Reviewer Rabi rabisworld02
Author:: marie0211
Book: Revelation

Title: ⅗

The title itself is unique and low key suits the story. But its main attraction to the story is still not discovered. There must be a purpose and an aim as to why you selected this name but I haven't come across any single event or chapter which tells me if it is relevant to the book or not. If we talk about the other factors such as uniqueness then it is a unique one and attracts the reader. 

Cover: 4/10

I didn't find it attractive or interesting. It was too simple and didn't give off the vibes of excitement. It is too simple to match with the theme of plot and storyline. The girl's cutout is poor as it is obvious behind namjoon's picture. According to the plot, it should have mafia vibes with mysterious and suspense elements. The cover is too simple for the complexity of the plot and is irrelevant to the plot. I would suggest you work on creativity. 

Text can also be better by changing both the style and the color. The cursive font is not doing a good job. I would suggest you use a bold one. Also, you should add a little subtitle to make it appear pleasing to eyes. 

You still can use the current girl's silhouette in the background but with more elements added in there. Such as technology background,guns and handcuffs. Restriction of border lines and Namjoon's picture as he looks sideways. I think this would be a good match. 

Blurb: 6/10

It attracted me and was fair enough. But I think you reveal too much in blurb. The main plot, the story theme and also the main execution of the plot, you described them fully. I think it should not be like that. I would suggest you cut the part where you are telling us that the company is just a façade of Eden. It killed all my suspense. 

I would suggest you use the following paragraph where you are telling us about namjoon after this line and cut the remaking part. 

"Soomin has always been in control" . After this line you can give us the little paragraph of namjoon you gave in the end. 

It will do fair to the plot and will give us the mysterious and suspenseful vibes.

After that in the first paragraph which is a dialogue, it confused me a bit. I mean, I don't know if it counts a phrasal mistake or not, but something felt off in the end. The last sentence "Haven't you wanted to live normally?" Doesn't relate to the phrases you used before. 

1st Impression: ⅗

If we count it from the cover, blurb and title then it was neither bad nor good. I felt neutral. However, by reading the blurb, I felt a bit excited. But as I have discussed before, the whole plot described in blurb killed my interest as well. 

Work on the creativity of the cover, make a good blurb which is called perfect by adding more dialogues, cutting the part I suggested and adding a little scene in it. 

Plot:18/20

I would like to say, this plot is executed well. All the elements, events are partially described and have been shown briefly. Each scene and event has a sense behind it, a reason for it to happen. Each and every part is conveyed to the story and interaction among the events is well balanced. 

The mafia au books are usually cliché because they have similar story lines. But this book has a unique storyline with elements rarely seen in books. Such as most of the books have male lead as mafia king and make the female lead an innocent one. But in this book, the female lead is the one who is a badass and the male lead, a member of BTS, is quite innocent and shy. 

 You also managed the events and described them briefly by talking out the happenings, the reasons behind them. 

Flow: 8/10

As we have talked before, I don't find anything out of the ordinary. Each event has a meaning and is connected with the last one in one or two ways. The flow of the chapters is balanced. 

Grammar/ vocabulary: 4/10

You are pretty good with other factors but are a bit lacking in this factor. Your grammar is not bad but the only objection I have to this factor is that you didn't manage the tense used in your story. Remember that story is always depicted and written in the past, not in the present. Sometimes you used present tense and sometimes you used past tense. 

I would suggest you keep one perspective which should be the Past. The only context which is written in the present is either essay or dialogues. 

After this the prepositions are either overused or misused in chapters. There are often occasions where you misused the commas. The full stops are not seen where they are needed. 

After this, sometimes phrasal errors and pronoun errors are also found, such as using "Him" for her. It might be a typo. Doe the phrasal mistakes take the below example: 

"Soomin raises her arched brow at his hostile approached"

Now this sentence has all the errors explained above. The tense should be the past. Also the action done by the "Hostile" should be in past continue The pronoun should be "Her". The phrase "Arched brow" is wrong. It should be either "Arched her brow" or "Raised her perfectly shaped brow". Now comes the sentence structure. The last part of the sentence seems off. Such as you wrote:

"At his hostile approached" Which should be like this, according to the rules and grammar: 

"At her hostile, approaching" or "As her hostile approached."

There are plenty of mistakes like this in chapters. Hope you can work them off. The better way to avoid them is reading and editing the chapters before publishing them. 

Emotions:6/10

The emotions were told briefly. But the flow of emotions was not balanced. Such as, sometimes I felt they are portrayed beautifully and perfectly, but then at some points, it felt neutral. I would suggest you balance the emotions by rereading and checking the chapters before publishing. Where you feel, there is something off or should be added more, add that there. But it will be possible only if you read what's written before and consider it, write next according to it. 

Character development: 6/10

I don't see any noticeable character development in the relationships. Sure, you described the feelings and inner conflicts of characters really well. The characters have reason behind each of their doings and I liked that their actions and dialogues make sense. But, for the development of characters and changing behaviors, I don't have much to say. Because, I haven't seen any major changes in behaviors in characters. Maybe, because the story is still ongoing, but I can predict really well that it will end smoothly. 

Writing style: 9/10

Grammar, vocabulary, depiction, emotions, plot execution, these all factors affect the writing style. Writing style is the one which makes the author stand out. either makes the story cliche or unique for a reader even after having an overused plot. 

Your writing style amazed me. Good job. 

Enjoyment: ⅘

Despite all the errors and mistakes I discussed above,I really enjoyed the story plot and theme. Mafia au's are cliché and very common. But by adding a few elements, techniques and changing the usual character's behavior can make the book interesting and worth a shot. I enjoyed reading this book very much. 

Overall: ⅘

Total: 75/100
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Hope you will take our words and marks into consideration and let us see a better version soon.