Reviewer: Rabi rabisworld02

Book: Moon's Majesty

Author: harshitasinghfreakou

Title: 4/5
The title is beautiful and exquisite. It is catchy and capable enough to attract the readers toward the story. As far as I have read the story line and given plot, the title matches it. Good job.

Cover: 4/10
Even though the color scheme and theme matches the story like but the creativity level is 0. Cover has only 1 picture with title and no more elements. It would be good if you could add a few elements related to moon and royalty. A shadow under moon or Yoongi's white/blonde haired
picture along with a moon and the shadow on tree, giving off royal vibes and a girl's shadow added in it would make a good combination.

Blurb: 1/10
As far as the story line is unique and interesting, the blurb is not doing any justice to it. It is not catchy and attractive. There are many grammatical errors and phrasal mistakes. The sentence structure is also poor. I will tell you in steps as what your mistakes are and how you can edit them.

Blurb you wrote:

A night appears when Y/N wakes up inbetween a dark night sue to heavy pain striking her body. Which ends up her in a mystery room with a strange someone inside. Someone who belonged from the Moon, but a curse happened to make him caged.

Now, let me point out mistakes.
1) Grammar errors
2) Wrong Phrasal usage
3) Wrong sentence structure.

We will discuss Grammar errors first.

Always remember that Story is narrated in past tense. Therefore, its blurb except the dialogues are always written in past tense as well. You have used present tense in the first sentence, but then followed past one. You should balance it and keep one tense in use.

2) Now, comes the wrong phrasal usage.

Even though 'Between' means 'In middle' but the usage of between with Night is not correct. For that occasion, the phrase 'Midnight' is best. Just like, center also means the middle or the main point of all the joints just like between. But we would not say that "She woke up in center of the night/ in between a dark night".

After that, in the last you said 'A curse happened' the usage of the verb 'Happen' is not correct. The word 'Curse' can also do the job of the verb as its usage changes from noun to verb according to the sentence and situation. In this case, we don't need to use the word 'Happen'. Its completely unnecessary and disturbing the flow.

3) Wrong sentence structure.
Now, let's come to the sentence usage and its structure. Almost all the blurb and sentences are wrong. The wrong phrasal usage is making the whole blurb an error.

Such as:

A night appears when Y/N wakes up inbetween a dark night due to heavy pain striking her body.

Now in this sentence, the first thing we notice is 'A night appears' this way and phrasal usage is wrong. Instead of this, you should write 'A night when,' the word 'appears' is unnecessary and unwanted.

Now, comes the second error in this sentence. The phrasal 'In between night' is wrong. You should use 'Midnight' which is more suitable and accurate.

After that, 'Due to a heavy pain striking her body'. I don't think this phrase is suitable enough for the situation. It would look much more better if you say 'Due to the pain all over her body' or 'Due to her body aching in pain'.

After this, come the next line.

'Which ends up her in a mystery room with a strange someone inside.'

The whole sentence structure is wrong as the beginning sounds like the pain ended up in room. The word 'which' is not subjected to the Girl but pain instead. You can say like 'Which made her' thats more accurate and suitable.

After that instead is using 'Strange someone' it would be better if you used just "Stranger" or "some one mysterious" instead of 'Stranger someone'.

After that comes the last part of Blurb:

'Someone who belonged from the Moon, but a curse happened to make him caged.'

Now, you can keep it in mind that belong always comes with 'to' not alone not with any other preposition. It always comes like 'Belongs to'. We will follow the lines you wrote. You should write ' Belong to' instead of 'Belong from'.

After that you said

'A curse happened to make him caged'

now, there are all the three errors described above.

Wrong grammar
Wrong phrasal usage
Wrong sentence structure.

You should not use 'happened' after the word 'Curse'. And then in the last you said 'caged' which is wrong. Instead of using the second form here, you should have used it with the word 'make.'

As I have mentioned all the errors and how they can be improved. Hope I didnt confuse you. I will show you the edited version of the blurb once I point out all the mistakes.

Keeping the above mistakes and errors aside, you should make your blurb catchy and attractive. Using Y/N in very first sentence doesn't make any good impression. You can use only the pronouns to spike up the reader's interest. Such as "She/her".

After that, take any dialogue or a scene from the book and add it in blurb, it will catch reader's attention. Don't tell us that Yoongi belongs to the Moon, it kills the suspense as most of the reader's take it a story as A Disney inspired one. I am not intended in degrading you, just stating facts as to what is most common and misunderstood.

So adding dialogues, scenes and a good narration can make the blurb enchanting and catch the people's attention.

Hope I didn't confuse you much. Let me show you the edited version of the blurb:

"It was midnight, when her body jerked with an immense pain, the pain shooting through her body made her feel the death closely.

What was it? She herself didn't know.

All she knew the piano keys curing her pain as also music enchanted her steps to go toward the room which never existed.

There; she never knew she will meet someone who doesn't belong to this world.

Unknown to his own self, the memories of the sins he might have committed and the curse which chained him to this room forever.

What could have happened?

The curse?

From where he came?

What she had to do with the room and those enchanting piano music?

The feeling of belonging to the moon?

Read the book to find out"

First impression: 1/5
First impression counts from the book cover, the blurb and interest I had after reading blurb. Let me be honest, I didn't get excited vibes from any of them. As I have mentioned above, Blurb and cover needs a lot of improvement. These are from those of basic things which plays a certain role in catching people's attention. I am sure, if you work on these parts and improve them, you are gonna rock.

Plot: 10/20
As far as I have gotten the plot and story line the plot is unique and interested. But grammar, execution, narration skills affect the plot as well. The style you adapt to execute the plot and explanation of scenes make the story either interesting or cliche no matter the plot line is overused or unique.

In your case, the plot line is good but your narration skills and execution needs improvement. You should explain the scenes more briefly. After that, I don't think if you find a room in your house and a stranger from that house, you become a good friend of them right after you met them.

This logic and scene needs to be explained as it is clearly shown that the girl became Yoongi's friends so fast even when she was being dragged to the room which never existed and never had she met him.

We know nothing about the daily life of Y/N and her life style. Her family and friends. As only the 4 parts are published, I am sure, you have kept something for us in store.

Hope to get the explanation soon.

After that, you must explain scenes in details, as much as you have used details for the first scene where the girl is writhing in pain, the same amount of explanation needs in every scene of the story.

Otherwise, this not only brings bad influence on readers, the flow of the story and its impression is also disturbed.

Hope you can work it off.

Flow: 6/10
As I have mentioned before, the explanation in the first scenes of the story is too much compared to the rest of the story. The scenes are cut short and are seen without any explanation. The scenes are unbalanced.

The mentioned reasons are affecting he flow of the story and disturbed flow can make a reader quite the story in the middle.

Grammar/Vocabulary: 3/10

The grammar needs a lot of improvement. There are plenty of errors which needs to be edited. You must get classes for tense usage as most of your mistakes in this category involve the wrong tense usage. Such as you have used 2nd form even after using the helping verb "Did".

This is the rule that we don't use 2nd form of verb two times in one sentence. Check an example below:

"He do comforted you"

In this sentence you either use only the second form of Comfort or use Did. Using both is wrong and the readers having sense of it are disturbed by this and quite reading a certain story after finding the same mistake in almost every sentence. The correct sentence will be:

"He comforted you" or
"He did comfort you".

There are plenty of same errors in each chapter.

After this, come punctuation and preposition.

You overused and misused comma ( , ) at several places. Most of them are overused as being put where they are not needed. After that you have started many sentences from "And, Which and Who" while their connection is with the previous sentence.

This breaks the flow as well.

You need to improve the vocabulary as well. The repetition of words is seen. There are many occasions where you used one words again and again.

Hope you would edit these tiny yet major mistakes.

Emotions: 8/10
This is the only factor I think you don't need an improvement in. It is good and well balanced. Even after having bad phrasal usage and grammar, lack of words bug you made it work. I could feel the scene happening around me the way you describe the backgrounds of a scene and the character's feelings.

Well done!

Character's development: 6/10
As much as the character development matters, the explanation of characters matter as well. All the characters must be explained briefly in order to get their development and changing of behaviors more accurately. Even though, you described the scenes but never gave enough explanation and missed character's details as well.

We don't know how Y/N thinks, how Yoongi thinks. What goes on in their minds and what are their feelings regarding a situation.

I think the term "Love" is used too fast. There is no development seen in this matter. Y/N is seen suddenly falling in love with Yoongi without any explanation.

After all of these character's description which is void of any explanation, we can't really predict enough of the character's development.

But we surely can say that they developed into a better one even though its not explained nor showed.

Writing style: 3/10
The writing style is one of those major factors which catches reader's attention at the very moment they start reading. It stands you out among others and gives you a name.

Your writing style needs much improvement. As I have said before, there are a lot of mistakes and errors which counts grammar, wrong tense usage and wrong sentence structure.

I can show you a few examples of the errors I mentioned above and how they affect your writing style:

1) I always Loved the Moon.

In this line, even though as I said before that we should use the past tense in story telling but we also should change the perspective and tense usage as the situation. Here, the narrator is the girl. When you show a story or a scene in anyone's POV, you must tell their life styles, habits,likes and dislikes in present as they are narrating their present personalities.

In the very starting line is the book this sentence (1) was written and it didn't give me any motivation to continue as it didnt make any sense. Because it gives the vibes like the narrator is telling that she was used to love the moon in past, not now.  It can be written in either of the ways given below:

a) I have always loved the moon.
b) I always have loved the moon.

-----------_-------_-------_----

2) My teeths fell like to break anytime soon.

Now, first of all the word 'Teeth' is already a plural of "Tooth". You should not use tooths. After that, instead of fell I think you wanted to say "Felt" which is the second form of Feel. And then the sentence structure is wrong. Instead of saying that they will break - the term is not correct- you should have used "Fell". Let's see the edited version of the sentence.

"My teeth felt like they will fall soon."

3) Get out it.

Here you should have written this like:

"Get it out." Because the object must be used after the verb as per rule.

4) My heartbeat felt like racing itself each second passing by.

Now, even though we got what you wanna say but you must use correct sentence structure such as :

"My heartbeat was fast." Or
"My heartbeat was racing" these terms are more suitable and accurate.

Hope I was able to pinpoint the mistakes and how to improve them.

Reader's enjoyment: 3/5
Overall: 2/5

Total: 51/100

A note from reviewer:

Nothing much but it was my longest review so far. I don't even write my own stories this long. 😅😅😅

Hope I was able to help you. Contact me if you need more guidance.

______________________________________

Hope you will take our marks and words into consideration and will let us see a better version soon.