"...and he suddenly knew that if she killed herself, he would die. Maybe not immediately, maybe not with the same blinding rush of pain, but it would happen. You couldn't live for very long without a heart."

~ Jodi Picoult

~

I hauled the top half of my body over the edge and swiftly caught her left arm. "What the hell are you doing?!" I yelled at her, struggling to carry the weight of her body.

"LET GO!" she screamed, shaking her head vigorously and kicking her legs out in protest.

My grip loosened slightly, as the tears in my eyes blurred my vision. "Stop struggling!" Her leg flailed, kicking the side of the building with full force as an attempt to break free.

"Mommy, look!" My attention quickly diverted from Maggie to the newly forming crowd below us.

It's that family of four I saw earlier.

"Oh my God!"

"Someone help them!"

"Call the police!"

I heard the voices of tens of people screaming for Maggie to be saved, my eyes widening at the intensity of the situation. I averted my attention back to Maggie, who was now biting and scratching my arm like some sort of animal.

God damn she's heavy.

I lifted her body over the edge back to the top of building and quickly pinned her down beneath me. "Are you insane?!" I yelled at her.

"Let me go! You have no right!" she struggled beneath me as I tried to hold her in place, the sound of sirens filling my ears.

"Maggie, please!" I begged her. Tears welled in my eyes as she continued to shake her head, her straggly red hair swiping me across the face.

"My life, MY CHOICE!" her voice echoed in my ear drums as something inside of me snapped. Seeing her like this, so angry, so broken and so irrational. I stared at her with full intensity until her limbs stopped thrashing and her head stopped violently shaking.

How can someone so intelligent, someone so strong and someone so beautiful be so broken?

I studied her features, the crinkles on her forehead, the fire burning in her eyes with such intensity, that my thoughts took me to the first time we met: October, 2013.

Her gorgeous scarlet hair cascaded down to her waist, freckles patterned her rosy cheeks and the breath-taking smile reaching her big blue eyes. Pearly white teeth. Perfectly curvy figure.

She was the epitome of perfection.

She still is the epitome of perfection.

"We can fix this! We can make this right again!" I tried to reason with her but she started sobbing uncontrollably. I loosened my grip on her and sat besides her whilst she continued bawling. I lifted her up from her lying position on the ground and pulled her into me, letting Maggie sob into my shirt.

"Why can't you just let me die?" she whispered, her eyes red and puffy from crying, and her throat scratchy from yelling. Something inside of me snapped as I covered my head in my hands and started bawling. "I love you so so much. Please don't leave, please don't leave me.. We can fix this, Maggs, I promise."

I begged her as she stared at me in astonishment.

"I don't have anyone. They're gone. They're better off without me," I slowly rocked her body and brushed the hair out of her face.

"Don't say that, please don't say that.. I love you so much and I have always been and will always be there for you," I told her truthfully. "I have never left you. Even when you didn't realise it, I was always there for you and I promise to be there whenever you need me."

"Such strong words," Maggie whispered. "It's a shame that's all they are. Words. No meaning behind them whatsoever." I opened my mouth to protest before she quickly cut me up. "You say that stuff now but when it really comes down to it, you won't be there for me when I need you most." she looked down at my hand that was resting on her thigh. "You cheated on me Einstein. Clearly I'm not good enough for you."

"What reason has there been for you to say that? For you to even have a small ounce of doubt in your mind? I swear to you that I will be there in your good times and bad times, and I swear that if I don't, I will gladly jump off this building the second I neglect you. I love you so much, and I know you still haven't forgiven me which is totally okay, you need to know how deeply I feel about you. Those three years we spent together were the best three years of my life. No woman can ever compare to you: you were my first love and you will be my last." I took a deep breath and looked up at the sky. "Things may not be great now, but I promise you things will start to look up. We just have to take baby steps and we'll work on this." I stared into her ocean-eyes. "Together."

She broke into another fit of tears and clutched onto my now tear-stained shirt. " You really mean that?"

I promise.

"I love you," she sobbed into my shirt, balling the fabric into her hands. I smiled at her, ignoring the small droplets of tears dripping down my face. I held her body close to me and whispered an 'I love you more' into her soft red hair.

"We can do something, make something of our lives," her eyes lit up. "We can create a business! Yeah, and we can turn you into one of the most successful artists in New York."

Her bipolar was starting to kick in, a sense of mania was clearly flooding her mind. Despite the irrationality and the impulsiveness of her idea, I smiled at her happy face as she started to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"How are we gonna do that?" I asked her curiously, trying to keep up with the conversation.

"We could sell some of your paintings to people who love art for big bucks, and then we can buy a little store using that money and sell your paintings in there," she began. "You'll be a recognisable artist in no time, as long as I get to help."

I smiled at her enthusiasm, and realised that maybe she was right: with a lot of dedication and time, we could make this work. She has incredible persuasion skills, and she knows how to sell anything and make anything sound amazing.

I know that it's a dangerous game for me to playing, especially since I'm agreeing to her mania side, but to be honest I want to see where this goes.

"Who knows? I mean, maybe we could be the next Madame Penfold of our generation," I tell her seriously scanning her facial features for her reaction.

"I'm in if you are?" Her big blue eyes bore into my brown ones and I gave in.

She is the most beautiful woman in the world.

"I am."

"Then I am too."

And that was how we began. Two different lives merged into one in the blink of an eye, and I have to say, I couldn't be prouder of my decision. Our decision. To keep on going, to keep on living. If she hadn't been here today, I would've jumped, and I know that she would've done the same thing in my absence.

I love her with all my heart. One stupid mistake caused me to lose all focus, and I know she needs more time to forgive me. I completely understand that.

This experience has made me realise that there is always someone thinking of you, even when you don't realise it. It could be that guy you bumped into on the train, or that girl you have a crush on, or that family member that you don't remember the name of. There's always someone out there who is willing to be your shoulder to cry on, and even if they aren't there physically, they will be there in spirit.

And who knows? We could be the next Madame Penfold and have something that lives on in our name for generations to come.

I don't want to be known as the guy who gave up. I don't want to be known as the guy who was weak.

I want to be known as the guy who carried on. I want to be known as the guy who was strong. I want to be known as the guy who survived.

After all a man's body dies, but his deeds live forever. Make your life something to life for.