LOSING MY RELIGION — R.E.M

The midnight sky hovered above Benny and I as my lips curled into an 'O' shape, divulging a cigarette carelessly.

We were pressed against a largely structured vehicle – which belonged to Brandon – and quietly pondered through our sea of thoughts.

I studied Benny as he kept his gaze locked on the stars poking the seams of the ebony sky. His chiseled cheeks bones brushed in strikes of gold from the constellations and his eyes beaming in spectrums of hazel.

I liked memorizing him; the way you'd recall a painting or a quote. I found myself reflecting upon the way his lips would curl up so far that they'd get lost in his sun-kissed cheeks, or the way his wisps of lashes orchestrated shadows along his olive-toned skin.

Benny turned to me, my cheeks burning crimson due to being caught completely awestruck towards his beautiful features.

He misread my gaze as his forehead creased in worry. "Something wrong?"

"No," I chuckled, "I was just lost in thought, sorry."

He nodded, not bothering to comment on the matter further, which drenched the atmosphere in silence once again.

Brandon sauntered over to us from the drug store he was parked at. Somehow, he had managed to persuade us into joining him on his adventure to purchase cigarettes illegally, using fake I.D.

Benny was the one who agreed once we left the quarry, simply stating that he wanted to stay out longer to think. Of course, I didn't hesitate to join him.

"My lovely friends," Brandon chimed, raising his arms above his head. "I've successfully completed my mission of purchasing cigarettes, I feel glorious."

I snorted. "Wow, what an accomplishment."

"I don't like that tone of voice, young lady."

Brandon and I casually laughed at his failed attempts of discarding the silent atmosphere, Benny still glued to brooding as his back pressed the hood of the vehicle.

"Benjamin, stop being such a negative nancy," he jokingly hit Benny's shoulder. "Want some tobacco to cure the loneliness?"

I attempted to speak on behalf of Benny, shoving away Brandon's hand that contained the slender stick of tobacco. "No, don't give—"

"Elena," Benny interrupted, "I'm not a child, I can speak for myself."

My eyebrows perked upwards slowly. "You are a child and you aren't in the right state of mind to be making decisions right no—"

"Just because the sandlot guys are not my friends anymore, don't mean I'm not in the right state of mind," he hissed.

Brandon's face contoured to confusion. "Well, whoever bit your ass is in for some saltines."

Benny didn't comment, yanking the cigarette from Brandon's grasp and stuffing it in between the crack of his lips.

It was a sinful act, but he somehow managed to appear like a vintage painting, the stick teetering between his teeth effortlessly.

"You want a light?" Brandon's voice chirped, amused at the situation as I sat there with guilt and anger.

"Yeah."

"Elena, why don't you do it?" Brandon snickered, tossing me his electric blue lighter.

I huffed in agitation, scooting closer to him as he anticipated the spark of flames to arise from my touch. I flicked the lighter, the sparks of orange dancing upon the hues of his dilated pupils. He watched me carefully as I brought it closer to the cigarette perched upon his bottom lip, ready to inhale once it burned.

Of course, he coughed excessively, spewing oxygen harshly as his lungs let the taste rest inside him. I couldn't help but feel a laugh slip from my guarded disappointment.

He took another inhale, this time concentrating on keeping the coughs at bay. He almost withstood the aggressive insult of his lungs, but was bombarded by the pains inflicting in his throat once again.

I couldn't understand how he felt—abandoning the friends he had been close to longer than he could remember. It was like losing a piece of who he identified himself with; worst than losing baseball.

He didn't need to speak up about his pain when it haunted his features, the anger pooling in his irises resting in assembled sparks.

I took my own cigarette, inhaling the toxic as I felt guilt bite on the hollow exoskeleton that guarded my heart.

It was my fault, of course, that Benny lost great people in his life. I lead him to what I was doing, I was the root of the entire predicament.

Benny didn't realize it now, nor did I think he'd ever come to terms with the fact that I wasn't good enough for him. I wasn't good enough for anyone for that matter.

Brandon excused himself to rush the bathroom – explaining that he had to use it before we took off – leaving Benny and I alone to study the midnight sky in silence.

"Benny," I piped up lowly, "are you honestly okay?"

"Fine," he muttered.

"Sorry for asking," I murmured.

He turned to me, face contoured on guilt as he scooted closer to me, pulling my head to his chest.

"I'm sorry, Elena," he said, velvet dancing through his raspy voice. "I just feel . . . different, almost like I lost an arm or a leg."

"They still care about you, Benny," I reminded him as I dug my head into the dent of his neck and shoulder blade, the feeling of his affection erupting a foreign feeling within me.

"No," he simply stated, "they don't."

"Why say that?" I pondered.

"If they did, they'd understand."

My lips pursed. "Understand what?"

He shook his head, lips twitching upward as his cheeks castrated a magenta colour. "Nevermind, Elena."

I didn't understand the amusement he kept to himself as he gnawed on his bottom lip, withdrawing a snicker.

"What's going on in that head?" I asked, his smile burning through my mind.

"Nothing, I just think you're funny."

"What makes me funny?"

"It's nothing, Elena."

I rolled my eyes harshly, blotches of white painted over my eyes. "Whatever, Rodriguez."

Benny raised an eyebrow before he rose his hands to my sides, pinching me with small tickles. I smacked his hand as I was drenched in fits of laughter.

"Okay, okay, I give up," I cried, "leave me alone."

He surrendered, hugging me to him again as we laughed under the fluorescents of the moonlight.

Brandon's scrawny legs stalked over to us, lips trembling with amusement. "Did I miss something? Was there a drug Exchange I don't know about?"

We all simply threw heads back in unison, laughing as I kept the gut wrenching thoughts of guilt buried beneath my thoughts.

A/N
— short and un-edited!
Sorry for the wait.