimed, walking around idly.

"Okay, we had your aunts ask me about any plans for your future, and so I was just thinking. I don't want to pressure you, son. But you gotta tell us something."
The older man broke the news, and in a second the atmosphere had dulled down presumably.

Seokjin could feel his resolve breaking down. Could feel his knees buckle as he tried to reach the nearest chair to sit back. He didn't want to take a decision right now to satisfy someone's fantasy. Being strong headed caused two problems, one where he wanted to defy the rules set on stone. And the other being, the bubbling doubt of coming in terms with his orientation. This conversation always made him distressed. Despite the wave of sadness rising, he swallowed the lump to answer back.

"Oh... I'll tell you soon, appa. Bye."

Seokjin didn't even wait until his father gave his goodbyes. He had cut the phone and already thrown it by the side couch already. The only reason he joined his friends today was to escape from this, and now in one or the other it haunted by him back.  It was no doubt he was stressed over this. He really didn't want a relationship, and not like this. He just didn't know what it was that pulled him from going about what was considered "normal" by everyone. This unexplored spectrum had posed a lot of trouble in the past.

Seokjin sat down on the bed and simply looked at his feet as everything within swirled like a whirlpool within him. He just didn't know what to do. He didn't need anyone else. Even if the idea of having a family, that wouldn't let you go no matter what, was appealing to him, it just meant a lot of effort and struggle. He also knew one day all his members would also get to settle and get their own. But, he just didn't. He had always run from this decision making, but at last he had to face it once and for all.

The idea of marriage scared him. Meaning the commitment one had to make to feel validated. Or the amount of time spent to make the other understand your life and its choices. Or how there are so many broken and ugly relationships around him. Or the biggest one being intimacy and sex. Seokjin was sure of one thing and that being, he was an asexual. He loved romantic relationships, but not so much on the other aspects of it. The whole idea of it felt too foreign and disgusting.

He had never told anyone about this, for he was scared how they would react to it. But to be frank, he had done a lot of research and come to the conclusion that he indeed did not like the idea of getting his dick wet in any manner. And all he came across was a community that accepted him as one who was happy being himself in his body. He did respect other's wishes, but he could never bring himself to actual be participating in this. And he knew marriage also meant the other person would eventually ask for the same thing that the others have asked him. Sex. 

A face of the Greek god and remarkable features. And a body of the Adonis deity with broad shoulders. He knew he was one of the most sought after humans on this planet- or maybe it was an exaggeration?- He had seen how his fans would describe him on media, but he just didn't have the same interests as the others in this field. All this had led him to push that prospect of his life forever. He didn't want that as a whole, even if it meant he wouldn't have a romantic partner.

In the early days of his realization, he thought he was broken for not finding people hot of sexy. It was hella confusing and difficult for someone like Seokjin who was clear in all their decisions. He never felt need to be pleasured. He had also tried watching things on the laptop, or read things that could make him feel normal. He was okay with others doing it, but he could never imagine himself in that position. Ever. But, it eventually got stable in the coming years until today.

"Hyung-ah? You there?"
Jungkook knocked on the door and spoke from the opposite end.

"Oh, wait a minute. I'll be out."
Seokjin answered back, as he felt his cheeks to find tears. Swiftly wiping it off by his sleeves, he got out not before collecting his phone.

"Jin hyung, are you crying?"
Jungkook asked, as he came face to face with the older boy. Seokjin, indeed had cried as he found all this too much in his life. Why couldn't he just be normal like everyone else?

"Haha! No. Why do you ask?"
And of course, he also lied to the other who looked at his blotched face with disapproving eyes.

"Atleast make up a better lie."
Jungkook said, and by this time everyone else had stopped their conversation to look at the duo.

"It is nothing. Come on, let's play some board games."
Seokjin changed the topic, unable to hold everyone's eyes on himself. It was very different from the millions of fans who looked at him when they performed. It was different, because they could see through him clearly.

"Nope. But yes, we are gonna sit down."
Jimin smiled sweetly, pulling Seokjin by his gentle hands. Unable to say no, the other cooperated well.

"Hoseokie hyung, can you lend me your kerchief?"
Jimin asked with a saccharine sweet voice.

"Yah, Jimin-ah! I'm fine."
Seokjin rebutted, only to get a glare from Jimin. The younger neatly dabbed the other boy's cheeks and left a small kiss on his eyelids. Though, this was inherently too domestic, no one batted an eye for it was their normal.

"Jin hyung, you know that we are gonna be with you despite everything. I don't know what happened, but everything is going to be better. Maybe if you share it, you may feel relieved."
Namjoon comforted Seokjin with his words and dimples. The leader's stance held the option for Seokjin to stay or speak or be left alone, and yet, Seokjin didn't want to ruin the almost happy atmosphere.

"You- Never mind."
Seokjin let his shoulders droop, despite the bubbling words within him.

"No never mind. Tell us, we might help you."
Hoseok added, trying his best to reassure the oldest.

"Or if you want we can just rest, but let us know what's bothering you."
Taehyung spoke, looking sincerely at the oldest.

"You can't help me! Why won't you understand? We are just spewing words right now. Why do keep telling that it's okay? Namjoon-ah, you know it too, right? You know we can't stay together forever. Just the way we can't remain young forever. Yeah, sure we sing of it, but you know damn well we are not getting much youthful. You can't change the ways of the world. You just can't."
Seokjin exploded with fury in his eyes. The fury meant to himself and the world and never on his favourite people of the world.

"We can't change those treacherous ways. But we can bend it. And I don't care about anyone else except the people in this room right now."
Yoongi spoke courageously after a beat of silence.

"Oh Yoongi-chi, wait till you are 40. And tell me the same words again."
Seokjin chuckled sadly, and felt a warm hand on his shoulder. The baby soft hands belonging to Jungkook.

"I will tell you this when I am 50, 60, 70, 80 and even 100. Why can't you understand Seokjin that we will be together?"
Yoongi shouted, locking his fierce eyes with Seokjin's downcast ones.

"Because you will all get settle down with different people and we will just be a memory. And somewhere with where I am heading, I don't-"
Seokjin whispered, suddenly feeling all too low.

"Where is this coming from, hyung?"
Hoseok asked, as Jimin gave soft back rubs to the heartbroken older boy.

"Seok-ah? They want me to be with someone soon."
Seokjin answered, looking at him with a lost expression.

"You are with us."
Taehyung piped in strongly, assertive of their uncanny group.

"They want me to be with someone romantically! Like a full on relationship."
Seokjin screamed frantically, full on despair bleeding through his eyes.

"Who says it is not that?"
Namjoon asked with an emotionless face. He was sitting on the opposite end of the room with crossed arm and a strict expression shrouding his mask.

"I- This-"
Seokjin was left dumbfounded, not knowing what to answer. He wanted to believe he didn't conclude *that* from what he heard right now.

"Who says we don't love you romantically like we want to kiss you? Like we want to caress you and ruin you by our sweet words. Or that we wish to love you till eternities to come."
Namjoon continued his speech with furious love in his body.

"Why would you ever want me?"
Seokjin asked, completely numb. This question wasn't likely of the self-proclaimed World Wide Handsome (not that it was ever false, he was indeed WWH). He was very confident in his art and his life. But, this question came from that vulnerable Jin who was underneath all this greatness.

"Because you are the Kim Seokjin. Stop asking ridiculous questions."
Taehyung snipped up quickly.

"But, I am not boyfriend material"
Seokjin snorted out, making Jimin stiffen his hold on Seokjin thigh which was initially placed there for comfort. Jimin would never, never in a million life times let his hyung belittle his strengths.

"Are you insane? The same boy who sheltered me to be this kind human. The same boy who cares for us and makes us soup when we are sick. The same boy who buys roses, just because he felt like it." 
Jungkook asked, bewildered all of a sudden.

"And the same boy who doesn't like sex, so where are you going with this discussion?"
Seokjin asked with a pointed expression on display.

"Why do you think that all relationships are based on sex? I am very happy with just calling you ours. Thank you very much."
Yoongi added in, with scrutinizing cat eyes on display.

"Is this what it is all about?"
Jimin asked, almost like bitter poison on his tongue.

"Hyung, all the six of us came forward for what we love. And that includes this once-in-a-lifetime bond with all SEVEN of us. We want you, as a boyfriend and a mate for life-"
Taehyung asked with pleading eyes.

"But if you aren't comfortable with that title, it can be anything you want. We just want you to be with us until we actually diminish from here."
Hoseok cut in, upon seeing the conflict evident on Seokjin's face.

Seokjin indeed, was confused and shocked. He hadn't expected this conversation of how his father's call upsetted him would lead to such a confession. Not just of their collective love, but also him coming out as an asexual guy. They did accept him without a question, and now his fears seemed silly. And wait, did he hear that right? ALL of them love him despite all this.

"I know this is crazy and unexpected, but I can't watch you think that you are unworthy of love because you are asexual. It is absurd because I am pretty sure we would kill for you, and here you are thinking we won't accept you?"
Yoongi spoke with a mix of sharp yet gentle words.

"How do you know that?"
Seokjin asked, looking up with wide eyes.

"I didn't mean to, but your last search history when you let me borrow your laptop four months back, was the spectrum and visibility."
Yoongi answered, bashed with pink cheeks.

"I see." 
Seokjin nodded, still trying to grasp all what had happened in a span of an hour.

"We can actually give up everything just to be with you. And it can be just us existing like we did for the past ten years. Just more love and hugs?"
Jimin said, as Jungkook got closer to Seokjin. It was as if the youngest wished to give comfort to his anxious hyung.

Seokjin was surely contemplating of what his answer should be. With weary eyes and doubtful yet hopeful smiles on display by all of the other side, he couldn't help but realise that this was what he wanted all along. Someone/s who loved him and accepted him unconditionally, accepting his abilities and flaws like it's their own. After spending 10 years, this could be a fitting start to a new chapter of their story.

"Kisses too."
Seokjin answered with a tiny smile and his moon craters had already popped out cutely.

And this prompted a series of hoots, confirmations and declarations from the other side. At their exaggerated response, Seokjin couldn't help but laugh loudly. Fairly new to his comfort circle, the maknaes of them opted for loud smacking cheek kisses. Hoseok gave a tiny neck peck, while Namjoon leaned forward to peck the older's forehead, while whispering, 'I meant each word of it. I do love all of you.' Lastly, Yoongi got up to peck Seokjin's lips, where their soft red lips touched hardly for 5 seconds, but it had them blushing crazy.

Seokjin had always wanted to love someone so badly. Feel that kind of warmth that was showcased in shows that Jimin watched. To coo out for that someone like in the in-depth novels that Taehyung read. To write songs in their love like how Yoongi did. Or let go of everything in life just for a flash of something more beautiful, called tender love, like Hoseok. To do everything for that special human, like how Namjoon cared for his plants. To have so much overflowing passion in his eyes like Jungkook had. And so he found it all in the six loves of his life.

With the unexplored spectrum for himself, and in between afflictions of warmth and fondness, Seokjin found himself deeper than ever in this relationship that had taken the next step. All of them had slowly communicated and respected his boundaries, not to make their boyfriend uncomfortable. He didn't have to marry someone, for he had these six wonderfully destined humans that he got back home to. For that is where his heart laid in their embrace.