Hi if you're reading this it means a couple of things. The main one being the fact my idiot brain has decided to most likely rewrite the the first like half of this book with similar humor to recent chapters (transfer or transcend, you're so shit at driving, etc) rather than my shitty lockdown humor 💀

So if this book magically disappears one day it's me heavily editing it :,)

Literally looking back on early chapters makes me sad like why did i feel the need to add an oc and why did she get nerfed like a month later lmfao.

But take this chapter for now 👺

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Also known as:
• Unwanted Teenage Angst
• One Patch of Ceiling
• Enji Todoroki is a flawed character
• Tsunagu Hakamata is very wise. yes.
• Oboro Shirakumo is at sleep
• Tomoko Shiretoko + Noodles = ???
• In which the concept of sleep is stomped on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~A wild name guide~~

• Oboro Shirakumo - Loud Cloud
• Nemuri Kayama - Midnight
• Tensei Iida - Ingenium
• Mirai Sasaki - Sir Nighteye
• Tsunagu Hakamata - Best Jeanist
• Shota Aizawa - Eraserhead
• Emi Fukukado - Ms Joke
• Anakuro Hirooki - Thirteen
• Ryuko Tatsumi - Ryukyu
• Tashiro Toyomitsu - FatGum
• Hizashi Yamada - Present mic
• Yagi Toshinori - All might
• Enji Todoroki - Endeavour
• Rumi Usagiyama - Miruko
• Keigo Takami - Hawks
• Yu Takeyama - Mt Lady
• Kan Sekijiro - Vlad King
• Tomoko Shiretoko - Ragdoll
• Kazumi Tsuchinoko - Uwabami
• Shinya Kamihara - Edgeshot

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thursday 6th November 2100
Killing it with real fire ;)))
~[21 : 12]~

Tsunagu Hakamata:
So this is where we're at in our lives, huh 🤧

Kazumi Tsuchinoko:
I knew we shouldn't have burnt that damn school down.

Rumi Usagiyama:
Uhm excuse me miss? You were the one rallying the troops to turn on every gas oven you could find 💀 you ain't no saint.

Kazumi Tsuchinoko:
Stfu you saw nothing, I'll vore you

Shouta Aizawa:
Torino can kill us but he can't make me care.

Anakuro Hirooki:
thank you shouta for todays dose of unneeded teenage angst that nobody asked for 👏👏

Hizashi Yamada:
I asked. I think.

Tensei Iida:
DON'T LIE, UR SICK OF IT TOO

Hizashi Yamada:
Never (🤞)

Keigo Takami:
Careful now, we don't want a marital dispute while we're living under our singular patch of ceiling 🥰

Enji Todoroki:
It's bad enough sharing a tent with Toshinori but all of you? Hell no. I have the money for a motel and a fucking motel is where i shall go.

Tashiro Toyomitsu:
Sadly that would be breaking curfew laws so sorry, you have to stay put. If you don't, you'll be sniffed out by hound dog because that guy smells fear.

Enji Todoroki:
I'm not scared of some mutt.

Yu Takeyama:
As someone who has access to your credit card and therefore purchase history, i know you buy doggy sized bear traps 😟

Kan Sekijiro:
That is absolutely foul and i hope you fall down a flight of stairs for that.

Tensei Iida:
Love_Dog_ Kan_69 has spoken, Enji. You shall be punished for ur sins by way of fall damage and then we'll hire some dogs to lick up the blood.

Shinya Kamihara:
Throw that whole text message in the trash and burn it.

Enji Todoroki:
I BOUGHT THE BEAR TRAPS FOR BEARS YOU FUCKING DOORKNOB

Emi Fukukado:
Doggy sized? For bear sized bears? Sus.

Tsunagu Hakamata:
Doggy sized for baby sized bears perhapoo 🤨🤨

Tomoko Shiretoko:
Even worse. Execute him right this second or I'll smother him to death with my pillow in the dead of night.

Toshinori Yagi:
Trust me. When you hear the genuine velocity at which his snores exit his body, you'll want to kill him anyway. Its like a chainsaw. A woodchip grinder. A mf combine harvester.

Toshinori Yagi:
And that's not even touching on the subject of his sleep assault✋

Enji Todoroki:
I'll show you a damn combine harvester when i toss you into one.

Toshinori Yagi:
Please, if it gets me out of hearing your rumblings, I'll toss myself into the combine harvester lmao /srs

Anakuro Hirooki:
throwing a curveball today, we have Toshinori contributing to the unwanted teenage angst. how does it feel to be on the same brainwave as the absolute mess of a man that is Aizawa Shouta 🎤

Hizashi Yamada:
I hope you know bullying him like this only contributes to raising his emo levels. Something that absolutely doesn't bother me since i promised to love him and all of his moods except the memey ones :)

Shouta Aizawa:

Hizashi Yamada:
Kys

Nemuri Kayama:
LMAOOO HIZASHI ARE U /SRS OR /J? I'M SHITTING A BRICK

Ryuko Tatsuma:
Maybe just throw away the whole class Shin.

Emi Fukukado:
Memezawa, marry me 😩😩😩

Kan Sekijiro:
God i hate it here. How am i expected to stay the night in a room with a dog killer, an Xtreme snorer and Enji Todoroki.

Kazumi Tsuchinoko:
Pretty sure all of those things are Enji my lovely ❤

Kan Sekijiro:
Oh well

Kan Sekijiro:
My point still stands 😐

Tashiro Toyomitsu:
Well you all should've considered these consequences when burning the school down – BOTH schools.

Mirai Sasaki:
Surely two counts of arson do not warrant such an unfair punishment? How can I sleep in the same room as all of you? Someone will die and it might just be me.

Anakuro Hirooki:
wow, another surprise guest on tonight's episode of teenage angst nobody asked for: Mirai Sasaki. die.

Keigo Takami:
And like, we all know there's been much more than two counts of arson guys. By now it's off the fucking scale 😟

Tsunagu Hakamata:
Also this isn't a punishment, it's witness protection for the angels of 3A 😇💫💞

Nemuri Kayama:
Kuro why are u in such a bad mood for. Ur clouding up our room with negative vibes girly.

Tensei Iida:
Absolute bad juju 😷🤚

Anakuro Hirooki:
i don't remember asking the opinion of dumb and dumber.

Oboro Shirakumo:
IT'S BECAUSE I USED HER MACHETE TO CUT ONIONS WHICH WOULDN'T OF HAPPENED IF TASHIRO TRUSTED US WITH REGULAR KNIVES

Tashiro Toyomitsu:
Never.

Anakuro Hirooki:
the fucking curry didn't even taste nice and now i cry everytime i sniff my great weapon.

Yu Takeyama:
The curry did taste like shit tho 🤡

Oboro Shirakumo:
LEAVE ME ALONE 😭😭😭

Ryuko Tatsuma:
I say you give them back the knives and let them duke it out hunger games style.

Shinya Kamihara:
As fun as that sounds i think we should just sleep before someone accidentally wills a fire into existence by the thought alone.

Tensei Iida:
That would be funny lmaooo

Mirai Sasaki:
No. No it would not be funny. How do you blame someone else for setting fire to a government secured safehouse that only this class is occupying?

Toshinori Yagi:
I'm sure the news will find a way 🛌

Tomoko Shiretoko:
Okayyy I'm switching off the light now so climb into a bed or get eaten by the creatures of the dark 🤗🤗 oh and sweet dreams too ig.

Hizashi Yamada:
Goodnight everyone ‼‼

Rumi Usagiyama:
Night hoes

Anakuro Hirooki:
Gn

Toshinori Yagi:
Good luck 😰😰

Enji Todoroki:
Fuck off and die.

○ ● ○

Yu Takeyama:
It hasn't even been 5 fucking minutes since the lights turned off, Tsunagu what is so funny pls share with the class.

Tsunagu Hakamata:
I JUST CAUGHT A GLIMPSE OF TENSEI'S FEET AND HIS TOES AHAHAHAJEEJJE

Tensei Iida:
What about them Tsunagu 🧐. They're beautiful? Award winning appendages? Majestic maybe?

Tsunagu Hakamata:
WHY ARE THEY SOCIAL DISTANCING? THEY LOOK LIKE THEY'RE GRIPPING THE MATTRESS. THEY'RE MORE LIKE SOUL SNATCHERS THAN TOES IM PEEING

Nemuri Kayama:
....oh wow 😶

Anakuro Hirooki:
wow Tsu, not the bad jubies.

Kan Sekijiro:
Quite literally speechless.

Tsunagu Hakamata:
HAHAHSH ARE UR FEET GROWING DISPOSABLE THUMBS? PLEAEE PICK UP A PENCIL AND WRITE USING UR FEET. MUSTY, MUSTY AS HELL

Tensei Iida:
If you are quite done Hakamata.

Tensei Iida:
Anyone mentions a word of this and i will not be happy.

Tensei Iida:
So I'm going to turn the light off again and get my socks.

Tensei Iida:
Good night.

Shouta Aizawa:
Night.

● ○ ●

Toshinori Yagi:
I told you all this would happen. Can you feel it? Can you feel the floor shaking?

Ryuko Tatsuma:
I was a fool to think you were being dramatic ✋

Anakuro Hirooki:
turn on the light this fucking instant 🔪

Oboro Shirakumo:
No no no. I want to see how far this goes, Toshinori said this is only phase one.

Hizashi Yamada:
PHASE UNO? HE'S ALREADY LOUDER THAN ME IN BATTLE

Nemuri Kayama:
Y'all are making this too difficult not to crack a dirty joke istg 😤🥛

Yu Takeyama:
Too hard perhaps?

Keigo Takami:
Nice

Rumi Usagiyama:
It's astonishing that his snores have such an echoey effect in a room where that should be impossible. Almost like he's breaking the fabric of space. I think i might write a thesis on this

Tsunagu Hakamata:
You fool. I am 7 parallel universes ahead of you

Kazumi Tsuchinoko:
That is, in fact, a Stephan Hawking book with ur name poorly edited onto it, in a knock off comic sans font; your ugly face in what is supposed to be a black hole which is where i wish this abomination would be thrown into; all surrounded by half transparent items of denim clothing with angel wings, something you will never experience after creating this; and a fully opaque picture of Thomas the fucking tank engine which looks as if it's levitating off the cover. Speaking of trains, go get hit by one.

Tashiro Toyomitsu:
Wow Tsunagu. The disrespect. Get off my page ur blocked 🚫❌

Tsunagu Hakamata:
Wait no

Tashiro Toyomitsu:
❌👖🚫❌ no 🚫👖❌👖 fuck 🚫👖🚫 off 👖❌👖🚫👖🚫

Emi Fukukado:
IM TRYING SO HARD NOT TO LAUGH MY CHEST IS THUMPING AND MY LUGS ARE NOT PUTTING IN THE WORK SHSHA

Shouta Aizawa:
You mean you're actively trying not to laugh? You are failing.

Kan Sekijiro:
All i can hear is just "KEKEKEKIKEIKEKE" coming from your side of the room

Keigo Takami:
☝😩️ i have a big question that needs a brief answer

Tsunagu Hakamata:
Ask away~

Keigo Takami:
If it's sunny on Thursday morning and cloudy with a chance of meatballs on the afternoon, while also assuming Julie from the Uk, a history teacher working on an average salary at a school that's infested with rats. Rats that have fleas carrying the bubonic plague but nobody knows that yet except the janitor who can talk to animals. But only vermin like that one book. Books. Made of metal pages an invention made by Jeffrey Bezos after his goldfish got nerfed by the paper pages of a book one fateful Tuesday night because its nothin if not nerf amirite. Taking all of this into account, as well as the fact Mirai and Toshinori definitely have had, are having or will have some type of fling. What is the diameter of Planet X and why will it wipe out humanity?

Tsunagu Hakamata:
Hm

Tsunagu Hakamata:
Well

Tsunagu Hakamata:
I

Tsunagu Hakamata:
Uh

Tsunagu Hakamata:
You see

Tsunagu Hakamata:
Man

Tsunagu Hakamata:
Yes.

Tensei Iida:
Wow 🤯🤯🤯 such 🏊‍♂️🏊‍♂️🏊‍♂️🏊‍♂️ a 🤳🤳🤳🤳 brief 👙👙👙👙👙 answer 👑👑👑👑

Shinya Kamihara:
You get what it says on the tin.

Nemuri Kayama:
I read all of that but none of it at the same time? Is there even a planet x? Metal books? I forgot paper books were a thing at one point too and i had a goldfish but Zashi, Ten and me killed it 💀

Tomoko Shiretoko:
Have u guys realized what a flawed character Enji is? He's a chronic snorer, a suspected dog killer, cuss word enthusiast, arson, scared of bugs, designer of quirky insults and has a vendetta against Toshinori. Plus, his villain backstory is literally just a dream. Where are his good points?

Yu Takeyama:
Sometimes i wonder how he'd sell himself in a Twitter bio but then i realize he won't. Because he is the textbook definition of the soggy fry at the bottom of the bag that was picked up off the floor.

Oboro Shirakumo:

Oboro Shirakumo:
I'd swipe right 😩😩😩😩

Emi Fukukado:
NISHUSHSUSHSUSII

Toshinori Yagi:
Please turn on the light before he blows us all away. The wind pressure coming out of his nose is rattling the windows while the sound cracks them.

Shinya Kamihara:
I'm on it

Enji Todoroki:
What the hell? I was actually sleeping. What was the reason.

Tensei Iida:
Whatever u do don't back read lmao.

Rumi Usagiyama:
ENJI TAKE MY NOSE PLUGS THIS IS ALL A DREAM

Enji Todoroki:
Lies and DECEIT. I only dream of one fucking thing and that's

Toshinori Yagi:
This is a dream.

Enji Todoroki:
Fair enough, that checks out.

Toshinori Yagi:
Take the nose plugs you grotty sponge and go the hell to sleep.

Toshinori Yagi:
Turn off the fucking light rn.

Emi Fukukado:
I NE3D TO COMP0S3 M¥SE7F GOOD N1GHT

Kan Sekijiro:
Bonsoir

■ □ ■

Mirai Sasaki:
Who is screaming?

Oboro Shirakumo:
ME. I AM. I AM IN NEED OF ASSISTANCE 

Shinya Kamihara:
No go back to sleep.

Anakuro Hirooki:
yeah Oboro. Sleep a little longer.

Tomoko Shiretoko:
I'm sure whatever it is can wait. Just pls don't turn the light on because most people have actually fallen asleep 🙄

Oboro Shirakumo:
NO NO KURO IS OUT FOR

Anakuro Hirooki:
out for lunch. i am out for lunch. goodnight :)

Emi Fukukado:
I'm choosing to ignore Oboro's muffled screams and you should too 😁👍

Shinya Kamihara:
Ok.

Nemuri Kayama:
Why are u eating lunch at midnight kuro,, that's quirky 🙀🙀🙀

Tomoko Shiretoko:
Go back to sleep Nemuri.

Tensei Iida:
OMG, HOT TAKE ---> HANDS ARE JUST NATURE'S FORKS SO FROM NOW ON I WILL EAT WITH MY HANDS AND MY HANDS ONLY

Emi Fukukado:
The fact i witnessed him wake up with a gasp that suggested he stopped breathing for a quick second just for him to say that and immediately pass out again. Might go drink bleach yk.

Nemuri Kayama:
Where is Oboro btw

Anakuro Hirooki:
sleeping. ily Nemuri so u should go to sleep too <3

Nemuri Kayama:
I asked where he was not what he's doing dipshit

Shinya Kamihara:
Damn

Anakuro Hirooki:
what if i told u he was at sleep

Nemuri Kayama:
tf is sleep at? Look, kuro. I know you can't normally sleep because of whatever the fuck lady macbeth guilt you have going on but Oboro needs that rest to stay beautiful.

Anakuro Hirooki:
u get to sleep by opening ur 3rd eye. and i have zero (0) concept of guilt. u thought enji had a flawed character? he has nothing on me. i have deviated so far away from canon that i should be classed as an oc. Oboro will be fine. probably.

Nemuri Kayama:
Now where the fuck is canon and why are u running from it? Bitch it's too late for this.

Tomoko Shiretoko:
My third eye is open Kuro. I don't know what the fuck you have opened tho 💀💀

Anakuro Hirooki:
a store made to sell bags of air downtown is what i have opened within the past month. i believe it's going to be converted into a dingy bar because we love to tie this to canon since it drifts further away each chapter.

Emi Fukukado:
Go to bed, Anakuro. Please.

□ ■ □

Tomoko Shiretoko:
Only losers are asleep at this time of night. Am i right ladz?

Tomoko Shiretoko:
...

Tomoko Shiretoko:
I am so right omfg.

Tomoko Shiretoko:
Im going to cook some noodles rn

Tomoko Shiretoko:
Because nobody is awake to stop me or supervise me

Tomoko Shiretoko:
Yk i rlly love turning on ovens, makes me feel powerful.

Tomoko Shiretoko:
Omfg i didn't say goodbye on my ouija board oh fuck oh shit

◇ ♤ ◇

Tomoko Shiretoko:
I LEFT THE FUCKING NOODLES ON NO

Tomoko Shiretoko:
HOW DID NOODLES CAUSE SUCH AN ANGRY FIRE 😟

Tomoko Shiretoko:
MY LIFE IS GOING DOWN THE DRAIN AHAHSHE

Tomoko Shiretoko:
FORGET ABOUT MY THIRTEENTH REASON WHY THIS IS MY FINAL REASON 🤾‍♀️🤾‍♀️

Anakuro Hirooki:
i was awoken by teenage angst

Tomoko Shiretoko:
FUCK OFF AND EVACUATE THE SAFE HOUSE 👹👹👹

Tensei Iida:
Bro who turned on the light again?

Tomoko Shiretoko:
It's a fire u egg. I committed accidental arson trying to cook noodles

Tensei Iida:
Oh nice one. What happened to the noodles tho

Anakuro Hirooki:
What happened to the noodles. What happened to the fucKing noodles. Ik u did not just ask that u inbred moose. What do u think happened to the noodles, Tensei? Are the synapses in ur brain able to brush together for even a second to form a coherent thought

Tensei Iida:
No. Next question.

Yu Takeyama:
You literally annoyed the capital letters back into her Tensei 💀💀

Tomoko Shiretoko:
Noodles are in food heaven

Tensei Iida:
Aw

Tomoko Shiretoko:
OF COURSE THE NOODLES ARE BURNT TENSEI. JUST LIKE U IF U DON'T GET A FUCKING WIGGLE ON AND LEAVE

Tensei Iida:
Bye then ig 🐛💨

Nemuri Kayama:
Ya'll im already at the post office waiting to see how Japan Daily covered for us this time

Rumi Usagiyama:
Enji left to go to a motel bc my nose plugs almost suffocated him 🤑🤪

Toshinori Yagi:
I'm at #afternoon tea with the girls, ignoring the fire u started. #livelovelaugh #WAP #killingmyself 🍷😜🙏💗

Mirai Sasaki:
Lack of sleep drives a person mad. Poor Toshinori.

Ryuko Tatsuma:
It was one fucking night drama queen.

Hizashi Yamada:
Sometimes that's all it takes 🤩💃🕺

Tashiro Toyomitsu:
What kept you awake after Enji left for the motel (hound dog will come for you btw)

Keigo Takami:
Oh yk. Bit of fire, Whoever was reciting the bee movie script in their sleep, Tomoko literally reading satanic scripts out loud all night, the sound of the two guards going at eachother instead of doing their jobs. A bit of this n a bit of that

Oboro Shirakumo:
Man i slept like brick !!!!!!

Oboro Shirakumo:
Oh nvm. I got murdered and my body has been dumped in a river 😐

Anakuro Hirooki:
wonder how that happened 😋

Nemuri Kayama:
AYO OUR COVER STORY JUST DROPPED ‼‼‼

Shinya Kamihara:
Oh lord above.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

______________________

JAPAN DAILY
______________________

In the early hours of this morning, Class 2-A of UA high was attacked once again. This is the third attack on this class within the past three days. Shockingly enough, each attack was orchestrated by a different group implying the target on these hero hopeful's back is glowing red. However their luck shines brighter than that target as all 20 escape with their lives yet again. Though uninjured is a stretch.

Oboro Shirakumo was discovered by police just this morning half drowned in a river with head trauma stemming from being pelted by onions. Said onions were found dumped at the bottom of a tree with the message 'Thanks for cleaning my machete with your tears asshat'. It is unclear who wrote the message but we can only assume they are the worst type of villain. Our thoughts are with Shirakumo in this time.

After yesterdays events at Yellow Meadow Community School, the class had been escorted to a secure safehouse which also doubled as an orphanage for puppies and small children. Sadly, the entire building collapsed after a fire ravaged the floor class 2-A were staying on.

No puppies or small children were injured though. However they now have no homes which is alright because Gran Torino, homeroom teacher of class 2-A, offered to takw in any puppies while apologizing for the inconvenience through gritted teeth. The children will probably be put down. To have a nice rest at a new, luxury orphanage uptown.

As for Gran Torino's apology, i am sure it is unneeded and the public feels the same! Nobody should apologize for being head hunted by villains everyday. Such innocent teenagers especially. They'll make great heroes with their mature demeanor and their pacifist tendencies. Your class will change Japan for the better, crime rate will decline, fires will also decrease. Peace will flood the country.

Until then, the public are watching you Class 2-A, not at all blinded by your innocent facades that definitely do not exist.

But the question still remains, why is the villain underground after this class? Is there a primary source for these attacks stemming from one powerful villain? Will class 2-A ever be truly safe? And why onions?

Stay safe and stay informed.

Written by Junko Ito
06.11.00 ©️Japan Daily

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So yeah, enjoy this chapter while i plan out how I'll manage to rewrite this fucking monster of a fic 💀💀. If i actually do manage to do it, I'll post the old versions of each chapter separately bc I'm not evil :)

Honestly i have zero clue why i wrote this and why i decided to edit Best Jeanists face onto a Steven Hawking book cover but here i am, this is my life 🤕

Also for anyone who reads Inside One For All, the next chapter will be out soon, it's like halfway done.

I've just been busy with my mock exams which i still haven't studied for 😬, feel free to yell at me until i do something. I respond well to bullying.

Anyway until next time au revoir ❤

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